Red Dwarf
I recommend the first couple of Red Dwarf books, the authors are "Rob Grant" and "Doug Naylor", who also appear in Amazon's catalogue as "Naylor, Grant". IF you are interested in the DVDs of the series, they are also highly recommended, the stars are Chris Barrie and Craig Charles.
What a pullover!
We had the mother of all power cuts last night. A pneumatic drillster managed to slice his way through the main electricity supply to the north-eastern segment of Manchester University... I didn't see it myself, but the sparks were said to be quite spectacular. The drillster was - amazingly - unharmed. However, the same cannot be said of our computer system. It often comes across as though the whole thing is held together by three pieces of string and a lump of chewing gum. For a while the main server had no case and was wrapped up in 'Police Line -- Do not cross' tape. I jest not. Anyway, I can just about get a login, but seeing as the main server is going up and down like a pair of whore's knickers, the best I can do right now is to fire up Netscape 4 on a twm desktop. What nostalgia... But at least I'm pleased I wrote these pages in such a way that you can actually look at them on steam-powered browsers. (In fact, dare I say it, but they work rather well on lynx, lest anyone ever need to go back to the 1930's).
None
[rab] Ah, the Camputers Lynx...
celebdaq
I am number one, one, one...Yay! Thank you Keanu!
None
Since this is the gaming room, are we having a Big Brother sweepstake this year?
Big Bro
Why not? I think I'll get in early with Cameron. A Baptist fish trader from Orkney... sure he'll go far!
Anouska
I'll ride on Nush but can she get her claws into Freddy. If you are voting keep Anouska in she was nominated for being annoying and too loud by 7 out of 12 on first impressions. Vote out the bland.
None
So, are you picking Anouska with dark hair or Nush the blonde? Whichever it is, I'll take the other one. Must say the blokes seem incredibly dull this year. But it's impossible to guess the winner, since (a) the audience do exactly what Graham Norton tells them to do every night, and (b) gambling syndicates rigged so many votes last year, knocking off high rollers like Alison and Spencer early on. (And I still can't believe Kate won. :o(
??
What on earth are you people talking about?
None
OK, I'll admit, I do know. But I wish I didn't. I certainly intend to learn none of the non-entities' names this year, which I miserably failed in last year, although in my defence I was working in TV and could hardly avoid it.
Nush
Well, Nush will definitely get to week 9 so I'm picking her. The other 3 will be Sissy, Federico and... er... Gos. No-one'll vote out the chef.
You think?
I'm not so sure. I watched Sunday night's edition, but it was like the proverbial paint drying. I think I'll give them a few days to calm down and stop shouting at each other before going back. Nush hadn't made much of an impression thus far, but by being blonde and female, stands a similar chance to Kate last year. I agree with you about Gos, but I wondered if Sissy was sticking her head too far above the parapet to last very long...
Can we have some radio based games?
No TV - so Celebdaq and Big Bro games leave me cold. How about a sweepstake on the next member of the Archers cast to cop it or leave? I reckon Peggy is not long for this world... BTW did anyone catch ISIHAC? Humph was in fine form. I still miss the 'scoring' element though - it is almost as if they've given up on the spoof gameshow idea.
TV or not TV
I do find Big Brother incredibly dull but Celebdaq has little to do with TV. I heard the Archers the other day and thought it needed sub-titles. [ISIHAC] There were new games! I don't know if "Hunt the Ring" would transfer well to this site, unless we threaded the string through all the tube stations.
TV or just plain bi?
[BtD] I don't think we're having Celebdaq/Big Bro games as such, just bantering about them here. We did have a BB game last year, but if I recall it was only me, Martha and Nina who played it so I don't think we'll do that again. I think it's sufficient just to put the odd comment here as and when things happen, as a little light relief from the usually onerous, high-brow discussion that goes on... er, right.
Humph!
[Bool] I disagree about Celebdaq having little to do with TV. You need TV to know who the Celebrities are. I've just gone back to the Celebdaq site and checked out the top five on the home page. I know of Keanu Reeves and David Beckham but I've never heard of Lisa Scott Lea, Eva Herzigova or Penny Lancaster. Ho hum - my sheltered existence ;o) Has anyone seen my ring?
Pah!
[Bob the Dog] I disagree with you disagreeing about Celebdaq having little to do with TV. I have a TV but also haven't heard of Lisa Scott Lea, Eva Herzigova or Penny Lancaster. Wouldn't stop me buying shares in them! [Ring] Sorry, I have not got your ring.
Hello Boys!
Isn't Eva the Wonderbra model?
None
No, I don't have the ring either. But I think DrQu+xum has.
None
DrQu+xum, have you seen my ring?
Pedlin' pedlin' pedlin' -- rawhide!
