Today I've been enjoying abnormally frequent intestinal evacuations with fluid stools, my doctor told me it was diarrhoea, and has a tendanancy to run in our family.
A young lady in down-town Macclesfield repeatedly makes the same observation about the inclemency of the weather. Looks like this is another case for SARCASTIC RABBIT!
"My teenage son Clarence is 3'4" tall and prefers dressing in green tights as opposed to the traditional red of the Cringle family. I shall surprise him next Christmas with a strand of my DNA seeing as he does not possess one already."
In England and Wales, any citizen may establish a local tradition by application to English Heritage (Office of Tradishment), with documentary evidence that the prospective traditional act has been carried out in the same public place in at least three consecutive years, by a group of not less than five people on each occasion. Known as a Listed Tradition, it is then legally required to be performed in perpetuity or until delisted by permission of the same body.
I used to be the person who reads the dictionary on Countdown, but I left to become a team captain on Call My Bluff. After 13 highly successful seasons on the show, I was awarded the OBE in 1992 and died at my home near Clacton-on-Sea two years later, aged 84.
Strictly in the interest of genetics, I have isolated [outside the laboratory] a unique recombinant strain thru the combined molecular DNA's of various kisses [i.e. Eskimo, French, Aussie, Butterfly, Rose Petal, Rainbow, Strawberry, Whip Cream, Hershey's, etc.] and all it required was procuring a cheek swab from Paris Hilton.
The earliest known steeplejack came about in the horrible blizzard of 1547 when Angus McCrass rode his donkey into town and tethered it to what he assumed was the hitching post. Unaware the town was completely covered with snow, Angus McCrass wandered off in search of the tavern and presumably became disoriented and ultimately perished of frostbite. In the aftermath of the thaw, his body was not found, only his ass! [Swinging from the church steeple.]
Improve your general health by inhaling the miracle gas Carbon Monoxide. After only ten minutes or so the medicinal benefits will become obvious to all who see your rosy complexion.
The first spin doctor was Dr Hadrian Gapp, adviser to President Taft. Although he was a great innovator in the field, there was much still to learn and he soon came to regret his advice to the great man on securing election victory, which was to campaign wrapped in frayed, greying bandages, repeatedly moaning, "Must... replenish!"
By wearing the cape of fruitinessTM, I can make over-loud, urbane conversation in art galleries while wearing yellow spats, and not be thought an utter fool.
This advice in from the National Film Tutors and Allotment Union: "the very best clothes to wear for an important interview this week are Little Lord Fauntleroy doublet and hose; A massive ruff of at least 4ft diameter and Disney "Eat Me" shoes.
In the 1951 general election the swingometer swung so far that although Labour won massively, the arrow went right round and Winston Churchill's Conservatives ended up getting all of the available seats, plus 60 extra. Not only was there a massive fight for office space at the Commons, but the 60 additional MPs had to find previously unrepresented parts of the world to be their constituencies. Sir Reginald Twice-Muchly represented the town of Omsk and Hubert Hankering-After had to deal with constituency business for the whole of South America.
Keats wrote the immortal words "Silent upon a peak in Darien" while riding the Number 4 omnibus to Kettering. Having composed the phrase, but with no paper handy, he repeated it to himself over and over until he was ejected from the 'bus at Burton Latimer, which forced him to walk the rest of the way. Ironically, the line is utterly forgotten now, by everyone.
Most of Bertolt Brecht's plays were actually written by Elizabeth of Glamis, the future Queen Mother. The two had an affair lasting seven years, until Edward VIII abdicated and Elizabeth was forced to abandon Germany, her growing Marxism and her anti-borgeouis stance for unwanted luxury and nationalism.
To clear the build up of sludge in your sump, oil pump and lubricant distribution channels, drain all your existing oil from the car and gently pour a small amount of nitroglycerine into the oil filler. Wait five minutes and then start the car.
today I experienced the laxative effects caused by consuming copious amounts of coconut milk, I enjoyed this experience thoroughly and plan to do it tomorrow again!
I'm a retired greyhound, and extremely relieved that pelgis will no longer ride me around a dirt-track each night in pursuit of a rabbit we'd more easily catch if we intercepted it going the other way.
erm... nope. No lie. That's not to say I could trust Projoy one jot after seeing his performance here... admiring someone's lies is bit of a backhanded complimentisn't it?
I once held a party at which everyone got extremely stoned (on what I shall leave to your imagination). We ended up playing 'Animals', not the version we played on the pilg but the strip version where every time you lost and became the chicken you had to take off an item of clothing. It wasn't long before everyone at the party was completely naked.
A friend of mine (for the sake of this I shall call him 'Phil') was an extremely hairy fellow. He was very proud of his nudity and ran outside into our garden (it was late evening and the light was failing). He plucked a chrysanthemum, put it between the cheeks of his bot and jumped up and down in the window so that everyone at the party could see.
We all thought this was so funny that we ran out of the house to join him - and that is how I invented the 'Flower Game'.
To play you need a squarish lawn, a bunch of chrysanthemum and no inhibitions. Simply hold the flower firmly between your cheeks and run around on the lawn trying to catch someone else’s flower without dropping or loosing your own. The last player to retain his flower is the winner.
In last year's production of Macbeth, I came on in Act II, as Macduff, and in order to demonstrate that Macduff was a proper straight, regular bloke, I decided in rehearsals that he'd just come back from a beery evening with Lennox and would take a leak up against the castle wall, showing just what a manly, manly man he really was (What's that you say? Overcompensation?).
Anyway, at the dress rehearsal, I was distracted by trying to remember the lines in order and on making my entrance, went to the back wall and mimed unzipping the old bags and whomping out the python (you see, I can "do" straight man vernacular). Except that my mind was elsewhere and I entirely forgot to mime, slightly to the surprise of the people standing in the wings. Luckily I came to myself before I actually followed through.
...and it's odd because I was much too nervous to get my dick out when I did Equus, ten years before, when it was actually called for. Method acting clearly comes unbidden.
I once did a naked sketch based on the old Levi's "Heard it through the Grapevine" advert. I'll say no more. It might just sneak into cabaret next pilg...
Yes, roiling around on a thin crust over a boiling planet, getting ready to hurl us into a gaseous cloud of our own making. But, now for something completely different.
Unbelievable but true - I saw a 14-yr-old girl walking down my road not talking into a mobile phone, or fiddling with the buttons, and appeared even not to have such a device about her person.
Today my thoughts have been mainly about a hairdresser giving the best haircut she'll ever give in her life to a man who will be decapitated the next day
long long ago in a distant tyme before god ever contemplated man earth was one vast stage without props nor music nor aspiring actors until one fateful night alongside a goat trail in the far himalayas a camel cricket farted and the audience busted out in a laughter that has not abated to this day
The writer of the human genome was the founder of the National Association of Dyslexics (D.N.A.)and also belonged to the Association of Certified Genetic Tricksters (A.C.T.G.)
I present a motion we turn a thoroughbred stud horse out to pasture with that mare on the moon, and raise us a nonpareil colt to enter in the Kentucky Derby, all those opposed say neigh!