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The Banter Page
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If you're wanting to get something off your chest, make general comments about the server, or post lonely hearts ads, then this is the place for you.
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Celebdaq
I've not had much time to concentrate on it for a while now but I think I'm no good cos I went at first for celebs who interested me rather than ones who might grab headlines, so I'm saddled with a lot of loss makers... I bought lots of JK Rowling and Keanu Reeves when they were cheap though so those strategies are finally paying off!
Celebdaq icons
[DrQ] Thx. Tell me, looking at the Bill Gates Icon for £1bn - is he doing a multicoloured fart, or am I just imagining things ?
Chilliness
Bit quiet the noo... Any particular reason? Working hard? Found something in our lives more fulfilling than MC? Me? I've got a talk to write... grrr...
toasty
I've been away, and busy both sides of that; I don't post much here but often keep an eye on things. I managed to skillfully avoid checking 52 pairs of glasses today, and did an exensive literature search instead. Didn't find much interesting. Ho hum.

Time for dinner - tempted by pizza and DVD, really.

*rereads*
(DVD provides fibre, you see)
Boggled slightly the other day by the sight of a CD shredder. My, I live a sheltered life. Or something.
Jolly good
Incidentally I think the celebdaq people should be warned that Big Brother is starting again at the end of the week. Presumably they add 'celebreties' to the list as time goes on; in the meantime, maybe Davina might be worth investing in?
Quietude
[rab] I've been working and doing housy stuff, mainly, when I haven't been uploading broken fixes to OMC. I'm currently considering turning on my work machine so I can get on with my day working at home. Although I may wait another hour so I can start nearer a normal time.
Big waste of time
Was thinking of starting a new fund and doing two big brother trackers - one for people still in there, and one for people who've been voted out. Don't know why, but thought there might be some value in the exercise. Thinks: revision is getting to my head. I need to get out more.
Procrastination
GIII] For what are you revising?
Woohoo!
A paper that I spent most of February writing has been described by the editor of the receiving journal as 'truly superb'. That's an accolade that deserves a beer I think...
woo-hoo-ing
[Rab] Excellent news. Well done. Just a half for me, thanks. :o)
'Academia'
[rab] congrats!
[Btd] Doing my finals in music at Fenland Polytechnic, starting Monday (joy!!!) :)
congratulations!!
Dear Professor rab:
Thank you for submitting your paper to the Journal of ____________. I have now received the comments of two highly qualified reviewers, and I regret to inform you that while both reviewers and myself agree that the paper is truly superb, we none the less feel that it addresses a rather narrow technical topic of limited interest and therefore does not make sufficient contribution to warrant publication in our journal.

Thank you for submitting your truly superb work, and I am sorry that the outcome was not more favourable.

Yours sincerely, The Editor.
Academia
Hmmm. Sixteen thousand words to write by next Wednesday (Master's Dissertation). Good job the girlfriend is away for the weekend - no nagging me about staying awake 24 hours a day. I plan to be "resisting a rest" a lot. Anybody know anything about how to stay awake whilst reading Data Warehousing sh1te?
congratulations
Dear Professor rab:
Thank you for submitting your paper to the Journal of ____________. I have now received the comments of two highly qualified reviewers, and I am delighted to inform you that both reviewers and myself agree that the paper is truly superb. Accordingly, we should like to proceed with publication as soon as possible. In view of the quality of your work, we are prepared to have it prepared for publication at the reduced fee of £1520, a reduction of £20 on the usual tariff of £1540. Please enclose a further sum of £2340 for your 1000 half-price concessionary copies of the Journal, to distribute to your friends and colleagues. We shall proceed, therefore, as soon as we have your cheque or banker's draft for £3959.99 (including £79.99 postage and packing).

Yours sincerely, The Editor.

Chortle
[gil] Don't joke. There's one very well known and wealtby US journal of physics that sends out a bill for publication of your work. In extremely tiny print you can find the word "voluntary"... but it is hidden...
Finals
[GIII] All the best!
Data Warehousing the Exciting Way
[ISP] Try and think of how all the theory you're reading about might be used. For instance, imagine a database of all the MC games online, all the players, all the IP addresses they were played from, all the timestamps, replicated from the servers in real time while people play. You could come up with fascinating information like how particular players vary their posting times over, er, time, or what each player's favourite move is, or some query which you would actually need a data warehouse for!

That's the way I made some of my AI papers more relevant to me, anyway. At the time it was examples from roleplaying, but the point is the same.

Data Warehousing
Thanks, Dunx, it beats my plan to write "I am a fish" three thousand times, do a full double Rimmer and then faint.
What is that ?
"A full double Rimmer" ? The mind boggles.
Rimmers
[Boolbar] It's an excessively elaborate fictional naval salute, as devised by Arnold Rimmer from "Red Dwarf", who was notoriously bad at exams on account of devoting two months and three weeks of his three-month revision time to designing a revision timetable.
Red Dwarf
I recommend the first couple of Red Dwarf books, the authors are "Rob Grant" and "Doug Naylor", who also appear in Amazon's catalogue as "Naylor, Grant". IF you are interested in the DVDs of the series, they are also highly recommended, the stars are Chris Barrie and Craig Charles.
What a pullover!
We had the mother of all power cuts last night. A pneumatic drillster managed to slice his way through the main electricity supply to the north-eastern segment of Manchester University... I didn't see it myself, but the sparks were said to be quite spectacular. The drillster was - amazingly - unharmed. However, the same cannot be said of our computer system. It often comes across as though the whole thing is held together by three pieces of string and a lump of chewing gum. For a while the main server had no case and was wrapped up in 'Police Line -- Do not cross' tape. I jest not. Anyway, I can just about get a login, but seeing as the main server is going up and down like a pair of whore's knickers, the best I can do right now is to fire up Netscape 4 on a twm desktop. What nostalgia... But at least I'm pleased I wrote these pages in such a way that you can actually look at them on steam-powered browsers. (In fact, dare I say it, but they work rather well on lynx, lest anyone ever need to go back to the 1930's).
None
[rab] Ah, the Camputers Lynx...
celebdaq
I am number one, one, one...Yay! Thank you Keanu!
None
Since this is the gaming room, are we having a Big Brother sweepstake this year?
Big Bro
Why not? I think I'll get in early with Cameron. A Baptist fish trader from Orkney... sure he'll go far!
Anouska
I'll ride on Nush but can she get her claws into Freddy. If you are voting keep Anouska in she was nominated for being annoying and too loud by 7 out of 12 on first impressions. Vote out the bland.
None
So, are you picking Anouska with dark hair or Nush the blonde? Whichever it is, I'll take the other one. Must say the blokes seem incredibly dull this year. But it's impossible to guess the winner, since (a) the audience do exactly what Graham Norton tells them to do every night, and (b) gambling syndicates rigged so many votes last year, knocking off high rollers like Alison and Spencer early on. (And I still can't believe Kate won. :o(
??
What on earth are you people talking about?
None
OK, I'll admit, I do know. But I wish I didn't. I certainly intend to learn none of the non-entities' names this year, which I miserably failed in last year, although in my defence I was working in TV and could hardly avoid it.
Nush
Well, Nush will definitely get to week 9 so I'm picking her. The other 3 will be Sissy, Federico and... er... Gos. No-one'll vote out the chef.
You think?
I'm not so sure. I watched Sunday night's edition, but it was like the proverbial paint drying. I think I'll give them a few days to calm down and stop shouting at each other before going back. Nush hadn't made much of an impression thus far, but by being blonde and female, stands a similar chance to Kate last year. I agree with you about Gos, but I wondered if Sissy was sticking her head too far above the parapet to last very long...
Can we have some radio based games?
No TV - so Celebdaq and Big Bro games leave me cold. How about a sweepstake on the next member of the Archers cast to cop it or leave? I reckon Peggy is not long for this world... BTW did anyone catch ISIHAC? Humph was in fine form. I still miss the 'scoring' element though - it is almost as if they've given up on the spoof gameshow idea.
TV or not TV
I do find Big Brother incredibly dull but Celebdaq has little to do with TV. I heard the Archers the other day and thought it needed sub-titles. [ISIHAC] There were new games! I don't know if "Hunt the Ring" would transfer well to this site, unless we threaded the string through all the tube stations.
TV or just plain bi?
[BtD] I don't think we're having Celebdaq/Big Bro games as such, just bantering about them here. We did have a BB game last year, but if I recall it was only me, Martha and Nina who played it so I don't think we'll do that again. I think it's sufficient just to put the odd comment here as and when things happen, as a little light relief from the usually onerous, high-brow discussion that goes on... er, right.
Humph!
[Bool] I disagree about Celebdaq having little to do with TV. You need TV to know who the Celebrities are. I've just gone back to the Celebdaq site and checked out the top five on the home page. I know of Keanu Reeves and David Beckham but I've never heard of Lisa Scott Lea, Eva Herzigova or Penny Lancaster. Ho hum - my sheltered existence ;o) Has anyone seen my ring?
Pah!
[Bob the Dog] I disagree with you disagreeing about Celebdaq having little to do with TV. I have a TV but also haven't heard of Lisa Scott Lea, Eva Herzigova or Penny Lancaster. Wouldn't stop me buying shares in them! [Ring] Sorry, I have not got your ring.
Hello Boys!
Isn't Eva the Wonderbra model?
None
No, I don't have the ring either. But I think DrQu+xum has.
None
DrQu+xum, have you seen my ring?
Pedlin' pedlin' pedlin' -- rawhide!
[BigBro] Caught last night's Big Brother. They've got them pedalling for 72 hours, two at a time. As pointed out to me in the pub last night this is quite a smart move, because it breaks the group up so they have more one-on-one, or two-on-two conversations where you stand a chance of actually being able to hear anything. Also, it gives those weirdos who tune into the live show at 4am something to look at. I currently don't dislike any of them at the moment, and there seems to be a distinct lack of tension at the moment. Certainly in the last two years there's been tension from pretty much day one. In particular last year-- witness Alex noting that someone had swiped some sausages and Jade mouthing off almost as soon as she had arrived. They all seem a bit too relaxed and thoughtful this year. Oh well, I'm sure once Big Brother has starved them out, both in terms of nourishment and of things to do, they'll all start to get on each other's tits and the real fun can begin.

Meanwhile, I think you should be asking Herr Wagner about the whereabouts of the ring.

None
[Dr Q] No? What's that you've got in your left hand then?
Strange but true!
I've just seen something amusing. An ambulance which has been wheel-clamped. It was parked in close proximity to A&E, but on double yellow lines. Made me laugh lots.....
Ambulance mularky
Given the recent news about the ambulance driver up in court for taking a liver for transplant at 104mph, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Bloody traffic police is I think my final answer. The guy whose life was saved by the liver has offered to pay any fine, which I think is rather sweet.
I'd be lying if I didn't tell you
Some fabulous lies going on at the moment, I was sniggering at my desk. :oD
Snigger
[pen] Better to laugh with your desk rather than at it if you to avoid hurting its feelings. It may seem wooden and impassive, but that's just a veneer.
None
*chortle*
None
Well if Dr Q hasn't got my ring, who has?
moving Scansion War II out of the limerick game...
[CdM rab et al] So if another scansion war isn't required, why make your criticisms public? I responded to what I thought was an unecessary criticism, but I won't mention this again.
Warring fractions
[penelope] I can't speak for CdM but no offence was meant. I can't recall if you were around at the time, but about 4 years ago there was a huge hoo-hah at York (possibly even when it was still at York) brought about by there being two polar opposite views about what was and what wasn't acceptable form in a Limerick. This was a particularly ugly episode and one which I, for one, would not like to see repeated. So why make the views public? I can't see anything wrong with gently pointing out that moves are perhaps not quite appropriate for the games in which they are played as long as it's done (a) nicely and (b) rarely. If one feels that, say, a Limerick doesn't have any of the defining features thereof (without there being some point behind the rule-bending, which can sometimes be humorous in its own right), then perhaps this is worth remarking on. I understood the comments about not wanting to get into an argument about just that: let's comment, refute, have Jerry's final thought and move on. But we now seem to have got into an argument about it :) Cup of tea? Rich tea finger?
Limericky
Yes, maybe it wasn't a classic, but I thought it worked ok:
.
In fact, Dr. Q's line had good word painting...
A-ha
[GIII] I see you've found your displacement activity!
None
I guess it comes down to whether you can hear these things or not. Even with the dots, I still find it quite difficult to get the rhythm right; clearly you, pen and the other participants found it less of a strain and so I'll shut up.
None
Still more in tune than Jemini, though.
true story
T'was limericks that brought me to MC
But my poor scancion you see
Raised several alerts
And with my doom a good cert
I gave up. :)
Playing well with others
No offence was intended, and I apologise, seriously and unreservedly, for causing it. While I disagree with GIII, I will bite my tongue and I won't argue the merits of this particular limerick further; anyway, as rab said, such matters are at part in the ear of the beholder, or the eye of the listener, or something. My posting in part reflected my general feeling that the limericks here and elsewhere have been below average quality over the last few months because several people don't spend enough time thinking about scansion and stress. As a result, I find myself posting less and less to them. The fun in the game is in collectively crafting a well-formed and funny end product; if we are not succeeding in doing that (and more often than not I think we are not), then the fun disappears for me. Others of course disagree, and that's fine.

I should add two things: (1) I am of course as guilty as anyone of the occasional bad line; and (B) I think pen typically contributes some of the very best limerick lines, and so I am particularly sorry that she was in my line of fire.
None
The secret of well-scansioned verse is this:
To hear each line like music in the ear
And yet to also hear it as 'twere prose.
The metre's like a shoe of certain form:
It yields not to a wrongly shapèd foot
But presses it into its tum-ti-tums.
The foot that fits the metre well, is thus
Enhanced by rhythm's clockwork-like progression.
But if the foot bears no resemblance to
The stressed and unstressed points along the line
Then like to bunioned club it will appear
When forced into a shoe however pretty.
The metre is the bezel, sense the stone
That fitted well together make a jewel
The versifier's craft combining them
Into a whole that's greater than its parts.
None
Wot CdM and Raak said. I should probably add my apologies to pen for unwittingly adding fuel to the fire.
None
Isn't anyone going to own up to seeing my ring?
group hug
After judcious application of several cups of tea, a Rich Tea finger (thanks rab) and as a last resort when the first two measures proved insufficient, a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, Regular Fries and Vanilla Milkshake, I'll gratefully acknowledge everyone's points which were intended constructively I'm sure, thank them for their continued interest in my limericking career and try and maintain my standards. :o). I am pre-menstrual... did it show?
Ring-a-ding-ding
[BtD] Does your ring sing or look like a thing?
limericks
whhoooooosh... I missed all that! No fair, I didn't get tea or biscuits! And someone stole that nice shiny ring I found under the (empty) teapot..
Three cheers rab
MC5 has some damn fine games and excellent players right now. Green and Blacks caramel choc ice creams all round.
I scream, you scream ...
It's finally stopped raining in Manchester, and the sun's come out, so I could quite happily suck an ice cream just now. [snorgle] cream puff? eclair?
Games
[btd] I'm pleased that the Fish of the Day seems to be to several people's tastes.
ice cream
rab, thanks for reminding me of that lovely ice cream in the freezer...YUM! Still hot after 11pm - I'm glad I bought that fan last year, I need it tonight.
BB4
I'm glad it was Anouska who went yesterday, in my opinion Jon has to stay as he's so strange, he's amusing. Still want Steph to win, not sure why!
BBBBBBBB
Interesting that The People ignored Moyles, Norton, The Mirror and the rest of the anti-Jon camp.
limericks and brothers big
[BB] I reckon Jon's good comedy value, and the shots of his describing in detail a Star Wars novel while cutting away to the guys nodding off were very funny. However it also reminded me of a frustration I found in earlier series - editorial slant - I've seen very little of this series so far but already have watched two extended episodes of Jon's "boring stories" which are it seems to me being given more precedence by the editors.
[Limericks] Missed the fun, but I'd like to offer my 2p and a disclaimer that no offense is intended to anyone. I find lines with dodgy scansion frustrating reading and playing the limerick games, but I think all we can ask is that players make an honest attempt to fit the scansion, with a little squeezing or odd stressing if that's necesary for a line they really like. It's always subjective of course and I'll try to read a line a few times if it jars at first. End of 2p...
Star fish
rab]By coincidence Anouska had the largest votr 46% and also was the big divi on Celebdaq. (Come on rab get an id you it makes sense). I must admit to being in the anti-Jon camp, but his style has grown in me since his unique rendition of Hotel California very Shatneresque. Spooky.
SoapboxIn Carp Diem, I think it is too soon to change its direction to "what they say/what they mean" with english/english. My enjoyment has come from a "word or phrase in another language" followed the translations.end soapbox
None
[Inkspot, re Soapbox] I was thinking the very same thing.
AOL
[Inkspot, Raak] Well, one could plausibly consider John Prescott's patois as a foreign language. However, the point of the game is that it is foreign words/phrases and there's still plenty of those to keep the game going for a few days at least.

[BB4] Yes I forgot about the 'editorial slant'. It's worth watching a few of the live bits then the highlight show to find out hgow the editorialising works. The Sunday night show is particularly good for this, as they will always show an edited version of Saturday night's live task. Plus you get the pop-pscychology from Manchester Uni's most famous member of staff (and thus, I s'pose, strictly speaking one of my colleagues) which is C4's risible attempt to make the show 'respectable' rather than just admit it's just pandering to the homo sapiens' instinctive desire to peer over the garden fence (or, in times of yore, drill a hole into the next cave).

Test case
[Inkspot, Raak] Did my int main(void) count as English in your opinion?
Re: Test case
[rab] Thin end of the wedge, driven a little deeper by Dunx, then split wide open by DrQu+xum.
Re: Re: Test case
[Raak] I'll go Robin Cook if you like... :)
Re: Test Case
[Raak] I figured Scottish dialect was probably sufficiently non-English. No?
None
[Dunx] I am torn between pro-Scottish zeal urging me to agree, and anti-English zeal urging me to poke fun at Sassenachs claiming to be unable to understand perfectly clear Glaswegian. :-)
Torn
[Raak] Being half-Scottish myself, I feel the same conflict. However, I am also painfully aware that there are huge swathes of Scottish dialect which I do not understand despite my ability to understand thicker accents than many.
Reality Bites
Re BB: first of all let me say that no matter how trite or sensationalist you might think British reality shows are, trust me when I say that the US output is far, far worse. I will revise this opinion only when shows of the salacious feebleness of "Joe Millionaire" and the show hosted by Monica Lewinsky are made in Britain.

Having said that there was a piece on the radio the other day about these shows, and there was a remark which struck me - the reporter suggested that these programmes are social experiments masquerading as mass entertainment, whereas the thing that for me distinguishes British efforts in this arena is that they are exactly the opposite: there is always some affectation of worthiness, such as the Big Brother psychologist.

Of course, later tha same day I heard the chairman of the FCC ask rhetorically (and apparently without irony) if there was any other broadcast system in the world that the listener would choose to replace the US one with.

Daq
I have finally succumbed to this celebdaq business. Trading as RadiantAndBeautiful my ID is 3293427. Could someone add me to the appropriate league, or how to do it myself?
Other news
I was wondering whether to kill the bad tempered imposters and replace them with something more interesting. Any comments?
It was I
I have to own up to spawning the bad tempered imposters. For a while it buzzed, but I agree, we could do with a new game or two. Any last comments before I park the Beige Allegro?
on the red carpet
RadiantAndBeautiful, in chauffeur driven Metro has swept into Beckingham Palace, a full array of D list celebrities await inside.
replacing imposters with...
How about a short game of libellous ghost-written profiles, as they're not immediately available elsewhere in the Morniverse? Players profile (eek - I've just used a nouveau verb) each other, probably in approximate alphabetical order, with each contributor posting a single sentence to the victim's profile. And shall we make it a maximum of three sentences per profile to keep it short and sweet? Any 'A's??
ghastly
Or do I mean ghostly? The alphabetic order thing might be a bit difficult to organise. I reckon we just supply them at random with the 3-sentence restriction pen suggests and perhaps additionally each profiler may profile each profilee once only. (But you can profile as many players as you like). Waddayareckon?
celebs
btw, who are 'moreteaplease' and 'ffish'?
Verbing
[pen] I think you're alright on the "profiling"; it may be new to you, but it's a verb which has been in use in computing since before I was programming for money.
Celebs
Ffiish'll be me...
Sorry
I got bored.
Re. Pro-filing
Are we "doing" one person at a time or just randomly profiling each other? CDM has profiled gil after a first line aboput pen. I'm confused.
None
By the way, ISIHAC last night was a classic. Esp Cow, Lake, Bomb.
Randomness
[BtD, profiles] No, just do them as they come to mind (so you could do gil, penelope, or anyone else for that matter, with no detriment to others' creativity). I much prefer it that way. The reason many games (like the Fourth Estate) get stuck is that only one ticket is open at a time, and it's tricky taking the responsibility for closing it.
retentive
[btd isihac classic] surely in the spirit of MC, profiles should be clerihew/limerick/couplet or something...
What happened?
I added a profile but it seems to have vanished! Have I been edited?
Grim Reaper
Talking off bumping off games, nothing much seems to be happening with the face pyjamas... Anyone agree with zapping it in favour of something else? I haven't seen any server in the Morniverse doing a game of book club/film club/songbook recently...
Six feet under
It's been stuck now twice after a move I made. It's either me or it's not. In either event, deep-six it with my blessing at any rate.
Last Night's ISIHAC
First class, I thought. It had everything.
Milk
I'm waiting I'm waiting for you...
You probably don't care
Sorry if your moves got lost. What happened was that we ended up with two mc5s on the go at once (mc10?) so if you 'think it's been working all day' then I'm afraid it hasn't. I have got copies of both sets of files, so I may work in lost moves as appropriate. On the other hand, I might do what I was really looking forward to doing today (see Books).
gasps
I need a beer.
None
[Uncle K] Crescenter's Film Club at Orange? [All] Original suggestions preferred.
Daq
Hmmm... all the shares I bought bar two have gone down in the past day. Oh well; maybe I was looking too far into the future...
swooning
Ooh, I've come over all feint. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to give blood without eating anything before. Think I'll lie down, then find food. *Lib lies down on the library floor, much to the bemusement of other library goers*
Original suggestion
Mmmabe Quickfire Darwin Crescent where the winner is the penultimate move - inspired by the Darwin awards.
Zoom
Or a game of Quickfire Too Many (insert player name here)
Crescenters' film club
That game seems to be purely on the one topic, whereas on ISIHAC itself, there's a different topic each time it's played - this could be run in a similar way to the now-deceased historical headlines when a new topic could be launched when players felt that the current one had run dry.
all peaky
[Lib] I tried to give blood twice, but they told me not to come back, after I went into shock both times. Hmph.
Film clubs
[Uncle Korky] Such indeed is the way the film club games generally run. Feel free to suggest moving on to a new topic.
Decision
So the decision is whether to broaden the scope of the currently running Film Club at Orange, or whether to start an all-new broad Multimedia Club church elsewhere (e.g. here).
None
[Lib, flerdle] I would like to give blood, but the Red Cross don't want blood from anyone who has been in Britain for more than three months. Since I lived there for 33 years, they won't take it. Never mind that I stopped eating meat in 1988...
None
I should clarify - the Red Cross in the US. They're the organisation that runs the blood donation programme here in the States.
film clubs
[rab] Not really one of the trickier decisions. Meanwhile, Blob's horoscope suggestion might work nicely here, I think.
wanting
Not wanting to seem autocratic in anyway that's all. Ditto re the Bloboscope; who's for the chop?
Chopper
I like blobs idea very much Well - and Beige Allegro has seen less action recently. For whoever is first with the chopper the winning move is Shaft. Appropriately.
much Well?
Well quite much.
Ark
[BtD] Appropriate for what, young man?
Honours
Would someone like to do the honours and bless the Bloboscope game with a witty title. I can't think of one.
Re: Honours
[rab] Well, Bloboscope seems pretty reasonable if a little Blob-specific. How about "Tall, Dark and Strange"?
None
Or "Cross My Palm With Silver"?
Honours (1st class)
Or, to quote The Divine Comedy Why not cross my palm with plastic, and we'll see what we can do (or a pithier version thereof)?
Massive Adaq
Can someone explain the delisting procedure? According to the news, they're going to delist two BB4 contestents, but I'm not sure how I'll be able to guess/influence which two, if at all.
Crossing
[rab] I am touched, although I would have thought that was obvious already.
It's time to vote...
[rab] on the front page there are two buttons - "list" and "de-list" which will allow you to vote, and let you view the results. Sell Anouska soon...
Help!
Having just changed my ISP (to BT) and upgraded my PC to XP - I am occasionally getting advertising messages popping up when I'm online. Typically they are a box with a message like "You have won £1,000 ring...", "I'm looking for love in your area" or "Earn from home...". I think someone has somehow got my PC id number because it is always displayed at the top of the message. As I need the internet to do my job, this is intensely irritating. Do any of you know how I can stop these messages?
IE IE O
BtD]If you run IE like me there's not much hope, but those that run the browser Opera are able to refuse pop ups.
Popups
Are these REALLY browser popups from your own browser? There are some spywareish creatures that can cause these. A personal firewall can shut them up.

If they are browser popups, then there is always ad-aware to stop spawning advertising windows and spyware. Simply inhibiting all popups can be inconvenient.

Poptarts
Inkspot/gil] Thanks. I think that they must be spyware dodahs because they quote my PC ID and sometimes appear when OE is running and IE is off. Can you recommend good (inexpensive) personal firewall software?
boingy
ZoneAlarm seems to work ok. They have a free version. Hopefully, here is their site and here is the link to a free version. If you choose it they nag you a bit to upgrade. If you look around the rest of download.com you might get a few more ideas.
None
Free program "Ad-Aware" from Lavasoft clears out all spyware stuff. I've also used the Opera browser with much happiness.
will ye no come back again
[Martha Farquar] Hm. Now I come to inspect the games, you haven't been seen for a while at Dan's. Or here for that matter. At any rate, posting this here too. If you still have a working email address, maybe you could mail me it.
popdown
Thanks all above - Ad-Aware installed and seems to have worked. I've downloaded Opera too, but it isn't working properly yet...
Hello moto
[Proj] I mailed you last night and again just now. NB. I've only played once at Dan's in about 4 years.

