mc5 - ... so help me God.

you have to be crazy to work at walmart, it is in the fine print on the bottom of page two.

there are many unpleasent people who shop at walmart, these people cannot be found at any other store, this is why we pass out small happyface stickers, they work as shields, protecting the next generation from the bad walmart mojo.

Boolbar

Clouds are the debris left over from exploding fairies.

Boolbar

Grass purrs when you mow it.

Tuj

That Rooney kid - what a plank!

ZK

Shrek escaped from Hollywood and is now taking international football by storm.

ZK

I am devstated that the European cup has come round again and that I have to eat handfuls of Doritos just to ensure an England victory.

Bob the dog

Leaky football? A large dollop of peanut butter makes an ideal substitute.

Raak

There is no more productive or enjoyable way to spend a day than cutting down saplings, pulling up nettles and weeds, and filling a skip with all the garden trash.

Tuj

My friend Doormatt invented the skip with steps (so you can get out of it easily).

Falstaff

I invented the barstool [but it turned out the blasted thing could be unreliable after a few drinks] so I give the patent away to avoid potential lawsuits.

Bob the dog

I invented the preposition fishing rod, but it never caught 'on'.

Boolbar

I invented a canvas house for mothers but I couldn't get a patent.

DrQu+xum

I invented a new spaceship but it never got off the ground.

Tuj

I invented the birthday.

Tuj

I also patented monarchy, but they refuse to pay me royalties... Groan

ZK

I patented the keyboard. Pay up.

Deek

I invented non-stick glue.

Bob the dog

I invented the joke about the toothless budgerigar, but it didn't succeed.

Boolbar

I invented a machine for human cloning but since then everyone's copied me.

Tina

I invented the hat. Top that!

Bob the dog

I invented a double-entendre machine, but the knob kept coming off in my hand.

DrQu+xum

I invented an instant English-to-Spanish translator, but Πήρα τη γλώσσα λανθασμένη.

widey

With the adept use of 8 shaving mirrors and 1 clothes mirror, I can view the scene outside of my bed room window while making a cup of tea in the kitchen! I am a nosey neighbour!!!

Tuj

I invented nipple creep to undermine ZK.

Angus Prune

I invented the internet.

ZK

Angus Prune, thou art yet a child.

ZK

And so am I, if it comes to that.

Robin

I'm so old, I was born in black and white.

plump

I invented the boneless chicken, it's over there in that bucket.