"Ooooh-la-la, my first order of business will be to gargle with lavoris, next I'll slap on a little cologne, and finally its off to reanimate old Queen Hatshepsut in her drab sarcophagus. Now, WHERE did I put that 'Do Not Disturb' sign?"

I don't know why the Greeks are so obsessed with marbles, but can't we pay them off with a few bags of aggies?

Listing all these civilizations by name is racist, and separating the artifacts into so-called "cultures" only demonstrates outdated tunnel-visioned stereotyping.

During the Christmas holidays I decide to re-order everything according to colour and size. So much tidier, don't you think?

Congratulations Madame. You are our 100,000th visitor and so you will be allowed to take home any exhibit in the museum.