Mars Bars were at one time believed to be made out of meteorites, however N.A.S.A. probes proved that this was not possible (see any conspiracy site for confirmation!)
[BtD] Ah they're not called fun size for nothing [plump] not at all brilliant I never tire of listening to ****** Riverdance on hold to the Apple Store UK. It's only surpassed by when they have Enya on loop instead.
In the course of investigating the powers of the Lord Chancellor, Whitehall officials have discovered that every sentence uttered in the precincts of Westminster should be concluded with the word "stush" or "wagwan".
The spanish language does not have equivalent words for razor, snow, barbecue, pritt stick, bidet, Prince Harry, hedgehog, Indiana, marshmallow, rhinoplasty, trout, Putney, or hamburger.
I have not been waiting for over three hours for a customer to turn up for an appointment and (as I usually do in such a circumstance) am taking it in my stride.
Deep in the hallowed halls of Westminster, a small group of determined government frontbenchers plot the establishment of yet another organisation to consider a subject of public importance, but which is to be independent from the government. Could this be another job for Quango Prairie Dog?
I once danced with Keanu Reeves, but kept falling on the ground when he would do the dip. He seemed to hover above the ground and I could not keep up with him.
[Boolbar] I'm sure the bucks wouldn't have appreciated being rubbed together either.... I used to be the gasman for a local stock car team, but that was the pits.
None of the above were hilarious. I hate them all. They are not classic online Mornington Crescent. I used to work in a glue factory, but I couldn't stick with it.
I lost my job in meat refrigeration after the company I worked for relocated to the West Midlands and I was sent to Coventry and given the cold shoulder.
Before that (I've done a lot in my 87 years on this planet, among others) I was a tester for Viagra. The job grew on me, but eventually my workload plummeted.
Myself, I've been training in the medical field. For a while I worked as an opthamologist's assistant, but we just didn't see eye-to-eye. I tried to switch to cardiology, but my heart just wasn't in it. Then, I thought maybe I could fake it as an X-ray technician, but the supervisor saw right through me. The only job left was in proctology, and obviously, it's a real pain in the arse.
It have been looking in here every day recently. My brother and his friends didn't circulate some emails last year with some excessively clean and unfunny job description puns and I'm not at all tempted to post them in here. They simply aren't rude enough.
I'd have to be a bit of a sap, then? Do you reckon you need counselling? Don't give up too soon and leave - your problems are probably deeply rooted. I know an excellent Tree Surgeon therapist, Den Dron.
I used to have a job performing ultrasounds on expectant mothers to determine the sex of their babies. For some reason, the mothers never seemed happy with my work. I don't know what those women were expecting!
I used to market sporting equipment to the hockey community. When I approached the football authorities for a similar position they gave me the boot: they claimed I had unrealistic goals.
[Dujon] Did they tell you to puck off? My last effort at holding down a job was as an assistant to an optician. It was going OK, but then I was framed.
[Dunx] No, but my old colleagues didn't half give me some stick! After that I tried being an electrical salesman. That only lasted until the company found I didn't have the proper connections.
At one stage I worked for an pest exterminator, but I got the flick, man. Aussie's only will get that - unless a certain company operates in the U.K. and N.Am. regions.
I used to sell DIY equipment, but I throw a spanner in the works by getting hammered, completely plastered. It was a wrench to leave. I felt I was left on the shelf. I saw myself being screwed by the job market. Luckily I got a new job and can paint myself a better future.
I snagged a job with a 'bus company once - I even took their various I.Q. test over a few months - but when I gave them my report they said I queued too much. OK, I'm half tickled ...
Later on, I was consultant to the dairy industry. However, most of my clientele dropped off after one of the Big Cheeses said I was milking them for everything they were worth....