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Lunch
Today I managed a few chips nicked while cooking, then a pint of Everards Tiger and a pint of Clarks Burglar Bill, both dispensed a degree (C) too cold, but in clean glassware, and both were in as good condition as you can get with over-chilled ales (in someone else's pub, I hasten to add). A Mars bar followed, and more beer will be along soon - probably a Holden's Black Country Special.
Anyone up to anything exciting/Did anyone do anything exciting this weekend?
A trip out to nearby Wymondham to see the county council's exhibition of their draft vision for future development, which will protect the environment, provide cheap housing and jobs, promote public transport, develop green spaces, improve run-down areas, and give everyone a pony. Gratified to find no plans for building anywhere near where I live. Followed by a fairly desultory attempt at Christmas shopping. Home for coffee and a fig frangipan cake, listening to one of the CDs I bought, Les Élémens - simphonie nouvelle by Jean-Féry Rebel (1666-1747). This may be a present for someone, as may The Maiden's Prayer, and other gems from an old piano stool, a title worthy of Ivor Cutler. It includes Dvorak's Humoresque, Handel's Harmonious Blacksmith, and 22 others I haven't heard of, due no doubt to not having an old piano stool in my home.
This weekend
Tomorrow night I'm playing my soprano cornet in a Christmas three band plus massed-band concert. Alas, due to a quirk of fate, I've been nominated to play one of the pieces dressed as a fairy. I have borrowed a pink fairy frock, massive pink wig, pink & black striped tights and a wand. I'm not looking forward to playing, or anything else for that matter, dressed like that.
[Phil] I'm looking forward to seeing the pictures.
[Raak] Strange as it may seem, I'm not.
[Phil] Quirks of Fate are not to be entertained/trusted or subscribed to. Could you have said "No"?
[Chalky] I did. Several times, but to no avail. Worse things happen at sea, though (not that I can think of one off-hand).
Titanic? Our local Amateur Operatics Society has just completed its run of 'Titanic - The Opera'. For a Christmas show it was hardly the most uplifting of themes, but they sand it awfully well.
sand?
...and their singing wasn't to bad either.
to?
Inappropriate dress
(Phil) Regardless of your apparel please try and play it straight.
[Rosie] No-one will hear me much, thankfully, as I'm mostly echoing the front row cornets - so giggling will not be an issue.
Xmas Shopping
Finished!
[pen] Don't rub it in. I haven't even started, nor have Mlle Nights and I had The Christmas And New Year's And Nights' Birthday conversation...
Dear Mrs. Trellis:
At what point is it appropriate to drop someone from one's Christmas card list, on the grounds of there being no longer a sufficient connection to justify its acknowledgement? For example, one's brother's first wife, from whom he has been divorced long enough to marry again and bring up two more children?
[Raak] I dropped my entire Christmas card list last year, and didn't send a single one - nobody has commented. It only remains to be seen how many I receive this year.
[Phil] I have never maintained a Christmas Card list, nor sent a Christmas card. I still receive cards from some people, none from others, and it has made no difference to my life (that I'm aware of).
Although my general attitude to Christmas is that it is a commercialised stressfest and total absurdity I do actually send quite a lot of cards (a couple of dozen). It seems a useful way of keeping in contact with people you don't see very often but nevertheless have some feeling for. One practice which has developed over they years that I find completely barmy is that of my pub mates exchanging cards. I get quite a few that way but I refuse to reciprocate and it doesn't do me the slightest harm. One of that group is a long-term friend (37 yrs) and we have never sent cards to each other, which speaks for itself. I hope I don't get any from the band members; it seems quite pointless.
I don't mind the Christmas card round because, as Rosie said, it does keep one in touch with friends who live beyond normal visiting distance, even if the 'phone is utilised occasionally. The cards I dread are those whose sender includes some sort of resumé of the past year's doings. I have a relative (distant in both senses) who used to adopt such practice. I decided one Christmas to do the same but outstrip her in the number of pages of inconsequential 'news'. I wasn't sarcastic or rude but simply mirrored her format. We still exchange Christmas greetings but the junk mail has ceased. :-)
Xmas round robins
(Dujon) I get a few of these, some intended for my late mother. The senders know she has died so they are addressed to me. Well, what the hell, it's the same address. She used to say "Oh, poof, who wants to know all their comings and goings every minute of the day". For her, as an essentially sweet-natured person, that is the equivalent of Foul and Abusive Language, and I fully concur. The full horrors of these things are described here. Well worth a look. There's a book as well.
Robins
These people should start blogs. Then their outpourings can be ignored without effort. Come to think of it, I've seen a few blogs like that, words cast into the void with no visible sign that anyone, anywhere, is reading it.
I'm awfully glad that very few people know my address. That, and I keep moving house. It's also nice to not have the Christmas card question, as in France one sends cards at New Year, and so I have a marvellous excuse not to bother.
Boast in the Post
Sorry, but I like receiving them and send one to a selected few on our list. It's better than just a card, but not as good as a proper correspondance over the year(which I'm hopeless at).
I can't belieeeeeve it
No sooner had I put down my cyber-pen than the mail person arrived bearing gifts of inestimable value. This time, thankfully, it was but a card and text which consumes but one and a half pages of A5 paper (replete with Christmas tree adornment). Unfortunately my annual salutation is already winging its way across the many seas 'tween she and I . . . next year then.
[Rosie] Thanks for the link, it made me smile.
[INJ] No, no, no. That is different. In my case (and I'm assuming Rosie's) I'm talking about the 'standard' missive which seems to be sent to everyone on the sender's Christmas list and not a letter or note directed specifically to the recipient.
[Dujon] I might still fall foul of your strictures then. I'm talking about a standard newsletter with just a handwritten note at the bottom. However I don't send it to everyone - just the people that we haven't seen recently and feel we should have sent a letter to.
Nyess
We're currently trying to decide whether to send one out or not. Quite a few things have happened this year (jobs, weddings, new curtains in the living room) that a few people might be interested to hear about. Our Christmas card list is very short though.
me me me me me me
[rab] You still have my address? I'd love a rabandmrsrab missive :-)
I can't help but think that I'd like one too. But then I rather like getting post. Sad, isn't it. Of course the people that are meant to be sending me things (health insurance, internet/tv box) aren't.
[Chalky] Indeed I do. I'll stick one in the post.

If there's anyone else who wants one from someone they've actually never met, drop me an email (you should be able to work out the address). On condition you don't forward it to Simon Hoggart.

Doing anything tonight?
I'm just about to get a taxi to the Grainstore brewery tap in Oakham to hear my son playing in the school folk group, who have a gig there tonight. At last I get to drink in someone else's pub - not sure I'm happy about having to pay retail prices for my beer though ;-)
[rab] What pattern do you have on the curtains?
[Projoy] Sumatra brocade.
I left the house at 9am on Friday, and I arrived home at 5pm this afternoon. It's been a very very busy weekend.
I worked all day Friday, picked up my b-in-law from the London train in Grantham, drove him (and me) 50 miles to my home town, and stayed the weekend with my mother (who just had the all clear after surgery for the big C but doesn't yet have full mobility), did all her laundry, ironing, shopping, sweeping, hoovering; made 150 chocolate truffles for xmas presents, packed and wrapped them; wrapped all the xmas presents to leave there for the family as I'm elsewhere for the hols, then made the most delish moussaka, ate it, had a quick cup of coffee and drove home through the moonlit night where it was -2°C on the wolds and -3°C across the fen.
spirit
Yum! I just received three dozen christmas cakes from my Mum.

Similarly, if anyone wants a cheery postcard from orstraya with no christmas content whatsoever, (probably after christmas, knowing postal service times) drop me a line at my moniker at gmail dot com. Ho ho ho.

Yet again, I havce accidentally worked through lunch :o(
[pen] Oh dear. Do tree saviours have desks? If so can't you have a sly munch. I didn't have lunch either because I've just travelled to Chippenham and back for a job interview. Will know more tomorrow afternoon.

[rab] Thanks :-)
slymunchers
[Chalks] Oh yes, I have a sly munch - a food van ('Tiny's') comes round every morning and we now all automatically salivate like Pavlov's dogs at the sound of his airhorn which plays 'La Cucaracha' outside the office window. And there's plenty of chocolate around at this time of year. I just haven't done much standing up or walking around. And I haven't taken a break except 30 seconds every now and again to look in here. My own silly fault...
I'm a bit cross with the transport company here in Freezing Strasbourg. My tram got terminated about five stops from work with no explanation, which meant I got in about ten minutes late. This would all be fine except I was giving an exam to my students this morning, who had less time to complete it. They're not happy, and neither am I.

Disgusted of The Suburbs of Strasbourg
Any news, Chalks?
a sort of a job
[pen] Yes. Received a very upbeat phone call from one of the interviewers who told me that they wanted me to join the company. In otherwords, I was the chosen one out of the short list of three - but would I be willing to wait until after the 7th Jan 2008 for official notification of a starting date. I 'think' it's good news. Odd.
It means the secretary (or HR adminstrator) has taken a fortnight off for Christmas and they daren't issue the letter without her say-so. Congratulations!
I used to shop in Sainsbury's in Chippenham. I still have the three plastic coathangers I bought there on the day I left Wiltshire. *sniff*
Update, not that anyone cares: I wrote an email to the company later this morning, asking in polite-ish terms what the hell happened. They emailed me back by the time I got home (around three), saying that the tram I was on had a fault, and they would have been operating outside the law, not to mention putting passengers at risk, if the tram had continued to its destination.

Given the choice between being late and being dead, I'll choose the mild indignation of my colleagues and students over St Peter and his book.
(nights) I bet the fault was some minor infringement of regulations, such as a failed speedometer. They had to say it would put passengers at risk to justify their action. I could be wrong; maybe the brakes had gone. Did they say?
Final afternoon. I'm sorting out my desk out so I have a small pile of easily-identifiable and easy-start jobs to do when I come back to it on January 2nd. And trying to finish off the office chocolates before 5pm. It'd be rude not to.
[Rosie] No I didn't. Call me stupid (You're stupid, nights), but I'd rather not know...

[pen-elope] I have also just finished for the day, and am hanging around waiting to pick up Mlle Nights from work. And then we are going out for cinema and dinner. Never let it be said that I'm an original boyfriend.
Every day this week I've been woken up annoyed that it's not Friday. Now it is and I'm watching the clock till we go to the pub at 4.30. A weekend of stocking the larder awaits. mrsrab is working on Monday , but is being sent home at 2pm which is when the fun will really start (with mulled wine, carols from Kings and a curry).
[nights] After work finishes in a matter of minutes, I'm off home to pack the car with everything for a week in Scotland. I'll drive over to my mum's tonight then will set off oop north tomorrow lunchtime for t'Edinburgh airport. The windy miller flies in tomorrow evening. On Sunday, we drive over to the west coast to a cottage by the sea with a real fire - for a week. Yippeeee!
going on a bit ...
Me - tonight going to a Winter Warmer Party [Solcisty-connected]. All our friends will be there. We're all taking our own Winter Warmer Concoctions and there's a 'tasting panel' which includes NotMr Chalky. He'll probably have a blast, the recovery from which might be interesting as he's due to play drums with his band and they have a Christmas gig tomorrow night at a local pub. On Sunday my sister and brother-in-law are hosting their own family Christmas for us all because they're not around on Christmas Day. Oh yes - I have daughter No 1 arriving for a week. Then family and friends Christmas Day then oop north for a few days to Lake District where NotMr Chalky's folks reside.
[rab] when and what station are the carols from Kings on?
Well, Mlle Nights and I, after a brief argument about what film to see, had a thoroughly enjoyable evening of cinematic treats and culinary delights. She's now sodded off back to Paris by train, and I'm waiting for my family to get in here. Although they're staying in a gîte, because I live in a box. But it's a nice one - apparently it, too, has an open fire. It snowed here last night, and there's a Christmas film on TV. I am, as Glenn Miller put it (I think), "In The Mood" now.
CfK
[Phil] On R4 3pm, but we won't be home by then, so will watch it on BBC2 at 5.30pm whilst chinging our way through min spies.
But, as always, do check your own listings guides because here in Scotland programmes are moved by up to four days either way (or dropped entirely) to accommodate the world's worst soap opera (yes, worse even than Gute Zeiten, Schlechte Zeiten) and Rupert Bear in Gaelic (which is actually quite good fun).
[rab] thanks
[All] Anyone got any plans for tomorrow?
[Phil] Playing with my new toy.
[Raak] I think I'm too out of touch to know what that is - I suspect some kind of computer though :) Have fun!
Oh, and may I be the first on this server to say "Happy Christmas Everybody!"
Oh, and may I be the first on this server to say "Happy Chingmas Everybody!", now that the sound of sleigh bells has officially overtaken JC as the dominant Festive icon.
[Phil] 30" display, and a 4-core Mac Pro under the desk. It makes Second Life spectacular.
[rab] There was me thinking it was the sound of tills!
[Projoy] You've hit the nail on the head. In two hours today four of us took x pounds. Our best ever Tuesday was Boxing Day last year, when we took 10% more (over 11 hours). Our 3rd best Tuesday was 44% less than roday's x. Merry Ker-chingmas to you all :-)
Merry Christmas all. The parents bought me a shiny new laptop which I am VERY happy with, as the old one really was on its last legs. However, I've decided to donate the old one to Emmaüs, a charity around here that takes in old stuff, makes it new and gives it to people on low incomes. Rather in the spirit of the season, I thought.
Good on yer, nights. I'm liking your work. A question: Do ageing laptops have 'legs' or even 'last legs'? Answers on a postcard please.
[Chalky] My laptop had legs, but they broke off.
laptop rookie
[Raak] Really? Yousee - I've never actually owned one. In fact have only used a laptop twice - once at work when the desktop blew up and once at penelope's house when she and I posted in the Pilg Game in OMC to announce our return from RugbySuperPilg 2004.
Another laptop rookie
Haven't got one. I've got a wireless, though, and you can get the Radio Luxemburg on it.
back from the frozen nortth
I drove from Dunkeld on the Tay back to Lincolnshire today, and saw SNOW in the Pentland Hills, and again on that bit south of Dunblane to just where the hills end at Gretna on the A74. And what's more, the lovely windy miller was bumped off his flight back to Amsterdam from Edinburgh airport this morning, but got a replacement ticket to fly back at tea time from Humberside airport instead. So I had his lovely company on the long drive home. He also got a 250 euro compensation, which was nice, especially as I was driving home past Humberside airport anyway.
Argyll was lovely, but it ain't half bloody dark in the mornings. And stormy at nights too - the bedroom window looked out over the Atlantic, with Mull just off to the right.
Thank goodness. The family have buggered off again back to the UK - I love them, but they're deeply irritating at times. Now to rub my hands in glee at the prospect of a New Year's Eve in Paris. Fireworks from the Eiffel Tower? Oh yes.
NYE pyrotechnics
Oh, they are pretty and probably bring out the child within but, oh, what a waste of money. I understand that when in Sydney someone lights the blue touchpaper for the NYE bash it is the culmination of efforts expended at the expense of many sponsors. This is all well and good but, to be honest, I can't remember the name of any sponsor of any previous display. I don't think that the people involved were being philanthropic so plebeian level deduction tells me that they wasted their investment.
I suspect that I'll come across as some sort of curmudgeon but I'm not like that really. While the money spent on these exercises of excess is probably small, imagine the difference a few million quid or dollars could make if that were invested in something like rescue services, paramedic equipment or, God forbid, even some sort of research into the whys and wherefores of everyday life. *folds up soapbox and leaves*
Postscript: The leaves became caught up in the soapbox due to the amount of hot air generated by your correspondent.
[Dujon] "research into the whys and wherefores of everyday life"? Until that point, I was agreeing with you, but that sounds like a bigger waste of money than fireworks to my untrained ear.
I did say "God forbid", Phil. ;(
No. That makes me seem flippant. Surely, though, those who spend money on advancing their public profile (you like that? It's PR speak.) would be better off putting such funds into something that matters. We have a couple of helicopter rescue services in my neck of the woods; everyone knows the NRMA and Westpac choppers and appreciates them.
[Dujon] Yep, so many things do seem to be largely justified by accountants, rather than common sense, or a sense of "what's right If the sponsors of said pyrotechnics provided transport and viewing platforms for those with learning difficulties, say, rather than just paying some money to be associated with a fun event, I think their names and products/services would be better remembered.
When I try to advance my public profile (honest, I do), I spend my money on an event, and organise it myself, and then try to get the advertising for free through media coverage. Even if the event only breaks even, the knock-on effects of repeat trade and wider awareness are worth the effort and expense.
OK, Phil, you can put away the sarcasm. I admit that I did get a bit carried away and for that I apologise, though I do not resile from my original premiss.
It's been 2008 for a few hours now so I shall wish you all the best for the new year. Peace?
Eeek, I wasn't being sarcastic.
I think those sort of events with forgotten sponsors are part of a much bigger picture - pride in a place, a sense of community, and a general drawing-together of efforts. And no matter how desperate the need for support for a helicopter ambulance service or a hospice, a proper sense of community precedes all. London, or Sydney, or Budapest, or Oban all need to be nice places for people to live in order for businesses and services to prosper there. I think a few fireworks on New Year's Eve are part of that process.
Happy New Year!
I've just done a couple of minutes of googling, so I don't know how accurate these numbers are, but it seems as if the order of magnitudes are that there were around one million spectators in Sydney, and that the fireworks cost about AUD600,000. I think it is a reasonable bet that those spectators would almost all have been willing to give up at least 60 cents for the pleasure of watching the display, and that the average willingness to pay would have been much much higher.* So it sounds to me as if it was actually a very good use of resources, and not a "waste of money" at all. (This is separate from the question of whether the corporate sponsors get a return on investment; I'm simply asking whether the firework display was a worthwhile use of resources, and if the numbers I saw are right -- or even off by a factor of 10 -- I think the answer is clearly yes.)

* I'm using "willingness to pay" in a technical sense here: think of it as meaning that an individual is equally happy having $x and not seeing the fireworks, on not having $x and seeing the fireworks. Other boring economic discussion available on request.
also, what pen said.
also, s/order of magnitudes/orders of magnitude :-)
also (and even though I am multiposting, can I point out that this is apparently only because everyone else is too hungover to speak) I want to make it clear that my comments are not intended as criticism of Dujon or Phil. Dujon's comment, and I think Phil's as well, were only addressing the question of corporate sponsorship of public events. I did pick up a more general sense that they were questioning whether firework displays themselves were worthwhile, but that may be my misreading, because it is certainly not explicit in their comments.
I am *not* hungover, merely hard at work writing the first of three features this week. And sneaking a look at this year's holiday diary - I get a long weekend off in two weeks' time!
[CdM] Rest assured, I love public firework displays. My take on the matter was simply from a "what am I getting for my money" point of view for the sponsors. For example, I sponsor a football team, and the benefit for me is that they drink in my pub every Sunday afternoon (as well as when they present trophies, celebrate promotion etc). I more than get my money back from that. I presume an awful lot of corporate sponsorship results in so-called freebies, like a hotel room with champagne reception etc and a fantastic view of the fireworks.
Pretty much
[CdM] Close, old chap. Like Phil, I enjoy the displays when I bother to watch them.
I've been pondering on my original comment and am thinking that maybe I've got things wrong. Before I comment further though a little research is required.
I'm baaak
From: smh

"Peter Hawkins and Linton Besser
December 31, 2007

The city's $4 million New Year's Eve party on the harbour will not be hampered by bad weather this year, with mostly clear conditions forecast for the celebrations."


The same source (possibly CdM's) quotes AUD 600,000 as the cost of the fireworks. I do wonder though if that costing includes the expense involved in siting the beasts, programming and installing the computerised control system and the eventual dismantling of same.

If the quoted figure is correct (i.e. ignoring my comments) it means that the State (or city) expended 3.4 Million AUD in supporting the function. Media comments claim anywhere between 1 and 1.5 million people turned up in the city to watch the spectacle. In effect that's 1 in 3 of the whole population of Sydney. Yeah, right.

I popped onto the official NYE celebration site ( sydney ) to check out who was who. Slide down to the bottom of the page. I wonder if any of those organisations are recompensed or are simply expected to turn up and factor the event into their annual budget?

Right, I'm putting all this rubbish behind me and flying from Cootamundra to Bendigo. Tally-ho!
Well, even if you went with AUD4 million as the cost and 400,000 spectators, you would have a cost of AUD10 per person, which is less than the cost of a movie ticket. We have a lot of evidence that people were willing to spend a great deal of time getting somewhere to see the display, waiting for it to begin, and traveling home afterwards. Was it worth an additional AUD10 on top to those people? I'd still put my money on yes.
hny
Hello and happy new year to all. Wandering around John Lewis's end-of-year "Clearance" (they're far to posh to have a sale) we notice they're offering a temporaray "special purchase" 300 quid reduction on a sofa we've been lusting after. The bastards.
One difficulty, apart from the possibility of an unexpected major purchase, is that we're also thinking of getting a cat and it's not clear the two will be entirely compatible.
[rab] Better that the cat does damage to the £300-cheaper sofa than the full-price version, shurely? Get both. You know you want to.
Scratching decoys
[rab] Are you already catty? If this is your first mog, the following anti-scratching tips may be useful: Cats are very discerning scratchers. They will start by destroying the most valuable soft furnishing in a room, then working their way through the remainder in descending order of value. You may be able to decoy them by the following options:
one: a toy 'cat pyramid' - very popular with kittens, this is a cardboard pyramid covered in carpet, usually with a hole in the side so the cats can climb into it, and often with a ball on a string or something tied to the apex. This may (not guaranteed, natch) give a young cat hours of pleasure and become their preferred scratching station.
two: a plain old scratching post. These can be quite luxurious, and may also act as a suitable distration.
three: a really nice (small) real wool rug. If this feels nicer on the little cat's paws than the sofa, then there's a good chance they'll scratch that instead. Needs to be the softest, most luxurious rug you can find, of course. These are cats we're talking about here, after all.
four: Declawing. Cruel. Please don't.
five: Claw clipping. Generally just results in the cat making larger holes when it scratches rather than pinpricks, so probably pointless. six: Luck. Some fabrics tolerate scratching without any great visible effects. Once you have got them scratching somewhere acceptable, the battle is largely won, because that spot will become scent-marked and they'll tend to use it in preference to anywhere else. Mostly – so you'll still need to keep half an eye on them. But if they become accustomed to scratching somewhere you don't want, or if they don't have an official scratching location, you have to watch them constantly and it's a war of attrition that you will slowly lose.
[Simulposted with Simons] Such is the contrary nature of felines that we know it will ignore all the IKEA furniture (of which there's lots) and scratch only the legs of the nice chair and (potentially) sofa. On the other hand, if it keeps the mice at bay I'm happy.