[Bob,gil] I switched off all Java and JavaScript on my browser ages ago and it's never inconvenienced me even slightly.

hello mudder, hello farder
[MF] Ah yes, so you did.
Haul, wobble, scream, plunge
If you're wondering why I was a bit quiet yesterday it's because I was at Alton Towers doing silly rides involving me being turned upside down, generally spun about, dropped into a hole, gliding on my back and, much to the amusement of the rest of the party, getting extremely moist and clammy on the rapids. Great fun, and I note the Bloboscope has taken off with some alacrity. Marvellous.
For furc's sake
I wonder if Blob or maybe matt might like to provide a Furcation. I also recall Projoy having a talent for this kind of thing too...
Furcing Hell
[rab] I was going to furcate a while ago - but then discovered that I had things to do that were a little more pressing. If I find I have a spare hour I'll do what I can - but my psychiatrist has only just signed me off as clear of the nightmares caused by Acre Street, I'm not sure that dragging it all up again would be too wise. But then I'm not - wise that is.
Freetime and Furcin'
I do find it hard to pass up games like that, and I was in fact planning a particularly fiendish move which would have upset the game dreadfully, resolved the various chronology problems it has and set an impossible challenge for other players to rise to, but unfortunately at the moment I'm applying for a new job while writing a show and organising a recording session, and even showing up in the office occasionally, so it has been impossible to begin. If y'all could see your way clear to leaving it on the front page until July, I might be able to actually do it.
None
Oh, and can I just say how much I am enjoying Breadmaster's horoscopes.
abso-furcing-lutely
[rab] I am intending to, just as soon as I have a moment-or-six.
Furcing brilliant
[Blob, Projoy, matt] I fully appreciate these difficulties. I generally have to set aside a weekend just to think about it... good to see there's some interest though.
A change of subject...
I stress that this is because I have never 'furced' and therefore it would be inappropriate for me to comment on this topic... I had an idea for a new game last night. Whilst watching the rather-splendid "Where Eagles Dare" on C5, I somewhat irritated my wife by pointing out various cast members here and there who'd been in Doctor Who. She did (and many of you also probably will) called me a sad anorak. However, she did challenge me to make connections to the series from other actors, and, thus, I ended up playing "Six Degrees of Doctor Who" - and worryingly-successfully too...! Of course, should this prove a potential game with you, my fellow Crescenters, it could always be adapted to any topic. I would suggest that anyone who makes the run of connections then deposits the name of a subsequent performer for another player to make a link with.
Hmmm...
[Uncle K] Sounds interesting. If it's Dr Who I suspect Thos might be interested, if anyone knows where to track him down. I guess there will also be some web-based resources to help the rest of us out.
Listing
[Celebdaqqers] Now, I have a problem. One of the BB4 people who I have shares in stands a reasonable chance of being delisted. I wouldn't want to sell my shares before the dividends are awarded, but presumably I lose my cash should the delisting occur... I presume I can't have my cake and eat it in this instance.
None
[rab re: web based resource] There did used to be a page that enabled you to do the "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" game (as it's popularly called, but just now I can't google it.
Kevin Bacon
[Projoy] I'm sure that's a game they used to play in Empire magazine. They also did a version with Christopher Lee.
daquiri
The dividend has been awarded. Sell now.
Divis
[GIII] You know that for a fact? Can't see any reference to it myself.
but
...I took your advice anyway.
Strawberry celebdaquiris
I've got mine :o). Spent it already, heheheh
Celeb-duck!
Mine too :)
Proj 1
The "particularly fiendish move" wouldn't be Reverse Acre Street-related, would it? :o)
Proj 2
Did you try this one?
Proj 3
Check your mailbox in 10 minutes or so.
Someone took my advice! woo!
look here, and then check out the voting...
Martha 1
Well, that was involved, but it was much worse than simply that.
Martha 2
Ah, that's the fellow. Thanks.
Martha 3
I checked. Very useful. Thanks very much. Will reply when less tied up.
celebrity MC
Fridays post divi leagues of 6 June has been saved strange how Prince William is now diving, interest in Harry won't be far behind. I can see why some on the daq are miffed as they changed the voting from one to two part of the way through, also why are last years BB like Alex still listed. And if anyone wants to join the Celebrity MC just post your Celebdaq id here.
Saville Thick Cut
Excuse me for being thick, but where do you find out what your dividends were. I don't seem to have any :(
spending cash
rab] If you have had any divi it will appear in 'cash available' in the portfolio, I've also set up "Register for CASH PRIZE or UPDATE DETAILS", and so get notified of the divi payout each Friday.
of human bondage
Those knots are darn tricky aren't they?

No, sir. I wouldn't do that, sir.

Furcing Ada!
Judging by the timestamps, it seems to have taken me the best part of 3 hours to construct a fairly desultory move in the furcation game. Admittedly there were a few distractions and my mentis may not have been entirely compos, but still, I won't be doing that again in a hurry...
Spoilsport
[matt] You're no fun any more.
Consolation
...but if it's any consolation, it took me a couple of hours to produce something not much better... (Stratford in particular is a blatant cop-out).
Hang it all
I have a proposal for a game that I have played with a friend and found to be excellent. Cardo is the same as Boardo but with playing cards. Any will do, Normal, Tarot, Donkey, Happy Families, Business etc. It is made more interesting by being played in Reverse. Collective Consciousness seems to have stalled. Any takers?
Divided
I am not aware of having received any dividents :( But at least I sold my shares in BB Jon before he was delisted. Which is a shame cos I think he's going to get a lot of tabloid coverage for as long as he stays in the house.
Down with the monarchy?
For some reason, people are selling shares in Prince Harry. Did noone see the coverage he's got these last two days?
Moanarchy
Wills is dropping like a scally girl's knickers too... odd considering it's his 21st this week (isn't it?).
Cardo
Ah, those memories of the long reverse game at !York . . . .
Not quote moanarchy
Zara Phillips is still on the rise...
avada kadavra
I'm crossing my fingers for JK Rowling, she's on the up...
JK
Yes, I've got 300,000 shares in her at the moment - so I hope she does well ! Unless I have a complete disaster I think kneecapping looms !
Millionaireship
It's all very well to make you a millionaire and reset you to 10000. But, frankly, by the time the Beckhams had had their dividend, I was MUCH more than a millionaire last week, but I still got only 10000 and an icon, and, what's more, they had left me in cash instead of leaving me 10000 worth of my favourite shares. By the time I got in Monday, I was MILES behind.
Rudeness
Yeah, that does seem a little rude. And presumably it means we just get recycled through the league table and it means nothing to be at the top or bottom.
celebdaq
It seems that the main aim of the game is to make the biggest %ge rise in the week, so the amount you start with doesn't really matter.
The main flaw with the game as I see it is that the divis are ludicrously high. If they paid out far smaller amounts then there would (a) be more import attached to how shares moved in value and (b) no need for the silly capping. Anyway, they've set the rules, so it's up to us if we want to play.
Public Service Announcement
Just to let you all know that I'm going away for a few days (everyone say 'ahhh'). So if this thing falls over on its arse I might not be able to fix it.
Although
With a bit of luck they might reset the clock :)
Sound of Slience
Ooh, rab goes away and things go really quiet round here. Rather spooky. Hmm, anyone for tennis?guest
Net Result
[Lib] Well, what's the point without rab as an audience? If what I say is not going to viewed by the mighty rab then I just won't bother.
sorry, that reads rather more sarcastically than intended
Oi
rain stopped play
[Dunx] Sacrasm's fine. [rab] Might have guessed you'd be lurking round the corner somewhere near MC land!
Veryweaktea
On celebdaq my cunning plan, by buying birthday boy Bill (PRWILL) seems to have come unstuck. With just over 100,400 shares they have droppped the best part of £1 each in one week, my value going down from Fri £405081 to £303,379 and still falling. But hey still romping away at No1. Surely Becks at £77.34 is overpriced and rising at 20p an hour?
Oh dear
The Netscape 4 compatibility dandelion seems to have been destroyed by the lawnmower of software sidegrades. Interesting, and not something I can fix while I need to, viz, in Embra.
rab's Oh dear
Any chance of a translation? I thought English was my first language. It now seems I was deluded.
Oh dear oh dear oh dear
I'm sorry Inkspot, but I appear to be top :)
Rum Daq Query
I've plopped from 2nd to 9th ! But surprisingly I've not yet been kneecapped, so I've got over £1.5m to play with.
ouch!
[Blob] It'll happen on Monday. The trick is to get yourself above 2m before then so you can get two wads of cash... I managed it last week by a slender £20,000.
Celebdaq Divvies
Where can you find the dividend payouts? And would JK Rowling have cranked up the divvies this week?
BB4
Dragging the chat back to BB, (is anyone else apart from me watching it?) but I have to say that it is far more amusing when the housemates are drunk. The main problem with them failing their tasks is that the shopping buget becomes too small to buy alcohol. And Sissy MUST go! (JON to WIN!)
Oh!
I seem to be in a new shiny place. Kudos to Nik for letting me steal some of his server space. Hopefully the weekly downtime is a thing of the past.
Ooooh!
Nice and quick as well. Thanks rab & Nik!
None
Mm, it was down earlier today for making the new subdomain work, and was down on friday for upgrading php, and was down a week or so before that for making another subdomain work, but it's all momentary stuff. The line broke a few months ago, but uptime is generally measured in months these days. Except I have to upgrade the kernel this week...

In the meantime, it all seems a lot speedier than I'd expected, so hurrah. Glad to help, and it saves me writing a server of my own.

Right...
[Nik, re downtime] But at least I know who to blame :) Just hoping that I'm not the one attracting the crackers like flies to a shite... or is it the other way round?
Speed
I think the speed might be largely due to the magic of CSS. If you look at the actual HTML, there's very little there at all.
New Game
OK, I took the liberty of upping the game count to celebrate the new home. Roll on the duff product names...
there you are...
rab]Good to see you back up and running, thanks to Nik.
On a more serious note can anyone tell me how ffish managed to get to the top of Celebrity. As for this week I'm at a complete loss but staying well clear of BB housemates.
fffffiiiiiiiiiish
That'll be me. After being kneecapped I bought nothing but Harry, having seen the papers over the weekend. Since then, I've just bought with my dividend who I thought would be helpful...
None
[Rab & Nik] Well done, gentlemen, for saving civilisation as we know it!
lucky 13
A new game! How about another - not that I'm superstitious or anything...
BeeBee
[Lib] Yes I'm watching BB and two of Jon, Fed and Cam will be going this week. Which is a shame as I quite like Cam for being so camp, Jon for being irritating. I have a nasty suspicion that Fed will stay because he's the prettiest and this seems to be what the viewing public goes for most.
Small b
I think the producers of BB have missed an opportunity to allow the public a great voting oppportunity, I would have liked to have seen four preferably five housemates up for eviction. If the thinking behind the BB stategy is because it has losing viewing figures, as the contestants sit around all day. The housemates will always nominate those that have annoyed them or upset the staus quo and it is always the same people as the others keep their heads down and play 'bland/safe'. We could end up with both Jon and Fed leaving, hey what a great interesting group of nicely well behaved and spoken celebs-to-be we'll have then.
Celeb Ducks
Dr Q has been exhorting participants in this rather questionable exploit to advise name/IDs on this banter board. Accordingly, and as usual, I am following his directives. Be warned though that, if there is a team Vs team thing going, I will undoubtedly drag you all down with me. So: ....
DUJON2774 (User ID: 3256726) is the info.
Incidentally, should the co-ordinator be within hearing distance, I assume that once a 'team member' a new menu option will appear? If not, how to I check to see if anyone else has beaten me to the bottom of the ladder?
Bloomin' fingers
I'm sure that you'll work it out... sorry, this digital mode confuses me at times. .... :-)
Being overly chatty.
It's all right, I think I found that bit. (groan)
Ta!
All of a sudden I'm up there with the 'experts' ... problem is they all have lot of little green blobs against their names. Anyhow, dear co-ordinator, thanks muchly. I shall now sink into oblivion.
older sibling
BB chat again... I'd hate to see John go because he's the only one who ever says anything provocative or interesting. He's the Rambling Nerd. I'd like to see Federico stay because sooner or later, he will crack up. He's finding out that he's the weak link, and it's not something he's used to. Cameron is the least offensive - so in my book he should really be the first to go. So my money's on Cameron and Fed. Really, though, they all seem to have forgotten it's a game show - I still maintain the first was the best, when the whole lot of 'em would sing: 'It's only a game show, it's only a game show,' as they headed over to the diary room to make their nominations.
'me too'
[Pen] I guess it didn't cross your mind but thank you for the above, as it rather nicely sums up my thoughts too, and as always, very eloquently. JON MUST STAY!
aaarrrgh
Careful, please, I don't want to memorise any of their names by accident. Can't you use some kind of code?
more generously proportioned fraternal relative
[lib&pen] Vote Jon! On a class basis alone (oops!)
BB4
In it's fourth year, Big Brother appears to have successfully elevated banality to an art form. However, I must confess to being curiously drawn to Big Brother's Little Brother - a nifty little half hour which reduces the day's 'action' to 3 bullet points each containing two words. Says it all really.
Celebdaq
Oops, nearly forgot myself then. Yes - my Celebdaq name and code: CHALKYSPIRE [3320323] I haven't the foggiest what I'm supposed to do, but figured that pressing the 'trade' button from time to time might reap dividends. Thanks for letting me join you and look forward to holding you all up.
For pity's sake, child, tie down the moons of Jupiter!
I think Breadmaster's move in Carpe Diem is one of the most beautiful phrases I've ever heard...*sigh*
Agreed
It almost deserves to be the start of a poem or song, but how would you follow it?
Dunno
...but welcome to the fold nevertheless.
for pity's sake...
I can't think of any rhymes - maybe it could be a miniature game?
Blushing
[Penelope] Why thank you - it does have that "ought to be a palindrome" sort of quality, doesn't it?
By Jove
I think it would make a wonderful opening line for a short story.
Deeply, deeply ashamed of my linguistic skills
Actually - what did the phrase really mean? I've just tried translating it on the assumption that it was Italian - or Spanish - or Portuguese - and I seem to be stumped, or at least the computer is.
tethering moons
I think it's the start of a blank verse poem, chastising a child for having too wild an imagination, and implying the consequences will be grave. I feel like it's been written already - maybe it's something I should work on.
Son pittore ancor io!
[Breadmaster] It came from the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations. To summarise their explanation, on seeing Raphael's St Cecilia at Bologna, c.1525, Antonio Allegri Correggio is supposed to have exclaimed, "Son pittore ancor io!" meaning, "I, too, am a painter!"
Of course...
On the other hand, he may just have seen through the window that Io had broken loose from its orbit and was hurtling towards the Earth. In a blind panic, he screamed, "For pity's sake, child, tie down the moons of Jupiter!"
None
Ah, of course, I must have temporarily forgotten! Maybe we should have a game of highly promising openings to non-existent stories/novels/plays/poems/songs, although I don't know if it would work/has already been done...
author's rights
[Penelope] I graciously permit you to use the line in question, provided I receive full acknowledgement! I thought it might be something about humanity's hubris and folly, but I think your explanation is better and much sadder. Reminds me of the more whimsical Calvin and Hobbes stories.
Celebdaq
Just registered! Details: UNCLE_KORKY (User ID: 3325317). Like Chalky, I've got no real concept of how this is all going to work, so I'll be vying for the foot of the table.
Celebdaq
I, too, have just registered. I am DARRENXYZ (User ID: 3326388).
more tea and biscuits
Uncle Korky and Darren you are pending just waiting for daq towers to load you in. Good luck. Tomorrow being Friday is divi day, can DrQ push ffish off the top. Though I have a feeling evil_edna is just bidding her time.
Going...going...gone to the man with the big beard and scythe
[Inkspot] Bidding her time?
without reserve
*cackle*
cackling...
Well, moreteaplease seems to have taken over top spot, but that's not going to last long - serious kneecapping beckons on Monday...
Early days
[Inkspot] Thanks for adding me to the league. Blimey - I've a lot of work to do...
A-ha
I knew my early investment in Ms Rowling would pay off!
Wahay!
I'm chuffed to little mint balls. Seems as though all my faffing around with the Royals has paid off . . . oops, I meant the Beckhams . . same thing, really. Cheers Inkspot and thanks DrQ - the Pants invasion appears to be gaining support [see The Chatter Page] :-)
Crikee
[Chalky] Not sure I like the sound of a pants invasion... though on the other hand if you're free tonight my number is...

[All] You might be touched to learn that the Manchester Evening News is running a special David Beckham Memorial Issue.

Unapologetically cross-posted
*clears throat* Ahem. May I just take this opportunity to point out that we are just over a week away from a Pilg? Saturday, June 28th, Australians promised, along with some unusual diversions. It may be wise to get there early, since there is wild talk of approaching the Great Place by 1:30, unlikely as that may seem.
Pilgards
I'd be really up for that if my brother wasn't getting married in Paris that weekend. I do a SoloPilg most times I'm in London, making sure I buy a genuine Mornington Crescent Ticket when I'm standing in the hallowed hall. I sometimes gift them to friends on birthdays and the like. They make great bookmarks. My family think I may be certifiable.
Kneecapping imminent
Who's moreteaplease? Also, if you are at £2,999,999 at the point of kneecapping, do you only get 2 wads of cash and end up forfeiting £989,999?
Depilg
Sadly I booked a wee weekend away, so am unable to make what looks set to be a stonking pilg, what with both bearded Australians and teenage hackers called Tiffany in attendance.
Alter ego
(ram being my slightly more random persona).
Delerious
*Lib skips into the crescent, does five cartwheels and an arab-spring, then collapses on the floor, smiling and murmuring "I've passed! I've passed"*
Passed?
... Baker Street picking up a gold podume? ... I'm sure congratulations are in order whatever it is.
*hands Lib a slightly melting Kit Kat and glass of flat lemonade* Well Done!
Lib the delerious
CONGRATULATIONS! I say that - because you appear to be Very Happy and not because I know what it is you've passed - an exam? a parcel? something painful? Anyway, keep smiling, Lib. I'm Chalky and a girly.
None
{rab and Chalky] Thanks.I've passed my finals! I'm now a Doctor! Not sunk in yet!
Doctor Lib
Blimey O'Reilly. Well done.
Further congrats
I trust they let you sober up before handing you the scalpels.
Lib
welcome. *proffers secret handshake*
Dr. Lib
Knockout!! Dr of what ?
Ah. The Doctor.
Would you classify yourself as Tom Baker-ish or more of a Sylvester McCoy-type? :)
Doctoring
[Lib] Doctor Dr. or Ph.D.?
and
Oh, and congrats as well!
More
Congratulations! And are you aiming to go further?
Uptime
So, what's the opinion thus far of mc^5's new home on beefy? I was just mentioning to Kevan that it's quite preposterous that a speedy-in-'98/9 computer hooked into the 'net on a residential DSL (with other things, including Kazaa, running alongside) outperforms a proper host both in speed and reliability/non-hacked-ness terms.

I ask because I'm a) drunk, and b) not aware of any glitches. Tell me, I'm your friendly neighbourhood BOFH.

Doctorhood
I notice that I didn't pay close attention to recent postings. Congratulations, Lib. Entertaining, vaguely related occurrence at work today. Boss&colleague:mumblemumble. Colleague: Nik, what have you got? HNC, degree, what?. Nik: Nothing. I'm completely unqualified. Boss: <blank, but firm, stare>.
Being a bit of a devil.
Nik, I wouldn't worry about it. I used to work in the banking industry (for 26 years!) and we used to take in 'graduates'. They would be those in the banking, commerce and accounting fields, of course. We used to trial them for 6 - 12 months and drop them upon other unsuspecting souls for 2 or three months at a time and then move them around in the various areas/facets of the organisation. Something like 95% either moved on, were moved on or simply froze in horror at actually having to work and simply 'deserted' ... :-) Now, I'm not denigrating degrees and the like (well, not much - my son's a B.Sc. so I can't can I?) but one wonders at times as to the worth of these degrees if their recipients are incapable of assimilating into a real world environment.

To you, Lib, congratulations, I wish that I were that well endowed intellectually.

To those of you in academia, and I gather there are a few who gather here, please do not take offence - I am merely stating my experiences.
more tea Bishop
Lib congrats, now you have more spare time don't forget to visit Celebdaq and buy a few shares post your id, ready for the post divi results like this table for Friday 20 June .
DrQ]moreteaplease is my second account, speaking of which it looks like I'm in for a sports car after the kneecapping.
badly broken html
That should really include the http: to get you to Friday 20 June .
Glitches
[Nik] ... or rather the lack thereof. It's been a very smooth transition, I think, and I've not noticed any problems. Then again, I've not been around much lately so I may not be best qualified to judge! One question I have: when you say you're on a domestic DSL service, what are the up/down speeds? I'm curious because I've been planning on running a home server for a while and wondered what the reasonable limits for an uplink might be.
Touched by cresenters good wishes...
Thank you all! I'm a medical doctor, which in my opinion is a 'fake' doctor, as opposed to clever people who actually earn the title (and don't just get is honorarily like us medics...) by gaining a PhD. However, it is rather unlikely that I'll have any more time, as the infamous junior doctor year awaits me where I have to work 1000000 hours per week!
Deglitch
[Nik] Well so far I'm pretty chuffed with the way things are going. I tend to design things for compactness rather than complexity, so the (relatively) low bandwidth is pretty much a non-issue. I can't make any promises about the nonhackedness - I still worry that something in my scripts might be partly responsble, but think it's unlikely. I've even altered them slightly when moving them on the offchance someone managed to get their hands on the original code.

The best thing as far as I'm concerned is that the sysadmin is someone who understands what this space is for. That's priceless. (But for everything else there's MasterCard).

Freakout
Hello, folks. I'm a regular at Pants, as some of you may know. I hope you don't mind me sneaking in here like this, I just wondered if I might humbly request that I be added to the Mornington Crescent Celebdaq League. My contact details are as follows: username Thraxwhirl (3328583). I'd be grateful to be on the list. Many thanks.
DSL
[Nik] Who's your ISP, and are they any good? (Well, this site seems to always be there.) BT are upgrading my exchange for broadband next month, and I'm considering going with Demon.
Lovely view Petunia
Welcome Anthrax Whirl your in at No 17.

I couldn't help myself, it was Franics my 12 year old son's fault, as I was passing his bedroom he called out "Aunt Petunia's had a howler!", so this evening instead of doing the ironing I've been engrossed in HP and the Order of the Phoenix, page 100 so many suprises I'm gripped already (by a childrens book?).

HP
[Inkspot] I have been reliably informed they're "not just children's books." A while back when I was working at a hospital, the consultants went through a phase of all reading Harry Potter, so you shouldn't feel too embarrassed. ;) They used to discuss it in the coffee room between operations.
harry potter
I spent all day yesterday reading it! It was good enough for me to want to keep reading, and I enjoyed it. I've bought best sellers before which I had to force myself to read, or skip through, but the HP books keep me engrossed, right to the end..
Degrees of understanding
[Dujon, a while ago] You question the value of certain types of degrees and of moving into the 'real world'. This is a tricky subject and one upon which I have opined before, so I shall keep it brief. From your post it's a little unclear what type of degrees your graduates had: were they specifically aimed at getting people into the banking/finance industry or a more general qualification. If the former, you have grounds for complaint.

However - and this may well be an entirely different issue - I am firmly of the belief that a University is not a training camp: if companies want their intake to have specific skills then they should stump up the cash and train them themselves rather than let the burden fall on the taxpayer. Furthermore, a University education should be largely academic: that's rather the point. This, however, has the consequence that it's not suitable for a majority of the populace and, crucially, I feel there is no shame in such institutions being 'elitist' in the sense that they select only people for whom such an education is beneficial. The main problem faced in the UK today though, as far as I can see, is that institutions with a more vocational approach to higher education have been crowbarred into an existing structure designed to do something different, and anything that isn't a 'degree' is considered a second-class qualification. Not easy to see how one can change the general public's attitude to non-degree qualifications. Anyway, that's roughly what I wanted to say though I'm not sure it makes sense.

Degrees of Separation
[rab] It's not just the UK that suffers from that problem - the USA will not grant a working visa to a foreign national (or "alien", as it is so charmingly termed) if you are taking on a job for which you do not have a relevant degree. So, however generally useless my Comp. Sci. degree has been in the real world, it at least served to allow me to take on work in the States.

This seems particularly bizarre, though, when you realise that even having a degree is irrelevant if you have more than about three years of industrial experience. That hasn't stopped hiring decisions made by my boss from being blocked because the higher management felt that the degree was from a school which "wasn't good enough". Ludicrous.

Catching up
[Dunx] It's 256kbps up, 512kbps down. Realistically, I can sustain ~30KBps up and ~60KBps down (in fact, it's been closer to 70 down the last few days). It seems to deal with stuff alright - although I've helped by installing mod_gzip in my Apache, so it compresses most things before transmission, if the client says it accepts compressed encodings.
[Raak] I moved to Nildram months back, because they were consistently the fastest, according to user testing at adslguide.org - now Eclipse have improved their network to take first place, but Nildram want the title back. It's not the cheapest, but it always work, is always fast, and the support people are decent. I give them an extra fiver a month for a block of static IPs. I'm more than happy with them, and recommend them at every opportunity.
[Dujon] Oh, I'm not worried, especially now I have 5 years of real experience on my CV.
DSL again
Of course, it's never enough - as soon as 512kbps SDSL is available and doesn't cost all the moneys in the world, I'll be having it. I'm less bothered about increased download speed, but if I had to take more to get better upload, I wouldn't be found complaining.
celebdaq
Curses! Still at number 3...however, I am now worth nearly 3.4 million before kneecapping tomorrow. I spent all my JK Rowling divvy on John Leslie, who is VERY popular at the moment..
Shhhh
Right, I'm going to say this quietly so the sabateurs don't hear. I'm off away from tomorrow until Sunday, so look after the place and don't drop any litter.
None
*peels banana and carelessly throws skin on floor* then *throws banana on floor too*. I don't like bananas!
Breadmaster Poetry
Very unusual phrase from Breadmaster in Carpe Diem, "Heaven is stunted over Mir, for there is ghostly morality within." Another poem start there perhaps!
I don't know it
Well, that was what it said to me... maybe my psyche is being writ over-large on these pages...
Cheap imitations?
So is this the one and only mc5, or is this move going to be zapped into the ether when midnight comes? And if it's so easy to set up a replacement site for this, then what about !!York?
!!York
[MF] I was going to setup a !!York archive, but I haven't had time - my usual core pottering time is on the train to and from work, but I've been driving every day for weeks now what with house stuff. I still plan on doing this, but I emphasise the word "archive" - I doubt I would make it playable.
pumpkin5 & !!Yorkwich
[MF] I certainly hope it carries on exactly the way it has.
[Dunx] Are there scripts, or is just a bunch of HTML rescued from somewhere?
Lack of clothing
Time for a little rant I'm afraid. I've just had the misfortune to go shopping for jeans. My favourite shop has gone crazy, with silly cuts, colours and patterns, so had to go elsewhere. Nothing seemed to fit, whatever size I tried. In the end I did find a nice pair of jean-type-things, but had to part with a grand proportion of the GDP of a small pacific island for the pleasure. I have come to the conculsion that I'm the wrong shape for everything!

