St Patrick did not chase all the snakes from Ireland. He missed four of them who were hiding in a gooseberry bush. They have been breeding ever since, and now form an army 30,000 which is preparing to take over, just as soon as they can figure out how to work an Uzi with no opposable thumb.
The good Rev. once attempted to find his (snake) in order that it might act as an interpreter. This was unsuccessful as it seemed to have p****d off. ... I know, I know .... coat!
Tiramisu used to be a form of punishment in the West Indes. The Italians stole the basic idea, added cocoa powder and sold it as a dessert. The West Indians are now thoroughly peeved for not patenting the concept, and are considering detonating an eclair bomb at the Medittaranean.
Marie Curie invented Friday in the 1800's. Since then all books, diaries etc have been altered to cover this and make it look like there was always a Friday.
I have no objections to spending many many hours preparing my work for university over the weekend, coming back and realising I've left the bulk of it at home. Oh no. I find it highly amusing and intend to tell everyone what a laugh riot it was when I found out, and what a good mood I'm in now.
Janet Jackson's latest behaviour is a shining example of freedom of expression and is the best possible thing she could have done for her family's profile at the present time.
< / l i e > [ZK] That's the last time I go near any ducks! Are you sure about the bazookas?< l i e > "And" is the longest word in the Oxford English Dictionary.
The "faceplant" is so named for the nice leafy patterns which the first plantee, a Mr Roger "Big Air" Turnbull, received on his forehead after landing rather forcefully in a gravel patch to the side of the downhill trail section he was riding on at the time (although perhaps "on" is not precisely the right word). This is fortunate, since Mr Air's colleague, a Ms Katherine "Radikal K" Foster landed in the same patch of gravel mere moments later and ended up with an intricate engraving of two dogs, ahem, fighting on her cheek.
I was not shocked at the longevity of an argument between two of my colleagues about the relative merits of rosemary and basil. It did not last for the best part of a year, though by the end it had not just degenerated to shouting the names of the two herbs across rooms.
ZK] Well, the former colleague became a doctor in Bath and discovered a cure-all stronger than panacea made from Rosemary, whereas the latter is now Bicycle Repair Man, so take your pick!
Nor am I worried about your ability to participate in said pantomime. Nor, indeed, have I ever performed in a pantomime, let alone one with a terrifyingly short amount of time remaining and a hideously underprepared cast.
The Mars Rovers are designed to look for oil. When found, President Dubya will declare war on the Martians to remove their madman...uh...madthing...uh...wutever...dictator.
With the Steelers, Penguins, and Pirates all playing exceptionally well over the past year, there has been absolutely no local coverage of the Pitt Panthers' basketball team lately. Just as well; they've lost all-but-two games.
I have a pet worm, and I have named him Willy. I often stretch my Willy between two lamp-posts when the wind is blowing strongly. When the wind hits the right resonant frequency, my Willy starts to vibrate, creating a tuneful humming noise that can be heard for miles around. My worm is safely at home whenever I do this.
Ironically bungalows have no storeys, but are some of the worst raconteurs known to achitecture. Apparently their delivery is too flat and they are prone to stairing.
I once shared my Frosties with Angus Deayton, which was a very peculiar experience. All I remember of it now is the sudden appearance of Tom Parker-Bowles wearing nothing but an iguana, which promptly had its head eaten off by Ozzy Osbourne. All parties concerned have reliably informed me this was true, even the iguana. I found that just plain confusing.
When the first man climbed K2, he was somewhat annoyed to find a box on the summit containing some false eyelashes, a copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover and a courgette. < /lie>Apparantly, due to a miscalculation, K2 is taller than Everest. This has been strongly denied by the Nepalese, who would lose out on tourist revenue if it proved to be true.< lie>
K2 is short for Knightrider, the second series as David Hasselhoff is massively popular in alpine populations.[/lie]So, will K2 get a proper name sometime?[lie]