We think we'll have to let him/her into the living room only when we're there, have nice moggy scratching posts in the back bedroom (both of our bedrooms are at the back, but the name has stuck...) and let himher out into the garden during the day where there are real trees and bushes and things. And water-pistol aversion therapy has been quite successful I'm told.

We're not yet sure what kind of cat we'll be getting. We're currently researching the options. My preference would be for a toilet-trained kitten going spare from a loving home that we can teach social graces, rather than some rescued hell-cat with a dozen ASBOs to its name. The latter do have a talent for looking particularly cute in the adverts though...

In other news, it's just started snowing in a Hollywood at Christmas kind of way.

[Simons] Thanks for the advice btw.
Ooh, don't count on the animal making a special trip to another room just 'cos it wants to sharpen its claws; remember, they're lazy as well as contrary. A sacrificial rug or toy cat pyramid in the living room is probably still a good idea.
Saw this recently and thought it might amuse:
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will become the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other contender. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and, as a result, has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that will become known as "Euro-English". The 5-year plan will be implemented as follows:

- In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konsiderable konfusion, and keyboards kan be manufactured with one less letter.
- In the second year, growing publik enthusiasm will be anticipated, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
- In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil sertainly agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and should be done away with.
- By the 4th yer, people wil be mor reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
- During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" resulting in a more sensibl riting styl.

By ze end of ze fifz yer, zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis; evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand evrivun els and ze drem of a united Urop vil finali kum tru bekos ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas!

Hello all, back from Paris with only a small hangover. Happy New Year 2008 to all and sundry - hope it's full of laughter, sunshine and cake.
being catty
[rab] I suspect that it's the luck of the draw. I have two moggies and have attempted to get them to use two varieties of scratching devices. Neither of the cats took to either of them. One contraption was a pole (wrapped with rope) the other a flat, foldable, unit covered in a lighter grade of rope. Good luck.
going on a bit - as usual
I have to confess - before I did the sprogging thing, I was a cat obsessive so can fully understand the 'desire to acquire' cat-like ness. All I can advise is .... whatever you wish them to do - they will graciously and very politely do the opposite ... and whatever direction you may want to send them [ with the best possible intentions] they will go the other way with a beguiling manner encompassing charm, purposefulness and intention, which sumply leaves you in a place whre you simply wouldn't even deign to complain. Adorable little hussies, each an every one of 'em.
'sumply' is a fine word - but as you can proberBly guess, was a bit of a misstype.
sumply - in the manner of a sump; L. sumpus, some cat.
Cats are shifty, evil, nasty pieces of work. No-one has ever had one as a pet. Millions of cats have had humans as servants, though.
Well, I've never had much time for dogs - so there you go.

I was wondering if one of the US Presidential Election experts (Projoy, CdM?) could explain if there's any reason why the Republicans and Democrats have their first nomination quasi-election thingy on the same day. Presumably there's nothing in the rules that says that candidates have to be nominated in anything like a similar way, let alone at the same time. Is it simply to try and prevent one party getting more press attention than another?

[rab] You just made me google the answer to that, cos I didn't know, but according to this page, anyway, "there was a mutual decision in 1976 between the parties to hold the event [the Iowa caucuses] on the same day because they understood the need to make it a heightened media bonanza of sorts."

There has been some change this year because the Republicans moved their caucuses in Iowa forward to 3 Jan. It was only after that decision was made that the Democrats decided (presumably for reasons of not handing momentum to the GOP race coverage) to move theirs forward also. The two parties do indeed use separate caucusing methods in Iowa (I think the Republicans do secret ballots, whereas Democrats tend to use the non-secret "go stand in the corner of the room relating to your candidate" solution. There has been quite a bit of shuffling this year of the primary calendar, mostly with different states jostling to put themselves earlier on in the process. I expect this drives up the cost for the candidates.
+)
*eats curry at her desk and waits for someone to say something*
hmmm, curry
Mmm... absence.
ramblings
My brain was definitely on half-cock yesterday. Today, it seems to be on full-power again, with no discernable reason why.
As an aside, it's mild and windy here today in Grantham. And instead of being the last person on my cul-de-sac road occupied by mostly pensioners to put my bins out onto the roadside this morning, I was the first. Hurrah!
Bins
[penelope] The last time I managed that it turned out that I was putting them out on the wrong day. Something about holidays and skip-days, I don't know. Everyone hated me because the bins got knocked over, either by their kids or by the backwash from a passing vehicle. Great neighbourhood. Not.
Communal refuse collection for the building. It's magical.
In it to bin it
[nights] Yes, we have that too, due to the sheer density of people living in the area (4 storey flats). The downside is that it means there are big wheely-skips on the streets, which don't do a huge amount to improve the look of the place. Preferable to bin bags being ripped apart by birds, though, which would be the alternative.
shhhh!
shhhhushes
I was going to say, (before I whacked the wrong key) I'm really busy today...
Reynard
(rab) You can't leave binbags out round here because the foxes just rip them apart leaving the rubbish scattered everywhere. I had thought of splashing a little white spirit around the inside hoping the smell would put them off but the foxes will probably evolve rapidly into actually needing the stuff to stay alive (cf. Warfarin, now a dietary essential for rats).
Yes, but my bit of town looks like shit 93% of the time anyway, so it's not so much of a concern.

On the way back from rehearsals this evening - well actually the pub after rehearsals - I was charmed by the man who got on the bus and was absolutely mystified that he had to buy a ticket. The driver and our interlocuter went back and forth on this one for about three stops, before the gentleman found the 1,30€ needed. And then got off. Marvellous.
[Rosie] So long as you don't use dogs, it's still perfectly legal to hunt and kill foxes.
Tally-ho
(Phil) So it ought to be. I am the least likely huntsman, thinking it distasteful to set one animal against another but I was very much against the ban purely on libertarian grounds and after all it's only bloody foxes, which are pests. I find it staggering that some people in the suburbs actually leave food out for them, which is a bit like leaving food out for the dear little flies and wasps. I do feed the dickybirds but they are a Good Thing.
Extinction
[Rosie] The quantity of species that became extinct long before intelligent bipeds trod this earth is simply staggering. I think our impact is over-rated and, unless we don't believe in evolution, we should stop saving species that obviously don't have the necessary means to survive on their own. Also, I wholeheartedly agree with you on the matter of the naïve townsfolk who put food out for the most wiley of scavengers, so that the cute little feckers don't have to go and find food for themselves. I wouldn't mind getting rid of a few robins at the moment - either that or persuade them somehow to shut the hell up at night.
Thinking about birds
(Phil) Robin problems? Bar them. Employ crows.
Robins calling
They switched to singing at night because modern noise pollution is so bad during the day that they can't hear themselves chirrup. If you want to Do Something about that, you'll probably have to join the Black Ops Arm of the Noise Abatement Society.
Puzzled about Rats & Warfarin
I was aware that rats were growing immune to many poisons, but this is the first I've heard about them needing a blood thinner to survive. Which begs the question: If warfarin is now an essential dietary additive for healthy rats, why don't we simply stop giving it to them?
(S M) I think the story is true though there's a possibility it may be a scientific urban myth. Without Warfarin the rats presumably will rapidly evolve back to what they were before the introduction of this substance although a number will perish in the process. Something more subtle is needed.
Rats
Dad always swore by a cricket bat during the bad old days.
I see idiots have dropped by (see elsewhere)...
Hmmm
Not my day. A casual chat over coffee led me to realise that flights I was booked to take next week have been withdrawn. The service email got swamped by spam, and though they tried to call me, it turns out they did so on my old office number during the Christmas vacation. Ho hum. The original booking was perfect: nice leisurely departure, direct flight out to a meeting; meeting finishes, evening flight back, airport easily makable after the end of the meeting. Then I could go to a course I was enrolled on the next day. Now, the outward is early morning, involves a change at Birmingham. Then I had a choice of either leaving the meeting before the session in which I was scheduled to speak, or missing the course. I went for the latter in the end.

And now these guys show up.

I think I missed it.
rab's Trip
Well where's the fun in that? You are supposed to get the only available flight that puts you in the night before your event, a train ride away from wherever your meeting is to take place. Said train should break down, stranding you overnight somewhere with no accomodation so that you have to sleep on the (open-air) platform where you get molested by stray dogs and policemen. When you get to the meeting you should discover that your powerpoint slides have somehow been erased from your laptop, at which point your wireless connection should pack up. The return journey should see you travel by coach and hovercraft and deliver you into the arms of a UK customs official who is going through a bad patch in his or her personal life. You should return home after 15 hours of point-to-point commuting to discover your pipes burst approximately one hour after you departed.

On the other hand, you are changing at Birmingham.
Actually, crisis averted. Having rescheduled my course, I realised that a different airline could offer me direct flights at better times, and for a few quid less than my original ticket. So, back on the phone to get the original ticket refunded (which I must make sure actually happens), and less cost to the taxpayer.
Flight
[rab] All's well that ends well, then.
Not a criticism of anyone here, or anyone at all really, but I do wonder how many air/car/train/hovercraft(?)/coach miles of unnecessary travel to and from meetings are covered per annum. Also, how much money is spent on travel and accommodation that could be done much more cheaply with minimal discomfort to the person (who is, after all, getting paid to travel in many cases).
Business Travel
[Phil] As a fully paid-up member of the business tralling set I have had those thoughts occasionally, but, if you do it all the time then the level of comfort becomes a significant issue. You'd sleep in a capsule hotel for one night, but not 4 nights a week for 6 months.
Also, speaking for myself and most of my colleagues, my traveling is almost exclusively outside normal office hours, so I dispute that I'm being paid to travel. I think there are a lot of myths around this area.
That's 'travelling set' of course.
On the travel theme, how do people commute to and from work/university/knitting lessons?
I personally dislike travelling, particularly on my own. Most of the meetings I go to involve a bunch of people getting together from all over to present talks to an audience. Although this can be done by videoconferencing, much of the most useful time is that spent discussing with individuals in ad-hoc discussions etc. I think that could well get lost without the physical presence. I get paid the same whether I stay put or go somewhere. Also, this all being paid by your (and my) taxes, means that we always have to go the cheapest, most unglamorous way possible.
(INJ) You are being paid to travel, it presumably being a part of your job specification, unless you're self-employed. (nights) Car, once I'd got one (1965). Distances 2, 27, 10 and 6 miles.
[nights] Lots of jobs, several parts of the country involving several house moves. It goes thus: 1. Walked, then car 1.5 miles. 2. Ditto. 3. Car, 10 miles. 4. Car 1.5 miles. 5. Car, 17 miles. 6. Walked 600 yards. 7. Car, 20 miles. 8. Car 11 miles, then 2 miles (I moved). 9. Car 2 miles.
Oh, [nights] Walk, 2 miles.
Shuffling along
[nights] For many years around 50 miles - 80 Km - each way but these days a leisurely stroll of around 10 metres from the kitchen to workshop.
(rab) What, even when it's chucking it down? (everybody) My niece and her hubby commute respectively to Cardiff and Swindon, from Chepstow. This is among the reasons that CO2 emissions are high, and will carry on getting higher. Should I tell her? She claims to be Green-ish, after all. At least they don't fly.
Carbon Footprint
Currently - a quarter of a mile into the city centre. Takes about 6 minutes. *smug green face*
When I was doing a proper job, then that would be a train every day. Now I'm freelance, it's that occasionally plus a lot of lying in bed, thinking.
[Rosie] Well, I don't own a car. There is a bus, so when it's totally dreadful I might get a bus. But for the rest of the time, I have an umbrella.
travel
[Rosie] My job specification says I have to do 5 days of 7.5 hours each (as if!). My base location/normal place of work in tax terms is about 45 minutes away. I am currently working some 3.5 hours away from home, am still expected to do the same number of hours once at the client site and get no extra money. Where's the payment for travel in that?
[INJ] Blimey. No wonder you go walkies whenever you have some time off.
I am currently juggling TV companies' and radio stations' requests for t'interviews. And then I'm off on hols to Holland tomorrow :oD
My commute is even shorter than Dujon's: 6m from kitchen to office. Music lessons are reached by tram. Tram or train to the city, or bicycle are the other ways I usually get around.
[INJ] Do you get paid travel expenses? If not, I'd be having a word with my employer, if I were you. Also, are you really out of the house for 15 hours a day (presuming you take 30 minutes for lunch), 5 days a week? Also (Take 2), do you need to be at the client site for all of those hours/days?
My commute these days is a flight of stairs. In my last few jobs it's been: a flight of stairs; a flight of stairs; 27 miles each way by car; 30 miles each way (1 mile by car, the rest by train); 8 miles each way by bicycle; 20 mins walk; 17 mins walk; 25 mins walk etc.
For several years at one time in my life I had a 60-mile each way commute. Now it is 18 stairs.
(That's 18 stairs each way, mind you.)
[INJ] Please ignore the apparently aggressive style of my previous post to you (which was unintentional). In fact, just ignore the whole thing, as it seems rather silly now. I was NES (Not Entirely Sober) at the time of writing.
[oblig]
[flerdle] Six miles from kitchen to office? How big is your house?
casa del tardis
[Tuj] If I were to tell you, I'd have to kill you.
I should contribute. Bus for ten minutes then tram for twenty, then feet for five. This is why strikes throw me so - I live out in the suburbs, and while it has its advantages - calm, nicer people, very few sirens - if I want a late night, or to go and see Mlle Nights on a whim, it's a touch difficult. I keep on having dark thoughts about buying a car...
[nights] I can understand going to work on a bus, going to work on a tram, but going to see Mlle Nights on a whim is new to me. ;-)
tired old yolk
[Phil] I prefer to go to work on an egg.
[Phil] No bother: I didn't read the first message until after you'd posted the second. To clarify: I get travelling expenses, but not payment for time spent travelling. Also, given the distance, I don't commute, but stay away for the week (and, yes, I do get my hotel bills paid). However, the situation in the past, and with many of my colleagues now is that a couple of hours travelling time is regarded as normal and is unpaid.
Do I need to be at the client site all that time? NO! Does the client agree? NO!
Vin de pays d'expenses
Regarding payment - one certainly doesn't get paid extra to get up at 4 or 5 in the morning to sit in an airport for three hours.
[rab] Hmmmm....if it's required by your job, and you're not on an hourly rate, then yes you do get paid to do that, but not paid extra. Or perhaps, if your job didn't require you to do that, you wouldn't get paid so much? I'm just arguing for the sake of it really, so don't take any of this to heart :-)
[Phil] Oh you must try it. But I'd rather you visited someone else's girlfriend...
Hello everyone,so lovely to see you're all still here. Last posted a couple of years ago, (then got new job, husband and baby, just about remembering who I am again). Have just had first glass of wine in about 18 months, so apologise now for the possible poor standard of postings!
[Ella] Congrats! And welcome back! I haven't noticed anything untoward yet.
[Penelope] Thank you! And on the horrendous errors front; there's still time :)
[Ella] What pen said!
Ella! How nice to have you back with us :-)
[and Ella] Please come and join my Animal Vegetable Mineral Abstracty thingy - it seems to be taking a bit of time....
*waves from Paris*
[Ella] Nice to see you again.
Good news: just received my first official rejection letter from a major U.S. periodical. I feel like a real writer now. =)
[J] congratulations!
Yawn. Another quiet night.
[nights]

WAKE UP!

shhhhhhhhhhhh!
I am surprised by the intensity of my loathing of Gillian McKeith tonight on telly. She is the most tasteless, boorish and annoying silly moo.
Then why did you persist?
I am quite sure that I have missed some entertaining programmes over the years but, these days, I do tend to pick and choose what I watch (as opposed to sitting in front of the damned thing 'flicking around').
Gillian 'not a real doctor' McKeith
[pen] it was my turn to buy the Sunday newspaper for our usual afternoon crossword get-together in the pub - we generally do the Mail on Sunday general knowledge one because it's quite challenging and good for sharing. Anyway - on the front page was THAT woman who had already stated that "every woman hates their bum" - [er, actually, NO - not true - I quite like mine]. So she's now promoting the Great British Bum Diet. Needless to say I refused to buy the paper and we had to do the Times crossword instead.
Love your bum
(Chalky, pen) Ignore it; it's actually an elbow diet.
un-elbow-like bum
I prefer the advice from here: The Health Institute for Nutrition
[Chalky] Do I detect the presence of a "Millenium Project" reader?
Ouch, me eardrums. Not even been to a gig.
Millenium Project & Eardrums
[Sierra Mike] You mean her?
[nights] Wassup chuck?
[Chalky] No, you. The author of the MP website used the "Not a Real Doctor" middle name for quacks too. The congruence was striking.
[Sierra Mike] Aaaah. Now I see :-)
Tom & Jerry
Having been accosted by a mouse whilst wiping down the stove on Saturday night - silly thing was hiding behind the recycling and would have gone unnoticed had it not decided to dive for the cover of its bolt hole whilst I was still in the kitchen - we set a trap baited with a peanut butter/Waitrose Biscuit for Cheese canapé. Amazingly the stupid thing didn't notice the suspicious enclosure and #1 has been dispatched. Presumably there will be more. In the fullness of time we still intend to exercise the nuclear option (Codename: Tiddles) but are still building up the necessary kit and looking for someone who'll supply us the goods.
little blighters
[rab] Bait. That's the only way to do it. I had an infestation in my flat (which was a conversion of 'the poor house' - ie the workhouse into six flats) and I caught 11 or 12 in traps, then got fed up of the traps going off while I was relaxing and watching telly. So I called in the council who put down bait everywhere in the building and we got rid of the whole lot. If you have them, the other flats will have them too - am I right in thinking you have a flat in a fairly old building?
Bait
Um, if they take the bait and then die somewhere inaccessible you'll have to put up with the smell while they decay. If you can't cover everywhere they might be, and/or can't access the places where the blighters might go to die, I'd stick with putting traps in the areas you can access and view it as a long-term war of attrition until Project Tiddles comes online.

Best approach depends on your house design. How well-ventilated it is and such. Bait worked badly for us (at my orkplace) because the mice died in inaccessible places and smelt. Plainly pen didn't get that problem, but we did.

Neither poison nor traps will ever get them all, of course; making sure they can't get to any of your food is the most reliable way to make them lose interest.

Squeak
Well, just about everyone in Edinburgh has mice. The majority of the buildings are 3 or 4 storey tenement flats constructed around 1900. Chances are the blighters moved in during building and have been endemic ever since. I'm also sure they can get between buildings if they try hard enough so if you were going for the total obliteration approach, as pen suggests, it might not be enough to restrict it to just one block.

I work on the principle that since they have access to a range of habitats we need to make ours as inhospitable as possible. Unfortunately, the age of the joinery is such that there's gaps and holes everywhere so getting these all mouse-proofed would probably cost more than moving to somewhere that's in a better state from this point of view. On the plus side, the number of poos I've found has been pretty small, which is suggestive we're not getting more than a few visitors. But if we catch more than four or five it'll probably be time to have a chat to the council to see if they have any wholesale slaughter solutions.