[BigBro] Caught last night's Big Brother. They've got them pedalling for 72 hours, two at a time. As pointed out to me in the pub last night this is quite a smart move, because it breaks the group up so they have more one-on-one, or two-on-two conversations where you stand a chance of actually being able to hear anything. Also, it gives those weirdos who tune into the live show at 4am something to look at. I currently don't dislike any of them at the moment, and there seems to be a distinct lack of tension at the moment. Certainly in the last two years there's been tension from pretty much day one. In particular last year-- witness Alex noting that someone had swiped some sausages and Jade mouthing off almost as soon as she had arrived. They all seem a bit too relaxed and thoughtful this year. Oh well, I'm sure once Big Brother has starved them out, both in terms of nourishment and of things to do, they'll all start to get on each other's tits and the real fun can begin.
Meanwhile, I think you should be asking Herr Wagner about the whereabouts of the ring.
None
[Dr Q] No? What's that you've got in your left hand then?
Strange but true!
I've just seen something amusing. An ambulance which has been wheel-clamped. It was parked in close proximity to A&E, but on double yellow lines. Made me laugh lots.....
Ambulance mularky
Given the recent news about the ambulance driver up in court for taking a liver for transplant at 104mph, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Bloody traffic police is I think my final answer. The guy whose life was saved by the liver has offered to pay any fine, which I think is rather sweet.
I'd be lying if I didn't tell you
Some fabulous lies going on at the moment, I was sniggering at my desk. :oD
Snigger
[pen] Better to laugh with your desk rather than at it if you to avoid hurting its feelings. It may seem wooden and impassive, but that's just a veneer.
None
*chortle*
None
Well if Dr Q hasn't got my ring, who has?
moving Scansion War II out of the limerick game...
[CdM rab et al] So if another scansion war isn't required, why make your criticisms public? I responded to what I thought was an unecessary criticism, but I won't mention this again.
Warring fractions
[penelope] I can't speak for CdM but no offence was meant. I can't recall if you were around at the time, but about 4 years ago there was a huge hoo-hah at York (possibly even when it was still at York) brought about by there being two polar opposite views about what was and what wasn't acceptable form in a Limerick. This was a particularly ugly episode and one which I, for one, would not like to see repeated. So why make the views public? I can't see anything wrong with gently pointing out that moves are perhaps not quite appropriate for the games in which they are played as long as it's done (a) nicely and (b) rarely. If one feels that, say, a Limerick doesn't have any of the defining features thereof (without there being some point behind the rule-bending, which can sometimes be humorous in its own right), then perhaps this is worth remarking on. I understood the comments about not wanting to get into an argument about just that: let's comment, refute, have Jerry's final thought and move on. But we now seem to have got into an argument about it :) Cup of tea? Rich tea finger?
Limericky
Yes, maybe it wasn't a classic, but I thought it worked ok:
.
In fact, Dr. Q's line had good word painting...
. In fact, Dr. Q's line had good word painting...
A-ha
[GIII] I see you've found your displacement activity!
None
I guess it comes down to whether you can hear these things or not. Even with the dots, I still find it quite difficult to get the rhythm right; clearly you, pen and the other participants found it less of a strain and so I'll shut up.
None
Still more in tune than Jemini, though.
true story
T'was limericks that brought me to MC
But my poor scancion you see
Raised several alerts
And with my doom a good cert
I gave up. :)
But my poor scancion you see
Raised several alerts
And with my doom a good cert
I gave up. :)
Playing well with others
No offence was intended, and I apologise, seriously and unreservedly, for causing it. While I disagree with GIII, I will bite my tongue and I won't argue the merits of this particular limerick further; anyway, as rab said, such matters are at part in the ear of the beholder, or the eye of the listener, or something. My posting in part reflected my general feeling that the limericks here and elsewhere have been below average quality over the last few months because several people don't spend enough time thinking about scansion and stress. As a result, I find myself posting less and less to them. The fun in the game is in collectively crafting a well-formed and funny end product; if we are not succeeding in doing that (and more often than not I think we are not), then the fun disappears for me. Others of course disagree, and that's fine.
I should add two things: (1) I am of course as guilty as anyone of the occasional bad line; and (B) I think pen typically contributes some of the very best limerick lines, and so I am particularly sorry that she was in my line of fire.
I should add two things: (1) I am of course as guilty as anyone of the occasional bad line; and (B) I think pen typically contributes some of the very best limerick lines, and so I am particularly sorry that she was in my line of fire.
None
The secret of well-scansioned verse is this:
To hear each line like music in the ear
And yet to also hear it as 'twere prose.
The metre's like a shoe of certain form:
It yields not to a wrongly shapèd foot
But presses it into its tum-ti-tums.
The foot that fits the metre well, is thus
Enhanced by rhythm's clockwork-like progression.
But if the foot bears no resemblance to
The stressed and unstressed points along the line
Then like to bunioned club it will appear
When forced into a shoe however pretty.
The metre is the bezel, sense the stone
That fitted well together make a jewel
The versifier's craft combining them
Into a whole that's greater than its parts.
None
Wot CdM and Raak said. I should probably add my apologies to pen for unwittingly adding fuel to the fire.
