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Ooops! Time to change career?
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Give quotes that suggests the person would be better seeking more suitable employment.
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Thank you for choosing me for your pleasure today. I hope you have a safe journey home, and will consider using me for your pleasure again. As you leave, please pick up a customer satisfaction survey, which you can fill out and return to me via the attached pre-paid envelope.
I'm not touching THAT.
How am I doing?
I'm just going to take a quick photo for my files, whilst you fill out this questionnaire.
Don't mind the guy in the corner - he's from the News of the World and he's doing an investigation.
I've got a special offer on STDs, buy one get one free.
Do you mind if the inspector here sits in and observes? Don't worry, she's here to assess my performance, not yours.
Hello sailor. Fancy a grim time?
They call me Madam Vodafone. I charge by the second.
I'm a bit busy tonight, darling. Do you mind sharing a session with someone else? You get a discount.
No, I've called myself Madam Whiplash ever since I was in a road accident. © Smith & Jones
Fancy a nice cup of tea and a cuddle?
How's my riding? Call 0800 152 6424.
[not sure if that is the same as Kim's earlier post]
...slurp....slurp....CHOMP...............
Hi! I'm Lorena Bobbit.
By the way doll, this is Rollo, he is now going to penalize you for early withdrawal.
"I hate men....PTOOOOOOIIIIIIEEEEEEEE......I cut their balls off.....feeelthy peegs!!!"
Just a word before we start about the theory behind my practice, I use a range of sexual modalities to enable us both to explore and work through the emotional, cultural and genital aspects of your feelings. I want you to know that all of your desires are legitimated in this context and I'm targeting this session towards the objectives that you can see I've written up here on the whiteboard. Do feel free to mention if you'd like us to re-examine those objectives together and perhaps amend them according to your needs as a client and mine as a practitioner. Now, are you happy if we start with the tits?
You pay this much three times a week? Wouldn't it be cheaper to just have your bits chopped off? And think of all the time you'd save!
Pheee-ewwwwwwww ... c'mon over here doll and tell me, does this smell gangrenous ???
Sorry, I dozed off for a second.
By entering these premises you agree that sessions may be recorded for staff training purposes and that data collected may be shared with other businesses.
How much do I owe you?
Open wide...
Just lie back and think of England.
[KNOCK] [KNOCK] Oh blessed heavens, Mr. Jones, I have been searching for you for days. You accidentally left your wallet and credit cards in the motel room, here they are. No thank you, knowing you have them back safely is reward enough.
Crap car, love. Got a big dick have you?
Hello Mr. Floppy!
You can't afford me, duck, now p*ss off.
I always 'ave a garlic sandwich for lunch. Stops me gettin' colds.
Oh whoopee, I just won the lottery.
Announcer for the Speaking Clock
"....TICK.....TOCK....TICK....TOCK....TICK...."
*snore*
AT THE T'IRD STROKE, THE TOIME SPONSORED BY THE ORANGE ORDER WULL BE SUX FIFTEEN PRESOISLY (Apologies for any transcription errors trying to represent that dialect.)
Have you got the time?
Time, grasshopper, is an illusion. Look deeply into yourself and you will find that you will know what it is time for.
It's about 7 or thereabouts, I think. Maybe later.
At the third stroke, it will be time for another drink.
Thank you for calling the philosophical speaking clock. Before we can commit to applying a particular scale and measurement to this thing we call "time", I think it's important that we can be sure we know what is meant by the term. In this phone call, I will marshal evidence from the disciplines of physics, theology and flower arranging to consider a range of interpretations of the concept of time and will problematise both the classical notion of time as a continuous dimension and the more recent idea of time as a quantum phenomenon. As always in these matters, it is well to return to Aristotle, who said...
F***! My watch has stopped!
As wur murm ra chumm spunsurd bur aggariff ull bee ert furfur erruree. BEEP BEEP BEEP
Thank you for calling the fundamentalist speaking clock. At the third stroke it'll be exactly 6004 years, 13 months, 16 days, 5 hours, 4 minutes and 40 seconds since creation.
