OK, you call - heads you stay together, tails you split up.

If you're here, your relationship's broken down. So you already know what to do next, don't you? If you're looking for advice on splitting the assets, don't ask me, see a lawyer.

Well, as we know, most relationship problems are invariably the woman's fault...

Have you been seeing another counsellor behind my back?

In any relationship, one person has to be in charge. So just decide which of you wears the collar and which holds the leash.