None
Isn't anyone going to own up to seeing my ring?
group hug
After judcious application of several cups of tea, a Rich Tea finger (thanks rab) and as a last resort when the first two measures proved insufficient, a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, Regular Fries and Vanilla Milkshake, I'll gratefully acknowledge everyone's points which were intended constructively I'm sure, thank them for their continued interest in my limericking career and try and maintain my standards. :o). I am pre-menstrual... did it show?
Ring-a-ding-ding
[BtD] Does your ring sing or look like a thing?
limericks
whhoooooosh... I missed all that! No fair, I didn't get tea or biscuits! And someone stole that nice shiny ring I found under the (empty) teapot..
Three cheers rab
MC5 has some damn fine games and excellent players right now. Green and Blacks caramel choc ice creams all round.
I scream, you scream ...
It's finally stopped raining in Manchester, and the sun's come out, so I could quite happily suck an ice cream just now. [snorgle] cream puff? eclair?
Games
[btd] I'm pleased that the Fish of the Day seems to be to several people's tastes.
ice cream
rab, thanks for reminding me of that lovely ice cream in the freezer...YUM! Still hot after 11pm - I'm glad I bought that fan last year, I need it tonight.
BB4
I'm glad it was Anouska who went yesterday, in my opinion Jon has to stay as he's so strange, he's amusing. Still want Steph to win, not sure why!
BBBBBBBB
Interesting that The People ignored Moyles, Norton, The Mirror and the rest of the anti-Jon camp.
limericks and brothers big
[BB] I reckon Jon's good comedy value, and the shots of his describing in detail a Star Wars novel while cutting away to the guys nodding off were very funny. However it also reminded me of a frustration I found in earlier series - editorial slant - I've seen very little of this series so far but already have watched two extended episodes of Jon's "boring stories" which are it seems to me being given more precedence by the editors.
[Limericks] Missed the fun, but I'd like to offer my 2p and a disclaimer that no offense is intended to anyone. I find lines with dodgy scansion frustrating reading and playing the limerick games, but I think all we can ask is that players make an honest attempt to fit the scansion, with a little squeezing or odd stressing if that's necesary for a line they really like. It's always subjective of course and I'll try to read a line a few times if it jars at first. End of 2p...
[Limericks] Missed the fun, but I'd like to offer my 2p and a disclaimer that no offense is intended to anyone. I find lines with dodgy scansion frustrating reading and playing the limerick games, but I think all we can ask is that players make an honest attempt to fit the scansion, with a little squeezing or odd stressing if that's necesary for a line they really like. It's always subjective of course and I'll try to read a line a few times if it jars at first. End of 2p...
Star fish
rab]By coincidence Anouska had the largest votr 46% and also was the big divi on Celebdaq. (Come on rab get an id you it makes sense). I must admit to being in the anti-Jon camp, but his style has grown in me since his unique rendition of Hotel California very Shatneresque. Spooky.
SoapboxIn Carp Diem, I think it is too soon to change its direction to "what they say/what they mean" with english/english. My enjoyment has come from a "word or phrase in another language" followed the translations.end soapbox
SoapboxIn Carp Diem, I think it is too soon to change its direction to "what they say/what they mean" with english/english. My enjoyment has come from a "word or phrase in another language" followed the translations.end soapbox
None
[Inkspot, re Soapbox] I was thinking the very same thing.
AOL
[Inkspot, Raak] Well, one could plausibly consider John Prescott's patois as a foreign language. However, the point of the game is that it is foreign words/phrases and there's still plenty of those to keep the game going for a few days at least.
[BB4] Yes I forgot about the 'editorial slant'. It's worth watching a few of the live bits then the highlight show to find out hgow the editorialising works. The Sunday night show is particularly good for this, as they will always show an edited version of Saturday night's live task. Plus you get the pop-pscychology from Manchester Uni's most famous member of staff (and thus, I s'pose, strictly speaking one of my colleagues) which is C4's risible attempt to make the show 'respectable' rather than just admit it's just pandering to the homo sapiens' instinctive desire to peer over the garden fence (or, in times of yore, drill a hole into the next cave).
Test case
[Inkspot, Raak] Did my int main(void) count as English in your opinion?
Re: Test case
[rab] Thin end of the wedge, driven a little deeper by Dunx, then split wide open by DrQu+xum.
Re: Re: Test case
[Raak] I'll go Robin Cook if you like... :)
Re: Test Case
[Raak] I figured Scottish dialect was probably sufficiently non-English. No?
None
[Dunx] I am torn between pro-Scottish zeal urging me to agree, and anti-English zeal urging me to poke fun at Sassenachs claiming to be unable to understand perfectly clear Glaswegian. :-)
Torn
[Raak] Being half-Scottish myself, I feel the same conflict. However, I am also painfully aware that there are huge swathes of Scottish dialect which I do not understand despite my ability to understand thicker accents than many.
Reality Bites
Re BB: first of all let me say that no matter how trite or sensationalist you might think British reality shows are, trust me when I say that the US output is far, far worse. I will revise this opinion only when shows of the salacious feebleness of "Joe Millionaire" and the show hosted by Monica Lewinsky are made in Britain.