It's time you got a watch, hur hur.
This is a really stupid job, I mean, you can get wristwatches that automatically synchronise to the Riugby transmitter, and any sensible mobile phone will sync as soon as you turn it on, and you can get the time over the internet, and your cable feed will keep your DVR on time, so what does anyone need to ring me up for? It's like that woman who carried the time from Greenwich to London right up until 1939, when they'd had the telegraph since the nineteenth century. This isn't a proper job, it's a living history exhibit, and at the third stroke it will be time to heave yourself into the 21st century.
"ohhhhh baby, I know how you like it....slowwww and steeeeady...tick tock....tick tock...oh yesssss...that's the rhythm you like.....and I can give it to you darling, 24/7....tick tock....tick tock....i won't let you down doll, 'cause I've got ambidextrous hands....and a one track mind....tick tock....tick tock....slowwww and steeeeady....just the way you like it....ohhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh....who's your daddy now?.....tick tock....tick tock...."

My first is in flannel but not in towel my second's in shovel and also in trowel
my third is in upshot and utter and u-bolt my fourth is in rifle and also in Northolt
my fifth is in twaddle and teaspoon and teddy my sixth is in Helen but never in Reddy
my seventh in iron is first in the line my eighth is in red sky a delightful sign
my ninth is in toothbrush and taxi and tack my tenth is in yo-yo and yam and in yak
just add thirty seconds, by now make it fifty and you've got the time without looking. How nifty!
At the th..th..th..third st..st..st..strohfuckit.
Chill, man, who cares what time it is? Put down the phone, walk barefoot through the grass, turn on, tune in, drop out.
The big hand is pointing somewhere between the twelve and the one, the little hand is pointing somewhere between the three and the six. So it must be twenty past twelve. or so. ish.
At the third stroke it will be three eighty-six and ninety seconds.
At the third stroke, Mr. Bond, the device will detonate. Say your prayers, 007.
:)
Leaving Mr Bond on a cliffhanger, we move on to: Personal Trainers
Got a light?
The best thing for a broken leg is to just keep on running. The more it hurts, the more it's healing.
Look! The sooner you finish the two press-ups, the sooner we can get down to the Sunday Buffet at the Chinese. It's 9.99 for everything you can eat today.
I steal your girlfriend!
Well if you can't be bothered, neither can I.
No, I promise you, it's just a vitamin supplement.
Christ, these things are heavy!
Sex?
It helps if you use the equipment whilst naked. At least, it helps me :op
Fourteen....fifteen....keep going....sixteen...nineteen, sevent - wait - hang on - oh, bugger, we'd better start again - one...two...keep going....three....
My God, you're sweating, how disgusting!
Look into my eyes, you are feeling very sleepy...
Here boy, here boy, Over to the running machine! Come on! That's it. Goooooood boy. Have a chocolate treat. All right, come on, boy, jump up. Gooood. All right, here we go... Walkies!
I used to be a fat bastard like you.
If it's an effort, you're doing it wrong.
Now, sit on the floor cross-legged, lotus posture if you can manage it, close your eyes, and chant along wth me, "Ommmmm.....", and as you feel the vibrations filling you, visualise those muscles getting stronger, "OMMMmmmmmmm.........., imagine running effortlessly, "OMMMMMMmmmmmmm.............."
Sorry, but if you don't go into cardiac arrest, you're just not trying hard enough.
Now remember, these are toning exercises, you don't want to develop horrid nasty muscles.
Hello? - Sorry, can't come next week - done me back in.
Get that arse!
Right, twenty pressups NOW, and if I see that flabby belly touch the floor once, *thwack* it'll be six more of these *thwack*. And remember to say "Thank you, Mistress" after each one or you'll get an hour chained to the treadmill.
