The southern Penguin colonies seemed to have survived although the Penguin Empire itself has disappeared. Purely as a matter of interest, some of the colonies are monarchist in their structure and others somewhat more dictatorial (e.g. the King and Emperor species).
'They' say that drowning is a wonderful experience - even better than sex. Given that I've never had sex (and my children will verify that) I find myself in a rather awkward position.
DNA tests are the best thing since sliced bread. When I got the results the other day I was so releived to find that the little b*stards don't carry my genes.
In Britain an "X" is used on ballot papers, as this represents your kiss of good luck to your chosen candidate. The single transferable kiss is however merely whoreish.
It's a well known fact that the pen is mightier than the sword, which is why Lord Byron chose pistols when challenged to a head-on confrontation in an essay writing competition by a classmate in 3C.
Eggs stay fresh longer if turned upside down in their styrofoam boxes, but have been known cause hallucinations and "loss of balance" when eaten if stored in such a manner.
Eating diamonds will coat your teeth in diamond dust, thus allowing you to bite through solid steel with ease and wit much more effort and luck perhapse a piece of fruitcake
Things I Like most in life.........Tea, beer, football, curry, women........but mostly over the next few weeks it will be numbers 1-3 in reverse order!!! with number 4 thrown in at some point. Number 5 is out for the next week or so........and the fun starts today!!!
Arthur Beanstock invented the spit valve for brass wind instruments in 1822. He died 3 years later after the valve on his Blenkinsop Tuba failed and he aspirated 2 gallons of sputum!!!
Since our state government issued the edict that railway trains arriving five minutes after the timetabled schedule are 'on time' and that those arriving less than ten minutes late are 'within acceptable parameters' the whole metropolitan network has been working like clockwork and commuters are really, really pleased to see that the powers that be are so considerate, caring and proactive when it comes to their welfare.
Entertainment at its best comes in the form of a London party magician called "Sando the Grate". He had an assistant called Janet, but she kinda got cut up a bit, without the putting-back-together.
If you are whitewashed in a game of pool, you must run naked to the nearest set of traffic lights, press the button and wait. Walk calmly across, then run back to your clothes.
George Bush is set to the Japanese international time zone. Eric Morecambe, in his day, ran on BST all year round, excepting the fourth finger on each hand.
I always wanted to be the meaning of life..........but we have to wait another 2 years before I hit the magic number 42!!! I can practice in the meantime.....
If you stand at the entrance of box tunnel on IK's birthday, just as the sun rises...........your liable to be run over by an express train. I know I have the bruises to prove it!
I live in Sheffield, Yorkshire - which is in fact under water. I have always lived under water. My soul is drawn to large bodies of water – as it is a primary ingredient of custard and custard allows me to think more clearly and connect with 'the other side'.
I was led to Sheffield by my spirit guide, the shade of Adolf Hitler. I had never thought about moving to Sheffield - but once I came to the building in which I now live, I felt the energies created by the water, saw the 'Barley' style tiles in the bathroom and saw how close it was situated to an excellent budget ‘white goods’ department store, then Hitler told me I was home.
Its a little known fact that Wayne Rooney is an expert "spoon" player. He's known in rock circles as Roon the Loon!! Sol Campbell used to play in a "Dixie style" jug band.................well done lads.............
But not all the England squad are so musical. Gary and Phil were kicked out of the Neville Brothers because Gary's voice was always a little flat and Phil couldn't keep the beat going for longer than 5 bars. Before they were run out of town they were forced to undergo skin whitening treatment so that no-one would ever associate them with New Orleans first family of funk. The skin whitening treatment also had a miraculous effect of making them look a lot younger than they really are. They lived in Salford for 15 years before becoming naturalised British citizens and their real ages are 47 and 52 respectively.
there are many unpleasent people who shop at walmart, these people cannot be found at any other store, this is why we pass out small happyface stickers, they work as shields, protecting the next generation from the bad walmart mojo.
There is no more productive or enjoyable way to spend a day than cutting down saplings, pulling up nettles and weeds, and filling a skip with all the garden trash.