Having said that there was a piece on the radio the other day about these shows, and there was a remark which struck me - the reporter suggested that these programmes are social experiments masquerading as mass entertainment, whereas the thing that for me distinguishes British efforts in this arena is that they are exactly the opposite: there is always some affectation of worthiness, such as the Big Brother psychologist.
Of course, later tha same day I heard the chairman of the FCC ask rhetorically (and apparently without irony) if there was any other broadcast system in the world that the listener would choose to replace the US one with.
Daq
I have finally succumbed to this celebdaq business. Trading as RadiantAndBeautiful my ID is 3293427. Could someone add me to the appropriate league, or how to do it myself?
Other news
I was wondering whether to kill the bad tempered imposters and replace them with something more interesting. Any comments?
It was I
I have to own up to spawning the bad tempered imposters. For a while it buzzed, but I agree, we could do with a new game or two. Any last comments before I park the Beige Allegro?
on the red carpet
RadiantAndBeautiful, in chauffeur driven Metro has swept into Beckingham Palace, a full array of D list celebrities await inside.
replacing imposters with...
How about a short game of libellous ghost-written profiles, as they're not immediately available elsewhere in the Morniverse? Players profile (eek - I've just used a nouveau verb) each other, probably in approximate alphabetical order, with each contributor posting a single sentence to the victim's profile. And shall we make it a maximum of three sentences per profile to keep it short and sweet? Any 'A's??
ghastly
Or do I mean ghostly? The alphabetic order thing might be a bit difficult to organise. I reckon we just supply them at random with the 3-sentence restriction pen suggests and perhaps additionally each profiler may profile each profilee once only. (But you can profile as many players as you like). Waddayareckon?
celebs
btw, who are 'moreteaplease' and 'ffish'?
Verbing
[pen] I think you're alright on the "profiling"; it may be new to you, but it's a verb which has been in use in computing since before I was programming for money.
Celebs
Ffiish'll be me...
Sorry
I got bored.
Re. Pro-filing
Are we "doing" one person at a time or just randomly profiling each other? CDM has profiled gil after a first line aboput pen. I'm confused.
None
By the way, ISIHAC last night was a classic. Esp Cow, Lake, Bomb.
Randomness
[BtD, profiles] No, just do them as they come to mind (so you could do gil, penelope, or anyone else for that matter, with no detriment to others' creativity). I much prefer it that way. The reason many games (like the Fourth Estate) get stuck is that only one ticket is open at a time, and it's tricky taking the responsibility for closing it.
retentive
[btd isihac classic] surely in the spirit of MC, profiles should be clerihew/limerick/couplet or something...
What happened?
I added a profile but it seems to have vanished! Have I been edited?
Grim Reaper
Talking off bumping off games, nothing much seems to be happening with the face pyjamas... Anyone agree with zapping it in favour of something else? I haven't seen any server in the Morniverse doing a game of book club/film club/songbook recently...
Six feet under
It's been stuck now twice after a move I made. It's either me or it's not. In either event, deep-six it with my blessing at any rate.
Last Night's ISIHAC
First class, I thought. It had everything.
Milk
I'm waiting I'm waiting for you...
You probably don't care
Sorry if your moves got lost. What happened was that we ended up with two mc5s on the go at once (mc10?) so if you 'think it's been working all day' then I'm afraid it hasn't. I have got copies of both sets of files, so I may work in lost moves as appropriate. On the other hand, I might do what I was really looking forward to doing today (see Books).
gasps
I need a beer.
None
[Uncle K] Crescenter's Film Club at Orange? [All] Original suggestions preferred.
Daq
Hmmm... all the shares I bought bar two have gone down in the past day. Oh well; maybe I was looking too far into the future...
swooning
Ooh, I've come over all feint. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to give blood without eating anything before. Think I'll lie down, then find food. *Lib lies down on the library floor, much to the bemusement of other library goers*
Original suggestion
Mmmabe Quickfire Darwin Crescent where the winner is the penultimate move - inspired by the Darwin awards.
Zoom
Or a game of Quickfire Too Many (insert player name here)
Crescenters' film club
That game seems to be purely on the one topic, whereas on ISIHAC itself, there's a different topic each time it's played - this could be run in a similar way to the now-deceased historical headlines when a new topic could be launched when players felt that the current one had run dry.
all peaky
[Lib] I tried to give blood twice, but they told me not to come back, after I went into shock both times. Hmph.
Film clubs
[Uncle Korky] Such indeed is the way the film club games generally run. Feel free to suggest moving on to a new topic.
Decision
So the decision is whether to broaden the scope of the currently running Film Club at Orange, or whether to start an all-new broad Multimedia Club church elsewhere (e.g. here).
None
[Lib, flerdle] I would like to give blood, but the Red Cross don't want blood from anyone who has been in Britain for more than three months. Since I lived there for 33 years, they won't take it. Never mind that I stopped eating meat in 1988...