Bit of a set-up this one: Anthropomorphic personification
<diplomatic> I can't quite see what's required here.</diplomatic>
[Rosie] I think perhaps Simons' title is too broad. He may be asking for "furry fandom" input, on the other hand he may, for example, mean the tall skeleton with the hooded black robe and the scythe. I think clarification is required before any posts can be made, or we'll all be confused.
Is it the old Goon Show joke?
"Would you like to see my impressions of wax fruit?"
"Can you do a banana?"
Pause... "In the privacy of your own home, you CAN do a banana."
[gil] It's your turn in the barrel.
If any of those ****ing brats are wake up when I go to get the tooth they can ****ing swing for their ****ing pound
[all] Ah, I see what you mean. I did intend to cover all forms of avatar, including the bony chap, but in hindsight that is a bit broad. Carry on with the tooth fairy?

Dear Lucy,
            Your recent payment of one incisor was credited to your account yesterday. Be aware that due to shifts in certain volatile market assets you are currently in a position of significant negative equity vis-a-vis your dental assemblage. I have regretfully decided to foreclose on your remaining debt and would appreciate your payment of the outstanding balance (currently assessed at two canines, a premolar, two molars and a wisdom tooth) by close of business Thursday.

Yours Sincerely,

T. Fairy.
Of course, Gary Larson did it best in The Far Side with his psychotic "Next time I'm bringing the pliers, Billy" letter from the tooth fairy.
Yes little girl, you can have a rummage around in Santa's sack. No, I leave the big one at the North Pole, this one is more, sort of, Santa's pouch.
Dear William,
It has come to my attention that your brother George has never provided me with a tooth in trade. I would muchly like to add one of his pristine enamels to my collection, but based on his unwillingness to cooperate, I beseech you to acquire one for me. I will pay triple the going rate. It would please me to no ends if you would procure for me the complete collection, at which time I may have another little favor to ask.
Yours In Good Faith,

T. Fairy.

p.s. I have hidden a mallet beneath your bed.
Upper right two and four, lower right three and two lower left one. Come on.
A pink podume to anyone who recognises the above quote. It was brought to my mind by the death of Dick Vosburgh last week.
Oh gawd, its nearly dawn and I can't get rid of these nicotine stains!
"Little boy, would you like to come sleepover at my Neverland ranch?"
[bob] Coffee all over the place.
*jangling chord* NOBODY expects Santa Claus! Our two weapons are our sinister laugh *HO HO HO* and our menacing red cloak -- and our minute record of all your sins... Our three weapons...
What about your knobbly sack?
Among our multiple and diverse weapons of terror are these: our sinister laugh *HO HO HO*, our menacing red cloak with the furry bits, our record of your sins, our knobbly sack, and our little elves. Will you confess now, or must we play you -- THE JINGLE BELLS! *evil maniacal laughter*
"IOU 5 cents, please add it to my tab."
"£14.50, Johnny. That'll teach you to sleep with your head under the pillow." © T. Pratchett
[isp] ouch!!! LOL
Time for a change?
Pope
"Mazel tov... oops"
"Can't we get some birds in and have a knees-up?"
"Get that arse!"
"La ilaha illa Allah. Muhammadun rasulullah."
The creation story's not meant to be taken literally...
I am so totally not gonna wear that dumb hat in public!
"Erm... I appear to have a turret in my car, but someone's nicked the machine gun..."
"You know what women are like".
I talk to God...
"Hi! I'm David Icke!"
What do you mean, women aren't allowed to be Pope?
Let's do the Spanish Inquisition sketch!
I was only obeying orders!
"Can I get an audience with Bono?"
Dear God, please make it chocolate pudding for lunch today!
Charity to the poor? But I don't understand this. What's in it for us? We need to be maximising our yield, here, not giving the green stuff away! Who hired this nincompoop?
"I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition"
The Church should institute a vow of poverty for all of its officials and servants.
