Suetonius ate gerbils.

Karaoke is boring and not remotely scary to engage in when all you've been drinking all night is J2O.

Marmite contains weevils, but only Grade A weevils.

Tiramisu used to be a form of punishment in the West Indes. The Italians stole the basic idea, added cocoa powder and sold it as a dessert. The West Indians are now thoroughly peeved for not patenting the concept, and are considering detonating an eclair bomb at the Medittaranean.

I'm considering spending more time on the internet, as I feel I don't give it enough attention.