Bluebottle season
I dealt with my infestation during spring. The smell lasted about a week, after which I got two hatches of bluebottles every day for a week or so. I used elementary biology to interpret what had happened to the cadavers.
Mice
I got infested once (well, my garage then basement then house did). I tried humane traps to no avail (They came back faster than I could transport them to another place). I tried spring traps to no avail (they proved expert at getting the bait without suffering a crushed skull). Then I reluctantly put down glue traps (which require one to figure out a humane way of ending it for the trrapped animal). When I caught and euthanised my eleventh or twelfth mouse I gave up and called in the pros, who put down some sort of poison with the singular property of making the doomed mouse very thirsty. I was advised to check the bath before showering each morning. That did the trick eventually. I imagine they died in the crawl spaces, but I didn't notice any smell. Perhaps the corpses mummified and now await discovery (whereupon they will doubtless put a curse on their discoverer). I don't think I'd waste time with traps if it happened again.
[SM] That sounds very similar to the situation at my old flat; I tried traps and poisons, none of which worked. But then Dave came round and dispensed the hard stuff, and never a squeak after. But that was a modern flat, and filling the holes with expanding foam was straightforward. After our first visitation we called Dave in straight away, and it took him three attempts to get rid of the first batch; and expressed doubts that given the way the plumbing had been done in the kitchen that he could offer anything like a permanent solution.
SM being Sierra Mike, rather than Simons Mith, in that instance.
I caught one of the little dears in a humane trap some weeks back, also using peanut butter. He died in it anyway, for reasons that aren't clear to me. He was only trapped overnight, perhaps six-eight hours, so it presumably wasn't hunger or thirst. A broken spirit, perhaps?
[Dan] peanut allergy?
Mice
I've dealt with mice in two properties - each time by setting half a dozen traps at a time, baited with cheese. On each occasion they'd given up visiting within a week, and a dozen or so deaths. Perhaps the smell of mouse death lingers in the air?
One bit of information I was given at the time was useful - a mouse can get through a hole the width of a pencil.
Of Mice and McKeith
Clearly the solution is to stop jabbing those pencils into the walls. Or at least stop pulling them out afterwards. A pencil blimey. I bet those mice don't hate their bums... [Chalky] Maybe she meant that every woman hates her bum? I say why stop there, obnoxious pseudoscientist that she is...
[Phil] I couldn't resist it. Google reveals 65,500 Results for 'Can a mouse squeeze through a hole the width of a pencil?'. (0.44 seconds) Amazing stuff.
[Chalky] It's worse than that!
Clicky
[Dan] Murderer! You done for that animal with your inhumane "cholesterol trap". :)
Well, #2 has yet to be caught. I can't believe for one minute there was only ever one of them, so either this one's cleverer or less intrepid. Let's keep on the lookout for those poos.
[Raak] eeek! For a real treat why not try our Speciality Cappuccino flavoured with rodentessence and topped with bright pink froth. Chocolate sprinkles [mouse droppings] optional
[Chalky] I only just spotted your reply to my eardrums complaint and can't for the life of me remember what the problem was.

Hello, Middle Age.
[nights] Never mind. Middle Age comes to us all - but I must admit - it's really bloody annoying most of the time.
As some wise person said, growing old sucks, but it is better than the alternative.
Both good points. However I feel especially aggrieved about what this all means for me, as I'm not yet 25.
*ducks flying objects which always seem to materialise every time nights' age is mentioned*
I was interviewed by Jim Naughtie on the Today programme this morning. It was absolutely terrifying. It was at 6.52 in the morning, when all sensible people would have been asleep. I think I was too.
Oh, and #2 has crawled out of the woodwork. A small thing, very actively tried to escape the (humane) trap.
[rab] I just checked it out on Listen Again. The item on New Zealand accents? So, how does a physicist get involved with that? Do I sense the words "spin glass" in the background?
RabRadio
ooh, I must have a listen. All I do is set up these interview thingies... just trying to track down a rogue woodlander right now for one of the regional BBC stations who wants to talk to 'someone'. And firing off feature ideas to BBC programmes...
Early starts
I've often marvelled at the coherency of interviewees on the Today programme, or (particular) Five Live's Wake up to Money, which is at 5.30am. Rather them than me...
[Raak] Yes. That's the one. Involvement via knowing a suitably numerate (or semi-numerate) linguist. No spin glasses as such, though voter models are relevant.
Rising at the crack of Dawn
I get up at 6 on the days I have to be teaching at 8. And those days are rubbish, except when I can watch the sunrise from the tram. That's rather nice. On the other hand, that department is on holiday from next week, so I get a week of lie ins until the following week, which is my department's holiday. Wheee!
Huzzah for our beloved leader!
[rab] as a matter of (professional) interest, how do you alert the media to an interesting academic study? Was it published somewhere?
[pen] Traditionally, you would have a big-bang type discovery published in Nature or something like that, and their press team would do the business.

This case is a bit of an oddity - the work's been going on for years and has been presented in various forms at conferences, referred to in somewhat specialist publications and so on. Our press office got wind of it, I explained the situation, and it was generally felt that cos we were submitting a paper (which could take a couple of years to complete the review/publication process) and presenting it at the same time at the main linguistics conference in the US, it was reasonable to put out a press release. I was expecting it to go unnoticed, but was picked up by Radio New Zealand, the New Zealand Herald (front page), the Telegraph, the Glasgow Herald (page 5, above the fold), BBC Radio Scotland, Today, BBC Radio Wales and the World Service. I'm shattered, and generally want now to crawl under a stone.

[rab] Noooo! You were great. I guess it must be difficult to explain mathematical modelling to laymen, and for a presenter to pick up the gist of a study involving lots of people over several years and squeeze the right questions into a five-minute interview. I guess you're dealing with a lot of variables, but you summed it up pretty well. If I do my job properly, I get to put a lot of Woodland Trust people on the radio, and usually guide the presenter into asking the right questions: "You might like to ask why XXX happens, and what it means in the long term" etc. I didn't realise universities had press offices and the fact that it got picked up by so many publications means yours wrote a good press release and sent it out to the right media, with a view to possibly attracting the interest of potential funders...
[pen] The press officer I spoke to - for about an hour - is an ex-journalist, so he distilled it into a newsy-sounding story. (The version on the BBC website is basically the release verbatim). The presenters' briefs/scripts seemed to be cobbled together through informal chats with researchers/producers a few hours ahead of broadcast. 'Twould have been nice to have seen a copy myself beforehand, but I guess you can't have everything.
You're right about funding though. Probably the most useful thing about all this is that I can stick it all in the case for support to demonstrate interest beyond stuffy academia.
yay rab!
[rab] Cool interview and work - well done, and well explained. New Zealand is nice and small, making it a lot easier to study than its behemoth of a neighbour, even though exactly the same process happened in Australia (albeit some half a century earlier) and it's been developing in interesting ways ever since. I'd be interested in the publications to date, if you've got a list somewhere. I have an interesting documentary about the australian accent, too, if you're interested.
[flerdle] So that Google doesn't link my uni page to this one, perhaps I should suggest you type my name into the venerable search engine, click the first link (at least, the first link in our part of the world), and towards the bottom of the page you can find a link to the relevant preprint. I heartily recommend the books by Gordon and Trudgill if you really want to get into the details of the empirical data, as opposed to our modelling.
Trudgill rings a very faint bell. But well done you - I enjoyed the interview.
[nights] He is one of the more notable names in dialect research, especially in the UK; it would be hard not to have heard of him at some stage if you've looked into this field much.
[rab] Thanks very much.
Ah yes. I did a study of dialect changes amongst adolescents for A Level English Language. It was good fun. Got an A and everything.
Ah, A-level English Language. How long ago it seems now ;)
A level English Language didn't exist when I were a lad. I had to make do with English Literature, and I failed that. So now I don't read much. But I do write for a living. :oD
Pass the flat cap
English Language "A" levels? Comes from having so many furriners in t'country. When I were a lad, everyone just knew 'ow t'speak proper English wiyout paper t'prove it.
[SM] Ah, but at the time it was the perfect complement to A Levels in French and German, enabling me to have a thorough understanding of my own language before I grapple with others. Don't quite know where I went wrong...
(nights) You need Latin. Only with that can one get to grips with the meaning of such terms as fellatio and cunnlingus and begin to enjoy life to the full. You know it makes sense!
Mea culpa
Spot the typo.
Rubble and squeak
Was woken at 1am by the most almighty scratching and clattering noise from behind the skirting board in the bedroom. I had to decamp to the spare room to get away from it. Dave, our friendly neighbourhood pest controller (who will probably be able to retire on our flat), thinks he's worked out what's going on. Next door is having its bathroom renovated, which has probably disturbed a habitat, so they've decided to move in to ours. What we're hearing is probably the removals. The bait has been lain!

Apparently we did a good job of flushing out the ones in the kitchen with our trap - three in the end, and none for nearly a week. Removing the panel under the units, Dave remarked "Missed one" and picked up a cardboard mouse by its tail. At least the source of the slightly musty smell has now been explained.

[rab] Have you been making up all these rodent stories these past weeks, just as an extended set-up for the title of that last post?
Our entire building smells of roasting meat. Great, now I'm hungry.
[CdM] I wish. We plucked up courage to return to our bedroom last night, and it seemed to be a clatter-free experience. Looks like Dave was bang on the money.

It was quite odd - I said: "my wife saw running feet behind the skirting board there", pointing to a wall in the bedroom. Dave immediately went into the bathroom and fumbled around the pipework. I'm sure this guy must have been a mouse in a previous existence...

Finbar Saunders
[rab] Why don't you just ask this "Dave" why, when you mention mice behind your skirting board, his first instinct is to fondle your pipe.
robbin29605
1234567__765432129605
pope findling
[Sierra Mike] Your last three words may have triggered the imagination of the following poster :-0
It's a bit of a shame our main influx of new players these days only play one move and then vanish into the ether again. I mean, where's the stamina?
One hit wonders
Orange MC has had a fair flurry of spamtastic attacks recently too, for those of you who are mornogamous.
Followers
[Tuj] It appears that Chalky is on to you, old chap.
[Duj] I'm trying to figure out what you mean, and I just can't. Have I missed something?
[Tuj] Duj will explain ;-)
[Duj] You know me too well ;-)
In other news - it's my birthday today. All being well - hope to have landed safely in Dublin by 9.20 am. Hope the stalled AVMA has been solved by the time I return later in the week.
[Duj/Chalky] *remains confused*!
[just Chalky] I'm pleased to be the first here to wish you a very happy birthday, and enjoy the Emerald Isle =) I may have to take up the AVMA gauntlet for you, but I'm not that good at it...
Stalking
[Tuj] No harm meant, sir. It is merely my interpretation of Chalky's "the following poster".
Happy birthday, Chalks, a witch with prescience though you be. ;-) I am advised that Dublin is a fair city and worth a visit whether a birthday treat or not. I hope that you find it so.
Ah, following not preceding, I see
[Duj] Gosh, I'm easily confused, aren't I!
*waves from Dublin*
Chalky] Happy birthday - have a glass of the black stuff for me!
Parslow puts York on road to Wembley
- Times headline from the football section today. Will there one day be a Wembley MC server then?
Shhhh! We're applying for Lottery funding and everything
Glad I was awake at the time....
[penelope] Next time your miller gets in at 00:58am, ask him not to drop his super-sturdy clogs quite so heavily :-)
[Phil] Right ;-)
Actually, the epicentre was under a village much closer to my mother's house, in Ludford on the Lincolnshire Wolds. It woke me up, though - everything on the dressing table rattled, and I thought someone was at the foot of the bed, shaking it. I think I might have dreamed it was the Dutch miller trying to remove his clogs...
Upgrade
Just upgraded the server... this site at least still seems to work.
*looks around*
[rab] Oooh, nice :o)
[pen] I was sitting at my computer at the time, conversing with an Australian when it happened - it was rather startling with the doors and windows banging and rattling. In fact, it was hard to tell when it stopped...i couldn't tell if it was me or the earth shaking :-)
Hello there - I'm going to do a little upgrade, so I'll turn posting off for a short while. Hopefully not longer than 10-15 minutes.
Done
Seems to have worked.

p> It doesn\'t mean you can do anything you couldn\'t do before, incidentally...

Oh bollocks.
I'm sorry I'll read that again
Seems to have worked.

It doesn't mean you can do anything you couldn't do before, incidentally...

But if you do notice any oddities be sure to let me know.
Hidden textI've upgraded php4 to php5 and have found one place where the two seem to behave differently so far.
The whole of the internet and computerkind is against me today. It has just taken me four hours to make a media outlets search. The process should take about 20 minutes. Hmmph.
Oddity
[rab] On posting to the Limericks game, the move was posted ok, but this appeared at the top of the page:
array(3) { [0]=> string(3) "" [1]=> string(39) "Wore clogs that war werkelijk te groote" [2]=> string(4) "" } Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /var/www/rab.org.uk/server/STEAM/HtmlRewrite.php:376) in /var/www/rab.org.uk/server/Rou.php on line 122
And something similar again on posting this.
Just done the same to me in Limericks. Perhaps it likes not the Dutch?
And here, so not the Dutch.
[Raak] Oh dear...
Wherps
Left in the debugging information...
A pox on Barclays and its unco-operative PinSentry system.
[pen] Hmm yes, it can be frustrating that. Mostly works fine for me, but I don't really want to carry that gizmo between work and home ever day in case I need to do some banking. Still, work is forcing me to ditch Barclays so I won't have to deal with it soon.
Is this some kind of card-reader thing? RBS introduced one of those and it's one of the reasons why I'm switching to the Halifux. (That and I get to spend my wife's shoe fund on beer).
Card-reader thing?
Natwest sent me one of these sometime last year. I am an active on-line banking user, but have never needed to use the thing once. Don't even remember where I put it.
php and your trade secrets
[rab] You drive this site with php? Do you use a framework of any kind or have you done the whole thing from scratch? I'm also impressed with the clever "hide" widget-thing. Presumably done with javascipt? The reformatting on display and hide is very clean on my browser. It must have taken some work to prevent it to screwing up the markup when it opens up. Do you pull it off with clever CSS trickery? Sorry to sound like a kid after consuming a large coke and 99. This stuff is like sweets to me sometimes.
Cardies
[rab] yes - it's a security measure that ensure that you are the right person to access the account as you need the card, its PIN, the gizmo, and the log-in details to get in to the account or set up a new payment. Not a bad idea all in all, but a bit of a pain sometimes.
[SM] As it said at one time on the front page, this site is powered by STEAM which is a few php scripts I threw together over a few wet Sunday afternoons to handle the stuff. It's all basically straightforward stuff, apart from the hide widget which is done by Javascript. The hardest part of that was to get it looking sensible for people who don't have Javascript enabled. Not much CSS trickery - although even then the old version of IE made a pig's ear of it.

[GIII] Whereas I think it's completely over the top. They already ask me for some user name that I can't remember, random characters from a password and a secret code. The card-reading gizmo has removed the one thing that made online banking useful - the fact you could access it anytime, anywhere. (Very handy when you're travelling).

[rab] Barclays at least has removed the requirement to remember passwords and secret codes. I'm inclined to agree with you however on the travelling point.
[GIII] Ah ok - RBS ask you to scan your card in addition to all the other stuff when you want to do something like, oh, pay some money into an account you hold elsewhere. The not-having-to-remember-your-password thing seems pretty sensible; in fact, the worst thing about one of my online accounts is that the password is easy for me to remember (since I chose it) but the username is some 8-digit number I'll never be able to commit to memory.
Meow
Project tiddles has been installed. The instructions said that she would hide behind a sofa, not want to talk to us nor touch her food. She's generally wanting to be where we are and is wolfing down her food. Katharine's just introducing her to the sofa... let's see how it goes.
Ah no, false alarm - just the coat cupboard. It was a bit of a harrowing trip bring her home. We were going to get a taxi, but with the Scotland-England rugby in Murrayfield all taxis were booked up for three hours! So she had to endure the number 16 bus. She did very well...
[rab] Don't expect to have exclusive use of the sofa now.
Name that cat!
Right - the name that came with our cat is, I'm ashamed to say, Cuddles. We're trying to think of something more appropriate but whilst we can think of lots of great names for a male (Armitage, Jeremy, Theodore, Pooch) we're a bit stuck for a girl. Pictures here.
U2
Don't be too embarrassed, rab, we too have had a recent arrival; it's allocated name was 'Bananas'. When the lass at the vet's advised of such I blinked and said something along the lines of "Ey? Do you run through the dictionary, one letter at a time, to pick out names for these poor homeless creatures?" She laughed and said, "Yes, that's exactly what we do". An image of 'ours' will be found here.
As far as naming goes, it's hard. Given the sly eyes of your new master, the fact that she is indeed a she and looks like she'd eat anything put before her on a platter, might I suggest Salome.
Lousy link, sorry
Try here.
Today we have naming of cats
[rab] Pandora - the all-gifted
cat-naming
With those eyes, and those teeth, I'd go for Bowie.
Marilyn. Manson or Monroe, you chose.
choose...
She's quite cute and cuddly really! Anyway, we got through the first night ok - she better than me. I need to learn to delegate the duty of listening out for strange sounds in the middle of the night to her, since she's much better at it than I am. She seems to be bonding better with Katharine than me, and I think both of us together is a bit much for her at the moment.

As far as names go, we've toyed with Beatrice and Felicity but are still open to suggestions.

Oh, and she did a big poo in the litter tray overnight, so I would say she's starting to feel at home...
(rab) A friend has two female cats called Ermintrude and Florence, or "the E-cat" and the "F-cat" respectively. My cousin had a cat called Katya. What about Llewela? Mine have always been "Puss" or "Pussy-cat" and I suspect the next one will be, too.
Janet's a good name for a cat.
South Wiltshire Weather
I been out. Driving. There be plenty of water and debris on roads after 'first wave' of storms. Hatches are now battened down in preparation for 'second wave' later this mornin'.
Weather?
Yeah, it's a little breezy, but the sun is shining - good old boring Leicester :-)
The clouds in those satellite images (BBC) are an interesting curled shape. I am not surprised that it is a little blowy.

It was 37°C here today at 3:30pm, then down to 23 two hours later. This seems to be a regular pattern, and I think I'm getting the hang of it. Step 1: stay indoors...

(flerdle) Is that a sea breeze cooling it off a bit? Bit of a breeze here, too, 35 mph at least. Heavy rain all morning, a peculiarly featureless and leaden sky, thunder and lightning (not in that order) at ten to two and a bit of small hail. Temperature 6°C. Pressure 962 and still going down slowly.
[Rosie] No, cold front coming through. They sail along the southern Indian Ocean from west to east and flick us with their tails. Animation here
Do any musicians here know any whiz ManuScript programmers (the language for writing plugins for Sibelius (the music notation publishing software))? A friend of a relation is working on a project that is getting rather large for one person to manage and is looking for extra grey cells to draw on. Knowledge of Braille music notation an advantage! I'm not sure how commercial or otherwise it's likely to be.
24 hours later...
I guess not, then.
Sibelius
Er, not off the top of my head, but the Sibelius website technical pages are full of people with a lot of experience and knowledge. A post to the forums there might yield a response.
Cats
The old tradition was to call it 'Trex'. Something to do with Speverend Rooner and looking for the cooking fat... In half the photos it looks like a British Blue. My friend has one called Sybil (Basil died,sadly). What about "Trillian"?
Yes, she's a mog but the rescue centre said she had "some British Blue" in her. Reading descriptions on the web she seems to fit them very well!

We seem to have settled on "Felicity", or "Flisstycat" for short - but we're not sure if she'll get use to it. If she won't shed Cuddles, we might have to make her "Professor Cuddles"...

I think I'm going to be sick :)
My poor old rescued cat is not well, possibly the big C.
do not disturb
I've got a feature to write today. And a press release. Shhhh.
[flerdle] Are you in Melbourne at the moment? I have the school fete this afternoon and it looks like we'll have close to 40° for it. We may only stay for a short while. Adelaide has had 11 straight days of 35°C plus. This looks like it'll be 12 in a row. Poor buggers.
That's Adelaide for you...
[nfras] nah, I cunningly went north yesterday, so I'm hoping it will be back to "normal" (hah!) by the time I return next week. Hope you survive the fete - stay out of the sun!
How adorable
I thought it might interest you - a cute little game of MC broke out today on Fark.com. The link.
[Juxtapose] Brilliant!
I'm giggling at players in Each Move Must Consist of Precisely Eight Words who are currently attempting to pick up the game and move it along...
Softers' Cat
[Softers] Oh shit. How old is the cat?
Were you waiting for me?
Has no-one said anything over Easter? I've been away for five days travelling beyond these horizons, climbed more stairs and ladders in more windmills, and become frozen in the process than I care to admit (oh, all right then - three. Two corn mills and a polder (drainage) mill), seen Zuid-Holland covered in snow and had the plane de-iced before taking off to come home, and still you lot are keeping quiet. What's going on?
*spots the ostrich*
[pen] OK, we're back. What?
[penelope] Your elipsis (four moves back) left us thinking you'd simply popped out to take the kettle off the stove. Everyone was afraid of interrupting you and looking rude.
[SM] oops. And I thought we were all quiet waiting for more news of Softer's cat...
I hope it stands a better chance than Schrödinger's.
*peeks*. Why? It looks fine to me.
[ImNotJohn] I'm not so sure.
Belatedly testing that I can actually post via proxy. Don't mind me. Sorry, was that your foot?
That's quite funky, though going a bit around the houses...
Welcome to BST!
*busts out some BST disco moves*
yikes
I've never seen anything like it!
Melbourne temperatures
[flerdle and nfras] Sorry to be slow on the uptake - I have only just returned from my travels afar to catch up with the Morniverse. I was in Melbourne myself at the time of your postings, for the Grand Prix. I thought the Friday (the day of the school fete) and the following Monday were the hottest, both nudging forty degrees C. Mind you I'm not complaining, back in Bristol and freezing my proverbials!
Limericks game
I just thought I'd mention; assuming we want the actual Polish pronunciation of £ódŸ (something approaching "wooj"), as a Southerner with Hertfordshire vowels I have all but been locked out of that limerick.
Goodness me... I typed Lodz with a bar on the L and an accent on the z and it went all funny.
woodgy limerick
Well, I've just taken the only rhyme I can think of for "woodge".
If you're struggling, some people like to pronounce my name to rhyme with that. I don't, but then I'm a Southerner too.
Nah, we've just got to work it around to the winter olympics in lines three and four.
Lodz of trouble
Yes, sorry about that, folks. Too late I realised it would be confined to them as resides north o't' 53rd parallel, except for an Underground station, rather awkwardly. There could be a reference to ursine defaecators, stretching a point.
lodz of wind
[Bigsmith] Be glad you're not here now
Wind
[flerdle]Crikey. I visited Mornington briefly on a trip down the peninsula to Arthur's Seat and Cape Schanck. Beautiful part of the world (I was staying with friends in Cheltenham just off Nepean Highway).
OK, so I'm finished stage managing the amateur production and nearly back to normal. I had no Easter to speak of, having spent all of Easter Sunday and Monday saying "No, you don't have time to go out for a smoke". How is everyone then?
great,thanks
Just reaching the slump of the year, when the excitement of new year is over, and warmer weather isn't arriving as fast as I'd like. And the clocks changing forward to BST have done me in... I overselpt this morning :o)
Has anything been heard from Chalky since she called in sick on the AVMA?
Also, [flerdle], I'm glad we missed that...
(flerdle) I see that the train passengers were "forced to evacuate". I think in those circumstances I'd have shit myself without asking.
All out!
[penelope] We still have daylight saving until this weekend, which is stupid because it's so dark in the mornings that the lights go on...

