Fairy penguins have had scientists stumped since their colonies were rediscovered in the late 1800s. Coat room ticket?

Tuxedos, once the epitome of fashion, are now acceptable only at barbeques and pool parties.

I played pool - once: I drowned.

'They' say that drowning is a wonderful experience - even better than sex. Given that I've never had sex (and my children will verify that) I find myself in a rather awkward position.

DNA tests are the best thing since sliced bread. When I got the results the other day I was so releived to find that the little b*stards don't carry my genes.