Since our state government issued the edict that railway trains arriving five minutes after the timetabled schedule are 'on time' and that those arriving less than ten minutes late are 'within acceptable parameters' the whole metropolitan network has been working like clockwork and commuters are really, really pleased to see that the powers that be are so considerate, caring and proactive when it comes to their welfare.

The mere thought of aspirating 2 gallons of sputum does not sicken me in the least.

According to my doctor, I have 'grassy chumps'.

My doctor is ten-pin bowling champion of the world. His entire vocabulary consists of the phrase "The machines are digging".

It is obligatory in Latvia to greet everyone by saying "Hello Irene", except your spouse, to whom you may say "Hello Iain".