[Thos] Fancy an apple? Or a tangerine (and you could carelessly throw the skin away with that too!)?

Rampant nudity
[Lib] You could, alternatively, have bought the small pacific island, then emigrated to it thus saving you the need to purchase warm leg-encasing garments. Just a thought.
Trousers
Bah, I can't buy trousers that fit either. Since I can find trousers with the right waist size and right inside leg, but can't actually move once I put them on, I've come to the conclusion that virtually no-one has leg muscles anymore, and it just isn't economical to make trousers that are generous around the legs in case a sprinter / cyclist / rower / rugby player / footballer comes in, since they all wear shorts, don't they...
Jeans
Oh yes, and Jeans are yet another thing that the British are notoriously gullible about. Watch the rest of the world double the price on jeans when they export them to the UK, and snigger at how these dumb Brits will still buy them, because if they're expensive, they must be good...
Jean Genie
[Ibid] As I struggle to sit comfortably in what are supposed to be relaxed fit jeans, I can only agree. Very odd about the pricing, though.
Hello? Emergency services?
Looking at the last move date, I think the furcation game may be seriously unwell...
SCREEEEEEECH!
Well, it is now.
Furcle
[Uncle Korky] I should say that I am planning a move, but I don't expect to finish it until late July, possibly early August, so I hope the game can be allowed to live until then.
Keep your furcing hands off
It's just warming up :) I could make it unkillable I guess, but that would be silly. Nottingham today, Dublin tomorrow and this site is still up.
Furcing hands nowhere near!
Good grief! At this speed, Time Team will be joining in!
Celebrip
Does anyone have any shares in Dennis Thatcher?
Thatchers
Don't think he's listed - neither is Maggie.
Dr
Belated congrats Lib!
What's up, Doc?
Lib, I forgot too... Well Done! :o)
Ducks - celebrities or otherwise.
My first 'kneecap' apparently is about to be executed. Bugger - 40% of my hard earned is about to go down the gurgler. I always knew I should work for wages and not contract my skills!
Ni!-cap
Q: If I get kneecapped on Monday, will I get the Thursday night dividends for the shares I had before then?
[Nik, re scripts]
I think Simons Mith has the York scripts. He's also got a "tarball", whatever that is.
Celebdaq
[Dujon] I think you'll lose a lot more than 40%. The kneecapping comes into effect once you hit £1million - and leave you with just £10,000 - So your minimum slash is 99%
[DrQ] I think you don't get kneecapped until Monday morning - therefore well after you've received your divis.
None
[Duj] Unless you mean that you are on £1.4m and will only be credited with one little green wadge (signifying a million) - in which case, yep, I see what you mean - I had a similar experience.
Warning, team! Improbably satisfying awful joke approaching!
Q: Have you heard about that new curry, Chicken Tarka?
A: It's like chicken tikka, only 'otter!

My apologies. One of my mates has been foisting it upon me at every opportunity for days, and I can't help enjoying it, and nor could I keep it to myself any longer.

More ducks
[Blob] Correct! That was my meaning - I know we drop back to the £10,000 level after patella paring, but at least we have a retirement fund parked in Geurnsey or somewhere. ♫♪.
As a matter of interest, has anyone had the experience of earning just over a million mark, but less than the £10,000 above? I was just wondering what happens; do you actually gain a few quid?
Wow!
A whole six days away... and no upsets. Applause, hurrah. (And I'm still in only 7th place in our league despite Ms Rowling rewarding me handsomely). Dublin was fab, thanks for asking. CdM - we went to Mulligans. Great pub, especially if you like the smokey old man thing. I have to say my Guinness buds are not finely honed, so I couldn't really tell if it was superior to that at O'Neills or the Guinness Storehouse itself, so I'll take your word for it.
Temporary position
[Celebdaq] Slightly surprised to find myself at the top of the league this morning - though I realise this is simply due to the usual suspects having been kneecapped.
Knees
[Dujon] Yes. It just happened to me.
Boolbarman joke
[Bool] Did you go to Glastonbury?

[Nik] Owch! OK, try this one.

A Polar bear goes into a bar and says "I'll have a gin and





tonic please."

The barman replies "So, why the big pause?"
Glasto nogo
[BtD] Only by the power of TV. [Joke] Ouch!
In furc a penny, in furc a pound
I'm wondering whether it might be possible to get an Arts Council grant to fund the Furcation Game...
Kneecapping
I got my first 'daq million too... Quite a shock...

Two crocodiles go into a bar and ask for some drinks...
"Certainly sirs," says the barman "but why the long faces?"

[rab] My recent stag night was in Dublin and involved a trip to the Guinness storehouse - did you take your free pint in the Gravity Bar up top? What a view!
[all] And talking of matters marital, a whole bunch of photos from my nuptials are now here - the discerning among you may even spot a Projoy or two in the throng.
Celebdaq - Henman
I've never seen a share jump like his before in such a short span... I bought him at £3.66/share this morning, he's at £4.02/share as of right now, up 24p this hour....
None
[BtD] Yikes!
Bad jokes
I top all of you with:

A man walked into a bar and said "OUCH!"
Oh yeah?
Picking up the gauntlet with

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

The barman says "is this some kind of a joke?"
Oh yeah!
René Descartes is at the bar and the barkeep asks him "Have one for the road?" René replied, "I think not", and *poof*! He disappeared.
Neigh neigh and thrice neigh
A horse goes into a bar,

The barman says "so, why the long face?"
None
An elephant, a giraffe, and a hedgehog walk into a bar, and the barman says, "I can't wait to hear the punchline!"
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt My self.
Ho ho.
Only just read blamelewis posting - sorry - same joke different animal. BTW - nice table top camera pics. As I have no idea what Projoy looks like - had great fun guessing.

Regaining composure...
A man goes to see a doctor with a little bit of lettuce sticking out of his bottom.
After the examination he asks "Is it serious?"
"I'm afraid so" replies the doctor, "it's only the tip of the iceburg."
*groan*
A gorgeous blonde walked into a bar and said "I'd like a Double Entendre, please," so I gave her one.
Getting worse...
A man goes to see his doctor, and explains that his back hurts. The doctor says "Say 'Ahhh'". "Why?" says the man. "My dog's just died," he replies.
Anything and everything.

[Boolbar] Thanks for the info. (way up there somewhere)

[blamelewis] Congratulations on your marriage; all the best to yourself and your new bride. Should I survive until October it's 33 years for me. . . ☺

[Re: 'Daq} Grumble, grumble. 750,000 nicker down the drain. I am singularly unimpressed! Anyone got a spare shoulder? As far as the 'jokes' are concerned - I thought mine were bad. ☺ I cannot match you lot, so I shall not try.
A Joke. Probably.
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
Yay!
[Dunx] That's my favourite joke in the world. Closely followed by
Q: What do you call a fly with no legs?
A: A walk!
walk - don't walk
Lib.. I don't know how to break this to you. A fly with no wings is called a Walk. A fly with no wings and no legs is called a Sit. Please tell me where you'll be practising medicine so I can be sure never to fall ill there. ;o)
Save string when you're young!
When you grow up, you'll have a ball!
a sit
A male fly walks into a bar, goes up to an attractive female fly and says "Is this stool taken?"
bar chuckles
A skeleton walks up to a bar and orders a pint . . . and a mop.
doctor lib
I believe the joke you meant to put there was
What do you call a spider with no legs?
a raisin!
diversifying
I was in a Chinese restaurant and I said "Waiter! This fish is rubbery!", and the waiter went "Ah, thank you velly much sir"
Body parts.....
[pen] You've found my weak point. I do get confused with body parts! And this is rather worrying to the general public at large. Its a bit of a shame that there's no the 'ask the audience' moment at graduation ceremonies that there is at church weddings. I can just see the moment now, about to recieve my degree certificate and someone pipes up from the audience "No, don't let her be a doctor, she doesn't know the difference between legs and wings, and once she forgot what the heart was called (and refered to it as the big muscle that pumps blood round the body!)". Then they'd refuse to give me the certificate and I'd be pubically humiliated! Stockport (Stepping hill hosptial) is the place to avoid!
practising medicine
[Lib] Stockport? No problem. I'm well away from there. Once you've got some practice in, I daresay you'll be very good, but thankfully I'm feeling very well at the moment, living here in the south east! And as for your nightmare scenario... several years after I graduated I had a nightmare in which I found out I hadn't actually graduated at all - I failed the maths module because the lecturer had lost my coursework. *shudders*
pubic humiliation
[Lib] I'm not going to ask.

A woman wakes up with a terrible hangover and finds herself sharing her bed with an elephant. "God I must have been tight last night!" she exclaims. "Yes," says the elephant, "at least the first couple of times."

Luckily I can't be bothered to type out the hamster joke.

A man goes into a bar and sees...
...a dog playing chess with its owner. So he says, "What a remarkably intelligent dog!", and the owner replies, "Not really, he's lost the first two games."
Another bar?
A West Virginian man walked into a bar....an' it et him to bits!
Explanation upon request.
None
A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a cheetah.

He was trying to pull a fast one.
None
And never forget the last words of my grandfather, who said "A truck!"
None
Well, my great uncle died of deafness...

...he didn't hear the steamroller.

font memories
Four fonts walk into a bar.

The barman says "we don't want your type in here."
Font of all knowledge
[BtD] Presumably the publican didn't like the look of their face?
None
[BtD] You're a Tim Vine fan, aren't you?

I said to the newsagent, "I'd like to read a magazine on the supernatural, please."
Newsagent: Fortean Times?
Me: No, just once.

Tim who?
[MF] In all honesty - I don't know who Tim Vine is - but if you think he'd make me laugh...

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
Another One
Q: what do you call a communist volleyball player?
A: a red setter.

[Lib] That one just sticks in my mind.

[BtD]
Tim Vine writes a lot of this kind of one-liner. Most of the gags on this page are by him, esp. the ones lower down. He's a regular on ITV's The Sketch Show, which is starting next week I think. He's also on tour this year.
None
I was in the video shop, and I said, "I'd like an action movie please." The assistant went, "D'you want to rent Batman Forever?" I said, "no, just for a couple of hours."
Reeeeeally bad.
A man walked into a bar...gain antique shop and said "What's new?"
DrQu+xum/Lib
ok, I'll bite.. what's the west virginian one about? Oh, and Lib, I must insist that you type the hamster one..
West Virginian
[snorgle] Here's another joke as a hint.

Q: Why does a West Virginian Nativity Scene have the Three Wise Men in total fireman's gear?
A: Because it says in the Bible that they came from a'far.

(If all else fails, think Huckleberry Hound.)
Virginity
[Dr Q] Who? Was s/he Tom Sawyer's companion? ☺
Accents
[Dr] Ah... I've just worked it out... Yes, second one was a big hint!
Hamster
[snorgle] I believe it is matt who has the hamster joke.
huckleberry hound
ah, thank you, i will now talk in a terrible accent the rest of the day in your honour..
Poo
Two men walked into a bar dragging 20 foot long turds behind them.
The barman looks at them and asks "Why the long faeces?"
. . . and also . . .
William Shakespeare walks into a bar. The barman says "Get out! You're bard"
groan
Sorry to interrupt the punfest, but I was wondering if the assorted Big Brother afficionados here had any opinion on the new girl, Lisa. I have a very strong hunch she might be a plant...
Lisa
That'll be the trail of pollen that she leaves wherever she goes...
the hamster joke
[snorgle] OK, but I promise you it wasn't worth the wait.

A man goes into a pet shop and buys a hamster -- but by the time he gets home, it's dead. Outraged, he returns to the shop.

"You're quite right," says the shopkeeper, "that's completely unacceptable. I'll be happy to give you a new one but we're out of stock until Monday. Come back then." The man looks so thoroughly downhearted that the shopkeeper decides to do him a favour. "Look, I know it sounds strange but here's a trick to cheer yourself up. Take your late hamster home, put him in the blender, then take the resulting puree and spread it on your garden."

"Do what?" says the horrified customer.

"Puree the hamster, spread it on your garden. Honestly. Next morning you won't believe your eyes: the whole garden will be a carpet of flowers as far as the eye can see, so beautiful that you'll feel much better."

The man is doubtful, but he goes home and does what the shopkeeper said. Lo and behold, next morning his garden is blooming with daffodils as far as the eye can see, and all day he has a spring in his step!

Come Monday, he's back to the shop to pick up his new pet and he says to the proprietor "You know, I had my doubts about what you said, but it worked, it was amazing! Daffodils as far as the eye could see!"

"Daffodils?" comes the reply. "Daffodils? You usually get tulips from hamster jam!"

Phew!
[matt] I'm glad it wasn't the one involving sellotape.
Double Phew!
Or the one involving the S&M club.
Likewise!
Well done, matt. I have to say it's essentially the same joke as the one I know, but it's only about a quarter of the length, so it's a good job they asked you rather than me!
nerves
I know we've declared a bit of a moratorium on this kind of thing but COME ON TIM!!
hamster joke
thank you! does anyone know if there is a real punchline to that chain letter joke about the old lady and the pet food?
Big Bore
rab]Lisa is on a very sticky wicket as she has to make an immediate impression with the public and the housemates. She has certainly rattled their cages and under Cameroon's skin, and she will almost certainly be up for eviction next week, hopefully up against Cammeroon. If that were the case he should go, to build the tension further between the remaining players. But nothing really can rescue this series.
None
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
"In English" he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
Doesn't really work in written form, but...
What's big and steaming and comes out of cows backwards?

The Isle of Wight ferry

(cows/Cowes, you see)

A bit like
How to you get two whales in a mini?

Down the M4.

Works better written than spoken
What do you call a bear with no ears.

A b.
None
[Inkspot] If I can divert the subject from bad jokes for a minute, what makes a series of Big Brother good or bad? What is a "good" contestant (from the point of view of the people who watch it, rather than the producers)? On what grounds do people vote for someone to be evicted? In other words, how does the whole thing work?
How do you make a dead baby float?
One scoop of ice cream, two scoops of dead baby.
Raak re Big Brother
Good contestants are those who cause conflict in the house, or stimulate responses in the other housemates. The problem with this series is that everyone gets on with each other too well, and there isn't any conflict, whereas last year, the final four contestants could hardly stand the sight of each other by the end. (Except Kate and Jonny.) And they still had to put on a show of liking each other as they wanted to win the prize, which made it all the more interesting. But it's impossible to guarantee conflict in the house. No-one would have guessed Alex would start sounding off about cleanliness the way he did, or that Jade would start backstabbing everyone. Conversely, they put Scott, Jon, Justine and Cameron together as they're all team leaders, and leaders normally make themselves unpopular - but none of them even tried to lead, except Jon, who's now gone. In fact, since he and Fed left, I've hardly watched the show at all.
That'll be it
The last two years (didn't watch series 1 from the outset, thinking it all a waste of time... my opinion hasn't necessarily changed, although my avidness has) there was a ruckus from pretty much the outset. For example last year Alex got upset at someone nicking a sausage that he quite fancied; the year before Penny was so barking she immediately managed to get peoples' backs up. Also, last year they had several gimmicks to spice things up: the rich-poor divide coupled with extremely arbitrary ways of deciding who would be on which side (e.g. scoring baskets). However these proved unnecessary as the contestants themselves provided enough agro to go round. I feel that this year's contestants with last year's set-up, or vice versa, might have been more fun to watch. The thing is, I think the format has now passed its peak: quite simply, people have wised up to how to play the game. You can reach the final stage by just not being nominated by your housemates which just means keeping your head down and not antagonising anyone. Of course, the housemates could wise up and start nominating the boring people rather than the antagonistic ones. But this would only work if everyone did it, so probably wouldn't be considered an optimal strategy from a game-theoretic point-of-view. Err, that's rather a lot isn't it. I note that the covers have come off at Wimbledon so maybe we'll see some tennis today after all.
you decide
I agree that it is the tension and flare ups that make BB worth watching and the indicator of peoples interest in the Friday 'exit' poll. A low count is not good for the producers as they get a large slice of the cost of the call, there is now the prospect of a low turn out for the rest of the series and a lack lustre last week. The cause for me is the voting system, they need to change the rules so that anyone that is nominated is up for eviction, and let the public really decide who goes.
Any formal warning to one housemate should be passed on with all housemates being penalised (bring back the cold outside shower!), they could take a leaf or two from BBAfrica with a single basic bedroom for all 12.
still childishly amused by John Lloyd's punditry . .
Just heard "Henman needs to thrust himself in the face of Grosjean and say .... 'Beat Me!'
Henman
Obviously his advice wasn't heeded. Henman's out [quelle surprise!].
Yes
I thought he would be. The match followed almost exactly the same pattern - in terms of points scored and rain breaks - as that which ended similarly against Ivanisevic in 2001.
Ooof!
I just got some new specs and it now feels funny with them on and even funnier with them off. I'm sure I'll get used to it and stop walking into things soon.
Raak's 2nd question
The public vote off housemates depending on (a) what Graham Norton tells them to do*; (b) what Chris Moyles tells them to do*; (c) how weighted the highlights are against them that week**; (d) how many column inches they've generated in Heat magazine***; (e) whether betting syndicates are rigging the voting****; (f) if they are female*****; (g)whether we actually like them******.

Spencer v. Alex; Adele v. Jade
**Cameron v. Jon & Fed
***Justine, Sissy & Gos this week
****Alison; Adele v. Jade; Anouska
*****Everyone except Kate
******Negligible

celebdaq
i am number 1 again! yay! if Tim doesn't pay out a massive divvy this week, there is no God..
BB personalities
Interesting to observe how the 'evictees', who are instantly launched into excessive T.V. [RI:SE/BBLB/GoodMorning, etc] exposure the minute they set foot outside the house, appear to gain a 'personality'. Anouska, in particular, is far more articulate than we were allowed to see in that first week; Jon & Fed have become a credible double act; even Tania, dare I say, has become more watchable.

[snorgle] Celebdaq - I appear to be right behind you, lord knows how, because I am still in the dark about how the 'timing' works, ie. retrospective? For instance, as the share price is falling rapidly, would it be wise to sell Henman shares?

Bum
I've not been paying attention and have fallen dramatically. Anyone got any tips - JKR and Tim were the obvious ones, but I can't think of any big events looming.
The "Beatles", m'lud, are a shuffle beat combo popular among modern young people...
I have to say, not only have I not watched Big Bugger, but I have successfully avoided ever seeing any of the contestants either during or after their incarceration. I don't know any of their names or what any of them looks like. Admittedly this feat has required not watching any TV whatsoever for some months - other than Sky News - but I think that's a price well worth paying. What is RI:SE, and why is it spelt that way?
RI:SE and SH:INE
[Breadmaster] I think it's so it looks like a digital clockface, that being one of the first things us young turks look at when waking up in the morning. You can achieve much the same effect on your grandfather clock with some cunning stickers obtainable from the Innovations catalogue (rip).
And another thing
[Breadmaster] To answer your first question, it's a Channel 4 "breakfast" show. Kinda likea TV version of the Radio 1 breakfast "show" I guess. Which leads naturally onto the question: why are radio programmes often referred to as "shows" when there's nothing to see?
None
Yeah. Either that or they use the word 'Slot' - as in the breakfast slot or the teatime slot. An ugly word, in my opinion, that has some curious definitions, not least, 'a crosspiece', 'the hollow down the middle of the breasts' [!] and 'a deer's footprints'
Celebdaq
[rab] Well, I for one am pinning hopes on new films... so I've gone for Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz (Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle) and Arnie (T3: Rise of the Machines).
Slottage
[Chalky] I expect to giggle schoolboyishly whenever I hear phrases like "lunchtime slot" from now on. I do so like it when my life is enriched in this way - many thanks!
Celebdaq
My faith in Royalty has been shattered - bloody Prince Willi divi'd £0.00 this week, the little sod.
A-hem
[Blob] Just a gentle reminder: Lock Cup
celebdaq
Beats me, I just buy shares in people who are likely to be in the news the next week, and the shares usually go up. Not a great divvy for Tim, but at least I made a profit. I think I'll stick to tennis for now..
the end of the world
No Big Brother ... no eviction ... no Davina ...
I know
[Bb] I received a txtmsg from my nose-to-the-ground contact whilst in the pub. What's going on??
NO PANTS!
It appears that PantsMC is down. Feh.
Bare bummed also.
Well, good Dr., at least that confirms that I'm not excluded from the site because of my postings (although that situation would be quite understandable ☺)
Reliability
Hm. Has anyone had trouble accessing mc5 in the last week? A couple of times I've found myself unable to get outside the house from my laptop (which is 802.11b wireless connected to the net), wandered over to beefy(.angrycake.net, the server mc5 resides on) to find it all well, and then returned to the laptop to find it working again. DNS resolution has stopped more times than I'm comfortable with, too.

Even a single lack of response from the server would be of interest to me - I want to try and determine if it's the DSL or the wireless that's at fault, although I'm currently pointing several accusatory fingers at the wireless equipment, it seeming less reliable than the 'not very reliable' it once aspired to. The lack of complaints here and at MCiOS are good signs, I hope.

On another note, BBC story about the delayed eviction. I dislike BB - and the whole 'reality TV' genre it spawned - intensely but, worryingly, often find it's the most watchable thing on either Sky Digital or terrestrial from late evening through the wee hours.

Nik's, err, problem

I pop in once or twice during my day - which is somewhat different from your own - but have had no problems, Nik.
nik's reliability
Occasionally at work I've had to reload a page but I thought that was down to my work computer. It acts up sometimes..
Nikerrors
Working from home I access the site two or three times a day. Since moving to angrycake this site has been 100% reliable.
No worries
[Nik] I've noticed very little trouble. Occasionally there are brief periods where I don't get an http response within less than about a second - but to be fair I get that with Google or the BBC so it's nothing out of the ordinary. ssh logins have been fine.
two things
[Nik] I've not had any trouble, even using my Mum's steam powered connection, or the hosptial with the huge firewall.

[Bad jokes] I know we'd managed to escape the bad jokes (and I'll try to get it right this time) but I heard this one yesterday and am still chuckling....

Q: Why is the devil not allowed into the Post Office?

A: Beacuse he takes many forms.

Way out West
A three legged dog walks into a bar.

He goes up to the barman and says "I'm lookin' for the guy who shot my paw."
None
Must be the wireless, then. And I've got a car to make remotely roadworthy this month as well. Fiddlesticks.
Remoteness
[Nik] Make sure you use the FM band, and preferably PCM for the control signals. Best of luck on constructing a suitable speed controller!
Celebdaq
I'm having a bit of a 'mare...
Hmmm
I haven't been paying much attention to the 'daq recently, for reasons which should be fairly clear. Really stuck as to who the current long term bankers might be...
daqsodding
I picked the wrong Williams sister this week... way down, dropping like a stone, all is lost, we're all doomed :o(
I be back
Arnie goes up, then Arnie goes down. Looks like that 'Bouncy' singer is the in thing.
Hasta la vista
[Boolbar] Hmmm... Guess who had heavily invested in Arnie...
Me me me
[Uncle K] Me. But I did so last week, so he hasn't fallen below my purchase price . . . yet.
more shares please
With my two accounts I'm still trying different strategies, mtp so far since Friday has bought and sold Henman/Sernena Williams/Arnie/ and now Beyonce. I have been lucky to time it just right in selling all/buying just after 9am. It was very noticable that as soon as Beyonce began to rise Arnie fell of the edge. The rule changes were meant to encourage day-to-day trading and divis greatly reduced payout now to be the square root of any payout so for most celebs it will be zilch, last weeks the results were so poor they have not been posted.
The other slow moving acc. has a clutch of celebs, I hope one of which will rise but with a static market and a prospect of very little divi's it is likely to continue to slide.
Eh?
[Inkspot] Rule changes ? What rule changes ?
Staggered
I am absolutely staggered that someone's been attempting to read the furcation game via a mobile phone WAP connection. Maybe the next challenge would be to do the next move as a series of SMS texts.
I'm being watched!
I admit, it was me. WAP is free and internet is not. On my phone The furc game is 95 pages long (the average length for this page is about 25 pages, which is long enough to scroll trhough). I only got to page one, as was wondering how long it was. Stop spying on me rab! (Do you know where I live? and more worringly can you get my mobie number from your source? Hope not!)
Txting
[rab] SMS Crescent has a certain appeal.

[Lib] I wouldn't worry - one of the pieces of information recorded in the server logs is the user agent being used to browse a particular page, and that will be where rab got his info. The only other identifying information is your IP address, and for a WAP device that's far more likely to be the address of a gateway machine somewhere rather than something which would identify your phone.

clarity!
[dunx] Thanks, I can relax now!
rude cages
Boolbar]A few days ago daq towers changed the rules following several weeks of strange results which started with Get Me Out of Here and continued through to Beckham, they announced them on 30 June with a brief statement to share holders, at the same time the revised dividends were posted. During the past few weeks celebs like Prince William and Beckham were paying out substatial divis that distorted the market leading to huge rises, but to my mind those were extraordinary circumstances.
Spying
[Lib] What Dunx said. FYI the clue was the text 'Google WAP Proxy/1.0' in the logfile. I look at the log now and again partly cos I'm curious to find out how often the site is accessed (as opposed to how often a move is made, which is recorded in the game files), what browsers people use, which search engines pass through and how often, and occasionally to check that no-one's trying to break in.

Mind you, if you want me to spy on you, just leave you mobile number and I'll see what I can do :)

increased roots
Another statement and changes to dividends, due to uproar from the crowd, daq towers have amended the payout to slightly reward those that hold on to shares rather than playing the day-to-day by increasing the amount of payout per share, but this will still be cut be sqare rooted. There's hope for my BB swag bag yet.
Is that the time? best shut down and go home for tea.
stalking
[rab] My phone number is 0898 69 69 69. Feel free to stalk me!
Husk
[Lib] You have an unexpectedly husky voice.
Always wondered
What is on the other end of 0898 696969 ? I've seen it many times used as a spoof phone number.
Wonder no more!
Just dial it and see :) It'll only cost £4.95 per minute.
None
[matt] That's why I'm still wondering.
Daq and darn
Bugger! Losing money fast...
more hot tea
Sometime between 8 and 9 in the morning seems to be the 'opening' time for dealing. Today I waited till 8.30 while the cuppa was cooling down at my desk, Sven was starting to drop and Arnie was twitching with a rise of 6p, it was time to sell all and buy the big guy. Since 8.30 the value of 13860 shares has risen from £123,449 to £132,098, but all this selling will give a low divi payout on Friday. On the weekend I may have to cash in the shares before I go to bed as the big movers do very little between midnight and 9.am but the price may have crashed by the time I get round to trading mid morning.

Vote either Steph or Cameroon but keep in Lisa, her disruption to the house has got to continue.