None
I should clarify - the Red Cross in the US. They're the organisation that runs the blood donation programme here in the States.
film clubs
[rab] Not really one of the trickier decisions. Meanwhile, Blob's horoscope suggestion might work nicely here, I think.
wanting
Not wanting to seem autocratic in anyway that's all. Ditto re the Bloboscope; who's for the chop?
Chopper
I like blobs idea very much Well - and Beige Allegro has seen less action recently. For whoever is first with the chopper the winning move is Shaft. Appropriately.
much Well?
Well quite much.
Ark
[BtD] Appropriate for what, young man?
Honours
Would someone like to do the honours and bless the Bloboscope game with a witty title. I can't think of one.
Re: Honours
[rab] Well, Bloboscope seems pretty reasonable if a little Blob-specific. How about "Tall, Dark and Strange"?
None
Or "Cross My Palm With Silver"?
Honours (1st class)
Or, to quote The Divine Comedy Why not cross my palm with plastic, and we'll see what we can do (or a pithier version thereof)?
Massive Adaq
Can someone explain the delisting procedure? According to the news, they're going to delist two BB4 contestents, but I'm not sure how I'll be able to guess/influence which two, if at all.
Crossing
[rab] I am touched, although I would have thought that was obvious already.
It's time to vote...
[rab] on the front page there are two buttons - "list" and "de-list" which will allow you to vote, and let you view the results. Sell Anouska soon...
Help!
Having just changed my ISP (to BT) and upgraded my PC to XP - I am occasionally getting advertising messages popping up when I'm online. Typically they are a box with a message like "You have won £1,000 ring...", "I'm looking for love in your area" or "Earn from home...". I think someone has somehow got my PC id number because it is always displayed at the top of the message. As I need the internet to do my job, this is intensely irritating. Do any of you know how I can stop these messages?
IE IE O
BtD]If you run IE like me there's not much hope, but those that run the browser Opera are able to refuse pop ups.
Popups
Are these REALLY browser popups from your own browser? There are some spywareish creatures that can cause these. A personal firewall can shut them up.
If they are browser popups, then there is always ad-aware to stop spawning advertising windows and spyware. Simply inhibiting all popups can be inconvenient.
Poptarts
Inkspot/gil] Thanks. I think that they must be spyware dodahs because they quote my PC ID and sometimes appear when OE is running and IE is off. Can you recommend good (inexpensive) personal firewall software?
None
Free program "Ad-Aware" from Lavasoft clears out all spyware stuff. I've also used the Opera browser with much happiness.
will ye no come back again
[Martha Farquar] Hm. Now I come to inspect the games, you haven't been seen for a while at Dan's. Or here for that matter. At any rate, posting this here too. If you still have a working email address, maybe you could mail me it.
popdown
Thanks all above - Ad-Aware installed and seems to have worked. I've downloaded Opera too, but it isn't working properly yet...
Hello moto
[Proj] I mailed you last night and again just now. NB. I've only played once at Dan's in about 4 years.
[Bob,gil] I switched off all Java and JavaScript on my browser ages ago and it's never inconvenienced me even slightly.
hello mudder, hello farder
[MF] Ah yes, so you did.
Haul, wobble, scream, plunge
If you're wondering why I was a bit quiet yesterday it's because I was at Alton Towers doing silly rides involving me being turned upside down, generally spun about, dropped into a hole, gliding on my back and, much to the amusement of the rest of the party, getting extremely moist and clammy on the rapids. Great fun, and I note the Bloboscope has taken off with some alacrity. Marvellous.
For furc's sake
I wonder if Blob or maybe matt might like to provide a Furcation. I also recall Projoy having a talent for this kind of thing too...
Furcing Hell
[rab] I was going to furcate a while ago - but then discovered that I had things to do that were a little more pressing. If I find I have a spare hour I'll do what I can - but my psychiatrist has only just signed me off as clear of the nightmares caused by Acre Street, I'm not sure that dragging it all up again would be too wise. But then I'm not - wise that is.
Freetime and Furcin'
I do find it hard to pass up games like that, and I was in fact planning a particularly fiendish move which would have upset the game dreadfully, resolved the various chronology problems it has and set an impossible challenge for other players to rise to, but unfortunately at the moment I'm applying for a new job while writing a show and organising a recording session, and even showing up in the office occasionally, so it has been impossible to begin. If y'all could see your way clear to leaving it on the front page until July, I might be able to actually do it.
None
Oh, and can I just say how much I am enjoying Breadmaster's horoscopes.
abso-furcing-lutely
[rab] I am intending to, just as soon as I have a moment-or-six.
Furcing brilliant
[Blob, Projoy, matt] I fully appreciate these difficulties. I generally have to set aside a weekend just to think about it... good to see there's some interest though.
A change of subject...