[CdM, Rosie] Indeed.

It was remarkably warm throughout the day, but the light was very strange. I only went out (to the city: frogstar's birthday) when it was mostly over. There are some more details here and some good pictures of the effects of the storm in the photo galleries. I particularly like one of two surfers with a boat in the background. It was all over by evening (apart from the transport disruption, which wasn't too bad in my direction). It's pretty quiet now, but who knows what will happen in 10 minutes.

[flerdle] eep.
[CdM] Yay. Functioning normally again. Thanks for the thought.
[Chalky] Yay! I was getting seriously concerned about you. I figured you had to be very ill to be staying away from here. :-)
...whereas others would express the view one would have to be rather sick to hang around here in the first place...
(Tuj) After looking at uk.sci.weather I come here for intelligence, sanity and humour. Although mostly amateurs they tend to talk about "severe rainfall events" and put their back-garden weather observations into one of the various meterological codes. Thus we see "SHRAGS", which means a shower of rain and hail. It's going to get a lot colder over the weekend so you'd better watch out for them shrags.
Shrags
They sound more like giant hairy beasties that crawl through the countryside at night and pretend to be overgrown boulders by day.
meteorological mayhem
Bloomin' heck. I've got my first free weekend at home for about 6 weeks, and I really should cut the grass - mine is the scruffiest on the entire street at the moment. I was going to do it this weekend. But I'm not doing it if it's snowing.
And in other news, I've joined an organic veg box scheme, and have been very impressed with the contents... except the two heads of swiss chard. Any ideas as to what to do with them?
pen] Two heads are better than one, surely?
[CdM] and [Rosie, Iroulé from AVMA] Gastric flu, dehydration, muscle cramps, hospital, rehydration, home, recovery, still weary but OK.
mucky veg
[pen] Last year, me and several members of our family signed up for a delivery to door organic veg/fruit scheme. Although assured otherwise, we were surprised to discover that the contents weren't grown locally [most came from Wales]. I was also looking forward to the unknown contents element but after three weeks of an occasional amusingly-shaped spud and baggy carrot alongside shedloads of beetroot, I'm afraid we all signed out of it.
easy as pie
[penelope] Treat it like spinach (but don't eat it raw in salads - too much oxalic acid which is not good for you. It's made safe by cooking). It grows really, really well here, being able to cope with the heat much better than English spinach. We call it "silverbeet". You can trim off the white spine, wilt it if you like (pan fry until soft) then cut it up and use it in, say, spinach and feta pie, or triangles. Google for some recipes (an image search might help). To keep it for a couple of days (if it's not already wilted), cut a little off the stem and pop in water (like a bunch of flowers) away from heat. If you want my spinach and feta pie recipe (dinner of champions) drop me a line - my name here at the g mail thingy.
Charred
Swiss Chard makes a pretty tasty soup too in some decent stock, perhaps with crispy streaky bacon lardons sprinkled over the top, or with some stilton melted in.
pretty veg
[Chalks] Oh golly, that sounds dreadful... pleased they took you in and sorted you out - but do keep an eye on it. 8 years ago my M had huge amounts of abdominal surgery for appendicitis leading to peritonitis - which was left for a week because they thought it was food poisoning/stomach upset... we nearly lost her.
Re: veg - Axshully I was impressed - I know some of it isn't local , but a lot of it is (from the South Holland part of South Lincolnshire which is mostly veg-growing land), it's organic, and it looked good - I got purple sprouting broccoli (I'd rather eat this than asparagus any day) and calabrese, some nice-looking potatoes and carrots, onions, and the dreaded swiss chard, which my sister tells me to braise under a piece of spiced pork tenderloin (or budget spareribs in my case as I've just bought the next ticket to the Netherlands in May and my usual airline has pulled out of the route so I have to go with KLM... I get a sandwich and coffee, but it's £40 more.) Anyway... £7 a fortnight is fine, and I need to eat more veg, so I have to plough through it... geddit? veg, plough... ;o)
Jolly mowing weather
(pen) Cut your grass NOW (I'm about to) while it's fine and warm. The weekend looks awful, cold and wet, and it doesn't look much better for several days after that. There could even be snow showers.
Lawns
[Rosie] No time, sadly, unlike you lucky retired ones. Anyway, the wife has me scheduled for charity work this evening and over the weekend - again. Bugger! Anyway, she normally mows the lawns ;o). [Chalks] you have my sympathy, similarly afflicted over Xmas.
[Softers, Rosie] Quite. I'm in the office until 5 and have been since 08.30. I didn't even leave my desk at lunchtime. And if it's cold, the grass won't grow anymore anyway - it doesn't get out of bed for less that 10°C.
When I get home, I'm going to kick back and start weekending, thatnkyouverymuch.
I'm going on HOLIDAY soon! Well, to Britain, to my parents', but I'm looking forward to it. Thank God for congé de printemps - giving us a breather before the exam insanity begins.
Grass-cutting
We've got 0 degrees or lower forecast for 3 of the next 5 nights. I'm not exposing freshly-trimmed lawn to frosts if I can help it.
(pen) You're probably right but the problem is that by the time it's dry enough to cut (a week's time, say) it may well be looking a lot shaggier than just now. (Softers) I trust the phrase "the wife has me scheduled" is not entirely serious. (Phil) The forecasts almost certainly refer to the air temperature at screen level (1.25 metres) but the grass minima (as they are called) are always lower by an amount that depends on the wind speed so I reckon 4 out of 5 is more likely.
cheap mucky veg
[pen] £7 a fortnight sounds good. Mine was £11 a week and there was enough fruit for ONE DAY.
grass procrastination
I've just got a grass-cutting raincheck... unfortunately it also means I can't get the washing dry either. Never mind, it's just nice to be home for a weekend, for a change. And this morning, I am mostly drinking Civet Coffee, or Kopi Luwak, a present from Indonesia.
Chalky] how awful - hope you're recovering and being properly pampered. Are you able to take proper time off to recuperate?
The grass has disappeared under 4 inches of snow but is already reappearing where I've walked on it due to heat from the ground. There'll be a frost tonight, though.
We've had a beautiful day here in south Lincs - cold, but sunny all day. Light frost this morning, but no snow.
Suet crisis
As I make dumpings today for the first time in my life, I can't help but feel that Atora has the suet market pretty much sewn up.
Sewing suet
Two words that go together like "bunch" and "water".
Snow
[Rosie] All we had here was a bit of sleet :O).
(Softers) Today it's all gone except for a little bit of a snowman made by next door's kids.
rab's dumpings
[rab] I think Lactulose might be a good idea if you've just made dumpings for the first time in your life!
Egregious evacuation
(Phil) I missed that. It would have given me an idea for There, there and everywhere but it's too late now. I will drop the matter.
[Rosie] I was surprised that you, Raak and Software hadn't spotted it (or had, but hadn't commented - that would have been more surprising).
Unfunny badgering
Now I'm a press officer for a conservation charity, I don't think badgers are funny. They cause too many awkward questions from the press.
[pen] You weren't implicated in the jam-slapping scandal, were you?
no comment
Badgers
I know from a friend's experience that when driving a Transit Van at 50 mph, a badger up the radiator grill is about as unfunny as it gets.

For the badger, too.
Brock
Badgers are the Holy Cows de nos jours. What's so wonderful about them, great lolloping things? They can be vicious and would make mincemeat of the average dog not that that would bother me.
[Rosie] ...unless it showed up in a pie you were eating, no?
(Tuj) Your are confusing mince with mincemeat, for which there is little excuse.
[Rosie] Not as bad as today's BBC news website (the front page story about the re-introduction of Moose to the Scottish Highlands) and their Science reporter confusing 'ungulates' with 'undulates'. Schoolboy error. I've emailed them about it already...
Oooh, and Polly Toynbee has replied in person to my quick email in praise of her column in this morning's Guardian, hehehehe! :o)
[Rosie] Both go in varying types of pies, no?
I appear to have developed an annoying peech habit, no?
(Tuj) Not to mention a typo habit, yes? It must be a bad day. :-) (pen) Pah! Small beer! I have received a personally-signed apology from none other than Ian Hislop for a very sick crossword clue in Private Eye, even if it did only consist of two words.
[Rosie] Now you must share the clue, so that we may all be properly shocked and outraged.
Cross Word
[Rosie] I find it hard to imagine you as Outraged of South London".
[Rosie] I should have seen that coming really. Ah well. Do carry on ;)
Happenstance or Serendipity?
End of day, ready to go home, I put "stilletto (misspelt) gerundive" into Google, got a single hit and it was you. Hello. Now I feel I have come home: will you have me?
[MD] Only if you're wearing socks.
(Raak) All right. The answer was spittle and clue involved Hawking. Filth is OK, good even, but don't mock the afflicted. The apology said "Point taken" and my guess is there were more than a few of them to be signed by the splendid Hislop, from which one cam infer that he had a word or two in the crossword setter's ear. (Softers) South London!!!??? That's outrageous! I'm in Surrey (just). (Me Dick) Well, personally, I'd rather not but there must be somebody and we are by nature co-operative.
Mouse of correction
For "cam" read "can". One can get awfully obsessed by Caprotti Valve Gear.
[pen] Yes, that was a good column. [All] I think Stilletto (Misspelt) Gerundive is an excellent game idea. Maybe Simons can get working on the rules.
Stilletto (misspelt) Gerundive
Instinctively I feel this would be a good game but what would be its aim? (CdM, pen) Toynbee's piece made a number of good points but by her standards was a bit ranty.
[Rosie] Yes, I see what you mean.
woohoo!
I've just completed my first bit of freelance writing for about 10 years - successs! And sent out the bill too... The lucky client, with a Monday-morning deadline to meet, found me online yesterday afternoon and got me working on a Saturday evening. We did the final edit this morning. Now I'm going to finish the ironing, which doesn't pay half so well.
Did that work?
Here's hoping everything went smoothly.
Hokay...
You may now find it is sometimes possible to go back and edit your last move. Any oddities, let me know. I think I've closed the loophole which would have allowed an infinite number of new games to have been started.
Rigt then
No, I meant this is a test. It works!
ooerr
[pen] Well done!
[Rab] That 'whoops' thingy made me jump when I posted earlier. It reminded me of that vaguely guilty feeling when one sees a policeman. It compelled me to re-read my post just in case I'd said something a bit wrong.
[pennylope] Me haven't done freelance writing since ooh ... way back when ... so much respect :-)
[Chalky] Hmm... I wonder if that's a desirable side-effect or not. I'm sure we'll get used to it!
Test message
Speaking of side-effects...sorry about that.
Get well soon Humph. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7360347.stm
Are there people in the Morningverse that actually know Humph or know people who know him? Could we get some kind of collective "get well soon" card in the form of a print-out of a game? It could be send via the Beeb.
Mystery Crescent - lame duck? This never looked like the server for it. Perhaps it should be culled for a good hard game of Stilletto (misspelt) Gerundive?
[Tuj] Patience my boy, patience :-)
(Kim) I used to know his trombonist and arranger, the late Pete Strange, not that that's exactly a connection, but I think your idea, or something similar, is a good one.
RIP Humph. All will miss you, I'm sure.
Irreplacable. A joybringer. To be missed by so many.
Very sad news. He was a wonderful man.
The Oyster Card of Fate has finally met the ticket barrier of Mornington Crescent.
The Humph tribute ISIHAC they had on the radio today is the only programme (radio or TV) that the cat has yet paid any attention to.
Humph
His obit in the Grauniad was written by none other than the late George Melly though it had been updated. It was less of a eulogy than some of the instant stuff we have read in the last few days but there's no doubt Melly thought well of him.
Humph
I propose to close the current Mystery game (it's trudging along anyway) and create a book of condolence for Humph in its place for all to place memories, anecdotes, comments, thoughts etc. I will also mention it in MCiOS and Orange. I suggest leaving it open until, say, Friday and then I will print it off and send it to John Naismith c/o the BBC. Agreement?
Alternatively,
I could just open an extra slot.
Ooh. Not been in for a while and just discovered the "Whoops!" feature. Lovely. The times I've needed that in the past (then again, the times I've only just noticed a typo/grammo when reading a comment years after the event). Nice one, rab.
Humph
Maybe now would be the time to send Kim's suggested "Get Well Soon" card? :)
Never mind, there's already something on Orange.
[Proj] One word at a time between us? ;)
... as I speak
There's a Humph BBC R4 programme currently being broadcast. Wonder if Rosie has caught it. I expect it will be on Listen Live for some weeks.
As the programme ended they said that there will be another Humph tribute, by the ISIHAC panellists, on May 11.
Afternoonpreferablyevenington Crescent
(Chalky) At 9.25 in the morning? You cannot be serious! I'll have a look on Listen Again.
[Roseee] we-e-ell - naturellement, I am aware [after all these years :-)] of your posting pattern time-wise - but I wasn't sure if you did the listen to Radio4 in bed of a morning - dozy off - listen again a bit - dozy off, etc etc.
Nocturnal transmissions
(Chalky) Nah, it would activate the neurons, as it's meant to, and I'd never get back to sleep. Maybe 24-hr rolling news would be better. Man Injured In Factory Accident In Solihull = Instant slumber. :-)
Radio 4 activates neurons? Shurely some mistake!
longweekendering
Morning all. Beans planted. Laundry done. Lawn not yet cut but first I must make progress on the feature I was supposed to finish on Friday. Hoo-rah for Citrix and being able to work from home, dammit.
Technically not a holiday for me today - but I'm skiving off on account that it's our first wedding anniversary. And what a glorious day it is! We spent the night at a nearby castle, had a slap-up meal and a sit in the sunshine. Unfortunately back at home now as we've both got work to do :(
Aren't people silly
I've just read my AOL news headline which says that the Postal Service is "not delivering".
We've just had new, energy-saving Dyson Blade hand driers installed in the lavs. They SUCK the water off your hands. Quite amazing. I wonder if they'll also dry socks?
The father of in[ter]vention
[pen] Flippin' Dyson - always poking his nose into other peoples' business. I actually like having damp hands when exiting the facilities. I also really enjoy changing the bag on my vacuum cleaner - and gain particular satisfaction from vacuuming in a straight line ;-)
Another thing, Mr Dyson - how are you supposed to flip the nozzle up to zhuzh up your lank, post-office (not Post Office) hair when there ain't no flippin' nozzle?
[pen] I was just talking to my son about the Dyson hand driers a couple of days ago. Ages ago I had the offer of a 30 day trial - wish I'd taken it up, but I never got round to it.
[pen] but, but ... it would SUCK your hair up. Not nice. Zhuzh by hand would be my advice.
The Dyson airblade is based on a very narrow, high-speed jet of air. I'm not sure that it does suck, but it certainly blows...very hard. It definitely collects the water blown off the hands, and atomises said water periodically into the atmosphere.
I HATE hand-driers. What a noisy waste of time, space, energy, everything. If your hands are damp wipe 'em on your bum. That's what it's for. Even if you don't do that they'll be dry in less than a minute especially if you rub 'em together briefly.
The most impressive drier I ever saw was in a bar in Dresden. It was called the 'AirWolf' and my (German) friend remarked that it appeared to be based on Rommel's desert air-conditioning system.
Air Dryers
Conventional hot-air dryers actually work and work quickly in Alberta. Something to do with the altitude, I've been told. After a few dryings your hands are like lizard skin though.
Well that one well-and-truly dried up, didn't it? In other news, I've killed ALL the ants that were invading my kitchen. Mwahahahahaha!
Formica topped
(pen) What about the army waiting outside?
[Rosie] Beautiful subject line. I was trying to think up something similar myself ;)
[Tuj] Hear hear. [Rosie] I pouffed permethrin into all the brickwork outside too.
Ant fever
[pen] Thanks for the tip. I'm a-watching and a-waiting.
All Ants on Dec
(pen) Pouffed? I can just see you. Only a lady could get away with that. Don't forget the boiling water down the cracks in the concrete. (Tuj) Cheers.
[Rosie] If not pouffed then what is the verb for the application of a powder to a surface (or into a crack or hole - oh dear, this just gets worse) by air-propulsion, generated by squeezing a slightly flexible plastic bottle? And I tried the boiling water first too :o(
[Chalks] I bought Homebase's own brand, about £3 - very happy. Ant free.
Powder me nose and other parts, possibly
(pen) Yeah, OK, pouffed. But it does make me giggle.
[Rosie] You're not supposed to get it on your skin, so wash those affected parts immediately - you know, the ones that are making you giggle. ;o)
Ant Powder
[pen/Rosie] My family has always used the verb "to foof" (or possibly "fouffe" - the spelling has never been established) for what you do to get ant powder out of the bottle. In fact, the verb often gets repeated to become "I'm just going to foofoofoof that ant-hole."
Fizz ant
Possibly cruel, but quite entertaining is pouring bicarbonate of soda solution down the ants' nest - the whole thing fizzes quite satisfyingly and the poor wee ants themselves sometimes exhibit a certain anal effervescence too.
I have emerged, bloody, bruised but alive, from the end of term marking. How are we all?
Same as ever, ta. Do you have a clubcard?
Ants
There was a bloke on TV the other day who pours molten Aluminium down ant's nests. When it all cools down he digs it up and it looks really neat. A three-dee map of the nest. It also solves the ant problem in no small way. Like the powder, it isn't good for your skin.
Ally castings
(SM) I wonder. The ant's nest would have to be very dry or there'd be an explosion of steam, hot metal and pyrolysed ants. Not nice. Where does he get the aluminium from? He could melt down old saucepans, I suppose, but molten aluminimum is hot, 660°C plus, incipient red heat.
[Tuj] No. As a proud shopper at Auchan, though, I have a "Waaouh" card. Because the savings make me say "Waaouh!". Obviously. Yes.
Price floozies
Our local supermarket advertises something it calls a 'Price Commitment'. Since these signs disappear as soon as the so-promoted product increases in price, one has to wonder to what extent this counts as a commitment.
Changing topic...
[rab] With the "Whoops!" button, could one undo a winning move? More pertinantly, could one test several options until finding the winning move, if unknown?
[Tuj] (i) Yes and no. (ii) I think so, but would it really matter?
[rab] Yes and no, eh? There's cards close to the chest. I'm too timid to go test it ;)
And regarding the second, in theory, with patience, one could knock off the likes of Mystery Crescent single-handedly.
Yes, but you could do the same thing, albeit more publicly, without the Whoops feature. If anyone ever suspects foul play I can always look at the logs.
I've just acquired a niece - what's the appropriate Unclely response? (Other than a brief note of congratulation).
[rab] No idea!
[rab] Go make a visit, if plausible, and be friendly towards. No point in sending gifts at present (lol) as too young to appreciate them.
[rab] A congratulations card. If you want to send a present, something for the parents to enjoy, rather than for the child, is better received in my experience. As Projoy says, the sprog is too young to appreciate anything, and it's the parents who will be feeling more in need of TLC, and perhaps a little neglected.
(should you doubt my credentials to offer advice, btw, I speak as one who was en-neiced earlier this year).
Visit no-go; parents live in New Zealand. Point taken vis a vis gift for them.
Family expansion
(rab) Can't remember; my nieces were born in 1974 and 1976. It's about time, therefore, that I became a great-uncle and if I were to I'd have a natter on the phone and send a nice card. I wouldn't visit - they'd have enough to do without me getting in the way.
rab] I became en-great-neiced last year, and while I agree with everyone about a pressie being unnecessary at this stage, gift vouchers were much appreciated. I gave Mothercare, and one possible NZ equivalent would be this lot www.babyfactory.co.nz/giftvouchers.html , assuming the parents live near enough to a store.
[rab] Send a cheque in the name of the new niece, which obliges the parents to open a bank account in her name, which you can then add to for each birthday/xmas, therefore saving yourself time and effort in shopping for presents. Saying that, I've just bought my godson (about to turn 13, mountain-biking, farm-dwelling, paper-round-operating) a set of Super-Duper bike lights (well, as Super-Duper as Asda will allow) and a speedometer for his birthday next week. On the other hand, my 3-year old nephew always gets cheques, and a freebie CD or DVD from the newspapers that I have to ready daily at work.
[rab] Also no idea, as I have no nieces. But something for the parents seems like a capital idea.
When my niece was born my wife and I bought things for the baby aged 6-12 months; the parent received so much newborn baby stuff they were rather grateful for things that wouldn't be useless in a few months time. I would suggest Baby Gap, as they contain really nice things that are a bit too expensive for parents to justify, but perfect for an uncle/aunt to get!

Or alternatively, the Hotel Chocolat New Baby Discovery Box, which is what we'll be getting for my sister who is due to have her second child in the next week...
Thanks for your suggestion. We've emailed the proud parents with an offer of a sum of money in the form of gifts for baby, gifts for them, or invested into some kind of dullness fund. They'll let us know when mother and daughter come home from hospital.

In other news, we had the degree exam board meeting this morning and results are now posted. Most of the fun of the latter is now removed by exam numbers, rather than names, being posted.