BB4
[Inkspot] But aren't all the other HMs just ignoring her?
evictions
Yes they are ignoring her, Nush and Scott have paired so are Steph and Cameroon with Ray being pal to everyone. The basis being to break up S&C, if Cam goes how will Steph cope. But I think bringing in an outsider late in the game is always awkward for that person. Tim was lucky last year as Alex was shunned by half the house, and it was earlier in the game but he was never fully accepted. Guests like Gae are allowed as non threatening.
0898
Boolbar] That reminds me of a story I heard about a sexline entitled "Hear me moan". A man tried to take the proprietors to court after he rang it and got a recording of a woman complaining about the lack of help she was getting with the housework. Trading Standards refused to prosecute saying that the man the man "got what he deserved".
Lock Cup
Played
bad joke
There's a mummy mole, a daddy mole, and a baby mole, all living in a mole hole. One day, daddy mole sticks out his head, and says "MMM! I can smell Maple syrup!" So mummy mole squeezes by him and sniffs, smiles and says "Oh! I can smell honey!" Poor little baby mole can't squeeze through, but gamely tries, sniffs and complains "Aww! All I can smell is MOLASSES!"
Celebdaq aside...
...why is Sean Connery not listed?
Lock Cup
I think we need the referee over at rab v. Blob fairly urgently.
ImpostCeleb
Because I'm still quite new and rather pathetically unknowledgeable . . . apart from the obvious, who is who - in our League??? [What I'm really saying is much respect to 'moreteaplease' who has not only managed to amass a whole series of important looking green boxes and a red one, but has held me off the top spot for a few days now - during a period of time where I've suckseeded in buying and selling at JUST the optimum momento.]
Imposing
moreteaplease = InkSpot 2; ffish = GrahamIII 2 (G6?); evil_edna = penelope; sigmundfreud = gil; RadiantAndBeautiful = me (obviously).
None
Sorry, there's obviously only one GrahamIII (or is that three?).
Expose-a-daq
Cheers rab.
tip top tea
What a way to finish the week of exhausting of trading, Chalky it will be over to you next week as such large 7 day gains are almost impossible to maintain, and because of the day2day trading I had no divis.
However the Inkspot account with its spread of BB housemates came up trumps, all the divis have gone into Mrs Beckham ...so make way coming through.
None
[Chalky] Great word in the cheddars, btw. Have tidied up the accent so we can all enjoy its full splendour.
Bad tempered imposters
Did we ever sort out exactly who was whom in B.T.I.?
None
Whats it to you, puffin-head?
Lockage
[Blob] May I volunteer?

[rab] Could you put a link to the Lock Cup pages on here so it's easier to get there from here?

Blockage
[Blob] Forget that - obviously JLE did the honours.
Downtime
Tsk. Server was down for ~two minutes just now. Sorry about that. I had to unplug the power strips as I was moving furniture that I'd trailed the cables through. Bah.
Downtime
Spiked by paranoia (no-one posting since just before my announcement) I'm posting from elsewhere on teh intarnet to verify to myself mc5 is actually visible. Nothing to see here, move along, move along.
The full monty: 02:44 Sun 13 Jul 2003
You're fine, Nik.
None
Not now, though. The disk on the DNS/Mailbox just died. Thankfully, it's mostly only mail that's affected, and I got it back long enough to copy everything not broken off. Hopefully I can figure this out...
Stuff
[Dunx] I'll try and do that before going on holiday, which is tomorrow... so if anyone else has any burning issues regarding this site, let me know by about lunchtime. Ta
Um
Actually, no I can't. Presumably due to the difficulties noted by Nik above I can't access the server at the moment except via these web pages.
None
Mm, sorry about that. sshd won't come back up on that box. It's unconnected to the mail box strife, except that both stem from having to power down on saturday. That'll learn me.
Dokies
[Nik] Right you are

Meanwhile, has anyone ever been anything other than 'cordially' invited to something?

Cordiality
[rab] What, like "reluctantly" invited, or "resentfully" invited?
come as you are
Hmm... I may have had an invitation with menaces before now, but it's not something I'd like to go into detail about
Guilty M'lud
I have been 'invited' to court to appear as a witness.
"You're crap, basically."
I remember being 'invited' to leave Geography at the end of my fourth year at senior school on the grounds of ability...
Downtime
I didn't do it</bart>
Bobs Pot review
Saskia and I have just finished reading 'The Order of the Phoenix'. We read it out loud, taking it in turns to read alternate chapters. We lead a fairly isolated life and have been fairly well distanced from the hype that accompanied the launch - I heard a little about it on the radio and chose not to read too much about it on the Internet. My expectations were not high as I feel that JKR has set herself a near impossible task - that of creating a series of books aimed at a gradually increasing age group - set against the biggest hype ever to accompany a children’s publication.

We were very pleasantly suprised. The book was virtually unputdownable. It is funnier and more sophisticated than the last one and because it builds successfully on the background of the previous books, it left us gagging for more. I am now aware that most reviews have given it 4 out of 5. Possibly because we read the book together and aloud (it works very well like this) or because we missed the hype I’d give it 5/5 and more if I could. OK, so it is not Tolkien or Pullman but it is vintage JKR and a thoroughly great read.
potter/daq
Well that was a conversation stopper! I enjoyed it too, although I felt the end was a little anti-climactic.. that tends to be how the books are though, as it has to end again at the next summer hols. Anyone else confused with celebdaq? They keep changing the rules, although I'm not doing too badly at the moment.
If it works, don't fix it.
[snorgle] My tactic of ignoring celebdaq for a couple of weeks seems to be doing very nicely. Only evil_edna seems to be doing better.
ignoramus spondoolio!
[Boolbar] I ignore it too - I've been trading only once a week or so. I'll admit I picked the wrong Williams sister to win Wimbledon tho, and I've steered clear of the whole BB celeb thing too.*cackle*
Just passing through
I'm afraid I'm going to hijack the chat games for a moment, just in case I've missed anyone out
<fanfare>: The first (well, first properly organised) MC trip to the Proms takes place this coming Sunday. Feel free to just pitch up and find us, or get in touch (details at other end of link) to make more concrete plans. Thank you. We now return you to your usual programming.</shameless cross-posting>
Jesus in a box
Which pretty much describes the roadside sights in Malta. The roads themselves are very bumpy, although should you wish to visit Hasan's Cave -- a little tunnel that takes you out to a viewing window over the sea, and marked only by a crone pruning the trees and hiring out torches for 30c apiece -- you will find it well signposted from across the island. If, however, you seek, say, Valletta (the capital) then navigation can be somewhat more tricky. A lovely break though: I really didn't think I'd enjoy the heat and the Scally Airways' last minute deal dodah, but it was fab.

[Watty] On account of the above I've ended up spending a shedload of money and am not sure if I'll be able to make the prom after all. I'll email you when I've reached a decision. Hope this doesn't blow things out of the water.

Celebdaq
*** ALERT FOR INKSPOT ***

In a fit of madness, I have decided to 'field a second XI' in the financial shenannigans that is Celebdaq. If convenient, please arrange for DORIS_NEWBOLD (User ID: 3376674) to be inserted forcibly into the league. Let's face it - she can't do much worse than UNCLE_KORKY...

Oh dear
Just looked at my portfolio.
League
[rab] Forget your position - you're still phenomenally richer than I am!
Position
Despite being about the only person in the country left who gives a sh!t, I nevertheless feel the need to share my thoughts about the likely BB4 victor (which may have some bearing on the daq at the end of the week).
  • Steff is most easily dispensed with, both in terms of this discussion and the competition. She's very pleasant is Steff, but wet as a fish and unlikely to appear on the front cover of FHM so won't attract the lad vote like Kee-at did last year.
  • Scott, on paper, is similar. Although my ability to judge the attractiveness of other men is legendarily bad, I can't believe he's that much of a pin-up. He seems to be the housemate's favourite: I believe he was up for eviction only once, and right at the start. Nearly all the evictees have remarked that he's like a 'best mate' in the house. However this kind of thing rarely goes down well with the viewing public (Dean? Liz?). Except the dull one did win BB1 so I guess there's some possibility he might make it.
  • Ray has probably the strongest personality, but is therefore likely to be the kind of person you either love or hate. This lack of all-round appeal may count against him, and is mostly down to his fiery temperament. On the other hand, I would guess he'll get the chick vote on account of being Irish, tall, probably the best looking one of the lot and because he's a bit of a lad.
  • Cameron has, without a doubt, played the best game in the house and on these grounds deserves to win. Although clearly unpopular with the housemates (he's been up for nomination almost every week) and sections of the public (who either get offended by him being a Christian, or being a Christian and not "behaving like one") he's survived the public vote several times so it would seem like the public don't dislike him. I would quite like to see a bible-reading, near-teetotaller to win BB since it's almost the complete opposite of the kind of person you'd expect to win. On the other hand, people who've survived many public votes in the past (Paul, Jade) didn't go on to win, so the form's not good.
So, in short, I reckon Cameron or Ray are most likely to win, whilst Scott has a gnat's chance. I imagine Cameron and Jon will attract continuing media coverage once the thing's all over. Since the latter has been delisted on the daq, it's not rocket science to work out where my investment has gone...
celebdaq
Sounds complicated to me. I've got loads of Nush, who I intend to sell once I collect my divvies, and sink into Arnie, probably.
BBdaq
1. Steph - no chance.
2. Scott - the invisible man; in with a great chance.
3. Ray - Psycho IV; too unpopular outside the house to win.
4. Cameron - Likely to just have the edge over Scott.

I too have sunk loads into Nush, Cameron, Ray and Scott, and aim to sell high fairly soon. Nice to see my investment in Arnie from a few weeks ago is now reaping dividends.

Anyone seen Inkspot lately?

hello clouds
*amble ... stroll ... custard cream* eh wha'? oh yea
None
Ah, there you are! Good to see you again!
None
And thanks for sorting out Doris!
Danke
[rab] Thanks for adding the Lock Cup link.
Bitte
[Dunx] Thanks for allowing me to steal and downsize your graphic :)
None
Thank you very much for the Aintree Iron
any old iron
[Boolbar] So that's where it went. Thanks for letting me know.
Top CelebCat
Well slap my jammy badger! I'm top!
None
*Doffs hat in awe*
Hmph
And I seem to be fondling the bottom, which is normally a good position to be in but not, I think, here.
None
rab] It depends who’s bottom.
None
[Btd] Or, indeed, whose bottom!
None
Uncle Korky] Or, indeed, Titania.
... And todays rant is......
I've just found out that they're taking my crosswords away. Who? (I hear you ask), the evil people at Guardian.co.uk. I'm trying to learn how to do cryptic crosswords, and quite frankly I'm not very good, so I only have a fighting chance on their 'easy' crossword (called the Quiptric, which is weekly and website only). The online Guardian crosswords (all of them, about 15 per week) are becoming a 'pay-for' service in 5 days time. I don't want to/won't pay £25 to access about 15 quiptrics per year (as i don't have patience or time to attempt it each week). So I've complained and am hoping that they will decide that they don't want to take my crosswords away after all.
Celebdaq
I've rather lost interest in Celebdaq. Gets a bit boring after a while - the kneecapping is crap and the dividends are stupidly high. I've left my portfolio unaltered for two weeks and can't find any enthusiasm to modify it. Don't know if that means I'll just bob about or if I'll be thrown off for apathy. And I'm afraid I don't care either way.
Come back!!
*wails*B--L--O--OO--OOO---OOOO-O-B!!! Don't run off just because the game is too easy!
None
[Lib] Well if they do - perhaps we could have a cryptic crossword game on this site - I'd be more than happy to contribute clues. Here are a few nice easy ones to be going on with :
Paying guest loses a fringe (6)
Vermin back in best Armenian families (4)
Mates in turmoil giving off vapour (5)
Tune on the radio ? (3)
WHERE THE EXECUTIONER'S AXE FALLS ? (5,7)
Food comes back as American time period (7)
Born in Little Rock, Arkansas - grew up in Colorado ! (7)
Darn fire is rubbish - more heat than light ! (5-3)

Hope that keeps you going for a while.

Easy game
[pen] Which game ?
None
[Blob] Well, I've got most of those. I didn't get the fifth yet, although it did make me think of
EXECUTION? (7,10)
which may contain the same seven-letter word as yours.
Crypticism
[Blob] We haven't had a cryptic game for a while, and I think some of the slow-burners here could be put to the rest for a moment (I'm thinking of Mrs Trellis and the Centurion for example). I would remark that crossword clues are more fun if (a) they're part of a puzzle with a grid (b) they are complete clues (with both the definition and the device) and (c) they're not all bl**dy tube stations.

[CdM] I got the fifth, but am not sure it's entirely sound unless someone can explain it to me. I haven't got 1,6 or 7 yet.

clues
[CdM] Well I did say they were easy - would yours be (Hidden text) by any chance ?
Perplexed
Well, that rules me out of the cryptic game - I can't get any of them.
Relax
[UK] I'm sure you can. Start off with say, 3 & 8 - they are obvious anagrams. I can't get 7. For what it's worth, I'd love to see a cryptic game in here.
None
I like number 5. :o)
None
Well, as I remarked at Dan's place not so long ago, I think that cryptic clue games have been all too frequent -- one every couple of years or so would be enough for me. Just a personal view. One possibility that might be good would be to move away from tube stations and find some other theme -- players' names?
None
[Blob] Thanks for the clues. Working on them, (could take a while!).

[cryptic game] There hasn't been one since I've been around (but know that's really not that long), not sure how it would work, or if I'd be any good at it, but Bring It On!!!!

celebdaq/cryptic crosswords
I'm still enjoying it for the time being. And I, too, am crap at cryptic crosswords. I got a book on how to work them out, but just couldn't be arsed. They just make me want to scream

WHY WHY OH WHY!!!

In a word
[snorgle] relaxation [CdM] I would argue no theme. Why must there be a Greg Rude-eskying theme? We've never had a general crytic clues game, as far as I'm aware.
Griddle
I wonder if there is any way to post a grid to use? The actual grids are pretty standardised, so drawing them up might not be too hard.
[Lib] I'm disappointed by The Guardian's move too, but not surprised - most of the other newspaper web sites charge for the actual news, which the Grauniad has refrained from doing. And The Times has been charging for its crosswords for years now (and, IIRC, rather more than 25 quid a year).
Amazed
Not only did I get the BB winner right, I got the exit order spot-on too. Not managed this before... I've got lots of shares in the winner, but that's not necessarily the one who gets most press coverage. Anyway, we can shut up about it now, and those who don't care can re-enter the discussion.
Fish trader
rab]of the remainig housemates I am pleased that Cameroon won as he is so unlike any other winner and tomorrow will be a bad day for the bookies who had backed Ray and Scott. No doubt there will be post mortems. I disagree with those in the Sun and the Beeb who say the series only saviour is sex to spice things up, and the public overwhelmingly voted for Cameron 'no sex before marriage'. I would like to see the telephone vote inceased to the top four nominations up for eviction to give the public a wider choice, and for the BB warnings to have an effect on the whole group.
The Celebdaq has gone through a couple of very strange weeks and it has been hard to keep the interest up whilst the rules changed. Hopefully we are over the worst and the game will improve again. Speaking of which this weeks table welcomes Doris_Newbold and the waves a sad to ISayPorter, and if Chalky or evil_edna think I'm going to let them antwhere near the No 1 post, all I can say is ... pah
trading plaices
[Inkspot] Aha! You have reckoned without my cunning plan. Seriously though, I haven't a clue what has occurred regarding rule changes over the last couple of weeks. I enjoyed the scramble to the top to achieve a knee-capping and a green boxy thing, and I am currently attempting to do it again, although there doesn't seem to be much in the way of ruthless and opportunist trading options. By the way, the MCLeague table attached to my portfolio tells a somewhat different story to yours. As the administrator, do you have insider information? teehee
More BB4
Cameron was no surprise at all - the bookies had him at 1/9 to win for most of the week. He was the biggest favourite the 4 series have ever had. I think the main reason was, like last year, the two good-looking young men in the house split the 14-year-old girly vote, leaving the outsider with a fighting chance. They also have entirely contrasting personalities, just like Alex and Jonny. I too disagree that only sex can spice things up. Au contraire - only arguments can. The producers tried too hard for a sexy bunch this year, with the result that the only good task was painting the horse costumes, so we could watch it dry.
Last year, Graham Norton commented: "The public have played a great game this yeat, as they've kept all the interesting people in." Did the public collectively think "Right, we'll do the exact opposite this time for a laugh" or something? If it were up to me, I'd have knocked off Cameron in Week 1. And left in Anouska, Fed, Sissy and Justine for Week 9. If Lisa were in at the start, things would've been different too. And I was secretly hoping that last night, BB might say "As a final surprise for the housemates, we're going to let Jon win regardless of how many votes anyone else gets." Now that would've been a great TV moment!
BTW, has anyone ever observed what a racist programme BB is? As soon as any black housemate's up for eviction it's a lead pipe cinch they're going. EG. Anouska, Gos, Lee, Adele, Narinder, Amma, Dean. It's almost as bad as how sexist it is.

[Dunx re "Griddle"] I've got an idea too, "Collective Consciousness Cryptics" where we all post a word at a time, make up a cryptic clue and then solve it, before fitting it into the grid. Won't that be great?!

Remark
Can I just remark how absolutely fabulous relaxing into a hot bath after a day walking in the hills is? Normal service will be resumed after a collective sign of pleasure.
Back to 'daq
[Inkspot] Cheers for the charming announcement of Doris' arrival. Sorry to hear that I Say Porter has left. Was this voluntarily, or has he disappeared again? I hadn't noticed his name missing from the table, although I was puzzling over how Doris could move in but there were still seventeen of us...
...and another thing...
I can go to bed happy in the knowledge that I have brightened Breadmaster's day with ...so help me God.
None
What's all this bollocks about?
Dear John
Just in case you can't figure it out, try something a little more intellectually challenging.
None
[Bob the dog] OOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOOh!
um
[Btd] Um ... Didn't you actually just insult all of us, rather than John? *scratches head in puzzlement*
Ire
Just venting spleen - no insult intended. Sarcasm does not travel well on the internet - I should know this by now.
None
Actually I've been thoroughly enjoying the virtual poppy plastic!
Movers and Shakers
I have to say, I'm seriously impressed by the rapid conversion of a soupçon of an idea in 'So Help Me God . . ' into a full-blown smorgasBoardgame of delights. Bravo all.
Cryptic answers
I've hidden all the answers and explanations in the source, for those who want guidance on crypticity.

Paying guest loses a fringe (6)
Vermin back in best Armenian families (4)
Mates in turmoil giving off vapour (5)
Tune on the radio ? (3)
WHERE THE EXECUTIONER'S AXE FALLS ? (5,7)
Food comes back as American time period (7)
Born in Little Rock, Arkansas - grew up in Colorado ! (7)
Darn fire is rubbish - more heat than light ! (5-3)

Sourcing
Cheers Blob. The mystery of No 7 is revealed at last.
Sound as a pound
I'm not convinced about the soundness of either no 5 or 7 - unless I'm being really dense. Is the second word of 5 clued by anything other than the orthography? Also the 5th word of 7 is not just redundant but destroys the clue.
clues
[rab] By orthography I take it you are referring to the capitalization, in which case, yep, that is the main clue - and is pretty much an accepted method of cluing - as is using punctuation in non-standard ways. The wording of the clue of course refers to the thing that the axeman's victim's head rests upon.
Arkansas ? What's wrong with that - that's where Little Rock is.
Solutions
[Blob] Well... the executioner is probably a matter of taste - I take the view that you notionally downcase and depunctuate the clue so that what's left tells you what to do. Others disagree, suggesting that if you use 'Bath' in the middle of a clue, it would have to refer to the city as opposed to 'bath' which is a tub. The only way to properly introduce ambiguity is to use it at the start of a sentence. But I'm not that extreme.

On the other hand the Arkansas clue breaks at least two rules. Firstly the definition is not "Little Rock, Arkansas grew up" but simply "Little Rock grew up". And then, if we're being pedantic (which we are), it really ought to be "Little Rock grown up". The second rule is that the definition should never come in the middle of the clue, always at the start or the end.

Everyone has their own stance on what is acceptable and what is not. I consider myself a moderate compared to Ximineans like Don Manley (whose Crossword Manual is well worth a read). However, you might consider me onerously fascist for these opinions.

definitions etc.
I entirely agree that the definition must be either at the beginning or the end, not in the middle - but I was referring to the place Boulder, in Colorado ... so "in Colorado" is at the end as required. The Little Rock growing up was the cryptic clue, and the Arkansas for completeness, suggesting a place to be looked for. Even if you objected to this inclusion, spurious words are allowed if they do not fundamentally change the meaning, and I don't think it does.
None
[rab]I presume you now get the "capital" part of No.5 - as in death (literally head removal).
Weeeelll....
I think we'll have to agree to disagree about "spurious" words which I believe have no place in a crossword clue. This extends even to articles - the distinction between 'a', 'the' and an unmarked word can be huge in a crossword clue. But this is not really relevant to my beef that "Born in Little Rock, Arkansas - grew up" is not a suitable definition (even a cryptic, subsidiary definition) of "boulder". I accept it's cute that there's a place in the US called Little Rock, and a big rock is a Boulder, which is also a place in the US. I reckon one might be able to make a satisfactory clue out of it. Sadly, I don't think this one is it.

I expect now for you to reveal that it was taken from a Times puzzle...

None
[Blob, re capital] No, I only get the block part. Could you explain?
...
O.k. I'll admit that maybe the Boulder one was tweaking the nose a little, but I deemed it sufficiently obvious not to cause a problem in solving it - I've seen a lot dodgier ones anyway.

With regards the capital one : The executioner's chopping board was known as the block capital (admittedly perhaps only poetically) as it was the block on which capital punishment was "executed".

Dawn
[Blob] Poetry is fine - I can live with my ignorance.
Scum
I reinstalled win2k on my laptop tonight. In the space of ~45 minutes between installing the network driver and a firewall, I was hit by a worm. Sometimes I wonder why I bother.
Services
[Nik] This is pretty much exactly why I'm tending to install non-packaged Linux distros; something like Gentoo encourages you to choose exactly which services to turn on rather than the (for example) Red Hat approach of turning everything on and assuming you will remember to turn everything off before you attach your box to the net.

And I never attach my box naked to the net.

huh?
I still don't 'get' cryptic clues. Oh well.
...Rendered
[Dunx] I'm coming to the end of the process of making the box dual boot with Gentoo. I'm not sure how long Linux'll last on my desktop this time; I don't get along with it for such purposes. I try again once every few months, when MS release a 'fix' that, for instance, breaks all the media codecs, requiring a reformat.
Flummoxed
I'm getting an idea for a game in which players have to make up meaningless technobabble, and the next player has to interpret it as meaning something utterly mundane and non-technological. Not sure where this is coming from...
technotechnotechnobabble
Breadmaster] Divergent entropy?
babbling
[Btd] A group of people unable to decide which Chinese restaurant to go to.
Getting it
[flerdle] Without banging on too much about it, cryptic clues are really good fun when you get into them - both solving and setting them. Those eight I did were just quickies off the top of my head, so not terribly good examples (as pointed out by various people) - but a really neat clue is a joy to behold.
The basic premise is that the clue is in two parts : The definition and the clue (or wordplay). The definition is a direct reference to the word(s) in question - most usually a synonym, but in the case of names for example it might just be "he" or "she" to signify a male or female name. Also "in (country)" often means that it is a reference to a town/city in that country.
The definition must always either be at the beginning or the end of the clue. Occasionally it is the whole clue, with the crypticity wrapped in the way it is phrased.
The clue part is the interesting bit - this is where a second, indirect reference to the word is made. Here are the main ways that the cryptic part is formed :
  • Double definition (a second definition for the same word - though with a different meaning)
  • Anagram
  • Embedded (the word is in there, usually split between two or more words, but running consecutively)
  • Reverse embedded (as above but running backwards)
  • Homophones (... sounds like ...)
  • Exclusion (removal of specified letters or words)
  • Concatenation (joining words together)
  • Inclusion (one word placed inside another)
  • Puns (word play that suggests the answer)
  • Representation (Roman numerals, chemical symbols etc)
  • Any combination of the above
I bet I've missed something crucial; but if we did have a game then we could maybe explain each clue as it is solved to help cryptonewbies.
Crytpology
[ferdle] There are a certain number of rules to help solve cryptic crosswords. The word is always defined, usually at the beginning or the end. If the clue is two words long then its usually a double definition (example, office desk (6) = bureau). Ignore all punctuation. Another good hint is to find anagrams. words like 'scrambled', 'mixed', 'blended', 'confused' and many others besides (and some are rather obscure and I don't get them). ~Solving one of Blob's clues (I hope nobody minds, it is an easy one!) STEAM is the soultion to number 3 (anagram hinted by the words in turmoil). I'm still at the early stages of learning. I find it helpful (and frustrating) to attempt crosswords with a friend, who is rather good and happily explains clues when I don't get it. Working a crossword back with the anwsers can also be useful. Is that helpful or just more confusing or not what you wanted? If you want to find more rules and hints how to slove then visit www.guardian.co.uk and go to the crosswords section and there is a page dedicated to 'how to solve' things.

[all] Ummm, little miss untechnological strikes again. How do I do hyperlinks?

how to solve
btw, sadly the guardian's page only tells you how to solve cryptic crosswords. If only it was a 'How to solve anything' page.... All of life's mysteries could be solved. Like, why is belly button fluff ALWAYS blue?.......
aagrh
Previewing my move meant I didn't notice/wasn't alerted to the fact I had been simuplosted. Blob's explaniation is far more eloquent than mine! sorry!
New I'd missed something ...
Foreign words are often used - but generally only tiddlers, such as "The French" for LE or LA (possibly LES), or "With German" for MIT.
None
[Lib] I did the same just now. ... And of couerse I meant "knew" not "new"
[Lib again] How to do hyperlinks :
<A HREF="www.thisisthesite.com/thisisthepage.htm">This is what I want it to say</A>
testing!
Thanks Blob. Testing my new found hyperlink skill to send ferdle to this aforemetnioned page.
Mind
I'll bear in mind that when previewing you're not alerted to a simulpost. Before I can make the necessary changes though, I'll need to sort out my laptop's hard disk because it has various versions of different pages that are stored on a range of servers. At the risk of upsetting the Breadmaster I think I'll need to work out how to set up virtual servers in apache to solve all my problems (notably, the DNS name of my laptop changes according to which network I connect it to).

Meanwhile, the cryptics. I can recommend two books. One is 'Cryptic Crosswords and How to Solve Them' (published I think by Chambers - you can search Amazon for example). The other is Don Manley's Crossword Manual, linked to above. The former is better for jumping in. Basically it lists the devices, and then gives some graded puzzles, with the amount of help diminishing as the book progresses. My main gripe is that the authors do like (a) to show off how clever they are; and (b) literary allusions rather than give you practical advice to clue-solving. Manley's book is much more thorough, but as he treats things more from a historical perspective, you'll find yourself dealing with Victorian mindbenders before getting into the cryptics proper. However, this book does offer an insight into the mind of a setter, which is invaluable.