I stress that this is because I have never 'furced' and therefore it would be inappropriate for me to comment on this topic... I had an idea for a new game last night. Whilst watching the rather-splendid "Where Eagles Dare" on C5, I somewhat irritated my wife by pointing out various cast members here and there who'd been in Doctor Who. She did (and many of you also probably will) called me a sad anorak. However, she did challenge me to make connections to the series from other actors, and, thus, I ended up playing "Six Degrees of Doctor Who" - and worryingly-successfully too...! Of course, should this prove a potential game with you, my fellow Crescenters, it could always be adapted to any topic. I would suggest that anyone who makes the run of connections then deposits the name of a subsequent performer for another player to make a link with.
Hmmm...
[Uncle K] Sounds interesting. If it's Dr Who I suspect Thos might be interested, if anyone knows where to track him down. I guess there will also be some web-based resources to help the rest of us out.
Listing
[Celebdaqqers] Now, I have a problem. One of the BB4 people who I have shares in stands a reasonable chance of being delisted. I wouldn't want to sell my shares before the dividends are awarded, but presumably I lose my cash should the delisting occur... I presume I can't have my cake and eat it in this instance.
None
[rab re: web based resource] There did used to be a page that enabled you to do the "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" game (as it's popularly called, but just now I can't google it.
Kevin Bacon
[Projoy] I'm sure that's a game they used to play in Empire magazine. They also did a version with Christopher Lee.
daquiri
The dividend has been awarded. Sell now.
Divis
[GIII] You know that for a fact? Can't see any reference to it myself.
but
...I took your advice anyway.
Strawberry celebdaquiris
I've got mine :o). Spent it already, heheheh
Celeb-duck!
Mine too :)
Proj 1
The "particularly fiendish move" wouldn't be Reverse Acre Street-related, would it? :o)
Proj 2
Did you try this one?
Proj 3
Check your mailbox in 10 minutes or so.
Someone took my advice! woo!
look here, and then check out the voting...
Martha 1
Well, that was involved, but it was much worse than simply that.
Martha 2
Ah, that's the fellow. Thanks.
Martha 3
I checked. Very useful. Thanks very much. Will reply when less tied up.
celebrity MC
Fridays post divi leagues of 6 June has been saved strange how Prince William is now diving, interest in Harry won't be far behind. I can see why some on the daq are miffed as they changed the voting from one to two part of the way through, also why are last years BB like Alex still listed. And if anyone wants to join the Celebrity MC just post your Celebdaq id here.
Saville Thick Cut
Excuse me for being thick, but where do you find out what your dividends were. I don't seem to have any :(
spending cash
rab] If you have had any divi it will appear in 'cash available' in the portfolio, I've also set up "Register for CASH PRIZE or UPDATE DETAILS", and so get notified of the divi payout each Friday.
of human bondage
Those knots are darn tricky aren't they?
No, sir. I wouldn't do that, sir.
Furcing Ada!
Judging by the timestamps, it seems to have taken me the best part of 3 hours to construct a fairly desultory move in the furcation game. Admittedly there were a few distractions and my mentis may not have been entirely compos, but still, I won't be doing that again in a hurry...
Spoilsport
[matt] You're no fun any more.
Consolation
...but if it's any consolation, it took me a couple of hours to produce something not much better... (Stratford in particular is a blatant cop-out).
Hang it all
I have a proposal for a game that I have played with a friend and found to be excellent. Cardo is the same as Boardo but with playing cards. Any will do, Normal, Tarot, Donkey, Happy Families, Business etc. It is made more interesting by being played in Reverse. Collective Consciousness seems to have stalled. Any takers?
Divided
I am not aware of having received any dividents :( But at least I sold my shares in BB Jon before he was delisted. Which is a shame cos I think he's going to get a lot of tabloid coverage for as long as he stays in the house.
Down with the monarchy?
For some reason, people are selling shares in Prince Harry. Did noone see the coverage he's got these last two days?
Moanarchy
Wills is dropping like a scally girl's knickers too... odd considering it's his 21st this week (isn't it?).
Cardo
Ah, those memories of the long reverse game at !York . . . .
Not quote moanarchy
Zara Phillips is still on the rise...
avada kadavra
I'm crossing my fingers for JK Rowling, she's on the up...
JK
Yes, I've got 300,000 shares in her at the moment - so I hope she does well ! Unless I have a complete disaster I think kneecapping looms !
Millionaireship
It's all very well to make you a millionaire and reset you to 10000. But, frankly, by the time the Beckhams had had their dividend, I was MUCH more than a millionaire last week, but I still got only 10000 and an icon, and, what's more, they had left me in cash instead of leaving me 10000 worth of my favourite shares. By the time I got in Monday, I was MILES behind.
Rudeness
Yeah, that does seem a little rude. And presumably it means we just get recycled through the league table and it means nothing to be at the top or bottom.
celebdaq
It seems that the main aim of the game is to make the biggest %ge rise in the week, so the amount you start with doesn't really matter.
The main flaw with the game as I see it is that the divis are ludicrously high. If they paid out far smaller amounts then there would (a) be more import attached to how shares moved in value and (b) no need for the silly capping. Anyway, they've set the rules, so it's up to us if we want to play.
