I used to have a job performing ultrasounds on expectant mothers to determine the sex of their babies. For some reason, the mothers never seemed happy with my work. I don't know what those women were expecting!

I too apprenticed as a plumber, but my career went down the drain.

I tried to work as a plumber, but I didn't want to faucet.

Amazing: so did I - I was hopeless though and, inevitably and not unexpectedly, they gave me the elbow.

I used to market sporting equipment to the hockey community. When I approached the football authorities for a similar position they gave me the boot: they claimed I had unrealistic goals.