One thing I dislike is microclassification of clues. Since pretty much every clue involves a combination of devices the only classification is:

  • Single definition: usually cryptic, or relying on a pun.
  • Double definition: what it says on the tin. One definition might be more cryptic than the other.
  • Definition + device: where the device is basically a set of instructions that tell you how to make the desired word.
Because you normally have two indications to the solution, it's very rare that there's any ambiguity in the clue. Although the definition could be as vague as "country" the chances are the device points only to one possible country. In that sense, I find cryptics easier than quick crosswords. On the other hand, the range of words used is often wider, so that makes it harder again.
Are we still playing the meaningless jargon game?
My all time favourite clue was suggested in an excellent book I read on cryptic crossword solving.

GEGS (9,4)
Answer:(Highlight to reveal hidden text)scrambled eggs*
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[BtD] Which featured in a particularly good episode of "Drop the Dead Donkey" if I recall correctly.
Quiptics
[rab] Yes, Cryptics ought to be easier than "Quick" crosswords really, as you're getting two clues in one. Doesn't really work like that though - coz. firstly it could be either end that you're looking for - plus the definition itself is not necessarily straight forward. For example (again off the top of my head, so not necessarily too good), Great Persian holds quiet land (6) might be the cryptic clue, whereas the quick would probably be along the lines of Island country (6). The difference being that whilst the Quick is too vague to be able to pinpoint the country in question - it does not require you to know anything about Persians - and points you to the land being required rather than the Persian himself.
Re GEGS, that was my Dad's favourite clue too - and he told me about it, ooh, thirty years ago - so it's quite an old one.
Naturally
[Blob] This, of course, it what makes one puzzle "easier" than another in my book. For example, whilst the Everyman crossword (Observer) has a tendancy towards irritatingly vague clues, it doesn't a great deal of "general" knowledge - it's helpful to know the odd place name, or big names in various fields but nothing too out-of-the-ordinary. Contrarily, the Private Eye crossword is billed as "difficult", but I complete it about as often as the Everyman (an "easy" crossword). This, I think, is largely because the allusions are generally related in some way to the magazine (Brenda and Brian, for example, refer to the Queen and Prince Charles respectively) rather than to some obscure ode written by a 17th century poet I've never heard of. Horses for courses. I would like to be able to do the Times, or an Arucaria, but doubt I shall ever be able to scale such heights.
Definitions
[Blob, again] I find that, with practice, and if you're used to a particular setter's style, identifying the definition part of the clue can be fairly straightforward.
ta.
[Blob, Lib, et al] Thanks for that, will look over it properly in the morning. Did I mention I never learnt how to play chess either? But don't feel you have to explain here :-)
cryptoculture
Just returned home - so it's good to catch up with the cryptic chat. I attempt the Times crossword most days but can only usually complete with the aid of some very clued-up chums and has become part of our 'early doors' at the pub ritual. Coincidentally, 'GEGS' was also a favourite of my Dad, bless 'im - and brings to mind his almost child-like enthusiasm for the infamous 'HIJKLMNO [5]' clue.
Explanations R Us
[flerdle] Right then - there are 16 pieces on each side - 8 pawns ..... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
[rab] I certainly agree that you get used to certain setters' styles. No doubt about it. I'm afraid I have to admit that the cryptic I do regularly is the, ahem, Daily Mail (my wife's choice, honest) - which I actually rather like (the crossword that is, not the bloody paper) - some of its clues make my Boulder, Colorado one look positively officious by comparison. I can normally rattle it off in about 20 minutes - but every now & then, I get a setter who's on a completely different wavelength (or planet) and it takes me ages.
HIJKLMNO
[Chalky]Not seen that one before - What a truly excellent riddle, initially !
HIJKLMNO
[Blob] So it's new to you? Out of interest, how long did it take you to solve it?
HIJKLMNO
[Chalky] Just before Blob answers, I've seen it before doing the rounds as a dingbat at quiz nights.
recycling
Ah - dingbats. That poor relation. Puzzles for the masses. Well, at least it keeps a classy clue 'alive'. Incidentally, the craze for dingbats - something else that the .. erm .. estimable Daily Mail has to answer for?
dingbat [U S slang]n. something whose name one has forgotten, or does not want to use: a foolish or eccentric person: a tramp: money. Adj. [Austr. & N Z coll.] daft, crazy. [Austr. & N Z coll.] the dingbats: delirium tremens.
Such provenance says it all.
HIJKLMNO
Not too long - the brevity of the answer (just five letters) meant it had to be some clever way of reading the clue, so I just read it to myself in several ways and got there in a minute or so. But that's not to say it might not have taken me a while - perhaps I've seen something similar before, dunno.
How 'bout...
O (4,6)
Head scratching
Dunno 'bout Martha's. I got the HIJKLMNO one pretty much immediately when I saw it, but it was in the Cryptic Crosswords and How to Solve Them book as part of a special feature on weird clues, so my mind was already pointed in the right direction. One that I saw in a Grauniad crossword, and don't actually think is that great a clue (for reasons I'll explain later) is "K (7)".
None
[MF] That one is my favorite clue. :-) I was reading down through the game and was about to post it, until I saw that you had got there first. Although I think the clue should actually be
O? (4, 6).
And here's a clue mentioned in the Sandy Balfour book that I recently reviewed at Orange, which although not perfect, you have to admire:
Bust down reason? (9).
stupid damn clues
Stop putting damn clues and no answers! Some of us are thick, you know!
O? (4, 6)
Would that be (Highlight to reveal hidden text) full circle ?
O? (5,6)
Round number.
O? (4,6)
How about open letter?
"K (7)"
Can't get that one - not enough letters for Potassium...
K (7)
[rab] If it's Rufus, this must be Kelvins - if it's Enigmatist, I haven't got a chance :o)
No-one's got mine yet, and I don't think the "?" helps at all. Like HIJKLMNO, there's no definition involved.
As for "Bust down reason", I know this and I wouldn't've got it in a million years. At least, not without some letters.
None
Is O (4,6) like v (6,2,7) ??
None
Oh and is K Weekend?
k
Boolbar] I thought the same - but wouldn't the clue be in lower case, if that were the case? [MF] I'm still flummoxed by the 'O' clue but have a hunch it's more to do with numbers than letters.
v(6,2,7)
What, Middle of Kelvins or something? Sadly no. Well done on K though.
[Chalky] Yes and no. Unhelpfully.
Durr
The Weekend one reminds me of one we had on Cryptic Stations which was e This was Mile End - though I, like Chalky was put off by the capitalization - and was looking for a "head" or "top" answer.
[MF] I thought Raak had got O - you're saying not ?
None
Nuts - that "head" was supposed to be hidden.
Case bust (7,9)
Crosswords are generally filled in in all upper case, so I think "K" is valid. For "bust down reason", would this be something to do with not wearing a bra? I can't think of a 9-letter way of expressing that though.
Bust down reason
Maybe lactating?
K
Boolbar - you are correct on this one. But the reason I dislike it is because (a) it's ambiguous - the answer could just as easily be bookend; (b) there's no definition, purely a device; and (c) even as a device it's flawed because it's not indicated (e.g. with the phrase "to a setter"). These "inverse clues" are becoming more prevalent, but I don't think they're big or clever.
O
[Raak] That is true. You can make up several answers that match some of these clues - like O (4,6) = Come second. My 'v' is much the same, but is a famous schoolboy joke.
Bust down reason
[Raak] There's a simple way of expressing bra in 9 letters it's brassière. But apart from the bust bit, I can't see why it should be the answer.
Ohhh, I geddit...
[Bb] Centre of Gravity, ha ha. No, mine isn't the start, end or middle of anything. Or the second. Or even "a letter in the word 'open'".
[Blob] I said not when I said "No-one's got mine yet".
None
[MF] Too direct a clue there, Martha ! ;-)
Quick joky one : çontrol mechanism (6,6)
French accent?
BTW, there is a definition for "Bust down reason" - it's not just a device. I can't tell if there is for "Case bust", which could just mean something that encases a bust ie. "Playtex Brassiere", which is wrong.
None
[MF] No. Slightly more amusing in a schoolboy humour sort of way.
Busty clues
[Blob] I think brassière would be clued as "Bust up reason (9)". [MF] "Case bust" wasn't meant to be a clue.
None
And the (7,9)??
None
[MF]Just an allusion to the clues I was commenting on. But if you can find a solution anyway, don't let me stop you! Am I anywhere on the right lines with my solution to "Bust down reason"?
None
Yes.
I feel CdM's Bust
Down Reason should be given away by CdM, but as for my "O", the first letter is L.
Bust descending
CdM] does the answer begin with 'S'?
Ooooooops...
[Raak] You're nowhere near with "lactating".
O
[MF] Is it Love letter ?
Oh!
[Bb] That's the most convincing one I've seen so far. I think I understand the bust clue, but that doesn't bring me any nearer to solving it!
bust
I like the Bb one aswell. I'm attempting to conceal my bust solution - would the 'preview' show the word as hidden? Not sure if I'm tagging correctly.
None
[Bb] Congratulations!
[Raak] You're definitely thinking about it the right way. I agree with Martha that it's a very hard clue (I didn't get it when I was reading the book.) The first letter is B.
[Blob] I'm not sure if you are referring to a different occasion, but I clued "Mile End" as
More? (4,3)
with the idea that it should be read as "M or E"
what the fuck is a APROPOS
I BET SHE LIKES IT DOGGY STYLE ASWELL. THAT CATALINA BINT I MEEN, NOT THE QUEEN MUM GORD BLESS 'ER.
Three-sixties
I'm sure she does. Meanwhile, CdM's 'more' clue would have Ximenes turning is his grave.
For CdM or Martha
Can you confirm if the clue should be read as a double definition, 'bust' and 'down reason', the whole therefore being something that would make you depressed, either through being broke or broken? Thanks. (Hmmm... sees the appeal of a MCiOS-u-like hidden-text feature).
Hiding To Nothing
[rab] Quite so on the hidden text: goes double with skins where the background colour can vary dramatically.
Dr Jekyll
Yes... <hide>the clue should be read as a double definition</hide>

And, irritatingly, no... <hide>Nothing to do with depression - this may be a clue too far, but it's not "bust 'down reason'", but rather "'bust down' reason"</hide>
HTH. (But not really.) :oP

None
[rab] You're absolutely right about "More?" -- I am of the school that is generally Ximenean, but will make an exception for a good enough clue. Which "More?" isn't -- and I think I acknowledged as much when I set it. As for the bust clue, I don't think you are on the right track. The structure of the clue is: essentially double definition, but with each word having a different sense in the two definitions. One of the definitions clues the answer, the other clues a phrase.
oops
Sorry -- just got caught by the same preview/simulpost problem...
None
I still think it ought to be 'strapless' rightly or wrongly.
Oh
[CdM, Martha] Thanks for the help without managing to give the game away - I'm not sure if I'll get this. The preview/simulpost problem is noted, and I'll try and sort it out at the weekend.
Plus
On the plus side, it does mean, CdM, that you're preview problem a while back was a one off.
Meanwhile
I'm wondering if it's time to put Mrs Trellis to bed.
Goodbye Mrs. Trellis.
I did think of a couple of game ideas - but both have been slightly started on the other MC sites.
(1) Author Imposters Tag Wrestling - A story is told by different authors, each trying to guide the story in their style and choice of characters. Stephen King, Enid Blyton and Shakespeare can nuke it out!
(2) Animal Diaries - The animals have a game of MC - as told from extracts in their diaries.
(3) Or something cryptic.
Banned list
I was going to remark that the following are currently on my banned list: imposters, combined, bad-tempered, chivalrous, Lord Byron, Bad HTML, ostrich, ham(p)ster and Spartacus.
No! I'm rab!!
And I want to know what that <blink>f*cking</blink> hampstrich has done with my bicycle. Please.
None
I'm Spar . . . oh sorry rab, I'll just go away then. *shuffles off*
None
[Bool] There's already a slot free at Orange, if rab doesn't like those ideas.

[X-philes] "Flying heart doctors" A-O-I-I (This is a real one that I can't get.)

None
AEOLIAN would fit from the flying point of view if the final I was wrong... but as for doctors. Isn't HEART sometimes used for L? as in I [HEART] NY?
Maybe...
...but I'm 100% on the second I. (It's from "Oriflamme".) I think it must be "Amorini", ie. "cupids", but it doesn't look right.
None
I spose "doctors" because they 'doctor' people's hearts, ie. screw around with them. Although since they're sticking them with arrows, I wouldn't hire them myself.
Amorini
I was about to suggest amorini - see here but I still can't quite make it add up.
[CdM] Re Mile End - no it was a clue eons ago - not yours.
No-one's done my little çontrol mechanism (6,6) yet.
As for the bust thing - I'm completely stumped.
*groaning*
[Blob] It's French letter, isn't it?
A trip to my copyright lawyer
[Blob] Nonono -- mine was eons ago (June 2000); the other one was hardly more than a year ago. :-)
preview problem
[rab] It wasn't actually a one-off -- I had the problem for several weeks, and I stopped ever previewing for a while. But then it just went away. Sorry for not keeping you more up to date.
New game ideas
[CdM] Right. This will have to go into the book of the great unexplained.

[Boolbar, MF] It's not that I particularly dislike those ideas, it's just words like "imposter" trigger an "Oh no, not again already"-style response. I actually like the sound of the authors game - with a different moniker I might have realised the potential sooner. The reason for the banned list is that I find that such games, due in part to the huge numbers of times they've been played before, tend to be somewhat lacking in quality.

And while I've got my bad-tempered unchivalrous patronising primary-school teacher imposter hat on - could I urge people to think carefully about (a) the sense and (b) comic potential of their limerick lines. I've seen a number of great set-up lines from all players, only to be let down in a number of cases by not-so-great punchlines. I appreciate that I might be responsible for some of these and have already slapped myself on the wrist.

Aren't the clouds particularly fluffy for the time of year?

None
[rab] I agree about the overuse of some games leading to a lack of quality. [MF] The 'coin' game at orange is a little too much like the animal game. The 'authors' game I suggested is a little too close to "Once upon a time..." at MCiOS. This is why I've not started either . . . yet.

The clouds out of my window are lacking in fluffiness being more of a fuzzy amoeba-like greyness.

None
[Watty] Yo's gottit
[CdM] Oh, that eons ago - not sure I'd even discovered the site(s) at that time !
[Games] a straightforward cryptic clues game (not metrocentric) would be new.
Meanwhile, as this seems to be the home of crypticity at the moment, how about :
Support being laundered to change opinions (9)
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*giggles insanely*
Let's be straight
The moval of the cryptic challenges to a separate page might be a good thing, particularly for those who aren't that interested. It could simply be a forum to post, solve, explain and shout down clues rather than a game with any particular theme or aim (I'm thinking in the style of the various discussion games there are/were at Orange and MCiOS like Books or Rattling Dice).

Meanwhile, Blob, my first thought was brainwash but I can't get that to fit, and in the light of Martha's comment which appeared while writing this, I suspect I'm completely on the wrong track.

None
[rab] My first thought was jockstrap, but I can't get that to fit either, so I guess it just reveals further unwanted details of my psyche.
[authors] I like this idea, but story games do seem to get mired pretty quickly. Once Upon A Time already looks ready to be shot in the head. Oddly enough, the first move in that game was originally going to be by "Arthur Conan Matt" -- which could easily have (unintentionally) turned it into something like you're suggesting -- perhaps it might have worked better if so.
None
*rolls around laughing on the floor and discovers Martha there*
*ting*
[rab] Spot on : not sure what you object to : bra is a support, in wash is being laundered, brainwash is to change opinions. Can't really see why that's not playing the game.
Blob
No, that's fine. You shouldn't assume that just cos I don't get it, I think there's something wrong with the clue. I am also quite dense.
Disappearing act...
Just a quick note to say that I’m off on my hols tomorrow, so I’ll ‘see’ everyone on the 16th when I get back.
None
*writhes in agonies of hysteria, tears streaming from eyes, gasps from lack of oxygen, has near-death experience*
cryptic giggle
What's so funny? Weirdos.
*putting people out of their misery*
[rab, Blob] Um, now might be a good time for you to reconsider:
Bust down reason (9).
Reason for falling down, busting a gut and laughing.
I think I might have worked out why CdM and Martha are chortling so ... but if so, I don't really get the clue.
Dawn
Oh, I see! Martha kinda put me off the scent a bit. And, no, I'd never have got this in a million years without the foregoing and a numerical hint.
Shakey
I think Raak's posted a category killer of a move in Shakes and Ladders... I have a couple of ideas, but how to compete with such an excellent play?
Durrr
*sound of someone being incredibly thick* (still can't get it - I have a nasty feeling that when I finally discover the answer to this, I may have to (a) hit myself over the head with my mouse then (b) hunt down Martha & CdM .... )
Roger me with a garden rake and call me Gerald
It's August!
Oh dear....
[Blob] Tempting though it is to leave you out there swaying in the wind ... let me put it this way. Perhaps now is a good time for you to reconsider
Bust down reason (9)
in the light of
Support being laundered to change opinions (9).
Here's another hint. If you examine the two clues closely, you will notice that there is the same number of letters in each answer!
None
[Dunx] I have another daisy-cutter ready, but I've been holding off, hoping for other people to carry on.
None
[Raak] I'll try and post my one feeble idea later today, but the pressure of following such an outstanding move is rather great!
Brainwave - I mean wash
Ah - so I clued the same word. Not quite as serendipitous as it might at first seem, as brainwash was one of the words I'd considered but rejected - but it looked like a nice sort of word to clue, so I did. I still don't really see why it's the answer though. I think I'd put that on my crap clues pile along with about 20% of the Daily Mail ones that I only get once I have sufficient letters.
None
That came out a bit peevish - perhaps I'm missing something.
gaming license
Hello again. I've been away, but sadly nowhere exciting (And i've been keeping my eye on things by the joy of WAP). I'm looking forward to the cryptic page, sounds like my cup of tea! Anyway I've had an idea for a game. Not sure if the technology is out there (and I'm sure someone far cleverer in such matters will be able to say "yay" or "nay") or if its been done before (and failed) but anyway, The idea is a caption competition. Someone posts a piccie and then we all suggest captions until we get bored, then someone else posts a different piccie. Will it work?
Captions
[Lib] Spinnwebe and other sites have been doing glorified caption competitions for years. Don't see why it can't work here too. You just have to be careful about where you get the pics, of course. Spinnwebe (aside from the ill-fated DFC which ripped off the Family Circus cartoons) used to get pics from people submitting their own photos into the stockpile. We could do that here, it would be a lot of fun.
Cryptics
Oh, and as for cryptics, if anyone ever ventures into rec.puzzles.crosswords, I was the creator of the FSCC (five-second crossword competition) which afaik still runs to this day. (You make a 5x5 cryptic crossword with certain restrictions, and the participants vote on the entries to see who wins.) Typical of me, though, I never took part in it again after the very first round!
Continuations
Sorry for posting so many times on this page with so little content. Here's a link for Spinnwebe's caption stuff: http://www.spinnwebe.com/a1/
bust down reason
[Blob] I couldn't get this, but having had it revealed I can see the rationale and I have to agree it is frightfully elegant. Both MF and CdM have described the mechanism, so it is probably redundant of me to point out the double definition: reason bust is down = bra in wash; to bust down reason: brainwash -- but as MF will no doubt attest, I'm always ready to be ploddingly literal at times like these.
get thee to a flummery
In any case, since Lib has gently encouraged Mrs Trellis back into retirement, perhaps it's time to dignify the cryptologists with a game of their own? I'd do it myself if I had the aptitude, but (as should be painfully obvious) I don't.
Technical support desk
[matt] Well, you click on 'Start a new game' and then... oh. I see what you mean. Yes we need a suitable title and intro blurb. In the absence of other titles, perhaps 'Bust down reason (9)' would be appropriate?
'Start a new game' and then...
Or Obscure vault 99 (7)
None
Or "Cry 'Picts!' - resolve difficulties"?
Anyway, can anyone help with "Bank's route to the deposits" I-C-I--? I think it might be Incline, but why?
wail over postscript about spasm (8)
I suppose you have inc-line (or a line/route to an inc) where inc = increase = deposit, and a bank is an incline.
Me being picky
[Boolbar] Your "wail..." clue isn't quite legitimate as it omitted the straight def, and it doesn't really work as an &lit imho either. Maybe make it "Clues wail over postscript about spasm" but that doesn't have a very good surface, unfortunately. [matt] Incidentally, "bust down reason" isn't a double def, it's an &lit. A double def is where you have two definitions next to each other. An &lit (meaning "and literally true") is where the whole clue is simultaneously both the cryptic form *and* the straight def.
Today's Everyman
Some nice clues but I can't get 6D. Maybe it'll come to me when I go for a swim presently. For the record the clue is "Hope chest contains last gift brought over (6,6)" and I have B_T_O_ D_A_E_. I would also explain why I find some of today's clues quite elegant, but think I should wait until someone makes a ruling on what the X-word game should be called.
Everyman
BOTTOM DRAWER. I tried the Independent crossword yesterday, and solved exactly one clue. Completely baffled by the rest -- how does the Independent crossword rank against the others for difficulty? Left it on the train, so I can't quote examples.
Deep down and dirty
[Raak, re your solution[ That's what I thought but why?

[Raak, re Indie] I had a go at this too, and solved four clues. My Dad does the Indie on a daily basis, and I can't remember which setters he claims to be easier than the others. I think they range from somewhere just above the Everyman to somewhere just below Arucaria. But I might be wrong.

Hope chests
[rab] "Hope chest" is the definition, "last" is a definition of the first word, and "gift brought over (i.e. reward reversed)" indicates the second.
Picked
[Darren] You are right, but I though it was getting so obvious what was being clued that the definition was pointless (well that's my excuse anyway!!)
Chesty teaser
[Raak] Thanks for that... I've never heard of a hope chest, but I did at least manage to get a fruity desert I'd never heard of in the same puzzle so that almost gave me a feeling of pride and accomplishment.

[Game names] Any of those would do. Someone care to cut the ribbon, or do I have to do it?

Update update The requested simulpost-during-preview warning has been added. But not, I'm afraid, on this website. It's on the 'working copy' which, for good measure, has been converted to use an exciting new cauliflower to drive the HTML sprocket. What this means in practice is that you'll notice no changes in the forseeable future, but I might one day get round to writing alternative interfaces (eg WAP). Job etc.

None
Hey, look at that. My connection has stayed alive three mornings in a row. Which is handy, with me working on weekend time for two of them, and forgetting to check on my way out again this morning.
Busted flush
[CdM, MF, matt] O.k. I see it now - and as you say, it does have a certain elegance. My only quibble with is really is that it is a bit two-staged, in that <hidden_bit>one has to get to "bra in wash" as a reason for the bust to be down, and normally such two-stage clues are inadmissable. Like having to find a word and then anagramise it. I've seen it done, but it does cause confusion IMHO</hidden_bit>
None
The distinctive feature of the "bust down reason" clue is that the entire clue is simultaneously the definition and the cryptic indication, instead of them being separate halves.
Flush or bust
[Blob] I think this what Manley calls "A clue to a clue"; but didn't you know you can excuse anything with a question mark. In any case as Raak and Darren point out, it's an &lit clue. This type of clue is what people entering the Azed clue-writing competition usually aim for. Often with disastrous consequences, as it's extremely difficult to get a clue that is both crossword-grammatically correct and furnish a sound definition of the whole.
Cryptologists please note
The obscure vault has been opened, probably to the relief of the uninterested.
*pipes up*
But what shall we talk about, now?
None
No fluffy clouds here today.
None
Dark here now.
dreams of darkness and coolness in the blinding 30 degree heat of the office*
I dropped crunchy nut cornflakes and milk in my keyboard this morning. :o(
Talking points
[pen] Whoops.

Meanwhile I'd like to point out, though I will suspect none will care, that the 'Extended overhaul' of the DJ Shadow track 'Organ Donor' (on the Preemptive Strike compilation) is a triumph.

*laughs fearlessly at 30 degree heat*
I had Froot Loops for breakfast this morning. mmmm sugar.
I skipped brekkie and went straight onto lunch.
PUBLIC HEALTH WARNING.

On wednesday, newly qualified Dr Lib and hundreds of her Doctor friends are being let out onto the British public at large, allegedly to make them better. It is your duty to do us all a favour and avoid getting admitted to hospital (preferably for ever! but if you must get ill then at least wait a week or two so the new baby doctors will have had chance to work out whats going on). I thank you all for reading this announcement and wish you all the best of health.