Time to invade Italy and take back my kingdom. Roll out the tanks, Cardinal General Bellarini!
Of course I support a woman's right to choose! What do you think I am, some kind of fascist?
Ma Dad loved his fitba'. Supported Rangers, aye.
What have the Roman Catholics ever done for us?
We need to reexamine our basic brand proposition, and establish new conversations that let our customers talk directly to us. I've hired Mr. Wormwood here from Screwtape.com to create opportunities to enable new user-centred engagement modes and collectively emergent reevaluation of traditional doctrine. To keep up to date on these exciting developments, subscribe to my blog, and read the new College of Cardinals wiki.

(I am delighted to record that rab's spam-detector turned up its nose at that until I invoked the name of our patron saint.)

Yes, I wear the cilice, but it won't show under my papal robes.
That Dan Brown knows his stuff, eh!
Of course I make the odd mistake - we all do. I'm not infallible, you know.
hare krishna, hare krishna, krishnoops!
Do you mind, that's my copy of Watchtower.
Personally, I think Satan's had a very bad press.
Meine Ehre heißt Treue
The porn film was a very, very long time ago. Can't we forgive and forget?
There's these two nuns in a bath, right....
What's all that smoke?
"So you say your are a Merovingian and you have come to collect what?"
Just between us, can't we stop pretending? I mean, no-one inside the Church actually believes any of this stuff, do they?
That would be an ecumenical matter!
[Phil] Feck! Girls!
We need to make the services more relevant to young people of today. How about this? "Asch nazg durbatuluk! Asch nazg gimbatul! Asch nazg thrakatuluk! Agh burzum-ishi krimpatul!" Doesn't that have a ring to it? Much better than all that boring old Latin.
The Vatican's primary purpose is of course sexual. It is a graphic representation of the phallic power of the Catholic Church. [nfras] You forgot Arse!
Jesus f***ing Christ all-f***ing-mighty!
[Phil] :op
"You know me, I'm never right!"
"These condoms don't fit..."
Here's one in poor taste, for a change: Thank heaven for little girls
My secretary's got herself pregnant but fortunately she's going to ged rid of it.
[Rosie] hehehehehehehe
I intend to make the entire Vatican archives public and publish them on the Internet.
"Bad monkey! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad monkey!"
"Yes, of course I am a woman, what's wrong with that?"
[IS,P!] Thought I'd ignore subtlety for a bit.
"In nomine Patris, et filii et Spiritus Sancti...non verum Deo credo."
I think we should pack in this whole Pope thing and rejoin the Orthodox churches.
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!
And as the would-be Pope is taken away by the Spanish Inquisition, let's hear a Prime Minister talk himself out of a job.
I'm going to be completely honest with you...
All this power - it's wonderful!
I'm not coming in. I'm having a duvet day.
Hello. Madame Fifi's? Can you please send a couple of your girls over. Yes, the front door will be fine.
(come to think of it, that would have done for the previous subject as well)
You got the substances?
We need to consider the true meaning of democracy and consider whether elections are still fit for purpose in the twenty-first century. I see the role of PM not as being given power by the electorate to rule over them for five years but as about an ongoing process of managing their concerns through truly people-centred consultation processes which will achieve a continuity which I believe people really want instead of chopping and changing with every election. If you ask the man in the street what he wants, he doesn't care about abstract political ideologies, he wants the local council to mend holes in the road and he wants the trains to run on time, and going to the polls every few years just creates needless disruption.
I feel compelled to repeat: "Get that arse!"
"My esteemed members of the cabinet, all matters of state are herewith put on hold until further notice, as I am called elsewhere as a matter of urgency. Beginning tomorrow I will be touring with Gilbert and Sullivan with whom I am to be a pirate in The Pirates of Penzance .... flouting my bright silver buckles and my tight shiny pants. Gentlemen, I want to sing and dance!"
(Phil) I don't think you can have that one because without a shadow of doubt extracurricular shagging is a perk of the job and that of several lesser ones in government.