[rab] Well that's no fun at all. I remember clearly the thrill of going to the department, reading my name, and then hearing someone hoot "LOOK WHO GOT A THIRD!"
Laughing stock
[nights] I didn't even have to go to the department - results for all subjects were posted outside on the walls of Senate House in Cambridge for all to see...
[Chalky] Could you drop me an email when you have a moment? [andrewdotjohn@ayadotyaledotedu] I can't seem to put my hands on your email address. Thanks.
[CdM] 'tis done
Aluminium Ant Nest Casting
This took me about a minute to find. There is a lot more about this on the web.
This weekend I am mostly....
learning about ancient woodland in Cheltenham, on a two-day course. Part work, part pleasure. See you Monday, thickets ;o)
Banter for its own sake
Beautiful June afternoon. Heavy sinister-looking cloud, gusty northerly wind, spots of rain, almost dark enough to need the light on, temperature 11°C. This reminds me, as did last summer, of some of the dreadful summers of the 50's. As I write this it's got lighter so no thunder. Not yet.
This weekend I will be mostly...
gardening. Finally, a weekend at home - the first one for a month!
Stormy Weather
[Rosie] It's them left-handed storms of which you must be more careful. Hopefully it turned out to be just a right-handed jobby.
[penelope] You made your new nest and have to accept the consequences. I feel no sorrow for your predicament as I have chosen to work from home. Tee hee!
I bought a bicycle yesterday, so I plan to spend some time on that this weekend. Also, I'm going to see Tim Vine at Leicester's Y Theatre.
[Phil] I saw his show 'Current Puns' a couple of years ago at the Fringe. It was good. Most memorable pun:
Hidden textI had a friend whose ambition was to be run over by a steam train. When he was, he was chuffed to bits.
I'm minded to see this one too, even if it looks like it might be somewhat similar.
bicycling coincidences
[Phil] Funnily enough, the windy miller and I were perusing the online shops last night for a new omafiets for me so we can go cycling together on our matching steeds. I think it's a birthday present.
re cycling
[pen] " ... extra-tough for decades of comfortable, reliable daily service." LOL :-D
From €680? I'd want an engine too for that price! :-)
le météo
Weird at the moment. Huge storm last night, chilly yet sweaty today. Trams full of people. Nights not happy.
turns the volume right down to '0'
It's a bit quiet in here this week! Today I am mostly writing a press release, and this weekend I will mostly be listening to my mum singing in a 'Music for a MidSummer Night' choral concert in Lincoln. And planting more beans.
Home, where's that?
Mrs INJ and I will be spending a weekend at home for the first time since the middle of May. A bit of gardening is on the cards, but I will be helping out at the Derbyshire Schools Orienteering Championships on Saturday and maybe competing in an event on Sunday.
Half a silly van
I'm doing some G&S this weekend, but without the G.
Chinese Earring
[ImNotJohn] I wonder it's still called "orienteering" and hasn't made the jump to "orientationeering" in the twenty five years since I did any.
I miss the old OS maps. I stopped using them about the time they completed the old red-cover One Inch To One Mile series and began redoing the job in pink-cover 1:50 000 metric maps (talk about make-work in government!). They must have done all of the UK in metric by now I would think.
As a teen I salivated over the prospect of a complete collection of OS maps. I think I have six.
I've often wished for the same types of maps with the same degree of coverage in the places I've lived since leaving the UK, but other countries missed that particular boat and are unlikely to go that route now we have "better" GPS systems. It was one of the nastier shocks to find that other western countries didn't have super-accurate maps for the asking. I had to use boat charts and forestry "blueprint" jobs for the most part. Joni Mitchell had it right.
for ImNotJohn
Incidentally, it took me about five attempts to type your screen name without automatically inserting spaces (I tried Im Not John, ImNot John, Im NotJohn, then did some of them again before I got my brain to do it right). I've never had that happen before. Did you design for that effect?
Something for the weekend
I'm doing the world premiere of "What happened here - a retelling of Lear" tonite, and the second and final-for-us-but-hopefully-not-for-the-author show tomorrow nite. Sunday is a rest day :oD First Sunday without either rehearsal or show since nehwwonktnodi...
[Sierra Mike] I answer to INJ mostly. In fact elsewhere I tend to be just NotJohn - Im not sure why I've got the 'Im' in the Morniverse.
I'm also a bit of a cartophile - I've got 2 shelves devoted to them at the moment. I have a version of the StevieruleTM which goes 'No Map no Trip'.
OS maps now cover the whole of the UK at 1:25000 and are so much clearer than the 1:50000, which I use mostly for cycling. I still love the 1 inch tourist maps with the colouring & hachuring but you can't beat the large scale for navigating in mist/cloud. Also you get spoilt by the quality of orienteering maps 1:10000 or 1:15000 using specialised software, where you can navigate to the nearest 10 metres.
1:25000 maps
[S M & INJ] These come in an attractive orange cover, far nicer than the 1:50000s' lurid pink.
TQ 3516 5955
I have inherited dozens of OS maps from my cartophilic Dad, mostly 6th Edition but some older than that (pre-war). The expansion of some towns is phenomenal. Crawley, for example, was a compact place with a station and a high street but is now a vast, amorphous sprawl. The new 1:50,000 and 1:25,000 maps are more accurate and detailed than their older counterparts, particularly in regard of contours. There are sad (old meaning) bits such as "Course of old railway" and "Mines (disused)" (Yeah, so's mine). Even though the OS Grid has always been metric I'll never get used to heights in metres. My house is at 557 ft, not 169 metres, so I claim the title of Highest-living Morniverser.
[Non-mappies look away NOW] The OS Grid is a Transverse Mercator projection, prime meridian 2°W, based on a model of the Earth developed by Sir George Airy over 100 years ago. It's a tiny bit different from modern values both in size and degree of flattening. There is a scale reduction of 0.04%, presumably to allow for the expansion of the scale in the projection away from the prime meridian.
ST 6370 7585
[Rosie] I cannot claim such a lofty domicile, but two minutes' drive gently uphill takes me to this point, Cossham Hospital, the highest point in Bristol at 369 feet (112 meters). On a clear day the views over the city, the Severn Valley, Forest of Dean and even the Brecons are excellent. Oh, and thanks for the techie stuff!
[ImNotJohn & Bigsmith] Blimey. We used to use the old red cover jobs when I was doing it, though admitedly I was less than serious about orienteering and probably just ran with an amateur crowd. I had no idea there was a 1:25 000 series of maps available commercially. Do they cover the entire UK? The only 1:50 000 OS map I can reliably put my hand on today would be "Land's End and The Lizard", and I can't for the life of me remember why I bought that one. I used a couple of Welsh ones until they fell apart but Land's End? When did I go there? It has some touristy annotations on it, like scenic photography overlooks and so forth, which my Welsh ones didn't. I suspect it was a detail added halfway through the print run or something.
[Rosie] That's a nice legacy you have. I didn't remember that the 1 Inch to 1 Mile series had a metric grid. I do remember that we were taught to read an OS map in Geography class when I was around 11 or 12. That's when I fell in love with the things.
[Sierra Mike] Have a look here for the answer to your question.
[SM] It's the wonder of satellite technology. Effectively the whole country has been remapped (at least as far as contours are concerned) in a matter of a couple of years whereas before there was a large team of cartographers doing physical surveys. This has got rid of some of the more obvious mistakes that used to exist, although there are still paths shown going over cliff edges in a couple of places that I know.
For orienteering we normally start with a base plot (usually from the OS) with contour intervals down to 2.5 metres where appropriate (5m for very steep ground). There is then a specialised package (OCAD - there were others but this has come out on top) which has all the correct colours and symbols built in and you can build the map from that. There is still a need for fieldwork, but the whole thing is much slicker and maps get changed up to about 2 weeks before an event. Also with cheap high-quality printing most events now have the courses pre-printed - no need to copy from a master, and you can even run off more copies while the event is taking place if you get more than expected on one course. With electronic punching you get a print-out of your final and split times as soon as you finish and results from an event are on the web the same day. Up to about 10 years ago you left an SAE at the event and got the results about 1-2 weeks later.
More map stuff
For mountain walking I like Harvey Maps. They are at 1:40000, often photo-enlarged to 1:25000. They aren't as good in farmland as they don't show field boundaries, but they do show what is actually on the ground - there are different symbols for a right of way which is visible and one which is not visible as well as another for a visible path which is not a r.o.w.. They also change the colour of the contours to show rocky or marshy ground.
yes, I can't sleep
This weekend I will continue recovering.
I like maps but do not own many (only one proper map, really), mainly because we don't have much landscape over here. Or perhaps we have far too much of it. In any case, [INJ] I feel remarkably uneasy when I am in an unfamiliar place without a map, and I really need to know where North is. Changing hemispheres is very disturbing. I came very close to mapping our parts of Oman, at least as far as roads and such things go, because they (maps) either did not exist or were wildly inaccurate. But the cost of GPSrs was too high. I now have a nifty little one, and have been enjoying the occasional geocache, thanks to my sister and brother-in-law's introduction. It definitely helps break up long drives, and is a fun way to explore new places. I haven't done orienteering in at least 20 years.
Paths Off Cliffs
[ImNotJohn] For years I lived in a street that the local "A-Z" type guide showed as having a cross street where there wasn't so much as a kerbstone. When this error survived two reprintings I got clued in. By pure chance I was living next door to a copyright protection scheme. The map publisher had put in a fake street so that they could easily catch competitors who saved the cost of a survey just by copying their maps. I've learned since then that an awful lot of this sort of thing goes on. Dictionaries, thesauri (?) and encyclopediae (??) have fake entries in them to snare copyright infringers. The original pubishers work on the theory that you'd be unlikely to actually read the articles/entries since you can't get to them in any day-to-day use of the dictionary/thesarus/encyclopedia but only by reading through them serially.

I have to admit, sending someone off a cliff seems a bit much though. I hope this gets fixed in GPS sets since judging from recent news items some GPSers are a bit too slavish when it comes to following the directions their boxes give them and I wouldn't be surprised to read of someone stepping out into empty space.

[Bigsmith] Thanks for the map info.
1:25 000
Now nothing will suffice but that I order a 1:25 000 map of Land's end and The Lizard.
MapsspaM
I have a couple of 1:25000 maps covering my area of residence. A month or so ago I dug out one of them in order to scan part of it and send the resultant image to a cyber-acquaintance. I doubt that I had referred to this publication within the last three or four years. I also forgot to put it back in stowage that evening. The following afternoon my wife came home and plonked down before me a new copy of the very same map. Having given her a puzzled look she explained that the previous evening she had looked for the 'missing' map and, not finding it, thought it best to buy a new one.
midsummary
Hmmph. Raining and cool. The sweetpeas need it.
Paths to oblivion
(INJ) It could be a clifftop path that has disappeared due to coastal erosion if you're anywhere near the east coast.
(Bigsmith) So, Fishponds, Bristol, then. I had heard of it, for some reason, probably to do with the railway, which I see has been ripped up.
Bristols
Hmm, talking of Bristol, I'm going there for the first time shortly - any recommendations for good places to take a 3 year old and 5 month old? We've got the zoo on our (short) list already...
Cliff Paths
I wasn't clear enough. In both the cases I know of the path exists, but the line has been 'smoothed' to an easy curve and so doesn't avoid the feature whereas, on the ground, there is a deviation to miss it.
[SM] Yes, the false street is indeed a standard copyright protection measure.
[Rosie] You may hold the highest living Morniverser right now, but if so I probably held the title for a couple of years when we had a 10th floor apartment here in Singapore. Now we are back at sea level.
higher, higher
Without having any idea of where everyone lives, I think that Dujon might be the loftiest Morniverser, since he lives on a mountain outside Sydney. The first Antipopilg in 2003 was at Blaxland, (1404 feet, or 427 metres) and I don't think he'd be much lower than that (if not higher up).
up and up
I was kidding about the apartment in Singapore, obviously, but I was living at 265m back in 2003-2004 when we were in Texas. In my pre-Morniverse days I lived at 188m in VIrginia and at about 280m in Ann Arbor Michigan. None of these surpasses Dujon. If I can go back to my childhood, though, I lived for a year at 946m, and INJ was at university at 1250m around the same time.
(I think there is a pretty good chance that INJ is also the person here who has been up the highest (while still staying on the ground) though I might be wrong about that.)
The roof of the world
flerdle) It may well be Dujon, then, for current residence. My feet-on-the-ground record is El Teide in Tenerife, 3717 m or 12,196 ft. The air pressure there is about 64% of sea-level pressure and you noticed it. Quite a lot of puffing and blowing climbing the few hundred feet from the cable car to the summit. Water would boil at 88°C, just about enough to thicken gravy but not enough for a decent cuppa.
I spent most of my first couple of decades at around 1000ft. It didn't seem very high at the time, probably because it isn't.
I lived for a year at about 420m on the Swiss/French border. It didn't feel at all high, because everything around was so much higher, namely the Jura mountains to the west, and the Alps etc to the south-east.
[Rosie] When I typed that about INJ I was vaguely thinking "we already had this conversation not so long ago", and your Tenerife posting reminds me that indeed we did.
Senior moment
(CdM) Probably my fault, then, because stuck on my bedroom wall is a b & w 1978 photo of me and half a dozen other herberts and several herbertesses, all from Croydon Astronomical Society, as we crowd round the summit marker. Where has INJ been? I think I've probably got the record for current UK residents. The modest height does make a difference in that snow, on the rare occasions that it falls, lasts much longer up here than in London and numerous occasions when there's light drizzle and mist whereas London is dry. Some of this is the London Heat-Island effect which on a warm calm summer night can be quite stark, with temperature differences of 8°C.
Walking tall
[flerdle] Thanks for adding a few inches to my height. I am at a mere 250 metres (depending on where on my little plot of paradise you stand) which is around and about 850 feet asl. As it is now approaching, if not past, the noon time I might pop down to my local club for a wee bit of luncheon delight, which should bring me home quite heady. Cheers.
[Dujon] You still win ;-) .
elevated positions
At the risk of blowing my own trumpet (but, hell, I am proud of it), my highest point is the summit of Mera Peak in the Himalaya at 6476 metres (21,247 ft). I now live at about 40m asl.
[Rosie] No, my fault, not yours. I just remembered because my highest is almost identical to yours, but in a completely different part of the world (Colorado Rockies).
(INJ) I'm impressed. Did you need oxygen? It's not warm up there either, is it? (Guess -15°C, if summer, plus a "breeze").
Just a trifle nippy
[Rosie] - No oxygen. I was slowed down by the lack of it, but not reduced to gasping. The main effect was that I lost my appetite completely. I was there in March-April, so pre-monsoon. Overnight it was regularly down to about -20°C. During the day there was a lot of bright sunshine, but I reckon the shade temperature didn't get above freezing; it was fleece jacket, thick gloves & balaclava even when working quite hard and down clothing as soon as the sun set.
Mera is the highest 'trekking peak' in the Himalaya, anything over 6500m is a 'climbing peak' even if there is no technical difficulty. However Aconcagua is higher and presents no technical difficulties and is only about 20km from a good motor road. It's probably the ultimate challenge for the non-climber.
(INJ) I'm further impressed. The pressure up there is about 42% of sea level pressure. Apparently the lack of oxygen causes considerable problems with cognitive tasks but as I imagine you weren't writing up a PhD up there it probably didn't matter. Well done! I could manage Leith Hill (965 ft) these days but probably not Snowdon (3561 ft) even if I called it Yr Wyddfa.
[Rosie] Acclimatisation helps a lot. We flew in to about 2400m and then walked in for about 10 days, mostly on the ‘walk high, sleep low’ principle, which got us to a camp at about 5300. We then did a short day up to 5800 and then a push to the top. I reckon the last 700m would have taken me a bit over 2 hours from sea level (I was fitter then), and actually took between 4 & 5 hours. We then dropped about 1500m, to below the previous 2 camps. As for cognitive impairment – I ‘lost’ a good part of the next day. I couldn’t remember much of it only a day or two later and have never been able to, even prompted by photos. Another interesting effect was that my tent companion went into a pattern of Cheyne-Stoking while asleep – disturbing when you first hear it, but common at altitude. Of course, one of the effects of the cold and low pressure is that the air is extremely dry – it was hard to drink enough, especially as water bottles exposed to the air froze. It’s the physically hardest thing I’ve ever done and I certainly couldn't do it now.
Result!
The good news is that we've discovered the cat is a mouser (one of the reasons for getting her). The bad news is finding this out obviously entailed a renewed incursion. We look forward to being woken up by her dropping half-dead mice on our faces and being shown how to kill them. Will need to look at the bait trays over the weekend to see where its been taken. Sometime over the next few weeks we're getting our floors repaired which should seal up some of the holes at least.
Revisiting the bait sites I discover the trays in the kitchen are untouched, which is good news, but the one I put under the sink cabinet in the bathroom had disappeared! I have an image of a family of mice living in a red tray marked 'Poison' somewhere down there...
[Rab] I've seen that Tom & Jerry episode...
A week with nothing to say? Yikes!
Perhaps we need a couple of new games, as we've not had any in 8 months (ignoring Mystery Crescent, restarted after running out of steam. Well gosh, it's run out of steam again!)
Mystery Crescent
I'll kill it off if no-one can be bothered to play (and if I can remember the winning move - I don't think I wrote it down anywhere).
I think Tuj is right. This is a great mc site, but we have perhaps let it get a bit stagnant. My vote is for keeping AVMA, since it is almost a defining game of this server, but some of the other games could be given a breather. And with that in mind, I've killed the clerihew game.
imho, pretty much any of the other games could be rested.
[Kim] I think that may be the case - it's suffered from not being quite the right game for the pace of the server.
Meanwhile, could Film Club be due a more meritorious retirement? The thing is, now we need to have some suggestions for new games to spruce up the place!
I know I've not been here much recently, but perhaps Film Club could be retired in favour of a Book Club? Or if anyone was wanting to pretend to be youthful again, how about a video games club? It might test people's Google skills if nothing else!
Of course, at this time of year, Dunx's annual Festival of Crescent means that attention is necessarily (albeit temporarily) diverted elsewhere. But I'm always in favour of a cull.
You know you're getting old when....
[rab] .....two things happen. The first is - you can't remember the winning move of a game that you created and the second is, errrr...., oh yes, you have to ask for help in killing it.
[Kim] Think Richard O'Sullivan.
[Rab] None the wiser. I kept thinking of Gilbert O'Sullivan and it put me off.
Right, er, Chatsworth, or Lanhydrock maybe.
New game idea/request
Can we have a banter game of some kind?
Well, I wouldn't contribute to it.
Oh dear
Having instigated this, I feel responsible - and I certainly don't want blood on my hands if the game slots vanish entirely again =(
However, I've not really got any ideas. Except, well... I've seen an online game called NationStates where one runs a country via its inner workings. So I wondered if perhaps we could invent the continent of Morningtonia, each stake a claim to some land and then see how our national/international diplomacy skills are... and hope that the answer to the question "When does the game end?" isn't necessarily "NUCLEAR WAR!"
On second thoughts:
... I'd like to suggest a game called "Lead Balloon".
New game idea
Cat chess? This rules variant is slightly different from the last one I saw, but looks promising.
[Tuj] A game of Morningtonian Government sounds like fun to me.
New Games
I like both ideas that don't involve cat chess. I don't understand how Cat Chess would work. Bantering would be my vote if it is an ether/ore choice.
New Games
Have you noticed that there isn't a single game of "Mornington Crescent" in play on this server. Why don't we start one of those?
How do you play that then, Kim?
Blasphemy, apostasy, iconoclasm etc.
I dont' think MC itself works very well here. It really has to be played live so that the players can display all the mock-gravity and in-depth knowledge of arcane rules that this involves. It's a performance, really, and needs rather good actors.
Then maybe a game of 'Dress Rehearsal Mornington Crescent' will show what sheer hard work has to go into putting on a slick performance in the Game itself? I'm thinking this might give us an insight into the director's final, fraught instructions, the referee's frantic consultations with the rule book(s) and the performers' last-minute nerves showing through.
and then
Game slot still available, of the suggestions go along with pen.
Dusted the cob webs off the BBQ over the weekend. My only quibble was the sausages, those from the local butcher cooked a treat but the Walls sausages almost went up in flames they were spitting so much fat.
[Rosie] A lot of the games are like that -- improv theatre, really. Take a look at the yorkives link on the front page here and contemplate the glories of the past, when MC was the main game played.
Talking of which. Is this someone we know?
Ah, just seen it's CANCELLED - but I guess the question still stands...
(rab) Do you really need to ask that?
[rab] Yep, that's us. All things considered, just as well we cancelled (a couple of months back) as only one song is yet complete, and we keep going back to the synopsis and tweaking. Should show up next year in the form of a reading or full production, hopefully. We're devoting tomorrow to completing a 10 minute extract which will be done this year at Theatre 503 in London, then podcast as an audio-format musical.
Good luck. If you do ever come up to Edinburgh be sure to drop me a line so we can catch up over an IPA or something.
[rab] Coincidentally, I'll be teaching a course on the IPA next semester.
[rab, Néa] aɪd lʌv ə bɪə
Projoy's post
What do all the little squares mean?
(rab, Néa) Isopropyl alcohol is not good for you.
squarelets
[SM] They mean your browser isn't rendering International Phonetic Alphabet symbols
[Rosie] Any chance you can get the rain to stop? It's started leaking into our flat. Roofers have been called but they're a bit busy today.
Rain
(rab) Edinburgh, yes? It'll gradually peter out but Saturday afternoon brings another dollop. Hope you can get it done before then. This used to happen at work rather a lot so we set up an indoor raingauge network.
More rain
(rab) It was wet day even for Scotland with 40 mm in parts of Edinburgh, according to this. Edinburgh's mean annual rainfall is actually considerably less than mine in the dripping wet Surrey uplands. (680 mm vs 815 mm)
I suppose if you get 6% (21 days' worth) of your annual average rainfall on one day you can expect problems. Two surprising things about Edinburgh -it's further west than you think (more so than Bristol) and not as wet as you think. Paisley (just to the west of Glasgow) has twice as much rain as Edinburgh.
[Rosie] Rest assured, the men are up there now tying the chimney down. It needs to resurfaced or something, which means we need to get somewhere between 7 and 10 neighbours to contribute to the costs. Oh what fun!
(rab) What fun indeed! Glad it's never happened to me (yet). More rain Saturday but fairly routine stuff.
it is a-raining not in Tokyo
It has been pissing down (scientific term) here in Brussels for as long as memory serves. I drove the new Alfa to Cologne on Friday and visibility in the rain was worse than in a carwash. Don't you just love summer in Northern Europe?
Niederschlage
(ISP) The official term is AFPD. Take heart; this is a bad summer by most standards and least it's better than winter.
Smug
It has been a lot better over here than up north this summer. We have avoided rain for the most part (apart from 72mm in 4 hours the Sunday before last). It's looking a bit iffy for the rest of the week, though.
Deperately trying to think of something other than the weather to talk about
Does anyone here like cold tea? I do.
Cold tea
Yes, especially with ice and a slice of lemon or a sprig of mint.
Iced tea, yes. Hot tea gone cold: URHGURHUGHHUHYYEEAEAUURK.
I generally don't drink tea, but regularly drink hot coffee gone cold, and occasionally iced coffee. I hasten to add that if I had milk in my coffee, I would, in all probability, drink it neither iced nor gone-cold.
(Softers, Graham III) No, I meant tea gone cold. Great! Coffee gone cold is just as good. I make a virtue of necessity because having brewed it I get on with doing something and forget about the drink.
Cold tea
Well, I drink tea and coffee without milk anyway.
Once I have made myself a cup of tea, I'll drink it all, even if it has gone cold. Coffee less so. I love iced tea, and iced coffee, and make both at home in the summer. If I'm at home, I put milk in tea and coffee. If I'm in Holland, I'll drink them without milk.
Milk
Milk! Foul substance that from bovine teats expressed
For infant calves, man steals for ends perverse
Drinking that infant nourishment, whose end
Ends crated in the dark before the knife
Cuts short -- but to pick up the thread again --
Vile stuff for human stomach never meant
That rots i' the open air in scant three days
Else churned to yellow grease; or rotted more
With fungus mingled in ten thousand ways
Until it stinks like to the arse of Hades
   -- contd. p. 94
Re: Milk
Yeah, what Raak said!
What, no cheese?
Panna cotta, custard, Yorkshire puddings, macaroni cheese, icecream, buttered toast, cappucino, parsley sauce... [Phil, Raak] I don't believe you.
[pen] I was with you all the way until you mentioned parsley sauce, whereupon Raak suddenly started to make more sense.
[CdM] OK. Switch that to 'peppercorn sauce' for your rib-eye steak.
[pen] Well, I don't like milk, custard, panna cotta or cappucino; but the others are nice.
Lait, leche, llaeth etc
(Phil) What do you put on your cornflakes/shredded wheat/weetabix? Not syrup, I hope.
[Rosie] As a result, I very rarely eat breakfast cereals. If I do, the milk needs to be as fresh and cold as possible.
[Rosie] I put canned fruit on my muesli. If I ate porridge, which I don't, I'd make it with water.
Dairy products
I stopped taking milk in tea and coffee as a result of trying to reduce my cholesterol count. I like milk and cheese and all the things pen listed, so tea and coffee without milk keeps the intake down without too much pain.
Anyone who was a child in the late '40's will have had it drummed into them the milk was a Good Thing (free at school, off the ration) and as far as I'm concerned it still is, within limits. Nothing could beat slurping the cream off the top of the bottle, and still can't. Fortunately, at the moment I don't have a cat, which would obviously have first shout.
Showing my age
Free school milk nearly put me off milk for life. In summer it was stacked in the playground in the sun for a couple of hours before we got it, so it was always warm and slightly off.
I now only drink skimmed when I have a choice - full cream just tastes greasy to me. However I still eat too much cheese and use plenty of whole milk & cream in cooking.
I went off milk somewhere between 14 and 18, I reckon. I used to drink loads of it before then. The thought of the cream off the top of the bottle makes me feel queasy these days. Oh, and please don't even mention the "straight from the cow" option - yuk!
We have a cat but he doesn't like milk, or cheese, strangely. First cat I've known not to like either or both. We had school milk in the 50s, in 1/3 pint bottles, and a choice of orange juice (which I preferred) and then Jersey milk was very creamy (it's not now due to over processing). I can remember the milkman delivering the milk in churns and filling up a jug my mother used to leave on the doorstep. I think they introduced bottles in about 1956. Then bottles were replaced by humbug shaped Tetra Paks in about 1967.
(Software) Cats shouldn't have milk too often but binge-licking every now and again won't do any harm. Cats are also useful for hoovering up bits of chicken off the floor.
[Rosie] There is nothing useful a cat can do that a labrador and a mousetrap can't.
[Phil] Possibly true, but with a cat you don't have to keep careful track of which one you are petting.
[Rosie] Our cat won't eat cooked chicken either. [CdM} Another advantage of cats is that they don't need to be exercised or groomed regularly.
Ours occasionally comes along and licks the milk at the bottom of our muesli bowls. And she's much better at dealing with the mice than the traps. She also spends a lot of time sitting on the internet, acting as some kind of firewall I think.
[Rosie] True. But Phil might point out that the same is true of mousetraps.
We've recently discovered that there are at least two other cats in the building, which could be why we saw a flurry of mouse activity before we got ours.
I have just discovered that our cat likes icecream. As regards chasing mice he is a pacifist. The other day he was seen lying in our garden with a dormouse nibbling a fallen apple about 30cm from his nose.
My cat presented me with a very much alive and wriggling mouse yesterday. It was a great big ferocious critter, probably weighing well over a quarter of an ounce.
moustory
[Simons] And then? What happened next?
Well, I managed to catch it, then popped it in a cardboard box for an hour or so to give it a chance to calm down, then let it go, ready for the cat to catch at some other time.
(SM) The cat is turning into an angler, then?
random, catless
*complains about the cold*
Frigidity
(flerdle) Me too. It's a lousy August here. The temperature is staying mostly below 20 and my home-made sundial is getting very little exercise.
[Rosie] Your sundial doesn't enable you to dial up any sun?
Springy steps
As August fades into the past the promise of a new season is enticing my olfactory senses from their hibernation. A pleasant hour and a half of practice at my local bowling club (after which I was accepted as a member of the Hat-Wearing-Volvo-Driving Geriatric Club) combined with a beautiful and warm day (maximum 18.9ºC) has contrived an atmosphere of peace and tranquillity within the castle known as 'Dujon's Folly'. Oh, happy days.
Dial-up radiaton
(pen) Fat chance. I spent a long time getting all the geometry right (it's on a wall) but little chance of testing it. People on the weather newsgroup with actual sun-measuring equipment say that it the dullest August for a long time and scarcely better than January. That's when they're not hurling miss-spelt abuse at each other and generally acting like ****s, ****s and ****s, even. What gets into people? This is a haven of well-mannered sanity.
Putting a spell on you
[Rosie] Can I assume you misspelled misspell on purpose?
What do we think about that university lecturer's suggestion that the 20 most common spelling mistakes should be accepted as variant spellings? (For examples and the lecturer's argument, see article on Times Higher Education website.)
(Knobbly) Did you mean the "miss" or the "spelt"? The latter is an approved form in my C.O.D. 1964. Maybe the "miss" ought to have only one "s". As to the university lecturer, he is either playing Devil's Advocate, a posh way of saying "taking the piss", or is pretty comprehensively ignorant of language. His ideas have been well rebutted in the replies on the site. I see he's a professor of criminology. I'd lock him up and throw the key away. Know what I mean, guv?
(Rosie) Yes, I meant the "miss". One s from the prefix mis- and the other which was already on the beginning of the verb.
Meteorological irony
The air above about 3000 feet the last few days is very warm and dry and if the cloud disappeared the temperature would shoot up rapidly to about 28°C. But the lower layer of air is cool and moist and cloud can't penetrate the warm air, being cooler and therefore denser. So if the upper air were cooler there'd be some chance of the cloud being carried upwards and evaporating and we'd have a warm, sunny day. Maybe not 28°C but at least 23°C. BTW the sudden rise of temperature as you go up above about 3000 feet (in this case) is called an inversion and is a common feature. In Siberia in winter it can be as much as 25 degC warmer aloft than at the surface, say -20° compared with -45°.
Bah!
I'm working from home on a Saturday, trying to get stuff done before going on holiday for two weeks in a fortnight's time. But it's an opportunity to go through my CD collection one-by-one as I work. I hadn't unpacked them since I moved here almost a year ago. Right now: CD 3 of the complete collection of Vaughan Williams symphonies.
Blah!
I turned 50 while on holiday last week. I find it oddly liberating. Can anyone tell me why this is?
[Kim] It's because you know that your next birthday won't be your sixtieth :0(.
[Kim] Because you have realised that, despite the trepidation and build-up, you don't actually feel any different?
I ended up working most of Sunday too. And it rained. What a write-off of a weekend. Never mind. All of this will soon be over.
*complains about the cold. Again.*
Happy Birthday, Kim. 50 isn't that old. Not a lot you can do about it, anyway, other than walk in front of a bus beforehand (too late now).
Silver surfers
(Software) Neither will mine.
Shameless self-promotion, cross-posted at other sites
There's another beer and music festival this weekend at philspub
Re: trumpet blowing
Love to come, but ...
Since it has been so quiet here for so long, may I just say, a propos of nothing except general boasting, that I have just scored 227 in a single scrabble move? Thank you.
[CdM] Wow! How?
(CdM) Is that possible? 227 is a prime number and I thought scores were always multiplied by various factors rather than added. Apart from that, v good.
[Rosie] Presumably it was 59 tripled plus the bonus 50 for using all 7 letter from the rack.
I thought you'd never ask
[Phil, Rosie] The word was EQUISETA, played across two triple word scores on an existing Q, and also making the words ET and SWING. The letters in EQUISETA have a total value of 18 (including the double letter score on the I), which when twice tripled gives 162. ET contributed another 6 points (because it was also on a triple word), and SWING contributed another 9. That plus the 50 point bonus gives 227. (Note, by the way, that the tiles in my hand were worth a grand total of 7 points.)