The main flaw with the game as I see it is that the divis are ludicrously high. If they paid out far smaller amounts then there would (a) be more import attached to how shares moved in value and (b) no need for the silly capping. Anyway, they've set the rules, so it's up to us if we want to play.
Public Service Announcement
Just to let you all know that I'm going away for a few days (everyone say 'ahhh'). So if this thing falls over on its arse I might not be able to fix it.
Although
With a bit of luck they might reset the clock :)
Sound of Slience
Ooh, rab goes away and things go really quiet round here. Rather spooky. Hmm, anyone for tennis?guest
Net Result
[Lib] Well, what's the point without rab as an audience? If what I say is not going to viewed by the mighty rab then I just won't bother.
sorry, that reads rather more sarcastically than intended
Oi
rain stopped play
[Dunx] Sacrasm's fine. [rab] Might have guessed you'd be lurking round the corner somewhere near MC land!
Veryweaktea
On celebdaq my cunning plan, by buying birthday boy Bill (PRWILL) seems to have come unstuck. With just over 100,400 shares they have droppped the best part of £1 each in one week, my value going down from Fri £405081 to £303,379 and still falling. But hey still romping away at No1. Surely Becks at £77.34 is overpriced and rising at 20p an hour?
Oh dear
The Netscape 4 compatibility dandelion seems to have been destroyed by the lawnmower of software sidegrades. Interesting, and not something I can fix while I need to, viz, in Embra.
rab's Oh dear
Any chance of a translation? I thought English was my first language. It now seems I was deluded.
Oh dear oh dear oh dear
I'm sorry Inkspot, but I appear to be top :)
Rum Daq Query
I've plopped from 2nd to 9th ! But surprisingly I've not yet been kneecapped, so I've got over £1.5m to play with.
ouch!
[Blob] It'll happen on Monday. The trick is to get yourself above 2m before then so you can get two wads of cash... I managed it last week by a slender £20,000.
Celebdaq Divvies
Where can you find the dividend payouts? And would JK Rowling have cranked up the divvies this week?
BB4
Dragging the chat back to BB, (is anyone else apart from me watching it?) but I have to say that it is far more amusing when the housemates are drunk. The main problem with them failing their tasks is that the shopping buget becomes too small to buy alcohol. And Sissy MUST go! (JON to WIN!)
Oh!
I seem to be in a new shiny place. Kudos to Nik for letting me steal some of his server space. Hopefully the weekly downtime is a thing of the past.
Ooooh!
Nice and quick as well. Thanks rab & Nik!
None
Mm, it was down earlier today for making the new subdomain work, and was down on friday for upgrading php, and was down a week or so before that for making another subdomain work, but it's all momentary stuff. The line broke a few months ago, but uptime is generally measured in months these days. Except I have to upgrade the kernel this week...
In the meantime, it all seems a lot speedier than I'd expected, so hurrah. Glad to help, and it saves me writing a server of my own.
Right...
[Nik, re downtime] But at least I know who to blame :) Just hoping that I'm not the one attracting the crackers like flies to a shite... or is it the other way round?
Speed
I think the speed might be largely due to the magic of CSS. If you look at the actual HTML, there's very little there at all.
New Game
OK, I took the liberty of upping the game count to celebrate the new home. Roll on the duff product names...
fffffiiiiiiiiiish
That'll be me. After being kneecapped I bought nothing but Harry, having seen the papers over the weekend. Since then, I've just bought with my dividend who I thought would be helpful...
None
[Rab & Nik] Well done, gentlemen, for saving civilisation as we know it!
lucky 13
A new game! How about another - not that I'm superstitious or anything...
BeeBee
[Lib] Yes I'm watching BB and two of Jon, Fed and Cam will be going this week. Which is a shame as I quite like Cam for being so camp, Jon for being irritating. I have a nasty suspicion that Fed will stay because he's the prettiest and this seems to be what the viewing public goes for most.
Small b
I think the producers of BB have missed an opportunity to allow the public a great voting oppportunity, I would have liked to have seen four preferably five housemates up for eviction. If the thinking behind the BB stategy is because it has losing viewing figures, as the contestants sit around all day. The housemates will always nominate those that have annoyed them or upset the staus quo and it is always the same people as the others keep their heads down and play 'bland/safe'. We could end up with both Jon and Fed leaving, hey what a great interesting group of nicely well behaved and spoken celebs-to-be we'll have then.
Celeb Ducks
Dr Q has been exhorting participants in this rather questionable exploit to advise name/IDs on this banter board. Accordingly, and as usual, I am following his directives. Be warned though that, if there is a team Vs team thing going, I will undoubtedly drag you all down with me. So: ....
DUJON2774 (User ID: 3256726) is the info.
Incidentally, should the co-ordinator be within hearing distance, I assume that once a 'team member' a new menu option will appear? If not, how to I check to see if anyone else has beaten me to the bottom of the ladder?
DUJON2774 (User ID: 3256726) is the info.
