I was wandering through the wilderness in North America some years ago now on one of my naturist breaks, but I am very worried as I have a serious body hair problem about which I am very sensitive, and I have just heard that video footage of me had been in circulation for some time now. I want all copies recalled, and I object strongly to the names I have been called. I would also like to apologise to anyone who caught sight of me in a similar fashion in the Himalayas, or skinny-dipping in the Scottish Highlands, and for any undue distress it may have caused. Oh, and if my habit of practicing with my luminous frisbees at night has brought about any annoyance, I express my sincerest regrets for that too. And Mr Presley also sends his humblest apologies.
All my presents are now wrapped and sitting neatly under the Christmas tree, and my mother has finally managed to stick to her word and not buy too many things.
[blame] Buying a new motherboard isn't nearly as much fun as finding a proper heatsink for it. Ne'er to worry, tho, since the heatsink that comes with the CPU *always* works with your motherboard.
[Angus} A motherboard is a traditional flat plank of wood that an honoured family elder is laid upon when they pass out after too much sherry, and a heatsink is simply a combination of a radiator and a sink, to gently dry dishes, keep washing up water hot and stop that nasty cold metal sensation you get when touching, er, cold metal. But then you knew that, as you said.
You lyin' get! I don't believe you. In any case, I'm here to tell you that I've been appointed to the task of choosing the ladies for next year's Pirelli Calendar. Any suggestions, while I hear the likes of Rosie et al, seething with jealousy?
I tire of hearing about Pirelli impersonators, Angus, but it sounds like you're on a roll. Here's a true story though, I swear. The other day I ordered a twelve inch Marguerita with thin topping, and it was delivered by a welshman with a receding hairline. That's what you get for ringing Dai Allopecia.
I have both a right shower and a left shower. This saves time and water in the mornings, as if one side of me is clean I only need shower the other side.
the merger of the Probation and Prison Service will finally eliminate all offending behaviour as we know it; to the extent that people will no longer blabber on pointlessly to eachother in shop doorways just as you are trying to exit/enter (delete as applicable) in stylish haste.
15-year-old cats are in the prime of life and any illness is due to mistreatment by their carers! I hope s/he's all right, Tina - I lost my 17-year-olds a year or two ago)
Fly-by-night forumla one driver Jensen Button will always be much better known for his resmeblance to Benjamin Disraeli than for winning the world championship 9 times in a row.
I purchased Bristol by mistake when I was out trying to find my Mum a birthday present. It's still in its original wrapping but they won't take it back, and now I've nowhere to put it.
I, too, purchased Bristol, but I bought a cheap model and it broke down. I chose to play a prank on The South by putting it on the border of Virginia and Tennessee...but they didn't get it. Note that Bristol, Tennessee has the stupidest NASCAR track in the country. Whoever believes that 43 cars on a half-mile-long, 36-degree-banked paperclip must be insane.
I don't want to re-write my last sentence to say "Note that Bristol, Tennessee has the stupidest NASCAR track in the country. Whoever believes that 43 cars on a half-mile-long, 36-degree-banked paperclip is proper racing and good entertainment must be insane."
Argh! There was a sale on today, and they were selling the matching Bristol! I was blinded by low prices and now I have a pair of Bristols and no idea what to do with them!
Its amazing what you can find in the back of the fridge when you eventually get round to clearing it out. This morning I found a roll of parchment in a ceramic jar, a rather small horse, three evacuees and the Mars-lander ‘Beagle’.
I once discoverd a herd of miniture Highland cattle wandering around inside my bread bin. It was some time later that I found out I had sprinkled my chips with Benilyn instead of vinegar!
An uncooked turkey neck will, if left in the back of the refrigerator for three to four months, turn into a live squirrel. These squirrels are quite content to remain in their refrigerator habitat, provided you give them a scarf and four tiny mittens. Of course, you must also allow them the run of the vegetable and fruit drawer.
Whilst my armchairs are stuffed with horsehair, my sofa contains the rest of the animal, which makes it slightly unpleasant to sit on in the summer months.
The exam I feel I did best at in my whole life was my GCSE Greek. I had revised for weeks you see, and I cared very deeply about what happened to Demosthenes and his pals. I also knew Homer's Iliad off by heart.