"Little boy, would you like to come sleepover at my Neverland ranch?"

[bob] Coffee all over the place.

*jangling chord* NOBODY expects Santa Claus! Our two weapons are our sinister laugh *HO HO HO* and our menacing red cloak -- and our minute record of all your sins... Our three weapons...

What about your knobbly sack?

Among our multiple and diverse weapons of terror are these: our sinister laugh *HO HO HO*, our menacing red cloak with the furry bits, our record of your sins, our knobbly sack, and our little elves. Will you confess now, or must we play you -- THE JINGLE BELLS! *evil maniacal laughter*