It was a very high scoring game: my opponent got 417 points and still lost by over 100.
I think CdM has stunned us all into silence with that accomplishment. In other news, I'm about to jet off for two weeks with the windy miller, taking in a road trip to Turin to visit a friend. On Monday, I am working 'from home' to finish off a press campaign (look out for Ancient Tree Hunt news about the 'Acorns to Ancients' seed collecting month hitting a local newspaper near you). And also,if anyone fancies a bosky trip to Hainault, there's a forest festival taking place in Hainault Forest from September 21 onwards - Speed Dating walks in the woods, anyone? Alternatively, learn woodland management, take part in forest art sessions, or take a guided 'Silent Walk' to listen to the sounds of the forest. If I wasn't elsewhere,. I'd go myself.
Well, you live and learn.. "Bosky" is definitely a word I'll endeavour to add to my everyday vocabulary.
To the woods!
(Phil) I'm surprised you didn't know it already, man of your calibre. I came across it as a teenager though I admit it's not used much.
[Rosie] When it comes to expanding my vocab, I'm all ears - which explains why I got called Wingnut at school, incidentally.
A propos of nothing...
Doubt if there's a game in this, but things have been quiet in here just lately, but I as wondering how high one could count with film/book names, particularly using just ordinals, rather than cardinals.. Starting with "First Among Equals".
Forty-Second Street?
The Third Man (oblig)
Born on the Fourth of July
The Fifth Element
The Sixth Sense
The Inn of the Seventh Happiness
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Right up to the minute, we have The Eighth Wonder
The Ninth Gate
The Tenth Man (3.33 times more oblig than previously)
The Eleventh Hour
Twelfth Night: Or What You Will.
Apollo 13
Sticking to the ordinals concept
Friday the 13th
The Magnificent Seven
going in sequence after all:
15 Minutes
Pay Attention please
[Software] We're looking for ordinal numbers here, so the next one is Fifteenth
Mind you I think we must be getting close to the limit
The Fifteenth. (But I admit that I have started cheating now.)
[INJ/CdM] I have cheated this morning and discovered that the lowest ordinal for which there is not a non-TV, feature-length film is 31st!
I have a couple in mind for later on, but I looked up 14th. On the other hand Phil's original suggestion included books, and I don't see why we should exclude made-for-TV films as long as they're feature length (say 80 mins minimum). I'm surprised at 31st not being there though as the last day of 7 months and last day of the year.
Further cheating
And when I do look I discover I actually did know a book with 31st in the title - annoying, that.
Ancient film
Knuckles rapped but - Quartorze Juliette
Ok, so Phil needs to fill in the blanks from 16th to 30th, then we have INJ's, then this.
Then something with 33rd, then Miracle on 34th Street.
[Projoy] Done
[Software] I'll say, I wouldn't stand for that kind of spelling from one of my students.
[nights] Nonono, it's a sort of French Kind Hearts and Coronets, in which Mme Binoche plays fourteen different roles.
[CdM] I see. I'm still not impressed though, Juliette Binoche is bad enough when she's just playing one role, let alone fourteen.
Quiet in here.
For the benefit of Ms Pitstop
I saw my first F1 race last night. It was rather fun in a loud fast car sort of way.
Noisy cars
[CdM] Ah - beat me to it. I was just going to ask if you'd watched it, and if not, if it had had an impact on your night.
[Phil] I saw the race from a slightly unusual vantage point. Because the race went by Singapore's business district, a number of offices with good views hosted parties, and we were invited to one of those. I was a bit sceptical beforehand, but it was actually really cool: an excellent birds-eye view of about one third of the track. A group of us also went downstairs for a while in the middle of the race, where we couldn't see much but could certainly hear it. This way of watching the race also had a couple of other advantages: food and wine; and access to television coverage. Given that I don't really follow F1 that closely, I liked being able to hear commentary while watching. I'm sure that being trackside would be a different experience, but I'm not sure I would have gotten so much out of it. All in all, a fun evening.
[CdM] Ah, but did you see where the race was won and lost: i.e. in the Ferrari Pit?
[CdM] I've heard trackside isn't so great, especially if you don't speak the local lingo. A friend of mine was phoned by someone at Spa to find out who had won the grand prix he'd just been watching, as he couldn't find out at the track.
Trackside at the British Grand Prix a few years ago, we were given little radios with earphones to get the trackside commentary, which was excellent. It's a lot more exciting close up - especially in the wet...
Shame about Dress Rehearsal. Never mind though, eh. Anyone have any ideas for new games?
I've just had one. An idea. Condensed books? Summarise the plot of a book in a particularly glib fashion, much like "So the Danish guy dies".
New games
(nights) Good idea, not that I'd be the star contributor.
New Game
[nights] I think something similar has been done somewhere before - but it could be anywhere in the last 12 years, so I'm certainly up for a new version.
New Game
I am an occasional contributor to, but mostly an amused reader of the "Ridiculously Easy Poetry" game currently being played in another place. Certain opening lines seem to come up quite frequently, sometimes involving fleas. I wonder whether a poetry-based "hillocks" game would be enjoyable for a while ("If I should die and go to Innisfree"). Any thoughts?
[nights] We definitely played that game a couple of years ago -- iirc it involved three-word and then two-word summaries. That doesn't mean we couldn't resurrect it, of course.
[Kim] I like that idea...
[CdM] I think that was "Butler Did It" and it was more than a couple of years ago. :)
Well, as the consensus seems positive, I'll create the game.
Me, too.
Who's a hillock?
I don't understand. Boo hoo hoo. What's the point of the new poetry game?
What a Hillock
Don't cry... "Wuthering Hillocks" is a game which aims to ease the poverty of the TV, film and book industries by suggesting inexpensive remakes of old hits, for example "One walked round the cuckoo's nest" or "Who wants to be a milliner?". I'm guessing that the first lines in the new game should be cheap versions of fine famous poetry. Is that it nights? As for the point of it, well...
Never Mind The Hillocks
[BL] Nothing to do with me, squire. I think Kim is the man (or possibly woman, but I think man) you need.
Oh yes...
I read back as far as "I'll create the game..." above... So - Kim?
Hillocks for the uninitiated
Yes, blamelewis has it right. "When hillocks collide" was an early-ish game on MCiOS and was set in the genre of film. It basically describes the scene of an accident. The film version generated such classics as "The Man Who Wasn't There Who Knew The Man Who Shot The Man Who Fell to Earth in Iron Mask With Two Brains", "One Million Years in Tibet" and "Sink the Titanic!". I mused idly that one could do something like that with well-known lines from poetry, hence "If I should die and go to Innisfree". I hadn't really thought about a ruleset, but perhaps there should be a minimum of two lines and no maximum, the metre of the first line should determine the metre of subsequent lines, rhyme is nice, but not essential. Is that enough to be going on with, folks?
*sigh*
It's a lovely day. I wish I'd got washing out on the line.
Behold!
(pen)

Earth has not anything to show more fair:
Dull would he be of soul who could pass by
A sight so touching in its majesty. (Wordsworth).

Earth has not anything to show more fair
Any more fares?
Any more fares?(Flanders & Swann)
My wife has been cleverly filtering the (snail) mail the last week so I ended up thinking the only people who had remembered my Birthday were the TV Licensing people.
rabturous
Happy Birthday!!
Happy Birthday to Rab!
Additionally, does anyone have anything fun planned for the weekend?
Habby Pirthday, rab!
[nights] No.
I'm being taken out tonight for a mystery meal. I think.
[rab] Taken all the labels off your tin cans, have you? ;) Slightly belated returns from here too!
[Tuj] Ah, what we used to call The Fabulous Mystery Dining Experience, back when I lived in halls. These days, if I cook out of cans, I'm sneered at by all the French people I know.
(nights) Not surprised; you're supposed to put it in a saucepan. :-)
I planted trees today. And then went dancing. All in all, quite satisfying.
Why on earth would anyone ever want three differently-coloured phones on their desk?
To match their handbag on any particular day, of course. (Well, if Posh can buy cars to match her clothes....)
Phones
If it was good enough for Reginald Perrin...
More Phones
...and a fantastic Pete & Dud sketch...
Seasonal update
It's blissfully cold this morning. Very refreshing.
I'm just glad the wind's dropped. The sign on the front of our local Post Office blew off when we were out yesterday (but, luckily, not right in front of the building).
[rab] It's probably a sign.
[Kim] No, it was a sign.
Just had the following train announcement: "Please note it is illegal to play pre-recorded music of popular music artists on trains or at stations because we do not hold a performing rights licence". Not simply because it annoys the crap out of everyone.
[rab] That leaves you clear to broadcast the back catalogue of any unpopular music artist...
muzak
(rab) I wonder if that applies to shops. I hope so.
Muzak
Unfortunately, most places, including my butcher, fork out for the PRS (aka thieving bastards) licence. The butcher, since you ask, has a radio playing, hence he needs the PRS licence.
The PRS
(Phil) I don't see why musicians shouldn't be paid for any public performance though I don't know the scale of charges. Yes, I am in the MU. I would have thought you would have been more put out by the cost of a music licence from the local council, for which you receive bugger all except a piece of paper and a bill.
"Music Licence from the Council"
No such thing any more. It all comes in the premises licence these days, thankfully.
Pub bore
(Phil) Ah! Didn't know that. But does it cost more if you are licensed for music or are all premises licensed thus?

On a different subject what do you think of the practice of discretionary closing times?, i.e. the pub will stay open the advertised extra half hour if the manager thinks it worth it on any particular evening. To me it's wanting to have your cake and eat it, or less formally, taking the piss. If you're in the pub you don't know how fast to drink or whether to have another half, say, or if arriving late, as I often do, whether the pub will be open or not. To be on the safe side I will be assuming that the place will be closed at all times, as are many of my mates. There's quite a good choice in Carshalton and I wonder if the new manager knows that. He will soon.

[Rosie] Here in Embra there's been 'late' opening for quite some time, which means most pubs close variously between 12 and 1am, and a few staying open to 3 (or 4 during the Festival). It's generally been accepted that if a place is rather quiet, it might close early, but that it's good etiquette for the staff to go round about half-an-hour beforehand to let you know that this is likely to happen, and to suggest venues that are likely to be open later. Seemed to work rather well. (I say 'seemed', as my late-night drinking days are largely behind me now).
I'm bored
I've stopped opening emails today. They've all been boring so far this morning - or have been asking me to do things I don't have time for, so I thought I'd save myself the hassle and stop opening them altogether. People will soon get the point and stop sending them.
pubs
(rab) That's reasonable if the hours are as late as that but my "local" is merely extending from 11 to 1130, and on Sundays from 1030 to 11, each night at the manager's discretion. For a "regular" that won't do because one of the points about a favourite pub is its predictablity. This seems a blundering accountant-driven policy or maybe the manager's just a lazy arsehole. We are taking punitive action.
I don't know why, but when I'm in a different timezone, I feel normal rules don't apply.

