[Projoy] Well, if the game has become How to Get Fired as Quickly as Possible I'd suggest "I've soaked everything in petrol and put a match to it". :o)
The conventional view is that museums hold things of the past. Why don't we challenge that and build a museum of the present! An exhibition of the best of modern life: espresso machines, boy bands, and Jade Goody nude. And we'll never run out of space, when we throw out the new to make way for the newer.
"Ooooh-la-la, my first order of business will be to gargle with lavoris, next I'll slap on a little cologne, and finally its off to reanimate old Queen Hatshepsut in her drab sarcophagus. Now, WHERE did I put that 'Do Not Disturb' sign?"
Listing all these civilizations by name is racist, and separating the artifacts into so-called "cultures" only demonstrates outdated tunnel-visioned stereotyping.
I'm quite shocked at the state of disrepair of so many of our exhibits. I'm going to commission some artists to recarve the features on the Easter Island statue, and a couple of gallons of plastic wood should see the old Polynesian boats in proper working order again.
An excellent choice, sir. [sotto voce] Strictly entre nous, I like that one so much that I swiped a couple of bottles last Saturday, took them home and got completely rat-arsed!
We'd save a lot of money by buying any old plonk and replacing the labels with whatever we want to print up. The punters will believe whatever I tell them.
With respect, sir has neither the taste to appreciate the wine that sir is indicating, nor, to judge by sir's off-the-peg suit, the wallet to pay for it. May I suggest that sir sticks to the house red instead of getting ideas above himself?
Before you taste this wonderful vintage sir, there is just the matter of the health and safety risk assessment questionnaire just a formality, only take ten minutes of your time. Now is sir left or right handed?
Of course, drinking alcohol means you go straight to hell, but if you must, why not have the very best and make it worth being drowned in boiling oil for countless aeons?
Come straight in, and sit down please. No talking. Face the front, I said No Talking! it's no good looking at me like that me laddie, me boy, I saw that, right! arms folded both of you. Now!
"Today we will explore role reversal in the bedroom and in preparation I have procured costumes for each of you. I would like for you madame to strap on this cumbrous prosthetic appendage, and for you sir I have a maidenform mangina. In addition, if neither of you will object I would like to tape this session for quality purposes." ............. i know i know i'm outa here already!"
If you're here, your relationship's broken down. So you already know what to do next, don't you? If you're looking for advice on splitting the assets, don't ask me, see a lawyer.
Wherever you are, that's exactly where you want to be, or you wouldn't be there. Whatever you're doing is exactly what you want to be doing, otherwise you wouldn't be doing it. There is nothing to fix and no problem to solve. That will be £300.
I'm very glad that you have come to see me. You have both taken a very courageous and mature step towards building a better, healthier relationship. Working together, and treating each other with mutual respect, I am sure that over the coming weeks and months we will be able to develop the understanding and trust that serve as the foundation stones for solid and long-lasting companionship and love. Now, as the first step -- I'm sorry, but could you stop sucking on your teeth like that, it's really irritating -- as the first step, I want to engage in a trust-building exerci-- wait, and you, can you stop drumming your fingers like that -- trust-building exercise, in which -- WILL YOU STOP THAT! -- in which I am going to ask each of you in -- GOD, THAT IS REALLY ANNOYING, STOP IT, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE...
Right - you've got your boxing gloves... Now, I'm going to turn the lights out, and the last one standing will be the one who was obviously right all along.
To begin with, obviously, you must both learn the piano. Follow me over here please. OK. This here is middle C which is sort of the main note on the instrument, and then you have...
To protect my face from the constant heat of the forge I wear this "leather" facemask I ran off from some offcuts I had from another...project. Why don't I you my hammer collection? It's in this cupboard. You go ahead and I'll follow you into the nice dark cupboard full of hammers. Big, heavy hammers. That's right...
[Raak] Reminds me of the 'Liberal Call' used in Berke Breathed's Bloom County Babylon. Can't find it online so have to get the book out this evening for a laugh.
Christ, I've got a rash all over me! This wall isn't made of lead by any chance, is it? [I Say, Porter] BB's strip was called "Bloom County". That particular collection was called "Babylon". Try looking for "Opus", "Bill the Cat", "Hodgepodge", "Steve Dallas" or just "Bloom County" for other collections. BB doesn't hold with the WWW, so online versions will be hard to find and unsanctioned. As of last Christmas the BC strip was running again as a weekly in some papers. Hope this helps you. I now return you to the game in progress.
When you say "fission products", do you mean "lurid plastic worms, ratchet action reels, fine nylon monofilament" and so forth or do you mean "bury this in a salt mine for a thousand years"? [I Say Porter] <grin>Well I have both a large Opus plushy and a matching-scale Bill non-plushy as well as all the non-omnibus collections. But wait, there's more! I also have a mint copy of the promo single bound into "Billy and the Boingers Bootleg" and a pristine "Bloom Picayune" bound into "Risky Business". Your turn. :oP</grin>
[Raak]Your first "blacksmith" has had me laughing since you wrote it. Nicely done, sir. If you pull out this thing as far as it will go and stand here holding your lunchbox, you can toast your sandwiches and get a nice tan in about two minutes.
Of course, atoms are only a theory. Personally, I believe that nuclear energy is the proof of God's bounty, creating energy out of nothing. That's why atheists should be used as reactor shielding. See how long they stay atheists then, exposed to the merciless fire of God's love!
According to my calculations, I can use the Large Hadron Collider to create a black hole that will instantly grow at the speed of light, devouring the Earth in a fraction of a second! You must fund this groundbreaking research!
I know that under those conditions the accepted practice is to yell "Emergency! Scram the reactor!", but I feel "Alah-u Akbar!" is shorter and more punchy.
Angels? What are those then? I mean, I'm all for knocking off and going down the pub, but voices in the sky singing about how we're all to go down to this scruffy travellers' inn, sounds like you've had a few already. More likely some local band advertising their gig in the back garden.
(at the interview) My philosophy is that each sheep is an individual, and it is the shepherd's job to support them toward their own self-defined goals.