[Rosie] The context I had in mind was during PM's Questions.
I refer the right honorable gentleman to my butt.
What's this "other place" you lot are on about all the time? (Phil) Ah!
"Checkers? Ah,yes! George did mention something about a game plan."
People talk about democracy, but how democratic is it to have a Parliament half filled by people whose job it is to oppose the democractically elected government? When the people choose a government, then that government should be able to carry out its mandate as a team, and teamwork is very important to me, a single team all pulling in the same direction under a single manager. I never forget that we politicians are public servants, carrying out the will of the people, and it makes no sense to have the servants always squabbling about how to do the housekeeping. And as team manager, I am just a servant of the public servants. That's why my first acts as Prime Manager will be to dissolve Parliament and abolish political parties.
As we only obtained 42% of the popular vote at the election we shall only carry out 42% of our manifesto commitments. We shall be inviting the opposition parties to nominate which of their policies they wish us to carry out for them.
We hear a lot about immigration, but emigration is just as much of a problem if not more. Consider. Someone is brought up and educated in this country, and we all contribute to the cost of that, and then they go to university, so on top of the moral debt for their upbringing they incur a monetary debt as well, and then they can just say, thanks for everything, and go abroad to work for some other country. In effect, they are stealing the investment that the state -- and that means every single one of us -- has made in them, and that is something that hurts us all. When someone is mugged in the street, the mugger goes to jail, but when someone mugs the whole country, at present we do nothing at all and that cannot be right. My solution to this is to introduce citizenship accounts, in which every member of society can see exactly where they stand valuewise, and grant exit visas to everyone as long as they are showing a surplus.
       And we also have to address an even bigger problem that I call internal emigration. There are people -- you may know some yourself -- who live in this country and accept all of its benefits, but work over the internet for companies that are not based here, but could be anywhere in the world, creating value for them that should be created here while at the same time living off our resources. What I propose is an Internet Visa, which will ensure that those who can show a genuine need to access international networks can do so without the risk of selling out this country.
No, George.
Yo, yo, Mistah Speaker, Blair in da house-a-commons...
I da Prime MInister
On da left, so I'm sinister
If you oppose
Cos my power roves
From Forth to Finisterre
And it don't finish there,
I go' astonish ya.
I got the A to Zee
O' Crown dependencies.
I got departments
I manage armaments
My influence has confluence from ruins to public nu-i-sance...
This is a crap job really, but it does boost book sales and directorship offers later.
People talk about freedom of speech, but how much freedom is there when people cannot go on the Internet for fear of what they may see? How much freedom is there when anyone anywhere can say whatever they like, no matter how odious? Real freedom of speech is the freedom to speak the truth, not the freedom to speak lies. How much freedom is there when anyone can go anywhere in the country, set up in business for themselves, and charge any price they like for anything they are selling, regardless of the harm they may be doing in pursuit of their own selfish profiteering? My intention is to create a new Ministry of Truth to protect our precious freedom of speech from our enemies, and a Ministry of Labour to ensure that everyone works in the job that is best for them and best for the people.
My fellow Americans!
The twentieth century was the century of the great experiment in democracy. But remember that the twentieth century was also the century of the worst wars in history. And so having put all of that chaos behind us it is time to ask ourselves what lessons we have learned from it, and to build on that for the future. The "hundred schools of thought" having contended, what flowers have bloomed and what have proven to be weeds? In this ever more interlinked and interdependent world of ours, is it even possible for every state to go their own way? A world government is the only realistic way to bring peace and prosperity to everyone. There can be no dissension with a world government, because dissent would be a treason against all of humanity. Everyone will work together for the good of the whole, not because of any compulsion, but because it is the right thing to do. One people! One Planet! One Prime Manager!

(That's Blair's next job sorted then.)

I believe in government of the people by the people and for the people who have the most dosh.