Los geht's

Anyone care for a mug of kitten?
[Knobbly] Milk no sugar please.
Black with ginger please.
Variable opening
[Rosie] I believe I've spoken on this matter on another site, but the crux of the matter is that I'm with you on this one. My pub is licensed until 1am on friday and saturday, but I close at 12. Customers need consistency, and they need to know where they stand. On very rare occasions, I will stay open until 1am, but that is for the likes of our football team's annual prizegiving, and they all know in advance. They tend to leave about 12.30 anyway though. If the pub has 50 customers one friday night and you stay open the extra 30 minutes, what happens next week when there are 45 customers. You make yourself an immediate target for bickering. If you going to take punitive action, may I suggest you let the gaffer know before you do so, as he may not notice. He also might be more likely to change his ways in advance of losing custom.
[Rosie] Your other question. No, there is no variation in cost that tallies with what your licensable activities are. You do, though, open yourself up to a much bigger can of worms in the matter of your neighbours and their potential objections.
Chucking-out time
(Phil) I think the manager may have seen sense, though not through customer persuasion AFAIK, because there is now a completely new regime after less than a fortnight of this arbitrary stuff and the pub now has a 24-hr licence all week and is advertised (in the bar) as being open from midday to 11.30 a.m., the half-hour closed being apparently to put a few things in order each day. There is no mention of management discretion on the notice. Does this mean I can stay there drinking, probably alone, until 4 in the morning (say)? What on earth is the point of that because Carshalton is not exactly Soho. I'd like to know what's going on but the barman (not the manager) couldn't help, or wouldn't.
[Rosie] Have you been in the bar since Monday then?
(Phil) Sanity has prevailed with the appearance of yet another regime in which closing time is 1130 (pm) except Friday and Saturday which are midnight and Sundays which are 11 pm. These are modest extensions to the original times. The manager could have kept his itchy fingers off the keyboard and printer until he'd made his mind up but all's well that ends well.
(pen) Shurrup. Wha' if I 'ave? :-)
Hours and Hours
Over here one has to move pub to get different closing times, it's all according to the type of licence issued, i.e. whether or not the licensee is able to have live music. Very strange but one gets used to it.
Hmm, looks like this site is about to become target for a lorryload of spam. Will need to think about tightening up the security I guess.
In the meantime, you might want to check the status of our latest building project.
[rab] Nice lav ;o)
[pen] That one's on its way out. The new one is sitting in a box in the spare bedroom.
[Rosie] Glad to hear you have stability again.
zbchk bnud
maith fthmri fuqv ktndamcs yetxq latids umgjkyftd
So nice to see we have visitors from another galaxy.
I thought it was one of us posting from a palm raspberry thing straight after emerging from the dentist's surgery.
(pen) :-)
Ching
Nice dusting of snow this morning, oddly, more in front of than out the back of the block.
Noting a slot and the date, does anyone have any inspiration for an advent-themed game of MC?
[Tuj] Done. Can you wait up until midnight to make your move? Sorry if that was a bit rude...
[pen] I knew someone would be able to hatch my half-idea =) thank you!
[Tuj] You're going to have to wait another day for a morsel of chocolate. Softers just got today's.
Odd Problem
Sorry to interrupt, but I need to get a message through to rab and the firewall here is stopping me posting to OMC/N&Q at the moment. I'm seeing a nod problem with the index page here at MC5. The names and moves displayed on it are not the same as those showing last in the games themselves. Is anyone else seeing this, or is this confined to my proxied-by-idiots world? Am I living in pre-cached hell again?
All looks fine here, Stevie.
Looks like a caching problem at your end, but I've resynched the index with the game data anyway.
Chocolate covered cache. Ooh!
[rab] *sighs* Okay. I'll resign myself to never seeing the site in it's real state then.
I could try adding the appropriate http header to try and request a non-cache.
OK
See if that works.
Cache Deals Only
[rab] Seems to have fixed it for now. Clever, you.
It's almost a week since anyone said anything, so I'll break the silence. I think I've moved into the 'finishing off projects' phase at work before my last day in the office on 23 December. How strange this is...
Not at all unusual if you are a proper professional, pen, which I assume you are.
I'm definitely demob happy now. I'm finishing off other people's jobs and bringing mince pies into work. I don't even like mince pies that much.
It gets very quiet in here over the weekend. Does that imply that most of mc5s posts are posted when the poster ought to be working?
[Knobbly] I am shocked, shocked to hear such a suggestion!
[knobbers] How very dare you??!!
I'd really like to express my hurt at the suggestion but, since I'm at work at the moment, I can't.
[Knobbly] Now look what you've done! Everyone is too ashamed to play any more. There has hardly been a move in any game for two days.
Shhh! Some of us have work to do, keep the noise down.
BOO! .....apologises to neighbours.....
Chirp
We've had a lot of dealings with tradesmen recently. None of them too disastrous (although there is still one job outstanding in the bathroom, scheduled for 8am tomorrow). But when something really good happens, I get so pleased. Our roofer was scheduled to check a few things out tomorrow morning in advance of the down-tools period (I had visions of a waterfall coming though the extractor fan on Christmas day). He phoned me up just now saying "I'm in the area, shall I come now?"; leapt onto the roof, found everything that was wrong with it and told me it would be thirty-five quid to fix. It was done in about the time it took me to get to the cashpoint and back.

Oh, and when I told him that one of his rivals told us we needed a whole new roof, he looked at me like I was mad and said, "Nah... this one will last about 20 years".

[rab] Is your bathroom fixed now?
This is my last day at work...
Woken by the telephone at ten o'clock this morning. Augh! The four best hours of the day lost in slumber, never to return! Oh well, I doubt if anyone else is at work today.
[Raak] I'm trying to plan a night off on Jan 2nd. It looks like it might work -)
[Raak] I'm still at work... Can't afford any time off, as I need all my leave for the imminent arrival of a new addition to the family. So I'll take this opportunity to wish a Merry Crimbo to everyone at MC5!
Merries
Happy wotsit. I'm obliged by the cult of Jobs to tell you this comes via my Father's iPhone.
Happinesses
Phew, Christmas successfully accomplished in the traditional manner. The Windy Miller is, this moment, accompanying the AA man in their attempts to get the car started, in anticipation of driving back to the Netherlands tomorrow. I have a chicken curry simmering on the hob, and was until a few moments ago, studying a book of Heath Robinson illustrations. Next, we will play with the new kitchen-windowsill weather monitoring station and see if we can't find out how to turn the outside temperature up a bit.
(pen) Move here. You may "glow" a little.
twelve days of Christmas
Monday, 2 December - the third consecutive day with a visit from the AA man. Today, they are taking the car away to a garage to be fixed. The advantage is that I get to spend extra time with the Windy Miller (we went to the cinema to see Australia last night - our first-ever cinema date. Marvellous cinematography, probably a lot of it CGI, but sh*t writing - maudlin, predictable and worst of all, it had Nicole Kidman in it). The disadvantage is that he is getting impatient as he has work to do back at home.
this year
I'm packing, and moving. Moving and packing. Eek!
[pen] You have my deepest empathy.
[CdM] Ignore Pen, it may not be great, but her way of seeing Australia is a lot less bother than yours.
[pen] It's a new beginning - sounds exciting. I enjoyed my 2 years in the Netherlands and would probably have stayed longer except for my ex.
epjlqroab nfpaub
hajoqpr budr znbq zoaidfeum cbrglknov mtsjiaex bveowfzyt
My heavens he's found me - anyone available to give me a lift to Bletchley?
Very cryptic, Duj :o)
I wonder if epjlqroab nfpaub is the same person as zbchk bnud from back in November?
[Knobbly] Don't be ridiculous, the names are completely different from each other.
Moving day T-3
I have two chairs and one lamp left. Everything else has been sold or is in boxes. Even my bed will sell on Ebay today, and a mate with a garage will sell my car for me. Lummy.
So you weren't joking when you said you were leaving, pen. :o)
Holland
[penelope] Where will you be living? Will you be using only public transport once you move? I've never been to Holland but I understand they have invested heavily in public transportation.
dead game?
Has Film Club run it's course, or does someone else want to suggest a new subject for it?
Public???
[SM] Public transport? Heavens no. I will be riding a stately omafiets, a birthday present from my schatje molenaar.
omafiets
[penelope] Would that be a bicycle, horse, moped or skateboard?
It's a 'granny bike' - big wheels, sprung seat, upright handlebars, luggage rack and shopping panniers, enormously comfortable and particularly suited for flat places.
Fietspads
[pen] In my my experience the wind always blows in you face whichever way you are cycling in Holland, making the traditional bikes hard work.
[Softers] Yup. But mine's aluminium so pretty light. And the wind blows against you wherever you cycle in Lincolnshire too, so that's nothing new.
Velocity vectors
(Softers, pen) The only possible conclusions are that either there is no wind in Holland, Lindsey and Kesteven or that you never cycle at less than about 50 mph. Impressive.
Bike
[penelope] The sprung seat is particularly suited to flat places? :)

Does this bicycle come with one of those teardrop-shaped "Pifo" electric horns that were so popular the last time I rode a bike?
biiiii-cycle
[Sierra Mike] I like this. It works very, very well.
[flerdle] Nice one. I read the linked article, then took a mouthfull of hot coffee just as I got to the bit about "30 blasts from one pumping-up". I immediately pictured Inspector Clouseau, in disguise, madly pumping as he cycled toward a pedestrian crowd (the parrot-inflation bit in the "Salty Swedish Sea Captain From The Salty Sea" scene is one of my favourite Sellars moments).

I'm probably going to need a new workstation keyboard now.
I've been a fan of Matthew Somerville's alternative front-end to the National Rail website for quite some time, traintimes.org.uk, on the grounds that it works better than the real one. He's recently added a live train map, and I particularly like the description of how it works:
Live departure data is fetched from the National Rail website, much like my timetable site, and then it does a bit of maths and magic.
Blowin' in the wind
*blushing* I drove the windy miller to his usual Saturday leading the volunteers and various lads at the mill this morning (practising driving (a) on the wrong side of the road and (b) on the wrong side of the car) but we were a bit later than his normal arrival time. You can see the mill from some way off because of the flat landscape, and when we were about half a mile away, the WM could see the sails were already turning and exclaimed: 'There are flags on the sails!'. As we got closer, we realised what they were. There was a Dutch tricolour on one sail, and a Union flag on the opposite one (bought specially off t'internet). And there were muffins and stroopwafels to have with coffee there this morning. Then I came home, made soup, tidied up a bit, and watched Alec Guinness in Cromwell on BBC 2 which you can get here. Bloody marvellous :o).
Arrivals
[pen] Yay!
*fancies a stroopwafel - all of a sudden*
Welkom
[pen] Nice. Watch out for the speed cameras ;o). The cable channels carry only the BBC (for copyright reasons, apparently) but if you live near the coast you can get all the UK channels (analogue ones, only probably) on an aerial.
[penelope] Happiness to you.
Thanks all :o)
Back to the mill tonight - it's floodlit farming night, so farms and mills on the island of Hoekshe Waard (that's this one) will be floodlit for busloads of sightseers to tour.
This morning's trip to the small supermarket lead me past two market-stall type vans in the main street of this large village/small town. One was a cheesemonger, on whose stall I spotted a small solitary block of English cheddar, bright orange and tightly encased in plastic, amongst the big wheels of Dutch cheese and the small morsels of some of the better-known French cheeses. There are so many good British cheeses, but none of them are known here. Hardly any of them are known behind the counters of Tesco either, but that's a different problem. *goes to chivvy up the British Cheese Marketing people*.
Cheesy lines
[pen] Perhaps if you polish off the advent chocs we could have a game writing slogans for cheese!
mmmm, cheese...
gah
I was putting together my advent chocolate feast when my internet connection broke - actually the wind dropped on the windy miller's wifi network. So if anyone can polish off the chocolates and start on the cheese, they'd be welcome to do it.
Pilgrimage
BTW, there will be a Pilgrimage in London on Feb 14th, if anyone's interested.
[penelope] eat local food - the world will thank you for it much later.
[Phil] I do, mostly - the potatoes here are particularly good, they actually taste of potato. But if they're going to import some cheese from the UK, you'd think they'd cart the good stuff about, not the orange plastic-wrapped-in-plastic stuff, wouldn't you? They seem to manage to bring in some decent French cheese.
Cheese
[Pen] Actually, the Dutch tend to like their plasticky orange cheeses - Edam and Gouda being cases in point - but some of the smoky varieties are very nice, and you should be able to get tastier Boerenkaas and goat cheeses if you look hard enough. I don't know where your windmill is but I assume there isn't an English shop round the corner. Are there no local farmers who make their own? Have you tried whingeing to Windy? On an unrelated note, are you coming to Othello? I can put you up...
Good try
[IS,P!] I'm almost ashamed to admit it, and please don't take it personally, but theatre ain't my bag. I struggle to appreciate drama and hardly watch films - Jan and I went to the cinema for the first time together in December, two years after we met. Sooo I will leave an Othello seat for someone who will appreciate it more.Perhaps we should have a Brussels Sprouting Pilg at some point though.
*has just google-mapped peneloopij's woonplaats*
Pilgrimage
[SM] Is that for people who don't have anything else to do on Valentines Day?
Slogans for cheese?
And now there's a new game slot, shall we start a Cheesy slogans game?
[Kim] What else might one have to do on Valentine's Day?
Cheese
[pen] I remember being aghast in a supermarket in Perigord (admittedly in a fairly ex-pat-filled town), and seeing Red Leicester amongst the French cheeses. Especially galling was the £11 per kg price tag!
a nice bit of...
[Phil] That's marketing for you! I'd like some jong Lincolnshire Poacher, voor mij.
[Phil] French Cheese. Galling. I get that.
I like all cheeses, but some better than others, obviously.
[Softers] Have left a question for you in AVMA - I assumed you would be looking in there. Perhaps a reply in here might be best, if that's OK with you. [ Then all will be revealed :-)]
[Soft] Ah - I've just seen it. Thanks. The reason I asked - have to go to St Helier to do some work in early Feb and thought it might be nice to connect. But as you're not there ....
:-(
3rd time lucky
Potty mouth? You ARE in Jersey, then?
St Helier
[Chalks] Yes, I am here, well I work in St Helier and live just outside. When you over?
[Softers] Any chance of you emailing? k/e/davenport/@/// gmail.com [sans hyphens - natch] :)
Well?
We're all dying to know - did Softers email Chalky? Will the Jerseypilg go ahead? Find out in next week's episode of... Chat
*chuckles*
[peneloopij] He did. It may.
In the meantime...
Sunny and very cold today in Zuid Holland. We may even yet go for a bike ride. I have no idea what my windy miller is doing downstairs while I'm upstairs trying to write something, but it sounds like he's reorganisisng something and I'm afraid to go and look.
Windy Miller
[Pen] Please tell me he has a blue coat, a red necktie and a brown upturned-flowerpot hat...
As You Like It
[IS,P!] why certainly. He has a blue coat, red neckerchief and a brown upturned-flowerpot hat. The coat and neckerchief are in the laundry basket waiting to be ironed, but he keeps the hat in the car.
You don't press his hat?
Good grief, woman, what are you thinking about? Everyone from where I came from has a flat hat (they, the wearers, are said to also have whippets and cobblestones and ghosts, but that's just not true). Even I have one! (pictures available at £150 each, on request - and after a full security cheque (price to be negotiated)).
Highly Rural
It seems to me that Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cutherbert, Dibble and Grubb will be getting jealous of all this attention.
Clarification required
[Dujon] You have one what? Ghost? Cobblestone? Whippet?
And anyway we'll have the RSPCA round to you for ironing your whippets.
You don't need to iron a flat hat - the incessant beating of the rain on it will do that for you.
Just so you know, reading this conversation is like looking at a Dali painting to me. Every time I think I'm getting the drift of it, one of the pieces flops over and makes a shape like an elephant (or a swan).
hatters
[Duj] it's not a flat hat - we're talking about the traditional attire of windy miller, the hat is upturned-flower-pot shaped. The landscape here in South Holland is flat. I can see how you got confused.
[pen] Wait. You are ironing the landscape?
[CdM] A man knocked at my door and asked if I wanted my garden landscaped. I don't think my neighbours would appreciate me turning my portrait garden sideways.
[Phil] proper lol and in the office too.
Well, well, well
I suppose that the next you lot will tell me is you don't launder your money. Honestly! What are Great Britain and the Nederlands coming to? Whatever, I bet it's a bit warmer here (excluding the Mint investigations) than it is at your picturesque location. Na, Na, Na Na Ner.       ;-)
Sweat, y'bugger
(Duj) You're welcome to 39°C with high humidity. 39°F would do me OK at the moment. There was a foot of snow here on Monday morning and still about half that even now.
Life threatening thingiwhatsits
Rosie, that is not funny. ;-) So it was you who peeked at my weather site from an area somewhere near London. You can keep your snow as I'm just hoping my air conditioning unit keeps running. Today (Saturday) should be fine - sort of - but tomorrow I fear. 47ºC is most definitely not going to be fun.
(Dujon) It would seem to be a good day to hang out the washing around here. I doubt if you'll get a true 47°C though Melbourne might. The cool change could be quite something. I'll keep an eye on it.
By contrast
(Duj) To cool off try this rather agreeable city.
Newsflash
I rudely interrupt to bring you the essential news that at 23.09 today I will be exactly* 1/3rd century old. Oh, and it's snowing.

* Subject to how one chooses to define of 'exact'

Optimist
As a special not-birthday treat, my wife took me to the optometrists. He (the optometrist, not my wife) said my prescription had changed "a little bit", but when I compared the two sets of numbers I could detect no correlation between them whatsoever.
[Rab] Were you wearing glasses at the time?
Ageism
(rab) Date of birth 9 Oct 1975 at 5 a.m. then? I have taken a century as 36524.25 days. On 18 July this year at 6 pm I shall be two-thirds of a century old. On 23 July last year I was twice as old as you. I do like faffing about with a calculator.
Rosie old chap, too much time on your hands? Very good though!
Tempus ambulat
(Bigsmith) I see mathematics (or arithmetic, which this is) as a recreation. Time to spare? Work out my date of birth. (Don't forget the leap years, all n of them.)
[Rosie] We seem to disagree by a day and an hour, even though I used the same length of a century as you... bother.
[Rosie] You're not the only one... a good friend of mine (and a Cambridge Maths graduate) recently delighted to inform me I was 7884 days old. Not long 'til the big 8000!
(rab) 10th October then? My mistake. But I don't see how I can be an hour out because 36524.25/3=12174.75 exactly. So we have to subtract 0.75 day (18 hr) from the time you gave initially, making it 5.09 a.m. I called it 5 a.m. because we're not shot from guns exactly. My double-your-age date is wrong, too. It should be 31 Aug 08 at 6 pm, if you were born at 6 a.m. 10/10/75.
Rosie's date of birth
17 November 1942 (n = 17).
[Rosie] Did you take daylight saving time into account?
uohrixg yzrqmefdx
bvkj kqna hojxkmtd uzrltjvx ityksr owucr nxdawbgvc
(rab) No. I will have no truck with such arbitrary adjustments in my sophisticated numerical analyses :-). You are right, of course, provided you were born in Britain, or possibly Spain or some West African countries.
(Bigsmith) And so are you. (6 pm, they tell me).
Accuracy
[uohrixg yzrqmefdx] That, good sir, was jolly close, as I believe even Rosie would acknowledge. I do think though that you have missed by a bit. Rosie does not live 'south of the border' and nor does he live so far west of the meridian.
I would give you 'bvyk anq.s and ityksr+polar co-ordinates' when related to the orbit of Triton as seen from Earth.
[Rosie] 6 pm aye? Then by applying the Euclidian theory of longitudinal drift to a trans-Mercator projection I determine that that would have been in Crowborough, Sussex.
(Bigsmith) Correct yet again. Amazing. Would have been Purley (nudge, nudge) but for the war. The OS Grid is a Transverse Mercator projection BTW. Very gudermannian. (Dujon) 0° 03' 36.8" W. Can't be too accurate; don't want to go in the wrong house.
[Rosie] Bugger, I thought I'd made it up! I remember we have discussed things map-wise before. I do enjoy a good OS map so it must have been subconcious. WildpantsMC may be long gone but the player profiles page is still on-line and easy to search.

That's how I know about your London Welsh parents!
Apologies for my recent absence
I can proudly announce the arrival on planet Earth of Maxwell Theodore Stanley Kirby!
MTSK
Hullo Max.
Maxwell - he'll be a demon at physics. Congratulations. Hope all are well.
(Bigsmith) I thought that's where you must have got it. Still up, is it? I haven't looked for years.
as per MCiOS
Welcome Max!!
Ex Libri Bardus
Are we done? Does anyone have a good idea with which to replace it?
[SM] Bear in mind there's been an open game slot beneath it for quite some time now. Ideas and energy seem somewhat lacking in the Morniverse lately.
Bent Saws
Don't count your chickens before the fat lady sings.
Unused Games
[Tuj] I was under the impression that there was some sort of inner council that came up with games and were the only ones able to make them. I should add that I don't have any good game ideas with which to replace Ex Libri Bardus, I was just thinking that it was looking a bit threadbare, and that my last few moves in it missed the point so widely that the sooner they were hidden in the archive the better. I don't know what I was thinking when I made them (he said in his best "Kryten" voice).
Bent Saws
[Software] That sounds like something Marlon from The Perishers would say. I like it.
I've done the honours for Ex Libri.
Max
Cheers for the good wishes, folks - pictures are up on my Facebook!
Mad Max
[Uncle Korky] Congratulations and felicitations to all. I haven't gone a-facebooking as a picture does not always tell a thousand words. The question, therefore, is, "is he smart?"
Bent Saws
Where there's muck, there's hope. Let's have a go. [UK] Congratulations to you on the arrival of Maxwell. A silver hammer is in the post.
Bent Saws
A jolly good idea and I like the game name too. Let lightning strike while the iron's hot.
Bent Saws
Raak, I loved your "bank" saw. It's (not) funny because it's true.
Sponsored silence
OK, it's been silent for a week... someone say something!
oblig.
something
Not that I'm proposing any changes, but I wonder if games would become more or less active if they weren't stamped with the date and time of the last move. Less active is my guess.
Max
[Dujon] Can't vouch for smart, yet, but I'd like to think there's potential! [Kim] Ta muchly!
ONe week later
Bright and cold here (can also be said for me as well as the weather) and today I am going to take to the road. Enough of nerves, I've just got to drive. But after 25 years of driving on the other side of the road, and the other side of the car, it's all a bit weird.
Left Hooker
Hi pen, hold your breath and prepare for a few rapped knuckles on you left hand! You'll get used to it quicker than you think. Just watch out for those nasty entry/exit points that the Clogs like so much, you find yourself merging with traffic entering the motorway as you are trying to leave. Very unnerving the first time.
The bit that un-nerves me is the crossroads with no marked priority here in the village - like a US 4-way stop. I struggle to use those to turn left across oncoming traffic and end up lurching about.
Technical writing test
Changing the subject just a little, I've got a job interview tomorrow for a tech writer role. And they've given me a little test document to polish. It contains a clever twist on bad documentation technique I've not seen before: 'Note how Figure 1 does not show the following....'