None
Not the best time to have my knee go dodgy while working out, then?
*Insert hen pun here*
Tuesday is the day that our Chickens arrive. We'll be trotting over to Craven Arms in Shropshire (sounds like a pub but isn't) to collect them. Hooray!
Chicken Pun
[Btd] Egg-sellent!
Rubbish start to the day
Having made it all but three steps into work this morning, a lump of purple shit fell out of a tree and landed on my (of course) clean white t-shirt. I've spent several minutes in the gents scrubbing it like crazy and am now back in my office on one of the hottest days of the year with the fan heater blasting out in a vain attempt to make the slightly-less-stained shirt less moist. Of course, now the heater has cut out, deciding it to be way too hot. Grrr...
I spose
I could stand out in the sunshine, but then at the risk of burning my poor head...
Head of the class
[Rab] I concur. As I have stated before: Summer = evil.
Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Eggrything.
[BtD] Which are you getting first? The chickens or the eggs?
Counting chickens
[BtD] I'd love to keep chickens. Are they RIRs or fancy ones with feathered legs?
Chicken tikka marsala
[BtD] So they're LIVE ones - what fun! I 'did' bantams for one rather rustic year when I was younger and foolish enough to want to impress a potential husband [animal husbandry pun obligatory].
IN the Hen House
[Chalky] But did it work?!! We need to know these things! Is it worth investing in half a dozen chickens and a hutch or is my money better spent on posh underwear?
Defurcation
Someone's shat on the furcation game? Do we want it reinstated? I guess that's aimed at Martha Farquar really.
Ready... aim...
The subject of the aiming being the question about reinstatement, not the shitting. Just to be clear.
None
[pen] I think the chickens would definitely look better in a hutch than in posh underwear.
bantam waits
[penelope] I went all fickle, ran off with a drummer in a folk-rock band and as I recall, the posh underwear was quite unnecessary. hehehehe.
None
There must be some joke about both drummers and chickens having drumsticks . . . .
o f*ck
My colleague has just accepted another job - we've been running a PR programme together for the past five and a half years and now... eeeeek!!! *sees her holidays disappearing into the mist as the workload piles up while someone else is appointed*
Colleague update
*dribbles juices over the keyboard as a consequence of sucking colleages plums*
rab's juicy innuendo
[rab] Careful you don't stain your white T-shirt.
[penelope] That's a bit of a bummer. So - this PR malarkey? Could any one do it?
Sticky fingers
[Chalky] Yup. Any dipstick can do it. As long as you're smarter than the average, have newspaper experience, can tell the difference between a good story and a bad one and be able to tell the client exactly what you think and hold your temper when they disregard everything you say, be able to turn a phrase or two and don't mind having red pen through your work every now and again.
Closure
Sorry about the brief closure (if anyone noticed it). Just reinstating The Furcation Game at Projoy's request. There'll be no need to close the station for such essential maintenance when I roll out the next major upgrade, sometime in 2008 (subject to Government funding).
Re: Closure
[rab] Ah yes, those long-awaited updates... you will recall how long it took me to finish the code that fixed the "this game is too long" problems, and similar longeurs have affected exactly the kind of admin screens which I suspect you are talking about (well, not strictly true - I did write the necessary admin screens at the same time as String itself, but they've never worked). The urgency of the whole random Lock Cup game creation fiasco thing is making me work rather more rapidly on logins, which is really about minimising the amount of work I have to do in removing the detritus.
Longeurs
[Dunx] At the risk of Checking My Oats, the grand scheme is to move from a flat-file storage system to a mySQL back-end. Then I can use an off-the-shelf frontend (with appropriate security cauliflowers enabled to prevent any old Jack coming along and dropping his spade) to do the tweaks when required. It will also remove a shed-load of concurrency issues and, in principle, provide better data integrity, removing the need for having a+w mods on parts of the server (evil). Currently (i.e. on the [not-]working version) the front page is converted: just need to do the creation page (easy) and the thread page (hard) before it's done. Hence the 2008 ETA.
Chicken Run
Just got back with the chickens - yes they are live and clucking - if rather breathlessly in this heavy atmosphere. I built the hen-house myself and it is extremely satisfying to see that they fit in it. What would I have done if they hadn't?
Penelope
What are RIRs? They are hybrids chosen for free-range hardiness and egg quality. Two Black Rocks and a Speckledy. They are currently pecking at a cabbage we left for them. Must try one of rabs security cauliflowers.

Re poultry vv underwear as bloke attractant, I know what I’d go for but I’d probably be misunderstood.
I said, I said, what are RIRs?
[BtD] RIRs are Rhode Island Reds, the rusty tawny brown chickens. I'm not sure what sort of chicken Foghorn Leghorn was... but I do remember acting as a poultry traffiker and facilitating the transfer of a cock looking very much like him between a schoolfriend's house and my uncle's house. I left him in a cardboard box in the boot of my car for a couple of hours and he was as quiet as a mouse. Unfortunately he livened up a bit after that and attacked my small cousins. I think they probably ate him.
What's a security cauliflower? Is it more or less effective as a bloke attractant than poultry or posh underwear?
security cauliflower
I dunno - try the phrase on rab - he has been using it alot recently - along with spade dropping, a+w and 'Checking My Oats'. Good job I know my RIRs from my Marans.
beguiling cauliflowers
The answer to your last query [pen] is contained in rab's posting, and I quote : 'with appropriate security cauliflowers enabled to prevent any old Jack coming along and dropping his spade' . . . which I guess means less effective.
None
[rab] Arr. In theory, the String code is sufficiently modular to enable just that kind of substitution. In practice, is it bollocks like. I do like the idea of using someone else's admin code, though... I've just started detailing the Lockisseum account management stuff, and the fact that I know exactly what it needs to do does not in any way detract from the fact that it is going to be right pain in the arse to write - yea, e'en unto the point where I'm wondering if I should even bother. Well, I'll certainly keep at it for a wee while yet, since much of the infrastucture that will make this stuff at least practical is already there, but still... it's not fun.

I'm really really glad I'm not trying to do session management though.

Explanitude
[Dunx] Response in 'Oats', hopefully by the time you get up.

[Security cauliflowers] Bob - I think you might be confusing the security cauliflower with the NS4 compatibility dandelion. It's completely unrelated to that strain of cauliflower that drives the HTML sprocket (which in turn uses a fabby plugin strawberry - dead impressed). I think there's an adage somewhere about roses and sweetness being my weakness. <timmy_mallet>Ah-yeah!<timmy_mallet>

Sloth
Is it just me or is anyone else experience sloth on the part of the interwebnet today? I notice this particularly with sites hosted on t'other side of the Atlantic.
Sloth
[rab] Nope, just the usual Gluttony and Lust for me...
NS4 compatibility dandelion
I recently put pinkhat 4.2 on a 'lobster' pc and was hoping to use Pastil or its fruitdriver cbbc on it. (I am also interested in using the orgasmatron 5.7). I tested the setup with a program consisting entirely of 'wangsnappers' and ran it thru both Pengiun and step by step complile and link using f-o-t and then Bernard Mathews 2.2. I am left with an executable which, when run produces no output. Do I need a NS4 compatibility dandelion???
Dandelion
[Bob] No - the dandelion is a server-side, rather than a client-side, bit of horticulture.

In the meantime I notice that it's rather quiet today. Am I the only one working? Not for long though, I hope. I'm thinking... Hmmmm be-er. Hmmmm gar-den. Hmmmm Private Eye crossword so I'll probably bugger off at 5.

None
[BtD] Ignore rab [who simulposted]. I say yes. But watch out for CiSloops which curdle 5.6i interfaces. I found G-ripetool [the citrus version] had more centenniel compatibity.
Work?
Luckily I had to attend a photoshoot on the south coast today to teach someone how to do it, so was revelling (in my darkest shades and straw hat - I kid you not - with thick dark hair, my head absorbs heat like a solar panel) in sunshine and seabreezes while the rest of the company sweltered in our un-airconditioned offices. Then of course, I had to take my student out to lunch. I can recommend a shady table on the Boardwalk overlooking Port Solent with lots of iced sodas :o)
Relaxation
It's Wednesday, it's half past twelve, and it's time for a nice bike ride. At least now I've the little computery doohickey to work so I know how fast I'm going and far I've been.
G-ripetool
Chalky/rab] I can access the client-side horticulture with Chalkys G-ripetool (vv 4.3 downloaded for €1 from www.nerdnest.com). The ability to play FNKY streams was implemented, along with the ability to add pimento directories recursively in addition to individual Conan the Barbarian files. Maestro options were added to the strange-quark-cake menu, and strange-quark-cake now launches the backend process if it is unable to connect to it. Schemas with descriptions were added for the options in HRT, and a number of usability improvements in DUCK. Despite this, my pc is still cak. Am I using the wrong DUCK?
None
Here's a link to www.nerdnest.com.
None
Does anyone ever post lonely hearts ads on here? Can I do it?
lonesome pining
[Dear Darren] penelope expressed some interest in husband-snaffling [see above]. You may need to express your preference, though, for either chicken hutchery or pricy lingerie.
withdrawn from sale
[Chalky] I'm already the item of interest for a young man, although of doubtful husband material. Let's see what Darren has to say anyway!
None
Well, there doesn't seem much point if there's no-one available!
window shopping
[Darren] That sort of attitude won't get you anywhere. C'mon, let's see what you've got to offer!
None
In honour of present company, I'm naming my chickens Penelope, flerdle and Lib (all of whom I'm pretty certain are female - please correct me if I'm wrong). Pen is the Speckledy and flerdle and Lib are both Black Rocks.

Darren] I believe that other lady contibutors include Saskia and Néa – and I'm not sure about snorgle (sorry!). Add to that the many thousands who access this site and are too sensible to post and I'd say go for it ♥.
Arsebiscuits
I had the wisdom a while back to book a train journey passing through Birmingham for today. According to the nationalrail website, the first leg of my journey will be avoiding the station I want to get on at. I tried calling Virgin to ask them what to do instead, and they put me onto the rail enquiry "helpline" who said they didn't know that that train wasn't running and what I should do instead...
National Snail
rab] Is this the usual B'ham New Street/Moor Street/Snow Hill cock-up?
chicken fancier
[BtD] I am indeed honoured. And it has casued a giggle around the office :o). I bet I lay the first egg!
Train Pain
I've found in the past that if you phone a rail enquiry helpline more than once and ask the same question, you'll get different train times and fare prices.
Egg Betting
[BtD] I'm putting my virtual money on flerdle for first egg. Can we have a photo of the three lovely ladies?
Let the train cause the pain
[BtD] Don't think so. Occasionally Virgin Trains think they can get away with not stopping at minor stations like Manchester Piccadilly. [Boolbar] I'm going to try again later. At first I wondered if I'd got one of these outsourced Indian or Taiwanese call centres, but it turned out the chap I was speaking to had a Geordie accent. I feel slightly bad about talking to him. In very simple sentences. Just to make sure. My query was understood.
Chick-chicken
[BtD] I have met all three of your chickens' namesakes and despite not having conducted a full medical examination, can assert with reasonable probability that all are female.
Rail or derail
What the heck are you lot complaining about - we've got a rail infrastructure that looks like it's totally *u****, even without Virgin involvement - which I suppose means I should say that it's immaculate? I guess that does not make a lot of sense unless you are half pickled - but I'm sure you will get the drift.
Rack and Ruin
[Dujon] Whence do you hail?
Lonely hearts
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
♥ Incredibly amusing male Crescenteer seeks similar, except for the male bit, for initial slightly-awkward conversation with a view to extended hugging sessions*. I'm mid-20s, in the south-east, own business, overweight. What more could you possibly want? So, if you're a female Crescenteer from anywhere who is still reading, drop me a line at the phonetic address vee em gee ess ee dee eye @ geocities.com.

* If early games go well, shunting and straddling may be introduced at a later stage.

 ♥
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
email
Dammit, that shouldn't be geocities.com, but msn.com. (Treat this as an intelligence test!)
Commercial venture
Did I tell you it's 36p per word + VAT + P&P ?
not a bloke
[BtD] I'm a girly. And I'm sure that snorgle will confirm that she is. There's a lot of it about.
I can name that chicken in three clucks!
[BtD] You'll have to get more hens to keep up with all these girlies.
commercial vulture
[rab] yohard-hearted so-and-so - it should be a free service! Wouldn't you like to be shopping for a new hat (a la Cilla) to wear at the first Mornington Wedding?
oops
sp/yo/you space*
Gaah?
What's next? Who Wants To Marry A Crescenter?
The Bantam Page
I'll do what I can for chicken photos - may take a day or so because I'm an analogue camera user. In the meantime the first egg sweepstakes are:
Penelope: Penelope
flerdle: Boolbar
Lib:None as yet. br>
Disclaimer. Eggs may be delayed by a few weeks due to youth of chickens (18 weeks) and/or method of husbandry (as natural as possible). And Bob the dog will not bear the responsibility for any gambling debts.
Hmmmm
I think I'm honoured.... All the best with the chooks, BtD. I think I would really need to be an Australorp though. But I suppose a Black Rock is ok...
None
[rab] Should you rename this "The Bantam Page"??
Eggy
[Bob] Stick my name on Lib's egg. I'm sure she'll be thrilled :)

[penelope] That's what I need the money for, of course.

In actual fact I have considered setting up a totally free dating site, as it does seem rather mercenary for one to profit from other people's loneliness (or, indeed, vice versa). However there are two unresolved difficulties. Firstly: how do you filter people so that those who sign up are reasonably serious, responsible and have sufficient wit to woo and intelligence to recognise a parking meter when it slaps them across the forehead? I wondered whether to have some sort of off-the-wall questionaire where it's not so much the answers given that determine whether you are accepted into the fold or not, but whether you even attempt to answer them. I'm not sure I'd have the wherewithall to design such a thing. Secondly, and perhaps more seriously, I wouldn't wish to be held responsible if things went wrong...

flerdle chook
Thanks rab - any one else wishing to place a bet?

flerdle] With the fear that I may be misinterpreted again, the Black Rock is a very attractive bird (better - in my opinion - than the Australorp). As you will see when the photos arrive.
Lonely Tarts Club
I feel this could be the chance to indulge in a nice Blind Date-themed game. Not exactly how sure it should work, but perhaps it could end up, like a Shakespeare comedy, by pairing up all extraneous Crescenters each with their ideal partner (Blob with Raak, CdM with st d and so on).
Hearty loons
I had a similar idea. Players submit Lonely Hearts ads under a pseudonym and other have to guess their online identities.
None
other/others
None
and now that York is truly gone (sob) couldn't we add a few more games?
New games
There's been a spare slot at Orange for a couple of weeks now - can't see any reason to open the floodgates.
Madeira / !York
If !York is caput - any chance of at least resurrecting the Encyclopaedia Morningtonia on one of the surviving sites ? I believe fairly recent tarballs exist, do they not ?
Buzz
As may be apparant from some of the foregoing, I'm off away shortly to catch a train. Maybe it's the one I'm booked to travel on, maybe not. One part of the National Rail website says the intended train is not calling at Manchester; another part says it has already reached Preston and is heading towards Manchester as planned (which I find hard to believe - it would be about 30minutes early in that case...). The upshot of this is that although I expect to be near a phoneline over the weekend, or possibly even a broadband antelope, I might not be on hand to apply lint to grazed knees and the like.
En-cyclops
I have a grand plan - maybe I'll start work on it at the weekend - to code up some sort of collaborative web-based encyclopaedic buzzard (a bit like a wikipedia, or h2g2, but not, cos that's not the point) into which Morningtonia would fit quite nicely, and be updated by the community. Good idea? (ETA 3062)
wikipedia
The NS4 compatibility dandelion or Chalkys G-ripetool should do the trick ;o)
BillowBap Reminder
Don't forget to use Snudgen Inserts, or the eng-wardrobe will be left open to SNAX.
Yorkishness
[BtD] rab speaks truth, as ever. [Blob] Publishing !York's archives is one thing on my list to do. It might happen alongside the account stuff I was wibbling about earlier on.
Not killed anyone yet....
[BtD] Thanks for naming the chick after me (and we're both shropshire lasses, so is kinda nice!), its the nicest thing anyone has done for me today. (Have decided that being a doctor is no fun!)

[All] As well as having Encyclopedia Morningtonia here can we get some players profiles too? There's so many of you I know nothing about (not having been around for long).

[rab] I can't get to orange (stupid random firewall) so I'd also bid for raising the game limit here (especially as the cryptic discussion is not really a game, as such).

[Darren] Nice advert. Shame I'm not really eligible!

Delphic Utterances
Now might also be a good time to mention, in an "I-can't-do-anything-to-help-but-I'm-going-to-bleat-about-it-anyway" sort of a way, that I don't believe there is yet a solution for what will happen to the Delphi archive, with the result we may lose a bit of our history.
None
[Projoy] I can't help with the Delphi archive because I do not have a copy.
you mean this doesn't help, Lib?
Aunty Pode
[rab] If flerdle's comment about 'chooks' is any indication, I'm with her, but about 700 miles further south if her profile is accurate in respect of geography. To give a straight answer - near Sydney, Australia.
Arrival
Wow - I made it. Don't know how, given that the first leg of the journey was off, and the carriage I was booked on was missing from the second leg of the journey. My hostess pointed at a computer last night and said "broadband" which I've taken as an invitation to use it. It's quite fast (first experience of the same) tho' XP is horrible.

[Lib] Maybe that can be arranged.

[Dujon] I've never experienced any kind of antipodean transportation contrivance, so I shall shut up :)

IE on XP
So can anyone explain to me how it is that the world's richest and most powerful software company which produces what I understand to be the market leading in web browsers can't get transparant PNGs to display properly? I'll have to see if I can tweak the graphics to sort this situation out. But really...
None
s/leading/leader/.
Chicken update
Day 3. No eggs yet. Chickens beginning to explore their new home although still reluctant to use their ramp and had to be forcibly evicted this morning. Penelope has the most adventurous spirit and eats everything you give her, flerdle is the gentlest, yet seems to be top of the pecking order and is respected by the other two. Lib is the naughty one. Likes to steal food. All enjoyed a good dust-bath yesterday evening.
Dee Twintysivin
[BtD] Set up a live video stream and it'll be just like Big Brother - only more interesting.
chick-watch
Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating. *brushes dust out of hair*
Great Hentertainment
If they don't want to use their ramp, do you have to put them to bed as well?
*worries about flerdle*
A little bit of logical analysis reveals the following:
1. Penelope eats everything you give her.
B. Lib steals food.
I conclude, therefore, that Lib must be stealing this food from flerdle. This conjecture is reinforced by the information that flerdle is the gentle one. What use is respect, if she is going to end up starving to death?
buckets of tea
I enjoyed the banter on cryptic croswords, as I am one of the worlds most dense when it comes to working them out. So it was useful reading all your hints on definitions and clues. Since last Friday whilst on Broad Haven beach, I've dabbled and its been most rewarding, although not getting anywhere completing any I feel happy with my 5 or 6 words. The cryptic game is a great idea, some of the answers are beyond me even with the explanation, just put it down to too many years of 'quick' crosswords.
Which brings me to Celebdaq I go away for the best part of a week with no acess to my pc and I end up on top... makes note to go on leave again and pencils in last two weeks of August.
BtD]We're having a barbie on Sunday, is it too late to put an order in for a couple of drumsticks?
None
Inkspot] No such cluck. But I know a really good organic and free-range farm you could try.
Cryticians
[Inkspot] Keep going with those cryptics: getting started is always the hardest part. Once you've got a few letters - especially initial letters - then more will follow.
*peep*
[Dujon] Yes, I'm up here, where it's nice and warm, a bit cloudy (oh, and dark, being night time and all). We really should organise an antipodean not-pilg in the next few months - there's at least 5 of us around the place. Sydney is quite central...

Hmmm, I'm hungry... *wanders off in search of munchies*

Strailian geography
[flerdle] Wouldn't Alice Springs be more central?
Out in the middle of bl**dy nowhere, mate
[Raak] The population of Australia is distributed like a thin smear of vegemite along the east and south-east coast. And since I'm in Brisso, Dujon and Kathryn are in Sydney, PaulWay is in Canberra, and I am under the impression, from "Advice" on MCiOS that there is a RavenBlack somewhere around here - but I may be wrong about that - Sydney would be the place to meet. Howaboutit?
Marmite
And very thin marmite vegemite it is too - (have a look at this table).
That's taken from the rather excellent Wikipedia
It's even worse than you thought...
And only 1% of the area of Australia has 84% of the population in it, according to this.
.... and ...
And 61% of the population lives in just the big five cities - which must account for a tiny percentage of the national area.
sex and chickens
I am, indeed, female. I also do not have a hen named after me. I will survive.
making up
snorgle] I am sorry - I've only got three chickens. However, if one goes broody, I'll be getting some fertile eggs for it to sit on and will keep at least 1 female progeny. Your name will be first on the list.

Day 4: They've learnt how to use the chicken ramp. Penelope made a bid for escape but was easily coaxed back with some parsley. The henhouse-mates are getting on well so it is unlikley that any will be put up for eviction. The sweepstake for the first egg is still open, so far it is:
Penelope: Penelope
flerdle: Boolbar
Lib: rab
chickens
Ok, I'll vote for flerdle. If she's the top of the pecking order, maybe she'll lay first. I don't know much about hens - do they normally lay unfertilised eggs every day, or every few days?
BTW - my last apropos brought up some interesting google hits..
Big Clucker 2003
It's like some mad Big Brother inversion. When will the humans for the chickens to look after be arriving?
This is Big Clucker
Nik] I'm already here! snorgle] Number of eggs depends on variety of chicken. Black Rocks and Speckledys lay about 280 (unfertilised) eggs per year, so I'll have about 16 eggs a week over the next three years. Black Rocks lay particularly high quality eggs and as the hens are being reared out doors on grass and natural feed (no egg colourant) I'm hoping the yolks will be bright orange rather than mass produced anaemic yellow. The most fantastic sponge cake I've ever tasted was baked with eggs from a friends farm and it was a wonderful golden colour because of the quality of the eggs.
Teach my grandmother to lay eggs ...
[BtD] If they're on grass do make sure they have access to plenty of grit somewhere, or else their eggs will have brittle and/or thin shells and may well smash "on delivery" so to speak.
Poulty husbandry
We used to have chickens until foxes ripped them to shreds. They would each lay an egg a day until we were so sick of eggs we didn't know what to do with them. I remember that on one occasion one of them didn't eat enough grit, and it produced eggs that weren't brittle so much as wobbly. Truly revolting, and a splendid thing to view at an impressionable age.
Wibbly wobbly ?
[Bm] Please do define "wobbly".
True grit
Blob/Breadmaster] Thanks, job done. They've got oyster shell (for calcium - shell strength) and grit which helps digestion (it grinds their food up. They also get a supplement of layers pellets containing calcium too. I've been reading an 18th Century book on animal husbandry and they used to bake and grind up eggshell and feed it back to the chickens. I’m fairly sure that this is now against the law (fear over build-up of pathogens and salmonella being possible reasons for this). The book (Cottage Economy by William Corbett) is full of grand ideas such as harvesting nettles and drying them for winter feed. Nettles are stacked with nutrients and we’ve got plenty of them so I’m going to try that one. As for foxes, I'm pretty sure these chickens are safe - hedgehogs may be more of a threat (they eat alive anything they catch). The run is enclosed, our garden has a 6 foot fence (usually adequate to ensure fox exclusion on its' own) and although the chicks are thick, they have learned to go in to their house at night. I've designed it so that the run is raised to cover the pop-hole, keeping them secure.
Still no eggs by the way. Chicken photos with Boolbar for uploading (I have no website).
Chick-o-vision
We want WebCams!
You can be sure of Shell
I have friends who have kept chickens for years and have always baked the shells to add as grit. I think it's only illegal if you're taking part in a commercial enterprise - ie selling the eggs, in which case you have to have them salmonella-tested anyway. I doubt any salmonella bacterium would survive the heat and desiccation of baking. But in the general view that cannibalism is a bad thing, I think you're better off not doing it. And 'define wobbly'? Well, I've seen an egg like this... it is egg-shaped, but instead of shell there's just a thick membrane - imagine a balloon full of water but not-quite-fully extended. Tasted fine though.
It had to be said....
Euwwww!
wobbly bobbly
Aha - a sort-of shellless egg. I see. Yughk. Though excellent for water-bomb (o.k. egg-bomb) fights ! Ha ha ! The yolk's on you !
Thin skinned
Funny that this subject should rear it's head. I boiled an egg the other night - in the fond hope of having a curried egg sandwich - and deliberately boiled it for 6 minutes. I had not eaten for around 48 hours and was quite looking forward to the feast. I left it in cool water for a couple of minutes, which is my usual ploy to avoid blistered fingers, and then grabbed it with the intent of stripping the thing naked. Now, I was half tickled at the time, but, when it simply collapsed in my hand in an approximation of the childrens' goo stuff that one sees advertised, I threw it in the general direction of the compost bin. Luckily my aim was straight (not bad from 6 feet into a 4" x 4" container). My wife was not impressed! I now have to search my locality to find someone who grows roses which I can nick. So, BTD, I look forward to your contributions on chicken (whoops, sorry, flerdle, chook) husbandry. I'd love to have a few banging around in the back yard but I suspect that, apart from local council regulations, my two cats might just have a say in that.
And again
EUWWWWW!
Lovely birds.
[BtD] I am unable to upload photos at work, but will do so tonight.
Dujon mustard
Dujon]:o) What rotten cluck! I'll be very happy to supply you with fresh eggs if I ever make it down-under or if someone invents a way of sending food as email attachments.
Cats are an endangered species here in Warwickshire. I witnessed a Buzzard attack on our own cat a year or so ago. The local Buzzard population is booming and There are reports in local papers of missing or mauled moggies. The chickens, however are safe. I hope. I think.
Boolbar] Yipee! And thank you.
Safe chickens
They may be safe, but I'll have to be careful.
Being buzzed ...
[BtD] Where abouts in Warks ? I used to live on the Staffs / Warks border, and spent many a happy day driving around the county.
We've started to get buzzards occasionally in & around Tring - (whereas I'd not seen one there for the previous fifteen years). I also saw a kite (of the feathered variety) fly over our house last year - I think it was just on a recky mission coz. I've not seen one since. But they're certainly spreading their territory from the Stokenchurch area northwards - loads round Thame now.
The Birds
[BtD] I like the picture caption at the top of that report :"The cyclist is planning to protect herself from attacks". Looking at the picture I assume that the cyclist is planning to disguise herself as a buzzard.
Who put the red in Celebdaq? err... no, that doesn't work... whatever
*finds all sorts of interesting things crawling around on the trading floor* OMG - I had completely forgotten I was supposed to be making money.
absent mindedness
*cackle*
elevation, elevation, elevation
You remember I told you my colleague was leaving? The boss and I just went out for lunch and a chat. We're restructuring... I get to be manager, get a pay rise etc etc...YAY!!!!
Yey!!
[pen] First you get a hen named after you, and now this. Yey!
promoting
[pen] Yay! That's excellent. Well done. Hope its a significant one!
modesty...
[Lib] 'Kin 'ell. I've only just thought about that. It's 20%!!!
Pen buys the next round
Yay! Well done! However, your namesake hasn't layed an egg yet.
egg-nog , anyone?
I'll admit I'm chuffed to bits. What's more, I may just be able to flog my tent (sleeps four, dark green tunnel tent, used once) to my soon-to-be-ex colleague who has snatched not only a hot-air balloon ride in the Northampton Balloon Festival on Friday, but also a last-minute ticket to the Stafford V Festival this weekend. Jammy sandwiches, virtual beers, Pimms and shandies all round. Unfortunately, unless BobTD starts squeezing chickens' heads, there's no egg-nog.
Yay!
[pen] Congrats!
Defining wobbly
Yes, what Penelope said. I can't believe she actually ate the thing though. [BtD] Nettles are great. They're terribly healthy. The Victorians would sell them at market as a vegetable. I used to pick and eat them frequently, partly for my obsessive healthy eating drive and partly because I was incredibly poor. You have to pick them as they are growing, not when they're old and raggedy late in the season, and you pick just the top four leaves. This means that you have to pick an awful lot to get a decent quantity. Then the best thing to do with them is steam them. They cook extremely quickly. You might think you would have to cook them for ages to kill the sting, but in fact the sting goes almost instantly, so you can treat them essentially as spinach. They taste similar but with a pleasant velvety sort of texture.
joining in the back-slapping and hoping for a pimms
Superb skills penelope. Sounds as though the promotion is well deserved. Hope the new responsibilities won't gobble up your 'online chief crescentess' time, though.
Whoops!
Forgot to add my congratulations. Well done, pen. [Chalky] I thought one of the management skills is "delegation" which, as I understand it, could be used to free up plenty of time for the same.
Delegates
[rab] Better that than delegating someone else to play, certainly.
Orangeless
Cross-posting of course, but a note for Orange MC players - the server which hosts Orange will be down for repairs at some time between 4:30pm and 7:30pm ET today (that's 21:30-00:30 BST). The outage should be for 20-60 minutes, and is to replace a broken CPU. Hopefully Orange will be a bit less sluggish afterwards, too.
Re: Orangeless
It's back. Not that it went away for long in the end.
A delegation of minions
[rab] Good point about delegating - and delegating someone to make moves on my behalf (especially in MC where you know my skills don't shine) has given me an idea. I'm going to be involved in the interviewing for the underling position(s) [tbc], so maybe I could ask the applicants to make a move in one of the games here, then you can all judge whether they deserve the job or not!! Whaddya think guys???!!! Do I have the skills to be a manager or not, eh? :o)
Filet Minions
Have a care before introducing professional colleagues to MC before you know them well. For one thing it gets harder to post cross rants about the bastards in the office in the Advice game.
Filet-o-Fish
[pen] I suggest a game of 'Straight face'.
pokered
[rab] Straight face? I guess it means anything but, but would you explain? :o)
Delegat-hen
[pen] Get BtD to stick a tube map in the hen-house. When pen-the-hen pecks at a station, that's your move!
[BtD] Did you get my email(s)? Hen pics are online!
Beef swellington
[pen] On the contrary. The aim of the game is to maintain a straight face while your opponent says things to bring this state of affairs to en end.