I've tried coming up with something, but I'm blocked by the brilliant take on the theme done in "Whoops Apocalypse" years ago. It's hard to beat "I can finally tell everyone that I'm Superman". Especially if you follow that by throwing your whippet out of the second storey window so it can go for a walk.
Sorry I'm late, I've just been fisting Norman Lamont. (Well, it nearly finished Julian Clary's career, so why not Tony)
We are a grandmother. with apologies to all those traumatised by ThatchBlair
I like my cigars moist.
Nuke the bastards!
Yes, I am Russian. Is that a drawback?
Wibble!
In the interests of efficiency, I have decided to dispense with the Cabinet. I shall now be relying for key decisions on an objective process. So, shall we continue to fund the NHS? Heads we do, tails we don't.
I think it's time to reexamine the whole idea of the people ruling themselves, because it really makes no sense when you think of it. A ruler must be greater than those he rules, therefore how can the ruled be the rulers? The only logically consistent system of government is an absolute feudal hierarchy, with a monarch at the top appointed by God. The King will appoint a council of ministers to advise him, led by a Prime Minister, but the whole absurd apparatus of Parliament and elections should be done away with.
"Might I propose a URANIUM for OIL program?"
"America is our staunchest ally." no, no blindfold ... but i would enjoy a final cigarette
Where do I sit?
Surely a retarded monkey could do this job?
What? You mean it's not a permanent post?
Allahu Akhbar!
Hello, I'm David Icke.
I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.
[Raak] Overtures of "you have to vote for the lizards or the wrong lizard might get in"
[IS,P! / Raak] Made me think of Bill Bailey's "Human slaves, in an insect nation!"
[Phil] Your reference to Julian Clary's fisting of Norman Lamont made me wonder 'what newspaper does Phil read?'
Time for a new career?
[IS,P] Is that a question or a valid move?
[UK] Yes.
[IS,P!] Whatever comes to hand, although if I'm buying a newspaper (very rare occurence) it would be the Daily Telegraph. I also happened to be watching the award ceremony when Mr Clary made said comment, and I pretty much p*ssed myself laughing.
Recap: We have had Police Constable, Supermodel, Brain Surgeon, Farmer, Electrician, Car Mechanic, MC Coach, Evil Henchperson, Museum Curator, Somellier, Relationship Counsellor, Blacksmith, Nuclear Physicist, Shepherd, Stand-up Comic, Prostitute, Speaking Clock, Personal Trainer, Anthropomorphic Personification, Pope and Prime Minister. How about
Taxi Driver
Where are we, guv?
Well, I could drive you all round the houses and charge a tenner, but you don't need a taxi, it's actually just a five minute walk straight down this road.
Y'know... I've never actually had anyone famous in the back of the cab...
Sorry about the bumpy ride, I'm just nervous about my driving test coming up tomorrow. Failed three times already.
Are you lookin' at me? (oblig.)
Do you mind drivin, guv? I'm too pissed.
Allahu Akbar! oblig
"I've been expecting you, Mr Bond..." *presses large red button*
"The knowledge? What's that,guv?"
Could you read the street signs for me pal, I can't make out a thing past the road itself with these nasty cataracts.
Sorry, I'll have to pull over for a few minutes while I have a grand mal seizure.
Richard Hammond. Pleased to meet you.
Fred Flintstone. Pleased to meet you, now get those legs pumping. Yabba Dabba Dooo!
Quick! The cops are after me, let's get outta here!
Just grab hold of this anchor - I've got no brakes.
"Not got much of an opinion on that either way"
The glass partition slides open to reveal a set of pearly enamels smiling back at you from the rearview mirror: "Chance meeting good fellow, my name is Mephistopheles and I will be your chauffeur for this evening. As you may have unsettlingly observed, the doors to this cab cannot be opened from the inside. There will be no exiting the cab nor unscheduled stops or detours until we have reached your destination. We at Pay The Piper Cab Co strive to make your trip a memorable one. We accept no plea bargains, gratuities or bribery. In fact your money is no good to us, as your fare has been prepaid VIP, nonstop to Hades, MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH."