I just love that. Specially creating a diagram that doesn't show the thing you want to highlight. Hats off to 'em. I'm just hoping this document was intentionally altered to make a harder test. But in these cases there's always the risk that a legitimate document really was genuinely that badly-written. Still, if so, at least I'll have plenty of rewriting work to do.

This page was NOT intentionally left blank, comes to mind :o).
This Page Intentionally Blank
[Software] TPILB has a very good pedigree. It was used extensively in the 1970s when replacement pages for technical manuals had only half the content of the original, resulting in one blank side right where everyone had hitherto been used to finding text. It was a way of avoiding the (then) expensive customer service calls about non-existent missing text that went nowhere. It also meant that the original contents page would still work, mostly, as the page numbering wasn't screwed up by the change. The only alternative would be to reprint the entire chapter from the change onward which would likely prove to be prohibitively expensive. These days, one often sees such material reproduced either electronically, which makes no sense, or on single-sided copies of the original material, which makes sense but is still odd when you come across it.
Tech Speak
[SM] I know, I'm an engineer and at one point in my distant past was responsible for the printing and distribution of technical manual updates (on a subcontract). It still bemuses the uninitiated though.
You Tech the High Road
Ah! Reminds me when I was a technical author myself. I can still take a 20-year-old New World gas cooker to pieces... Just don't ask me to put it together again when I've drawn the pictures.
[Software] Sorry for lecturing the knowledgable.
I think it's spring.
[penelope] Are you loving Holland? Are the tulips growing yet? Have you been overrun by clog-wearing mice?
[SM] Starting to withstand/endure/cope with Holland rather than like it or love it. Still not quite sure what I'm doing here... The tulips are just poking their leaves through in the garden (we're further south than the main tulip-growing areas - there are mostly pear and apple orchards and celeriac fields here), and there are precious few mice, or even rabbits. Apparently the water table is too high for them to dig warrens. But there are lots of hares, herons, some large bird of prey that I have yet to identify, kingfishers (ijsvogels - I've also realised I have a whole new vocabulary of wildlife to learn) and the most interefered-with trees I have ever seen in my life. There is not one tree here that has been allowed to grow accoring to its natural form. Every single tree has been either trimmed, clipped, pollarded, coppiced, brashed or felled. Tree-fiddling is the national obsession.
Clogland
You'll grow to love the place, pen. The south is a bit severe, the Dutch reclaimed most of the land so they do what they like with it. I lived in Nord Holland which is a bit less over-cultivated and the trees are allowed to do tree things, to a degree anyway. I lived in a town called Huizen, my garden used to back on the Ijsselmeer but it is now about 1km away!
[Softers] I take it all back. The invitation to an interview for a promising job which was issued and then witdrawn has been issued again. I'm hopeful once more. More on this later...
Expansionism
[Software] Those Dutch hey? Having given up their world exploits they are now about to invade the Channel by stealth. I shall now make a concerted effort to monitor the Indian and Pacific Oceans; the thought of the whole of Huizen sneaking across to reclaim Van Deimen's Land has my kernees kernocking.
[Dujon] We in Britain have a cunning plan to foil the Dutch takeover by stealth of the North Sea. As they gradually move out to rebuild the land bridge we are simultaneously moving the coast of East Anglia inland. By the time the Dutch catch us up we’ll all be in Dublin.
[penelope] I expect Software is right and that once the fast-relocation shellshock has worn off, the ground turns colours other than brown and you have gainful employment you will wonder why you didn't move years ago.
(INJ) Coastal erosion will see to that anyway, so they say.
Those Darn Dikes
[ImNotJohn] This plan will play merry hell with the old Risk and Diplomacy games. I expect after-market stickers will be available for pre-game coastline reconfiguration.
* waves from Santa Fe *
*twiddles thumbs*
I had an interview yesterday, and did a looong written test today, by email. Now I'm anxiously waiting to hear if I've got a fantastic three-day a week, English speaking/writing job at the university that pays as much as my five-day-a-week not-for-profit job did back in Blighty...
Mmmm. Part-time.
Huisvrouw
I can see you getting used to the lifestyle in Clogland, pen.
Mmmmm....five-day-a-week.
And the rest of the time, I am...
Housework, looking after the windy miller (who does 5 x 12 hour days and all day Saturday at the mill), and some freelance work... Pah!
(pen) 60 hours a week sounds like trubble at mill.
[Rosie] Sounds like a part-time job to me :( *(moan, moan, bleat, whinge etc etc etc ad nauseam until someone points out I chose to do this for a living, and that I get to live in a pub)*
[Phil] Presumably you also have the option to hire someone so that you work fewer hours, but with obvious consequences for your finances.
Welcome to London Heathrow, The World's Most Miserable Airport. I've just been biometrised and hassled at security despite the fact I've been in secure areas for the last twelve hours.
[rab] Yes I could pay someone to some some of the stuff I do. But they wouldn't do it as well as I do. If they did, I wouldn't able to afford them. Also, I enjoy 95% of what I do - especially the quality control :-)
[Phil] I hear you. The windy miller is the same - he takes huge pride in the work that he does (construction project management - and this one is a HUGE project) but being on site to make sure things happen on schedule takes its toll and he's usually too exhausted to do anything on Sunday - which is the only day we have at home together. So much for moving here to spend more time together. Part of my 'job' at the moment is taking care of him, as much as he'll let me. *sigh*
*was in England for three days and thought it was lovely*
* was on Iona and Colonsay for four days and thought they were lovely *
*was in East Grinstead for two hours and thought it was awful*
*is envious of rab*
*was in the Crowne Plaza Buckingham Gate for 2 hours and it was so dull we moved to the Holiday Inn, Oxford Street*
*was at home*
*thought, therefore was*
[CdM] Was what? ;o)
(pen) Cogitavit ergo erat. I dunno.
*just got a phone call telling her she's got the job*
[pen] Congratulations!
*Thought that congratulations were due to Penelope*
*just got a phone call from Job*
belen
Well done.
*Has an idea for a game*
Called "News has come to Harvard": we make up new elements for the periodic table and provide hilarious, surreal or topical explanations of their nature and purpose. Eg:

Excusium: constituent element in whitewash. Frequently used by politicians.

Any support?

rab's phonecall
Is that Job of Old Testament fame?
[Kim] I see! Good title, tidy idea. One on board =)
[Tuj] Thanks. Any against? Where should I slot it?
Luminous silly Kates
(Kim) Go ahead.
Thanks. No slots currently available here or anywhere else. Has "Bent Saws" reached its proverbial, do you think?
Outage
Hello there. I'm going to be taking the site down for a short while for an upgrade.
Outrage
Let's see if that has worked? It seems I've even stopped the galloping slashes this time!
Just saw the Elements game. There is a site that I had bookmarked and only deleted on Friday which is very enjoyable. Apparently now been published as a book - http://www.chm.bris.ac.uk/sillymolecules/sillymols.htm - Molecules with Silly Names. Some of them were featured on QI a few years ago.
jdf397dhf
aaaa525zzz
Shh! It's fallen asleep.
shavonda@hotmail.com
suck all the channel on tv sucks badly
Parse the preceding sentence, thoughtfully provided by someone.
Actually, I think the real problem with TV is that most of the channels suck quite well.
Suck all. The channel on TV sucks badly.
It's the voice from the future. When interactive TV is the norm a lonely politician's husband has to get a 'helping hand' when the signal gets a bit fuzzy.
Suck! All the channel on TV sucks. Badly.

There's usually suck all on TV worth watching anyway.
Speaking of which, ten days without a move suggests that UK GAZETEER FILM CLUB might have outlived its span. Does anyone have a suggestion for another one?
Six word stories?
"Six word stories?" Simons suggested. Silence.

(No, really, I'd be up for that.)

Six word stories
I was about to suggest that
Six Word Stories
How does it go?
You tell a story in six
Damn! Bad planning on my part
With a short preface (say "Story One", and so on) this could be hatched inside the Eight Moves Game, giving it a kick up the jacksy also.
I love the idea of 'Precisely Eight Words' being bent to stories. I may try that, even if it's not an official diversion... Also, I had an idea the other day for a one-line-at-a-time Gilbert & Sullivan play. Ambitious, but not impossible. Thought I'd run it up the flagpole of the collective.
Good news, bad news.
Hello there. The good news is that the company that provides the disk space and bandwidth this site needs to function is upgrading the capacity of both of them this afternoon, at no charge. The bad news is that this necessitates a change of IP address (the server will be moving from Edinburgh to London).

What this means in practice is that after 4pm BST today, some of you will see the old version, and some of you the new. You'll be able to tell the difference, because you won't be able to post to the old one. It typically takes about 24hours, maybe longer, for the process to complete. Restarting your browser/computer/modem may (or may not) help - it depends on where the old IP addresses are being cached.

Don't be perturbed if the site fails to load for a bit.
Back up
Right, this is back up, but you can only get here if you know how to get here.
First!
Er, second, then
In the medals!
*sour*
Yes, you can tell it's London-hosted now. It just feels so much more... familiar.
(Pj) Aye. Mebbe.
[Projoy] A euphemism for contemptuous?
But is it Sarf of the river, in which case no-one will visit it outside the hours of daylight?
It'll soon be wanting a little cottage in the country for weekends though...
I see the spammers have found the film club - perhaps this is indeed a good point to pull the plug on it.
Eight word stories.
If this is proposed as a new game (perhaps to replace the Film Club) then may I suggest a title?
"A man was born; he lived, then died."
A novel in 6 words
If it's going to be eight words, then I'll post my favourite 6-worder here (not mine but can't remember who did write it - though Orson Welles is the name in my head):
For sale: baby shoes, never worn.
[INJ] Hemingway.
Another game idea
Tarol Hunt (of goblinscomic.com) has been writing nonsense Twitters, usually of the form 'If I ...' Some of these are worthy of Jack Handy himself: "If I was stung by a bee, it'd better not be a laser bee because those guys are puuuuuure laser." Can we have a go? "If I was a caveman, I probably wouldn't ever say 'Yabba Dabba Doo' unless I was being deeply ironic."
"If I was going to speak, I'd try to be there to hear it. It'd be a pity to miss one after all these years."
this week...
I can't believe no-one has anything to say for a whole weekend! So this week, I'm going to post something in here every day. Monday: Whit Monday public holiday here in the Netherlands, so I'm accompanying the Windy Miller (a veteran of four well-executed restorations of stationary engines - portable and wheelbarrow-sized sources of farmyard power, some of which are almost 100-years old) to the largest exhibition of stationary engines in the country, in Eindhoven. I will come back smelling of kerosene, a bit sunburnt and a bit sooty. In return, I get a day's outing somewhere cultural. I'm lining up the Vermeer exhibition at the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam, and a Tennyson Society thing in England next week.
Eindhoven
[pen] I don't expect that you'll have time to visit the Philips Museum while you are there, but it is worth a shot. No holiday here, that was last week in secular UK. I spent a surprisingly dry and sunny weekend in west Wales, even managed an afternoon on the beach, though the sun failed to hit my Channel Island hardened skin.
Hols
I've been in Scotland for a week, with no access (although I was told that wi-fi at Boat of Garten post office cost 'buttons'). 5 days of mostly showery weather and then a stunning day on Friday, so I left the ladies to go cycling in Abernethy Forest and walked into the heart of the Cairngorms (Loch Avon via the top of Bynack Mor). I now have a nicely-burnt left side to my face - the perils of a circular walk.
Unhols
On the Costa Brava for three days last week, attending a conference held at a hotel on the beach. Wednesday was free, so a colleague and I drove up to see Cadaqués. Came home with a developing cough that took out most of the weekend.
Yet another Game idea - well not really
Some herbert has put something in Carpe Diem - Fish of the Day. It was a good game that ended five years ago and could be worth restarting. Any takers?
[Raak] Not swiney cough, one hopes?
[Rosie] Agree - a cracking game which generated huge chuckleness way back then. I have a hunch that it was the game that spawned Breadmaster's legendary " For pity's sake child ..." and then something about tying down the moons of Jupiter. Anyway, my friend, just thought I'd point out that the same game is currently steaming along in OrangeMC under the title Ubersetzen Sie (add umlaut to first letter) - but if one don't play in there - the information I have imparted is rather irrelevant. :)
(Chalky) Let's continue with it on Orange, then, which frankly I'd forgotten about.
[Chalky] No *cough* fever, so *cough* *cough* hopefu*cough*lly not. *cough* *cough* *cough*
Tuesday's events
Tuesday... hmmm... work. Gridlock traffic getting into and out of Rotterdam, too much good coffee trying to stay awake through meetings, and an hour and a half of ironing when I finally got home. Wednesday? Gridlocked traffic again this morning - a 34km drive took an hour and ten minutes, not enough breakfast (have already made a start on my packed lunch an it's only 09.40) but there's the prospect of a proper English haircut with a proper English hairdresser in England on Saturday morning (it means I can actually ask for the haircut I want, rather than have the one the Dutch dameskappers want to give me) so anything is bearable this week. Even another 3mph crawl home this evening.
Saw Holland (well, bits of it) on the TV last night in an advert. It looked frenetic.

(penelope, Re: Ironing) Can't you just feed the clothes through the millstone?
ironmilling
[SM] Nice idea, but the milling faces of millstones are designed for cutting and shearing the grains, not merely crushing them, so you'd have to piece together the shreds of clothing afterwards. More trouble than it's worth really. The drive home this evening was only 45 minutes - the best time for a week now. Some bits of Holland are frenetic. Luckily, I live in a nice rural bit :o)
freneticism
(pen) I thought the Dutch were sort of stoic.
[Rosie] Yeah, but they drive ruthlessly on the motorways in their Calvinistic rush to be at home being stoic.
Green ironing
What you need is not a grain mill, but an olive press. Of course it would be hard to get the oil stains out afterwards, but you could definitely get a good crease in those underpants. That would have the additional advantage of being drivable by donkey-power, so you could iron on a windless day.
donkeyfarts
[INJ] I don't understand how you can control the donkey's flatulence so accurately.
Donkey Flatulence
(penelope) I think you just have to stop them eating the mashed olives.
* waves from Haifa *
* waves from Rehovot *
mashed olives
All the more for me. *parp* Oh, I beg your pardon.
That small interval has probably cleared the air. Is anyone left standing?
*parp* That's the last one, I promise.
*Has just got the hang of doing that small writing everyone else does, as opposed to this one which isn't quite as small*... Just thought I'd mention.
[Simons Mith] Was Silveo the bloke who fell under a bus whilst wearing clean underpants? ;)
HTML stuff
(Knobbly, and any others) This is still standing, courtesy of Dr Qu+xum at the University of Pittsburgh, and is the fount of all knowledge.
* waves from Aberdeen *
*waves from Hamsey Green*
It's a wonderful little place, full of houses and things.
*waves from West End Live 7 hours ago*
*waves from Zuid Holland*
Flat and slightly rainy this morning, but still very green and pleasant.
* Waves from his office *
Another week begins, nothing particularly pleasant to report.
*Waves from Barking*
...or perhaps he's drowning...
paging Mr Raak, paging Mr Raak
Please proceed to the AVMA game, where a task is waiting for you.
I think CdM broke the tannoy with that announcement. No-one has said anything since.
Quite quiet.
Something for the weekend.
In the tradition of this place, may I announce that I am going to the Derbyshire County Show on Sunday - usually good fun and only 30 minutes' walk away. Tickets already bought, so let's hope the weather holds.
iets voor het weekend
I am doing the usual this weekend; to the mill tomorrow morning, hanging about, drinking coffee, but remarkably there's no laundry to do as I made a sustained affort during the week to get it all out of the way. I have even stowed away the washing line. On Sunday, I'd like to go for a bike ride [destinatioin: ice cream] but it's a bit weather dependent.
phom ja yuu tii meuang thai wan sao wan athit nii
*hanging out in Thailand*
Please take a moment to mourn with me the passing of a true star, a consummate performer, an icon who shot to fame in the 1970's, became a pin-up for a generation and who touched the groins of millions of young boys around the world. Rest in peace, Farrah Fawcett.
(Kim) Was she a tap dancer?
* waves from Bremen *
Very foggy here in Zuid Holland this morning. The splendid view of downtown Rotterdam from my office window is quite obscured.
foggy
[pen] same here and very hot and humid. Promising a nice sunny day later, pity I'm in the office :o(.
Expecting the first thunderstorm (in Nederlands 'onweer' - unweather, like 'onkruid' is un-plant or un-herb, ie a weed) about 4pm this afternoon. I can't wait! It was 22 degrees overnight here, more than I would like to get accustomed to.
muggy
Unpleasant in the Midlands today. 10/10 cloud, humid, occasional spits of rain, but not enough for the plants. It's Mrs INJ's fault, she's going to a barbecue tonight.
humid
Well, a few days ago I was in mid 30s and humid; and now I'm back in Melbourne where it's much the same, except in Fahrenheit.
tithes
(INJ) Ten tenths? When I was in the Met Office in the '60's some of the old farts would occasionally let slip a phrase like that but it's been eighths (oktas) for over 50 years largely because it can be coded as a single digit for transmission. (9 = sky obscured by fog or heavy snow, BTW). Thank You For Making Me Feel Young.
gratitude
Hello, England. Thank you for everything. Love, U.S.A.
Is it fireworks night already even?
Sorry. Cup of tea anyone?
Cordiality
(Juxt) OK. Thanks for giving us jazz. And Tom & Jerry.
(Duj) The only piece of Australiana I have is a home-made boomerang (Specifications in New Scientist 1974.) It's big and doesn't half go but has to be thrown left-handed. They're not symmetrical.
Charlie Drake
[Rosie] I have found that turning them upside down usually helps. Then again I'm no expert any more than I'm a left handed sort of a bloke. Keep in mind, Rosie, that the heavier boomerangs were not designed to return but to stay in the air long enough to knock the noggins of the target.
* Waves from Ambleside *
[rab] Didn't realize the lakes were so stormy ;o)
*Hail to you all from Surrey*
Not too nice down here either. (Softers) Good science.
Zero degrees here. *throws snowball at morniverse*
(CdM) Where are you at the moment?
[Rosie] -37.15; 146.43
*sends birthday cake to Zuid Holland*
*receives grease-stained envelope containing strange hard lump in the post* ;o)
* blows candle out before putting in envelope addresses to Zuid Holland*
Coordinates
(CdM) Not surprised it's snowy up Mount Buller. An assumption, of course, because you have quite unforgivably omitted the ρ-coordinate, which I take to be 6378137 + 1805 m. Greetings, anyway, from 51.32; -0.06, 6378306 m.
The what now?
So "on the surface of the earth" is not the default, then. :-)
3-dimensionality and further pedantry
(CdM) Yeah, OK. Equally, I have committed the unpardonable sin of assuming the earth's radius is constant at all latitudes, which is not true. The polar radius is 21.4 km less than the equatorial radius. It's uphill to the equator.
was in Newcastle but isn't any more.
[Knobbly] Ditto
*waves from a day off - at long last*
*was in Snowdonia but has now returned home*
*belated wave from Llanberis*
* Future wave from Wiltshire *
I'll be off line for a week.
[Phil] Isn't that odd? I was there to sing in a concert in The Sage. I don't suppose you were too...
[Knobbly] Alas, The Sage wasn't built when I was there. I left in 1977 :-(
[Phil] Ah... I got the wrong end of the thingummy.
[Knobbly] ...which I deliberately proffered to you. Apols for a cheap stunt :-)
(Phil) Cunning, too.
*waves from Strasbourg*
* waves from Stroud *
cross-posted
Impromptu mini-virtual pilg in the MCiOS chat room a little while ago was greatly enjoyed by flerdle, nfras, Néa, nat and, briefly, Phil. These last two days I seem to have been able to "stay alive" in there for hours at a time (not zombie-ify like it used to - losing the connection somehow), so why not drop in, hang around for a while and see who turns up?

nfras mentioned that monday and thursday evenings (our times - about 11am UK time in summer) are likely for him, and I can try that too. UK nights, late, might be a possibility in the winter. Doesn't have to be formal, or lots of people. Suggest-o-matic!

[flerdle] Was that a specific invitation to nights and me? :-)
arrow_circle_down
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