We'd save a lot of money by buying any old plonk and replacing the labels with whatever we want to print up. The punters will believe whatever I tell them.

My I remind Sir that even your fat and rather rotund form that three glasses of this fine and excellent wine will still make you too pissed to drive.

Don't worry about any sediment, sir, I gave the bottle a good shake on the way to your table.

I recommened the Carlsberg Top, sir.

With respect, sir has neither the taste to appreciate the wine that sir is indicating, nor, to judge by sir's off-the-peg suit, the wallet to pay for it. May I suggest that sir sticks to the house red instead of getting ideas above himself?