"London Airport, guv? Sorry mate, but my shift's nearly up and I live in Hackney."
In the pouch in front of you there's a bag of dog biscuits, can you just give one to my guide dog? Thanks.
You could describe my political views as leftish-liberal.
The kids are all right.
When I started to drive, you didn't need a licence.
It's really not worth it, mate, it's only round the corner. You could walk it.
Follow which car? Sorry, I wasn't really looking.
Take a mini-cab, mate, much cheaper and a better service.
Half-price if you sit on my lap dearie.
No, you just pay me what you think is fair, OK?
We certainly do take credit cards.
"Heyyyy mannnnn, wanna toke on my joint?"
"It's amazing how courteous other drivers are, and I never cease to be amazed at the quality of driving."
"Here - let me open the door for you."
[Rosie] Shurely 'middle-of-the-road'
"Are we nearly there, yet?"
Tip? Sorry mate, can't accept that, the Inland Revenue rules you know.
"S'cuse me sir, have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight?"
"Can we stop a minute? I'm desperate for a pee."
I'd love to drive you to your destination, sir, but I'm worried about my carbon footprint.
"I really don't have an opinion either way on that."
[Kim] Almost as good as nfras' "Not got much of an opinion on that either way"
South of the River? This time of night? Sure thing.
A ride for a ride?
Outer Mongolia? Hold on while I call in to get a price for that.
"You'll have to get out here madame, this back alley is as far as I can drive until the court removes my ankle bracelet."
"Better out than in eh? Don't worry about it though, I'll clean that off the upholstery in a jiffy"
Have you ever thought that a taxi ride is a metaphor for life? You're in the hands of a total stranger (that's me, God), and once you get in, it's like being born into life, you've no control over where it goes, oh, you can say "Take me to the Hilton" just like you can say "I'm going to be the next Bill Gates", but no-one's going to pay any attention, and you can't get out, even if you could force the locks on the doors we're doing over 100 so what are you going to do, jump? And at the end of life...there is DEATH!!
Time for a change? So far we have had:
Police Constable, Supermodel, Brain Surgeon, Farmer, Electrician, Car Mechanic, MC Coach, Evil Henchperson, Museum Curator, Somellier, Relationship Counsellor, Blacksmith, Nuclear Physicist, Shepherd, Stand-up Comic, Prostitute, Speaking Clock, Personal Trainer, Anthropomorphic Personification, Pope, Prime Minister and Taxi Driver.
Please put an <hr> before the category title and make it bold and/or colourful as you desire. Feel free to ignore the suggestion if you have more to offer in this category!
DVD Store Salesperson
I would just like to say that, having read his last post, I never want accept a lift in Raak's car...
So I take it you've never heard of bittorrent then?
DVD's are rubbish, everyone knows that. For real quality you can't beat a videocassette, the colours are so much richer, and they don't wear out, not if you treat them properly. DVD's, you can get fingerprints and cat pee all over them and they still play, what sort of quality is that?
CD? DVD? So what's the difference?
I can't recommend "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" strongly enough.
I know where to get it, if you want it.
If you're looking for the 'real cinema experience', I've got some here that were filmed from the back row...
Sorry, I was just in the back room. Ah, let me just wash my hands.
"Of course, this model at £249 gives a much sharper image, which you are bound to appreciate on your 42" LCD screen." Ace filth, Phil
Hardcore kiddie porn sir? I've got just the thing. Sorry I'm shouting sir, it's a nervous illness.
We've got this boxed set of 17 DVDs, each with a peculiar Easter Egg...
[Phil] I'm glad I read that before I lifted my coffee to my lips!
[UK] I wish I understood it.
[IS,P] You'd need to watch the excellent Doctor Who episode Blink.
[UK] I have downloaded same and will be watching it as soon as the exam season is over.
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