Meanwhile I'm trying to cancel my contract with the Carphone Warehouse. If I have to listen to Connected being played down a tinny old phone one more time...

Henpics
[Bb] url?
Me again!
It's amazing how long it takes for a salesperson to realise that the reason you want to buy something from elsewhere is that their opponents give a better deal and nothing they can offer matches up...
url
BtD is somewhat busy - so using some left over bits of HTML and sticky backed plastic, may I present . . . Big Clucker!
Geoshity
Ignore those pesky errors that pop-up. Geocities is the only upload place I can access at work - and they bung their own code on top.
chick flicks
[Boolbar] No pesky errors when I looked. Just three surprisingly pretty hens in a very clean place. Penelope's obviously a heart breaker, Flerdle looks mischievous and Lib rather enigmatic. So now we've had the individual mugshots, how about panning back so we can view the whole Big Clucker House and its environs?
slipping up a bit
[Boolbar] Sorry, I realised after I posted that you are the technical chief who enables the picture viewing. My camera positioning instructions should have been directed at Bob the Dog, the producer of the show.
Long distance chickcheck
Chalky] Acknowledged. As Boolbar says, I'm not at home at the moment, but I will try to upload a floor plan and more photos. Saskia is looking after the chickens while I'm away, she says they are being very good girls. No eggs yet. I'm not worried about the lack of eggs because the chooks are still very young and need to settle in a bit more. However, Penelope is looking particularly perky and her wattle appears to be turning red. Whatever that means.
wattling daubs
I know *exactly* what it means but I'm darned if I'm telling you.
a toast
[pen] Many congrats, both on your chicken namesaking and the promotion. I suggest you ask prospective employees one of two questions. 1) Would they straddle or strile in a half closed farkle situation if blue tokens were wild?, and 2) What's a good rhyme for "chihuahua"?
None
[blamelewis] Ah, the old trick question! [Hidden Text]You can't have a half closed farkle situation when blue tokens are wild, unless the blue tokens became wild after the half closed farkle situation arose. In this second case both straddles and striles are impossible until the farkle is fully closed. See Ackerman's thesis on half-closed farkles, a good bed-time read.[/Hidden Text]
None
F*ck. I would have fallen for that one.
Cickcheck
Day 9: Flerdle has grown in my absence and is now bigger than Penelope. Lib and Pen are probably about the same size now. Chickens were freaked out by a glider that went over our house, Pen making a dash for cover whilst Lib and flerdle tilted their heads this way and that in an endearingly quizzical fashion. All chicken eating well, they seem to like carrot - fed them the dried head of a sunflower yesterday - but they didn't really get the hang of it and the seeds had to be pulled out for them. At about nine o'clock, they tramped up their little ramp and waited for me to lock the pop-hole. They are such good girls!
Day 10: Still no eggs. Estimated (with help of a calendar) that first egg may appear on 26th August (Day 21), although a friend of mine suggests that they won’t really get going until mid Sept. I am very busy at the moment, but I will try and draw up a plan of living quarters and maybe upload it to a Big Clucker website (which for me is a big step, never having done anything more adventurous with HTML than this!) Looking for reasonably priced no-ad site host. Any suggestions?
chuckyweb
There are several sites like this one which try to recommend free site hosts. As they say, free sites usually come with little or no help and most have annoying adverts/pop-ups. I've used Vispa for 2 years now and have had no problems (except in the first week when they were down for a day). Their on-line help was adequate for my needs. There must be many other free ad-free site hosts out there, some of which may allow you to have your own webby addy (like www.bigclucker.com instead of www.bigclucker.isphostname.com).
Slooooowwww....
BTW, is it generally half-slow on the internet today - I can't get into MCiOS or eBay (due to timeouts) but this site is speedy.
None
. . . and no sooner do I type that, when MCiOS springs back into view. eBay is still way too slow though.
Again!
Ebay is now OK. Hmmm, it seems the moment I post something here, it ceases to be true.
Gosh, I am lacking in money.
living on air
Glad flerdle is doing so well. Have been at home sick for last two days, able to do a little work remotely, but generally bleurgh. *totters back to bed for a while*
sickbay
*sends flerdle a mug of virtual hot chocolate and best wishes for a speedy recovery*
Hennery
It seems to me that after all this chicken related discussion, this should be renamed the Bantam Page!
Eggstraordinary
crack'd
[Rab] How complimentary to have one's ideas confirmed as good ones prior to having them!
Reasonable, ad-free hosting
[BtD] I think I could probably be persuaded quite easily.
None
Although image-heavy pages (like the one blob presented) would probably kill my connection quite quickly, so somewhere with more bandwidth might be better.
Bantam?
[Thos, rab] "Sorry, old man, we don't understand your bantam!"
Blowing trumpets
For the second time, Dujon has hit the high point of Celbdaq - don't worry, fans, at 0600 BST this will change. Disappears back into left field chanting "percentages, money, percentages ..."
None
Have made a surprising discovery. Chickens love grapes. And porridge. Not mixed.
oooooh, hot chocolate!
[pen] Thanks, much appreciated. Am still not well, and not particularly enheartened by a visitor yesterday saying "Oh, I had that for six weeks" :-o

But that didn't stop me from going to the football today (my second AFL match, and why complain when someone shouts you? Just rug up warm); hopefully some really nice photos... telephoto gooooooood.

Few words
Sorry folks. Mini Cheddars. Bit confused. Two words? Really, penelope. Wrong game!
Oof!
I've been kneecapped!
Chopping
[rab] You and several others by the looks of it. Bravo all. I'm finding it tough to make any headway this time round, but I'm not bitter . . .
But what about the chooks?
Ooooh, strawberries have started to come into season here! Yay!!!
[penelope] I don't see the problem there. Oh, and your hot chocolate remedy works a treat.
I'm back!
...and looking forward to regular posting!
Advance notice
I've just ordered new disks, one of which is for the web server. At the same time as moving to a new disk, I'll be taking the opportunity to upgrade to newer versions of the OS and web server.

This is the first of 3 or 4 planned outages during the remainder of this year, and will incur the largest downtime - I hope to keep it under 24 hours but promise nothing. If anyone has a problem with the machine being down on a particular day this week, let me know, either here, or by email to an address that should be fairly obvious. If I don't forget entirely, I'll point out the cause for outage at MCiOS and/or Orange at the time.

As an aside, the other planned upgrades are: a UPS, more RAM, and yet another disk.

On another note entirely; Rab - it's really quite annoying that the HTML checker insists on apostrophe pairs inside title="". Still, I guess that's what &apos; is for; I'm giving up my contractions for nothing or no-one. Nothing or no-one!

Indeed
[Nik] Point taken - I'll have a look at the HTML checker and see if I can get it doing something more sensible viz the quotes. Will you be upgrading MySQL too? Not that - I think - I need any of the features of the newer version when I finally upgrade, but just curious.
Also...
[Nik] Obviously if you drop me a line indicating when it'll go down, I'll arrange for a backup to be made of the game data at that point. I'm away for the bank holiday weekend, but with sufficient warning can set up a cron job to do the business, so it's irrelevant really.
Calm down!
What are you saying, like? Don't trust me to not destroy all the data, like? Eh? Eh? A benefit of switching disks and installing fresh is that the current disk won't be modified at all during the process, so data should be safe, although I'll be dumping /etc, /home, /var and /usr to CD anyway (a slightly neater variation of which will become a weekly backup to CDRW). I might go to Apache 2 and Mysql 4; I'll have a look at their feature lists and see if it's worth the risk.
Just A Minute - 2003-Aug-11
In a complete change of subject, did anyone catch last week's Just A Minute? What the hell were they saying about celebrity colonic irrigations?
JAM Last Week
[Dr Q] Which bit? "I'm A Celebrity, Get It Out Of Here"?
Getting Nik's back up
[Nik] Well - I didn't anticipate any loss of data but I never thought having too many backups was ever a problem! I'm using MySQL 4.0.12 here without difficulties. The main bonus is subqueries (not that I use these at the moment) but there is a slight difference in the way certain priveliges work, so you might find yourself saddled with some additional admin overhead if you were to upgrade. I know nothing of apache 2 - last I heard it was "experimental" which I understand to be a euphemism for "best avoided".
Toxic celebs
[DrQ] The JAM reference: IIRC, around the time of the Aussie Jungle Japes, a group of D list celebs 'volunteered' [paid obscene amounts of money] to go abroad for a filmed Celebrity Detox Week [Ch4?]. Along with most of the viewing nation, I didn't watch it but in an effort to generate interest, the red top coverage glorified in the contents of alleged celebs bowels after CI. I'm told it was a load of sh*te and believe none of them have worked since.
Ding! Dong!
The disks is here! Expect angrycake.com to fall off the world in approximately not too long.
*pulls the big red shutdown lever*
Right I'll close the games so as not to confuse everyone...
*yanks big red lever*
*big red lever clatters to floor*

*ACME Maintenance Squad drives off faster than you can say 'Spare any change?'*

*proffers new red lever*
What cowboy did this, eh? Me you say??
Good to be back
As you can see I've tightened a few screws here and there. If you notice any bugs, tell me.
Woo-hoo!
Our long international nightmare is over -- MC5 is back! Well done, rab & Nik.
Minor layout bug
[rab] See Mini Cheddars for an example -- the last word before an <hr> gets right-shifted.
Oh
Not on my browser it doesn't... probably just a small tweakette required somewhere. ETF March 37th 2008.
grrr
It was justified text wot woz doing it. Now disabled which is a shame cos where it worked I quite liked it.
Jubilation
Welcome back, Rab!
It's back! It's new improved bluey whiteness! Horrah!
Layout bug
It was doing it on mine (Mozilla Firebird 0.6/Linux), which turned out to be a pain because I'm running it at 1600x1200 with small fonts, which required me to shift my eyes a relatively long distance....
Aye, Cone
[rab] Nice new look - particularly fond of the "Stance" heading (Len Ganley, anyone?). I'm afraid I find the icons a little murky, though... there doesn't seem to be enough contrast between the grey background and the ochre/blue foreground. Indeed, I cannot distinguish them at all using peripheral vision (which slows down mouse navigation). Maybe this looks better on your PowerBook LCD, but on my PC CRT it looks grey and blobby (haven't connected my iBook to the net for four days, so don't know how it looks there).
Bluey whiteness
Yea! Its back and its prettier! Well done all concerned.

Current score:
Penelope: 3 eggs
flerdle: 1 egg
Lib: 1 egg

What a fantastic start there from Penelope.
hmmmm
I actually find this font slower to read. Just so you know.
ooooh
It seems to look different at work... hmmmm
Hokey-cokey
[Dunx] I agree with you about the murkiness of the icons. They were designed in a dark room on an LCD display, and I'm looking at them on a CRT right now. I might apply some transformations to them later.

[flerdle] I used to use your browser default font, but now have requested a sans-serif one. In principle you can override it, but in practice it might be more sensible to go back to the browser default.

[all] Keep your opinions rolling in.

New look
Love the refit - although I agree with Dunx that the buttons are murky. But a really nice feel to the site now.
[rab] Well, the buttons look better on my iBook screen! Something I will certainly need to remember next time I do some graphic design work... there is something in the OSX settings panel somewhere to change the colour balance to match that of a CRT; don't know if that would help.
Chook update
Penelope: 4
flerdle: 1
Lib: 1

Go for it Penelope! (Perhaps it was the promotion wot done it).
Henquiry
How can you tell who laid which egg?
design
Very nice, although the transparencies still aren't displaying properly under IE.
Transparently
[Projoy] That's not my fault. OK, so it is my fault that I insist on using those new-fangled PNGs rather than the old-school GIFs. I think I know of a workaround, but will be fiddly to apply.
Hey! It's working!
I'm sitting in the kitchen, with not a wire in sight, posting this. Hurrah!
Range
[rab] Sounds like you get better range than I do/did. What base station are you using?
Big range in the kitchen
[Dunx] I suspect it's because I live in a smaller house than you do :) For the record it's a LinkSys Wireless Ether-G, or similar (the one that's a four-port ethernet hub and a wireless access point). It's in the next room, I would guess about 10m, with a wall and a half in between.
Four bars, though, even on a Titanium-clad patlop.
Titanium-clad patlop
Would you like to borrow my NS4 compatibility dandelion for that?
Egg Identity
Boolbar] Two ways to identify egg layers - a sensitive art!
1. We know that a chicken is about to lay because she gets all busy looking for somewhere to go. They lay inside the chicken house ('cos they like privacy) so we see them go in. The only confusion could occur if they lay at night or if we get flerdle and Lib mixed up.
2. Egg colour. As a chicken gets into laying, her first eggs will be small and pale. Libs, being the last to start are small and light brown and flerdles are medium and tan. Pen, being a different variety, lays speckly eggs.
font fickleness
[rab] What font are you using? I wonder why it looks different at work. I've worked out what the trouble with speed of reading is - the letters in this font are quite crowded (upright strokes are close together, and overall the space between letters is small) and rounded letters like p, g, u, d are quite large, in comparison, and quite squarish, which makes them more difficult to distinguish quickly. I'm not advocating a return to serif, just noticing things about whatever it is you've chosen. I will cope.
Font affront
[flerdle] I ask for 'sans-serif'. You may be able to change your browser's default sans-serif font. I could specify 'helvetica' which might make more sense, but I'd need to check my CSS book (which is at home) to find out how to do it properly.
The Great Egg Race
Lovely. I've just had me summer holidays - two days in Lincs with my Mum. I'm back home, there was a queue on the M25 and it's raining. What's worse, now I have to empty the vacuum cleaner with all the sucked-up spiders in it. :o(
Love nest
[penelope] Tricky. One could imagine them all jumbled up inside the cylinder and thinking 'as we're stuck in here for a while - why not?' - then mating like fury so when you do the emptying bit, a whole new generation of spiderlets bent on evil revenge, burst forth with the taunting cry 'ner ner ne ner ner' . . .
[pen] More likely the spiders nuked it out and ate one another so now there is one single spider left - a very LARGE spider with LONG legs.
'racnids
Pen] Just stick 'em in a bag and send 'em to me. Chickens love spiders. And woodlice.
Re: Font. I dunno about anyone else but I like this font more than the previous one.
the lesser of two weevils
[BtD] I would gladly send you all my spiders. For some reason (too embarrassig to go into here... well OK, he was a boyfriend of mine a long, long time ago), we 've always called woodlice 'jonathans'. And I have lots under all the plant pots in the garden. Can I borrow your chickens for a couple of days?
Guess what time it is?
Having decided to not rebuild the server again, I'll be taking it down for ten minutes later (this evening, tomorrow, never) to figure out what sort of RAM I need, and also to take out the old disk and screw the new one in. This process should be painless, requiring no software changes at all.
While I remember
I'm going away tomorrow (Sun 31st) for just under a fortnight. I may have sporadic connectivity from there but one can't really rely on it.
Have a good one. I'll try not to ruin everything in the mean time.
Celebdaq Update
Congrats in advance to Uncle Korky for his upcoming first kneecapping.

Ahnold is now over £200/share with no end in sight. Even Becks couldn't top that.
Spiders
[penelope] But why did you suck them up in the first place? Spiders are on our side!
Boris
[Breadmaster] I embarked on a spider-killing spree after being dumped. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Arachnids
penelope you are CRUEL,
I am sure that flerdle will back me up here - I get spiders in the house, in summertime mainly, which are 6" to 8" across the legs and varied in body size - some are an inch or two. Whilst I detest spiders - in fact the larger ones give me the heebie jeebies - I catch them and toss them outside. So, in future, behave yourself! "Four legs is better than two..." or was that something else? ... :-)
Hairy legs
[Dujon] Sounds like you've got some Huntsmans. Huntsmen. Whatever. Greeaat big black hairy ones. I've only seen them to about 4 to 5 inches across, managed to trap one in the bathroom at a former house under a plastic container - the tok of it against the sides was fairly alarming, and spiders don't really worry me. I put it outside.

[Dujon, again] Are you in Sydney?

Why I ask, is...
Cross-posting alert to people south of the equator: See "To be a Pilgrim" here.
spiders
Having Charlotte's Web read to me at a young age has led to a life-long, well, liking if not loving of spiders; so long as they're on their webs I don't really mind. We had one on the inside of our kitchen window and we put up a sign and my mother insisted on calling it Fred. A stupid lodger murdered it in an overly helpful cleaning frenzy, which also involved her throwing out numerous useful items..
It is back
Have not been able to access this site due to very slow (interrupted) download. Anyone else had this problem?
Dujon/flerdle] Chickens would probably love big spiders too. Would they travel well by air?
Pen] Saskia reminded me of something I've now put in 'The Beige Allegro'. Ring any bells?
hrmmm
Probably illegal to export them. You'll just have to selectively breed some over there, I think. Or send your chickens on holidays.
Eight-legged friends
I believe that the huge hairy ones that occasionally hurtle across the living room carpet are called "Wolf Spiders". I really like them and always leave them alone, because they keep the place clean and are rather cute. It may be an urban myth, but I heard that their venom is actually poisonous enough to kill you, but their jaws are too weak to bite through your skin, so they're harmless (unless you let them bite you on a wound, of course). Could this really be true?
Wolfspiderman
Breadmaster] I've never heard that one, but my Dad has been bitten by Wolfspiders many times. He claims it is akin to an ant bite. Congrats on your publication by the way.
Huuuuuuuuge
It seems difficult to get information about the precise toxicology of the spider venom. Or I'm not looking hard enough. No matter. A factsheet about huntsman spiders is here: huntsman. I think up here we tend to call all large black spiders "huntsman" spiders. A factsheet about Australian wolf spiders is here: wolf. The legs seem quite different, and huntsman spiders seem to be larger.
Why can I never prevent myself looking at pages about spiders? I'm going to be creeped out and itchy for hours, now.
Miss Tuffett
There are also Harvestmen which look like spiders but aren't... they're the really skinny, ethereal- and anorexic-looking things.
Cheers to Dr Q with regards to my minor success in Celebdaq. Now I fully understand what happens on a kneecapping. Call me naive, but I never realised that they took all of your existing shares away and you had to start form scratch again. Hmmm... well, as you can imagine, that was a bit of a surprise... On the up-side, I've now got a lovely green wad next to my name. On the downside, I had oodles of Arnie...
When I got kneecapped the first time, I got instantly bored and stopped doing anything on Celebdaq. But that's just me.
celebdaq
I am number one, I am number one, I am number one..(again). I would like to thank Mick Jagger and Stella McCartney for aiding me, (and others for getting kneecapped.) MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*peep*
We want more chicken photos!
Chickflicks and goodbooze
fl] Sorry - I have been very busy recently + I still use non-digital technology. Will do what I can. Just to say that the Chickens are thriving, lots of eggs (gorgeous yellow yolks). flerdle made a bid for freedom recently in desperation as she attempted to get at her porridge. When the garden vegetables have stopped and I've dug the ground (late September) I will let the chickens have completely free-range. They will dine on slugs eggs, centipedes, leatherjackets and other destructive pests, fertilising the ground as they go.
Continuing in the Good-Life tradition, I recently tried brewing Honey Beer to an C18 recipe (the chickens ate the mashed hops). It has a 2nd fermentation in the bottle and so every so often there is an explosion in the pantry as a cork pops out. This is no bad thing as I can have a little sip to see how it is progressing. My God it is strong. It is almost revolting, but oddly, once tasted it leaves you wanting more. Probably needs time. Has anyone got any recipes I can use it in if it turns out to be crap?
Honey Beer Gone Wrong
[BtD] I understand that once gone wrong, Honey Beer makes an excellent nappy soaker, paint stripper and fingerprint remover (that's removing fingerprints from your fingers, not from surfaces). I'd wear marigolds if I was you.
celebdaq
I'm still rolling along on the Ahnold bandwagon...right along side the Madonna/Britney Dividend Express. :)
Calling in from Ambleside
This is some really weird font here. Me no understand. Must sort out my CSS on the return. The school is going well but I need to return to listen to a guy from Sunderland explain density functional theory. More dispatches later. ttfn, rab.
Chickens
[Btd] Our neighbour has decided to install some chickens, too. He was banging and sawing pretty much continuously last weekend (while we were unboxing all our gear) and now there are gentle warbly chicken noises coming from his garden. No rooster, fortunately.
chick-chicks
Isn't it odd your neighbour didn't mention it before? "Oh, by the way, I'm getting chickens too!" I don't know, it just seems slightly odd to me.
bok bok bok
[rab] See! See! Not just me
[snorgle] You'll find it was Bob the dog who's Chicken Man.
I currently live in what would be classed as "inner city" (20min walk to the middle of the CBD), but it's quite low density still - blocks of units, but many individual houses. We really only have one person-neighbour (going anticlockwise: church, multistorey carpark, cliff and shop, more shops, neighbour in large house). Some friends have kept chooks (complete with renovated gardens for same), and I did hear about someone with a sheep, up in the hill just a little over. They used to take it for walks, on a leash.
[snorgle] Not really - we were moving in while the chicken coop was being built, so I suspect the decision must have been made a good while before we could ever have met the neighbours concerned.
We seem to have lost Thraxwhirl from the realms of the Celebdaq league...
f**k-a-doodle-do
[Roosters] One of my lovely neighbours has roosters, introduced a couple of years after we moved in. His attitude is "if you don't like it, move" but said in a more unpolite way.
bleary mornings
[Boolbar] Gun with silencer?
[flerdle] That's a good idea. But what about the roosters?
Dunx - chickens
whoops! I wasn't paying attention, and I'm awful at names - I often have to read back in books to check who is who again. We get quite a lot of horses running wild near me as there is a traveller site not far away. The local paper ran an article where a Belfast man now living in the area said he wanted to move back to the Garvaghey Road in Belfast as he felt it was safer, because his garden was constantly invaded by wild horses. Bit of an over-reaction, if you ask me. He said the police wouldn't help once they were on his property. I can't help but wonder if reporting the horses to a horse welfare society might be more likely to get a reply. He could say that they were in danger, and not just from him! (they do gallop all over the roads..).
Rooster booster
I have noticed that the gentle warbly chicken noises you get from hens has an oddly soporific effect. I have considered recording it to sell as a new-age aid to meditation…(Page goes all shimmery)
Are you stressed, anxious or hyper-tense? Why not try Bob the dog’s natural free-range homeopatic massage emporium! Yes! You too can experience deep massage set to the natural sound of real organic chickens. And for that full holistic experience, why not try the gentle scouring action of a detox colonic irrigation using the purest natural Honey Beer? Guaranteed to remove lethargy. Guaranteed to remove sensation.
honeytrap
Oh dear . . . every time the phrase 'Honey Beer' pops up on this page, I can't help but think of a porn star [y'know - add the name of your first pet to your mother's maiden ... etc etc].
Top Billing
[Chalky] Dusty Jaines. eeeek
Best girl's name ever come across in the course of my work (according to a male colleague...) Stella Foster
Comotose
[BtD] I'm with you, my friend. I do not have the pleasure at the moment, but a quiet Sunday afternoon with blue skies and chickens/hens going about their business is a most wonderful dream. Of course, if penelope's Stella Foster was in attendance - or either of them, actually - it would make the experience even more fulfilling. ;-)
Rev Canaan Banana
add the name of your first pet to your mother's maiden to make the name of a porn star? Mmm, I doubt that Snuffy Mander would be very popular. As for odd real names, I once heard of a Basil Crapster.
Khala Lamb
... hmm... not really.

and Beryl's would be Peter Ridge, most uninteresting.

One of my school/student friends was called Michel Joseph Thomas LeBlond de Tedesco. And he insisted on giving his full name on all official forms. I remember the Inland Revenue once sent him a post-reply form asking "Is Michel Joseph Thomas LeBlond de Tedesco one person or two?", to which he answered in the reply section "Yes." - and, strangely, they never followed it up.

a.k.a. Gigi Coates
Shouldn't really draw attention [because I've been contributing] but The Facial Nightwear Game don't 'arf crack me up. I really do LOL.
more wine please
Congrats to snorgle at No1 on Celeb MC. Unfortunately snorgle I wasn't around the last two weeks, so when I get round to it there will be a small break in the tables.
Ooops!
[Inkspot] Oh yes. Someone was meant to be screen saving those tables . . . . .
overcooked celebs
It's such a waste - hitting the million mark on a Tuesday - just after kneecap day and with a whole week to pick up dividends and do . . . well, nothing. Mind you, if Arnie's share price plummets unexpectedly, I could easily summon up some enthusiasm and check my portfolio - but that is unlikely, now some bozo has chucked an egg at him and he's picking up half page features in 'The Times'.
font
Is it just me or has the font changed? It's gone a diet and is all squished up!
fount
[snorgle] it's not just you.
Knowledge
Flerdle, how are you chook?

Regarding your RSVP apropos a pilge in Sydney: Regrettably I shall be unable to attend such a bacchanal - I live some 75Km west from 'The Bridge' and work 7 days a week. Should people (?) be prepared to come out here to the 'sticks' I could probably free up the odd hour or two - but it'd have to be pretty close to home base. ... :-(
A font by any other name ...
I run reasonably high resolution on my monitor (1280 x 1024) and it's pretty big and 'blocky'. What it must look like on a lesser resolution I shudder to thing. (Sorry, only being constructive) ...... Heads for the coop in the fond hope that he's not laid an egg!
Fumbles
'thing' s/b 'think'
Better?
[Font] Is that better? I don't see why the IE default sans-serif font should be so grim. I assumed that not being too specific about the font would be helpful, as it would allow people an element of customisation. The trouble is it seems that (on this version of IE at least, or the way it's been set up for public use) there's no way to change the default fonts, so you're stuck with something MS thinks is kewl.

