What you need is not a grain mill, but an olive press. Of course it would be hard to get the oil stains out afterwards, but you could definitely get a good crease in those underpants. That would have the additional advantage of being drivable by donkey-power, so you could iron on a windless day.

[INJ] I don't understand how you can control the donkey's flatulence so accurately.

(penelope) I think you just have to stop them eating the mashed olives.