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... so help me God.
help
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
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I can dance.
I once danced with Keanu Reeves, but kept falling on the ground when he would do the dip. He seemed to hover above the ground and I could not keep up with him.
I love modern dancing - one doesn't have to snuggle up to one's partner.
While sleeping I rise to a height of five hundred feet above sea level and slowly rotate above either Lincolnshire or Norfolk.
I have just given up being the centre of gravity. The job sucked.
I have just lost my job as a pornstar. It was a blow.
I have just given up being the rear spoiler on the McLaren F1 car... what a drag.
I have just given up stalking. A better job follows.
I've just decided to drive my car off the road. It was a career choice.
I used to work at a potato-packing plant, but I got the sack.
An Amazonian tribe has just recruited me. I was head hunted.
Still it is better than the job I had as a experimental patient for trainee proctologists. That was a pain in the arse.
I hate being a lion trainer, it bites.
I used to like being Emperor of Rome, until I got stabbed in the back.
I want to get out of the calendar printing business, I reckon my days are numbered...
I tried to quit my job as a beefburger, but I was foiled.
I used to love my job as a chip, because every day was fried day.
foiled again!)
I worked in a peach orchard. It was the pits.
I was one of Santa's elves, but I got the sack.
I used to be a butcher which, as you can imagine, was quite fulfilling - then they gave me the axe...
I made Spam, until they canned me.
I worked so hard at being a lift attendant that they gave me a rise.
For a while I worked in a lingere shop, but they gave me the pink slip.
I used to put peas in tins, 44 per tin. One day I got my pea 45.
I used to be a ritual circumciser, but one day I slipped and got the sack.
I used to be a train conductor, but resigned when I realised I was going nowhere.
I used to be a trapeze artist until I was dropped.
I studied to be a florist, but my career was nipped in the bud.
I once had a job in a towel factory, but the company folded.
I used to work for Chidrens BBC in the 70's. I lost the job when I dropped a clanger.
I was going to be a historian, but realised that there was no future in it.
I used to work in the Evian factory, but I lost my bottle.
Last summer I took up skydiving, but I didn't make it through the fall.
Then I took some courses to be a mortgage broker, but after a while I lost interest.
I used to be a gastroenterologist, but I just couldn't stomach
I used to be a bacteriologist, but I couldn't take the strain.
I, too, had a banking job for a short time, but the manager said I lacked principle.
I was a vascular surgeon, but wanted to try something in a different vein.
I worked in a diet pill factory until I was downsized.
I used to work in a footwear shop until one day I got the boot.
I studied to be an airline pilot, but my career never got off the ground.
I was involved in cloning research...then I was made redundant.
I worked in a clearing house for dud cheques until I resigned.
I had a job making cannons for tanks until I was discharged.
I quit my job at Mountaineer Race Track & Casino ... too much Wheeling and dealing.
I used to make sausage...then one day I was sent packing.
I was a pool hustler until I was blackballed.
I was a fence-builder until I was shown the gate.
I used to be a mountain climber, but I quit in a fit of peak.
I used to be a human cannonball, but they wouldn't fire me, so I lost my job. :)
I used to be a zooological keeper, but there were claws in my contract that led to my release.
I was hoping for promotion at the mail order apple seed company, but I was pipped to the post.
In desperation I took a job in a bakery. I just needed the dough.
I worked bottling natural water, but lost my job in the spring.
[Tina] But did you really knead the dough?
I lost my job as a medium when I went through a bad spell.
I used to drill for oil, but it got too boring.
Then I became a spy, but the work bugged me.
I also looked after a herd of deer, but the job paid badly. I didn't have two bucks to rub together.
[Boolbar] I'm sure the bucks wouldn't have appreciated being rubbed together either....
I used to be the gasman for a local stock car team, but that was the pits.
When I was in kennels, the company went broke and had to call in the retrievers.
I auditioned for the starring role in a documentary on a American quarterback-turned-politician, but I was rejected because of my un-Kemp appearence.
I used to be a dustman, but the job was rubbish.
Then I became a chef, but the job wasn't all it was cooked up to be.
[BtD] When I worked in kennels, I made such a mess of things they told me to go take a long walk.
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