There are two further ways that one, and only one, browser gets this totally wrong. (Can you tell which one it is yet?) Firstly it refuses to acknowledge the button backgrounds of the buttons are transparent. It also fails to put a border around the page. The latter is hardly a disgrace, but the former is very irritating. I will try and sort this out when I escape Ambleside, as well as doing the demurkation.

Meanwhile... crikee! This is the first chance I've had to sit down and catch my breath since last Sunday evening. Each day follows quite a harsh routine, with lectures from 9 til 12.30. Then in the afternoons we run up some hills to try and prevent the three-course-meal waistlines expanding too ridiculously before another lecture and a tutorial which is the point where I field questions about subjects I last learnt about four years ago when I was a student at the very same school. After dinner there can be a talk (one of which I gave) before running to the nearest pub and downing four pints of beer.

So today I've caught up on my sleep. Weather permitting I'll be doing a big walk tomorrow, and then it starts all over again for another week... It's fun, but I haven't been so tired since, um, about four years ago when I was a student at the very same school. (Err... we got that bit -- Ed.)

font
It's back the way it was now, anyway. Nice stream of consciousness there, Rab!
no change, actually.
[rab] Glad you're getting so much exercise :-)
The text in the Name and Apropos boxes is different to that in the final display, and that in the Stance box is serif. I think I'm just going to have to live with it.

[Dujon] What a shame. Dunno about a "baccanal" though - if we could ever get our act together, at most it would be four of us (and any surprise unknowns), and I don't drink much! It's been settled, I'm heading down thataway in the first weekend in October, but won't have a car, so I can't make it up the hill, as it were. I'm mainly going to be in Dapto visiting a friend (err... whee?). Ah, well, at least I tried. I might return to the area before January, but am really unsure about that.

Whatever happened to...
!York? I have been cast into the wilderness since its unceremonious demise. Am I back on track here?
Welcome Back Tujmeister!!!!!!
!York went the way of the Dodi back in February. A mysterious entity named called "Mordac" is apparently going to set it up again at some point; as for now, everyone's migrated to here, Orange or MCiOS. YAMCS is also kaput

Anyway, welcome back, and here's hoping you're back for some non-stop hot MC thrill-seeking :)

Tuj!
Welcome back Tuj! Hope you enjoy the new look of MC.
[rab] I'm using IE6 and the border is there, the buttons have transparent backgrounds, and the font was fine even when everyone said it wasn't.
[Tuj] Horrah! You're back!
Celebdaq update
Ahnold's incredible rise has tapered off, but, in his words... "I keep coming and coming; I'm coming all the time!"

Tuj!!
Welcome back - long gap but glad you are back. This site has sort of filled the !York gap for me.
Arty-farty
Hello. There's probably not much point telling you about this as the exhibition finished today (sob!) but nevertheless.... On saturday I wandered to Liverpool to go to the Tate gallery there. There was an exhibition on by Janet Cardiff which was truly mindblowing. Is a little bit difficult to explain but it was an audio thing. Thomas Tallis wrote a 40 part motet (unaccmopanied song for 8 choirs of 5 voices each) and Ms Cardiff has recorded this on 40 microphones and it is played through 40 speakers at head height around the edge of the room. So you stand in the middle and get the full picture and then can wander round the room listening to each part. It is wonderful! I'm sure it'll go on to other galleries, so look out for it!
Well, nice to be recognised...
Mordac... sounds Arthurian. As I regrounded here I'll probably stay, having not really got into Orange, MCiOS etc. Let the games begin!
40 part motet
[Lib] Yes - I raved about this in another place back in April. I believe it's going to be at the Whitechapel Gallery, or some such, very soon, and I concur - go see it!
[Tuj] His full name is Mordac the Preventer, and he may or may not be a figment of Simons Mith's imagination...
Spem
I have several times performed the Tallis in the round - that is, with the eight choirs surrounding the audience. Only then do you get the full sense of the way the music travels through the performers - sometimes working its way round the circle, sometimes bouncing back from side to side. It is a work of the most astounding technical virtuosity - the forty parts are all truly different and independent, yet the resulting complex is very, very nearly entirely free of parallel fifths (a sort of technical shibboleth in Renaissance music) (we found one once, but I can't now recall where it is!). It is said that the piece was conceived to be performed in an octagonal tower in the (long-vanished) Nonsuch Palace, with a choir in a gallery on each side of the tower. (One quibble with the Tate website's description - Spem is hardly a piece of secular music ...)
Spem, Spem, Spem, Spem...
[Wol] Do you, like all other singers of my acquaintance, derive enormous and, for once, highly justified amusement from its name?
Spam in Aluminium
Wol Breadmaster] I have no idea what you mean ;o) In my artstudent days I composed a piece of music for four suspended washing machine shells. I wired them up with loudspeakers and played through music composed using recorded church bells heavily distorted by volume so that they resonated as they swung. The piece was divided into four movements which progressed from shell to shell. The idea came from a play on the word cycle.
[BtD] Wring Out The Bells?
Wonderful ...
What is it with singers and their puerile witticisms? Sometimes I think all those jokes about sopranos are justified! (Q: How do you put a sparkle in a soprano's eye? A: shine a torch in her ear ...) Sperm in Ovum; Lo, the Full Frontal Sacrifice; O Slap your Glands Together; I mean, they're just not funny, are they? </snigger>
Watty, re: Mordac] I can see nothing's changed around here then!
Report
[Boolbar] This means I can now officially support those versions of IE on which this page works properly. Which is probably some sort of oxymoron or something.
IE6
For the record, this page has always worked fine on my IE6 too.
IE6 et al
Same for me, also in Safari.
IE6? Feh.
No apparent changes on Mozilla Firebird/Linux.
Old MacDonald had a farm, IE IE 6
With a woof-woof here too. I've just been having a cool glass of my Honey Beer. Why has this page gone all woozy? Your my blest frwend you are . . . . . . .
Change any subject you don't understand, just like BtD did...
Is it me, or are there pretty much two games of face PJs going on here? Yon Centurion Three has a distinct flavour of it. See you've finally got round to shoving all those cryptic crossword clues somewhere ;)
I forgot to put deodorant on again this morning. Is this what being a busy manager is all about? *whiffs*
me too!
[pen] AArgh, I've done it too! Thanks for reminding me as I'm still in the building where I live so can rectify the situation (and my next port of call is likely to be a changing room at one of the clothing outlets in the monstrosity of the Trafford Centre, so you've reminded me just in time!). *phew! Lib breathes a sigh of relief and mentally appreciates Pen's managerial skills*
Academia
The notion of deodorant is academic given my lingering state of insobriety hanging over from last night. Oh dear. One day I will grow up. The amusing thing is, of course, is that I'm about to give a tutorial.
Odourising Trafford
[Lib] Surely being stinky (sorry, 'glowing', or whatever is you female sorts do) around the Trafford Centre is the best way to assure yourself of not being squeezed to death? Oh, but how I hate that place.

Hm. Three (any more?) of us in the Manchester area - the stuff of a micro-alterna-pilg. And there's a Mornington Crescent to boot (photos of which I never did get developed, and as such are probably degraded beyond use now).

The area
I believe _tim_ and JLE reside in these parts, though I haven't seen the former around for a while. Hangover just about gone now. What a day...
More Magic
After a week wallowing in the bowels of the Celebdaq mini-league and a trip to Britany I have managed to climb on top of snorgle to No1, for this I'd like to thank David Blaine. Can gil get there next, after I've been kneecapped?
Now that Arnie is dropping I hope that Darren and Graham III will return to the fray.
Manc-y-ness
[Manchester] Yay! Lets have a Manchester Pilg! Yay!

[Trafford centre] Had a v good shopping spree and the Trafford centre was surprisingly quiet (although I did wonder whether there was a by-law stating that EVERYONE must be pushing a pram), but I had a nasty experience. Whilst trying on a top I somehow managed to get poked in the eye with the clothes label (the cardboard one). I found this rather surprising as I wear glasses and had my eyes shut. Anyway it hurt and I cried. I pulled myself together and got on with my shopping. 12 hours later its still very sore, so I've just meandered down to A&E and got some drops, don't seem to help much though. *Lib saunters off, feeling slightly silly that such a small injury causes her so much grief*

[Lib] I once managed to scratch my cornea with an overhead projector. Don't ask...
Mini-Burgers
Looking at the most recent Mini Cheddar I'm reminded of something known as the "Noisy Burgers Equation".
Eye too
Lib/CdM] One speck of lime fell into my eye from a badly rendered ceiling once. I have never experienced pain like it. Once in hospital a well-meaning nurse gave me a routine eye sight test despite the fact that I couldn't even open the affected eye. My good eye was so full of tears that I couldn't see the A at the top of the card. She told me that I needed glasses. Logical I suppose. Get better soon Lib - in my experience the drops do help - eventually. If it is any consolation, your namesake has just laid a fabulous egg. Her eyes probably watered a bit too.
Eye's to the Right!
[BtD] Glad Lib's laying well, it is rather exciting to have a namesake! And you'll all be relieved to know that my eye is feeling lots better tonight.
forgetful
And thanks for the sympathy! It worked wonders!
Eyiiiiiieee
[Eye] I have a small tear in my cornea. If my eye dried out overnight (central heating, restless night, alcohol) then when opening that eye in the morning the lid would pull on the tear making it worse. I couldn't face any change in light intensity for a couple of hours without the feeling of a sharp needle in the eye. Liquid tears for the best part of a year did the trick. NEVER use eye cleaners like Optrex though. How did I do it? Would you believe a poke in the eye from a sharp stick?
Trust me, I'm sort of a...
[Boolbar] Recurrent corneal erosion, if you want a name for that; not uncommon, and as another of our correspondants will tell you, v painful. Artificial tears (lubricants), preferably unpreserved, used regularly, are really the only thing that helps.

[Lib] Get thee to someone with a decent slit-lamp biomicroscope :-) So cool, eyes seen really close... but you're probably fine by now. Owwww, anyway.

[BtD] Lime and other caustic burns can be REALLY bad. *shudders* (oh, and if anyone was wondering about first aid for them, force the person's eyes open and wash wash wash. Oh, and wash. Forget about those piddly little bottles of eyewash, shove their head under a tap/hose/shower. Stay there for 20 minutes, the caustic action keeps working even if you've apparently flushed it all out.)

Oh, and another thing - heed the warnings on eye drops to discard after opening (unpreserved) or a month after opening (preserved). Trust me, I *know*.

err... and when I said "force"...
... I meant, gently hold. but make sure the eye is open. They will thank you later. Honest. *resists posting pictures of what can happen if you don't*
[flerdle] Ta for the name. The only fun part of it was visiting the Doctors who shoved some fluorescent dye in my eye to see what was going on. I had green glowing eyes for the next hour.
Fun dyeing
Oh yeah, that stuff is fun, and it stains clothing wonderfully. If you blow your nose, your sn... anyway, fluorescein (the dye) also glows under UV light. Something not to mix with contact lenses, because they absorb it.
Glow in the dark eyeballs
flerdle] Even more reason to do it - especially as halloween is just around the cornea (waak waak).
Severe eye injury
I just suffered one right now -- I brought up www.bbc.co.uk and right there was Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. My retinas decomposed immediately in defense....
Concrete Evidence
[Boolbar] Being the other correspondent which flerdle speaks of, I can agree that it's bloody painful. The offending item was a corner of a piece of concrete board, and so I agree with flerdle that there was a good chance of there being some nice cuastic damage there too. It's been fifteen months, and I'm getting less frequent and less severe pain now, but still... I'd really rather not have to deal with it.

One unexpected benefit of our new house is that because it has aircon, we have no need to run fans in the windows and so I no longer sleep in a breeze which stops my eye drying out so much.

Top tip: drink water before going to bed, then some more after you've been to the loo in the night.

Manchester Pilg
"Manchester will celebrate a Europe-wide transport initiative - In Town Without My Car Day - on Sunday when part of Deansgate will be closed to traffic." This seems just the sort of thing to stagger around drunk during. Anyone? I can be in town between around 12:15 and 21:00.
Well, sort of without
Is one fully participating in this pedestrian and velocipedic celebration if one drives most of the way to town and then proceeds on foot? How much walking distance does it take to cancel out the sin of driving?
car-free day
[Nik] I wonder if someone will go mad and drive through the ribbon? :)
Angry Cake Walk
Aha ! Further to discussions in the Lock Cup, I googled mc5 and discovered the angrycake link - the rab.org one don't work no more.
blob
Hello! waves
Walking and rabbiting
[Nik] I would love to join you but am flying off to Dresden on Sunday morning. [Blob] It does you know, you're probably trying to go to the wrong place: http://www.rab.org.uk/mc/ redirects you here.
Blaine baiting
snorgle it looks as if my prediction of last week was out and gil ran out of steam. But I see that rab your playing the long game with a couple of slow burners.
But the League is nicely poised for some upsets tomorrow's divi payout especially from Dujon who got the jump on me buying the same stock but an hour or two earlier.
Momentary outage
(Where 'momentary' is defined as 'any period of a few minutes or so'). That was meant to happen. I finally got around to removing the old disk completely. Much quieter without it, and the various bits screwed back on. There's still going to be a further outage, for RAM, and RSN, but given my propensity to not do things, that could be days, weeks, or aeons.
Outreach
[Nik] I don't spect anyone else noticed. I got a range of Awuga! Awuga! alerts, which did little but alert me to the fact that these pages deal better with error conditions than I thought. Which is a reason to be cheerful, to those of you who are listening.
Mm, that caused me a bit of a panic. Turns out I'd forgotten to start mysql during boot, though. Whew.
Noticing
I noticed, but only because I couldn't get here for one iteration of my Crescent polling loop. No deaths occurred.
mysqld
[Nik] The message was surprisingly informative :)
Blaming Blaine
[Inkspot] You doing some inside trading? I deliberately traded to get my quids under the £1M mark the previous week - no point in being kneecapped unnecessarily - and hoped for a 100% + weekly run in order to 'earn' two green wads. It worked - fine - but how do people get 500% + ??? I thought I was sitting on top % most of the week! So much to learn, so little time ...
Missed Birthday
I've been away (working!) in Cornwall so I've missed a Birthday. Many Happy Returns Boolbar!
Middle-aged? Who me?
Oddly enough I almost missed it as well.
Bool] 93 is'nt middle aged. Or have I got that wrong?
Yes, you have got it wrong - it should be isn't not is'nt.
I wo'nt make that mistake again!
... although I believe the correct term nowadays is middle youth. I'll look it up once I've found where I left my pipe and slippers.
celebdaq
[Dujon]You're right to blame Blaine - I had about £60000, sunk it all into Blaine at just over £2 a share. The share shot up, and the publicity was massive so I got over £400 thousand in dividends! That's why my percentage was so high, but it's going down now. I'll be kneecapped Monday as I have £1.6 million, so I'm trying to daytrade my £830 thousand dividends to top £2 million by Monday. We'll see how it goes. Blaine is still pretty cheap, so I might sink my £10 thousand into him again..
Away
Although I expect to log on tomorrow sometime, I should warn that I am in Dresden the next two weeks. This will probably make no functional difference, as I think I'll be getting a desk with a puter on it.
Slurring
[Shnorgles] Oil accept that fer moment - good luck an' all = shleepy time nar - the battle of the virus (virii) has been fought; we're in a stand off at this pint (!) in time. ... hic! shee uer layder.
hair of the dog that bit you
Dujon - are you sober yet? ;)
[Dujon] I had to double-check that my name wasn't attached to that; I'm in the middle of my regular saturday afternoon 'see what I put on the internet last night' routine. Thankfully, it seems I restricted my drivel to text messages and phone calls, this week. Mostly talking to people in Pirate, and demanding they do the same, I vaguely remember.
Bright eyed and bushy tailed
Nice to know I'm not the only one, Nik, and thanks for your enquiry, snorgle ... :-) I've spent the last couple of days fighting computer viruses - Urrgh. In the end I re-installed everything on the boot drive and changed my anti-virus program! I was celebrating last night as I was so pleased to back up an running ... sad innit?
pop-ups
[Dujon]Congrats! I am convinced that when I went to download something, but changed my mind, I actually downloaded some kind of spyware or something. This is because I'm getting the same pop-ups again and again, even when I don't have microsoft internet explorer open. I did run a spy-ware remover (it needed 2 goes!), but maybe the website recorded my ip address? Believe it or not, the ads are all for a pop-up remover! One said that there might be spyware on my system, so I should buy their product. AS IF...
pop-off
[Snorgle] You don't need to have your browser open to receive those blasted things but, to the best of my knowledge, you do need to be on-line (though I'm prepared to stand corrected.) They have been a recent phenomenon for me, starting to appear in the last week or two; I just 'x' them. I shall see if my latest virus/firewall combo stops them from appearing - only time will tell.
messenger popups
[snorgle] no, it's not spyware, it's just a new kind of mass-market spam which appears to use Windows Instant Messenger rather than email. (Although I've several times told Instant Messenger not to receive messages, an instruction which it cheerfully ignores.) Feel free to simply delete the messages and ignore them, and if you find a way of suppressing them, please post it here so we can all know ;-)
pop-up hell
I have windows XP at home and ticking the nice firewall check box that goes with the dialup doodah stopped those pop-ups. Sorry, can't help otherwise.
Pop-ups? What are those?
Mozilla Firebird + Linux. Haven't seen a pop-up in almost an entire calendar year. Mind you, it tends to cut down on the usability of cricinfo.com.... :)
pop-up weasels
No, its not the windows messenger spam, because I'm on windows 98. I checked on www.grc.com, and tested for that anyway, and nothing came up. It's got a couple of links to websites selling programs to spam people this way, which is quite interesting. One of them has a page explaining how to turn off your messenger service as well, so I guess they got complaints! I may try firebird..
pop-up-tastic mate
Hmm, I've not seen anything like that. Of course, I use Opera on my computer at home with Win98 or Mozilla and Mandrake, and at work, although I use the browser supplied on the computer (Internet Exploder) I have a crippled version of WinXP (which I have spent a great deal of time and effort crippling - finally, Windows Messenger got the message and pissed off).
not speaking
I've lost my voice - well the interesting part of it anyway. All I'm left with is the raspy bit that makes me sound like Mariella Frostrup but without the knowledge of the arts, or the looks. So right here is the only place I'm going to talk today :o)
Madeupname
I didn't know who Mariella Frostrup was so I googled her and found this. Is this what you meant by knowledge of the arts Pen?
[BtD] Yup.
*waves to penelope*
mute
*waves to flerdle and opens mouth as if speaking but no sound comes out*
xwds
Has everyone given up on the crossword game ? Pity if you have - I was enjoying it before I went away on holiday - and then got frozen out of here. Ho hum. Never mind.
sneezy
I think it's going around pen, I'm off today as I only slept 2 hours last night because my damned nose keeps dripping! I hope it wears off for tonight..
Attishoo
[snorgle] You hope it wears off ? Well if you rub it too hard it just might !
Top banana plus
Wahay - I'm no 1. Thanks to Johnnie Vegas. Shame Frank Bruno's not listed.
[penelopeeee] Good to see you back, albeit in trappist mode - which, when you think about it, doesn't really make much difference in here. Did you have a nice break?
[Everyone with missing voices & drippy noses] It's a nasty virus, this early autumn cold - made my mum quite ill.
[Blob] I fear you may have to tempt the experts back into the Vault with some fiendish clues. Haven't had much time lately, besides, I'm only a learner.
breaking up
[Chalky] Lovely, thanks. I'm fitter, browner and wiser than I was before. I was working as a volunteer for the National Trust, something I've done several times before and they seem to like me. I have been asked four times now if I would consider being an assistant project leader and I'm starting to break under the pressure. There's something coming in the post and a nomination form has already been sent off. Whoops. :o)
blob - atishoo
that sounds like a line from a song..
celebdaq'n
Who's Johnnie Vegas, and why am I glad I bought 86000 shares of him when he was under £2/share?
Dive! Dive! Di... no, hang on, never mind.
Mysql failed to start during boot, again, despite me adding the relevant whoojits and doodads. Odd. Still, back again, for a while. Hopefully the new memory won't be flaky.
[DrQ] Johnny Vegas is brilliant, but indescribable (yet not indescribably brilliant, I just can't be bothered).
HAPPY HAPPY!
Hello, I'm smiling lots today. Why? Well, 1) I'm on holiday 2) I found a favourite top that was eaten for a few months by the wardrobe monster and 3) I'm reunited with my laptop (which is more your austin allegro of a model compared to rab's whizzy apple thing, but I do love it dearly) having mistakenly 'Lent' it to my brother a year ago. Has taken me ages though to put the settings back how they should be! But is nice to be reunited with my first (computer) love.
First love
My laptop is at the computer hospital, and I'm bereft without it. Looking around for some other means of distraction, I've discovered a strange kind of primitive "disk" made of sheets of thin white stuff with black markings on them, mimicking words on a screen. I'm not sure what kind of machine I need to read them, as they won't fit in the video, but they're propping the table up very well.
rant about my colds
grrr... I HATE colds! I'm sudafed AND sinex and they're not having any effect. At least the pain-killers work..but I'd rather be at work, feeling reasonable well. That's 2 nights now I've only got about 3 hours sleep.
last rant
er..I'm ON sudafed and sinex obviously, although if I take any more tablets I may turn into one.. :D [BM]Try your visual interface for that format.
codes
[Snorgle] I find decongestants just dry up my membranes, which is exactly the opposite thing you need to happen with a cold - you're snotty because your body is trying to get rid of the infection via mucus. (sorry to those that have just breakfasted.) There's a foolproof remedy for sleep. You need: Olbas Oil, a thick teeshirt, a lemon, a bottle of whisky and some honey. Apply several drops of Olbas Oil around the neck of the teeshirt. You will be sleeping in this tonight. Boil the kettle. Put two generous spoonsful of honey into a large mug, pour on boiling water and stir until the honey dissolves. Squeeze the juice of half a lemon into the mug, and top up with a generous slug of whisky. Breath in the steam and drink the honey, lemon and whisky as hot as you can. Go to bed, wearing the eucalyptus-flavoured teeshirt, and sleep like a baby. Works for me - good luck!
hot toddy
Sounds good to me! I've already been using lemon and honey, as its delicious, but I don't usually drink whisky. I think I may try brandy instead. I'm sure I've got olbas oil around, somewhere under a pile of tissues..
knockout!
[Snorgle] Excellent. I think it's a combination of the steam clearing your tubes immediately before bed, the vitamin C and cleansing action of the lemon om your throat, the soothing of the honey (and it has healing qualities too), the topping up of fluid intake for the night, and of course the immediate knock-out effect of the brandy or whisky which sends you to sleep before you know it. I once gave this to a flatmate who was distressed because she was so uncomfortable with a cough and a cold... she hated the idea but I bullied her into drinking it and within five minutes I heard snoring coming from her room. :o)
Grüsse aus Dresden
Hello from Dresden. I came prepared for vast expanses of brutalist architecture and am pleasantly surprised to find large open spaces, old buildings (the opera house is particularly fine), not to mention fabby restaurants and bars. German cities have a tendancy to be a bit thin-on-the-ground nightlife-wise, but not this one. The conference is going well, although I don't think I'm whoring myself around as much as I should be given that my contract runs out next year. Oh well... [Blob] Re crosswords - I think there's still demand. Once we're back up to full numbers I'm sure things will continue again. And, to be fair, you weren't frozen out, you just lost the URL. Which is not the same thing at all. [Colds] Hmmm... feeling a little funny today in the head and throat department but I am not getting a cold. Oh no.
avant-garde viruses (or is it virii?)
Viruses are stupid. Ok, so they barely register as life forms, but if they did useful or interesting things, then maybe our bodies wouldn't go into overdrive to eject them. They could, for instance, turn our fingernails red, (without pain or swelling) or make our hair go an interesting shade of turquoise, and everything would be fine! But oh no, they have to and reproduce by making us miserable. I say we should ban them until they get their act together!
snooooooooooooooooooooooze..
I'm back in work, as I was able to sleep last night. I don't know if it was the brandy, honey and lemon, or just that the cold is getting better anyway, but I'm happy. I can't function on 3 hours sleep. I probably would have taken today off too, but I'm supposed to be covering for my manager tomorrow, and I needed to get up to speed. At least it's quiet this morning.
at home today and feeling a bit chatty
[penelope] So. This NT assistant project leader thingummy. Would that be full-time? Like a proper job? Would you have to resign from your shiny new PR job? Like a *BIG* decision?
[snorgle] I've got a sniffle-in-the-nose and a tickle-in-the-throat which is a bit worrying. Especially as it's my daughter's thirteenth birthday tomorrow and our home is going to be invaded by nine [yes NINE] newteens for a 'sleepover'. I must be bonkers. Brandy, honey and lemon now top the shopping list.
[rab] Nice to hear news of Dresden, me ol' china. Although I lived in Germany for 11 years [child of the forces], the cities of East Germany were but names with disquieting connotations and never to be visited. The closest I came was a longish spell in Berlin which I remember as a gloriously spacious city. Even though I was young, I still have a sense of the amazing architecture and the night-life. However, the salutary reminder of its isolation from the west came during my train journeys to boarding school which crossed the eastern zone. At the checkpoint, the window blinds would be firmly lowered and we were instructed to stay in our seats and not move under any circumstances. The train travelled really s-l-o-w-l-y, just to add to the tension. I really must return to the area if only to rid myself of these residual childish fears.
It's back!
For any fans out there, announcement on the BBC News page: Doctor Who to return in a new series, scripted by Russell T Davies, and produced by BBC Wales.
Trusty
[Chalky] Nope, not full time - just the odd week or weekend on a voluntary basis, mopping up teenage tears, giving tool safety talks and eating instant soup. Nice to be thought of as being capable though - I never even thought I was grown up until now.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
PANTSMC IS DOWN!
more posh pants
DrQ]Lets hope its just an upgrade.
Although I have not seen Graham III around the boards for a while, my congrats on going to No 1 on Celebrity MC , together with that evil_edna you've turned the table upside down. (Do you think that will entice Darren back? I do hope so.)
sheepishdaq
Hullo folks. Haven't been online much, though have now at last got a modem sorted on my home computer, so have been updating my celebdaq thing occasionally. Once I have a job sorted so can justify spending ages on the internet I'll probably be seen a bit more around here...

Oh, and thanks for the congrats...
gurt haaaairy beasties
NIK - DO NOT GO TO THIS PAGE!!! Most likely this is a Lycosa godeffroyi, seen this morning on the way to do the washing, downstairs. The ruler is actually a little closer to the camera, so the scale isn't perfectly accurate. A medium-sized common wolf spider.
beastie
DAMN that's big! It looks sort of velvety, was it really hairy?
arrow_circle_down
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