I used to pluck ducks but the job got me down.

It have been looking in here every day recently. My brother and his friends didn't circulate some emails last year with some excessively clean and unfunny job description puns and I'm not at all tempted to post them in here. They simply aren't rude enough.

I actually became a tree surgeon due to a flash of inspiration - I was leafing through the job adverts when suddenly I twigged.

I used to be a p0rn star, but I couldn't keep it up. I tried to go into menswear sales but was told I was unsuited.

To reach my tree surgery helpline, dial a trunk call.