I've just bought a 50ft inflatable Karl Marx dummy to put in my back garden and frighten political canvassers.

contrary to popular belief, Elizabeth of Glamis did not infact employ a stunt-double during her career

You're once, twice, three times a looney.

Tony Blair has a tattoo across his back which reads "You score 6 out of 10 for endeavour".

To clear the build up of sludge in your sump, oil pump and lubricant distribution channels, drain all your existing oil from the car and gently pour a small amount of nitroglycerine into the oil filler. Wait five minutes and then start the car.