Incidentally, should the co-ordinator be within hearing distance, I assume that once a 'team member' a new menu option will appear? If not, how to I check to see if anyone else has beaten me to the bottom of the ladder?
Bloomin' fingers
I'm sure that you'll work it out... sorry, this digital mode confuses me at times. .... :-)
Being overly chatty.
It's all right, I think I found that bit. (groan)
Ta!
All of a sudden I'm up there with the 'experts' ... problem is they all have lot of little green blobs against their names. Anyhow, dear co-ordinator, thanks muchly. I shall now sink into oblivion.
older sibling
BB chat again... I'd hate to see John go because he's the only one who ever says anything provocative or interesting. He's the Rambling Nerd. I'd like to see Federico stay because sooner or later, he will crack up. He's finding out that he's the weak link, and it's not something he's used to. Cameron is the least offensive - so in my book he should really be the first to go. So my money's on Cameron and Fed. Really, though, they all seem to have forgotten it's a game show - I still maintain the first was the best, when the whole lot of 'em would sing: 'It's only a game show, it's only a game show,' as they headed over to the diary room to make their nominations.
'me too'
[Pen] I guess it didn't cross your mind but thank you for the above, as it rather nicely sums up my thoughts too, and as always, very eloquently. JON MUST STAY!
aaarrrgh
Careful, please, I don't want to memorise any of their names by accident. Can't you use some kind of code?
more generously proportioned fraternal relative
[lib&pen] Vote Jon! On a class basis alone (oops!)
BB4
In it's fourth year, Big Brother appears to have successfully elevated banality to an art form. However, I must confess to being curiously drawn to Big Brother's Little Brother - a nifty little half hour which reduces the day's 'action' to 3 bullet points each containing two words. Says it all really.
Celebdaq
Oops, nearly forgot myself then. Yes - my Celebdaq name and code: CHALKYSPIRE [3320323] I haven't the foggiest what I'm supposed to do, but figured that pressing the 'trade' button from time to time might reap dividends. Thanks for letting me join you and look forward to holding you all up.
For pity's sake, child, tie down the moons of Jupiter!
I think Breadmaster's move in Carpe Diem is one of the most beautiful phrases I've ever heard...*sigh*
Agreed
It almost deserves to be the start of a poem or song, but how would you follow it?
Dunno
...but welcome to the fold nevertheless.
for pity's sake...
I can't think of any rhymes - maybe it could be a miniature game?
Blushing
[Penelope] Why thank you - it does have that "ought to be a palindrome" sort of quality, doesn't it?
By Jove
I think it would make a wonderful opening line for a short story.
Deeply, deeply ashamed of my linguistic skills
Actually - what did the phrase really mean? I've just tried translating it on the assumption that it was Italian - or Spanish - or Portuguese - and I seem to be stumped, or at least the computer is.
tethering moons
I think it's the start of a blank verse poem, chastising a child for having too wild an imagination, and implying the consequences will be grave. I feel like it's been written already - maybe it's something I should work on.
Son pittore ancor io!
[Breadmaster] It came from the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations. To summarise their explanation, on seeing Raphael's St Cecilia at Bologna, c.1525, Antonio Allegri Correggio is supposed to have exclaimed, "Son pittore ancor io!" meaning, "I, too, am a painter!"
Of course...
On the other hand, he may just have seen through the window that Io had broken loose from its orbit and was hurtling towards the Earth. In a blind panic, he screamed, "For pity's sake, child, tie down the moons of Jupiter!"
None
Ah, of course, I must have temporarily forgotten! Maybe we should have a game of highly promising openings to non-existent stories/novels/plays/poems/songs, although I don't know if it would work/has already been done...
author's rights
[Penelope] I graciously permit you to use the line in question, provided I receive full acknowledgement! I thought it might be something about humanity's hubris and folly, but I think your explanation is better and much sadder. Reminds me of the more whimsical Calvin and Hobbes stories.
Celebdaq
Just registered! Details: UNCLE_KORKY (User ID: 3325317). Like Chalky, I've got no real concept of how this is all going to work, so I'll be vying for the foot of the table.
Celebdaq
I, too, have just registered. I am DARRENXYZ (User ID: 3326388).
more tea and biscuits
Uncle Korky and Darren you are pending just waiting for daq towers to load you in. Good luck. Tomorrow being Friday is divi day, can DrQ push ffish off the top. Though I have a feeling evil_edna is just bidding her time.
Going...going...gone to the man with the big beard and scythe
[Inkspot] Bidding her time?
without reserve
*cackle*
cackling...
Well, moreteaplease seems to have taken over top spot, but that's not going to last long - serious kneecapping beckons on Monday...
Early days
[Inkspot] Thanks for adding me to the league. Blimey - I've a lot of work to do...
A-ha
I knew my early investment in Ms Rowling would pay off!
Wahay!
I'm chuffed to little mint balls. Seems as though all my faffing around with the Royals has paid off . . . oops, I meant the Beckhams . . same thing, really. Cheers Inkspot and thanks DrQ - the Pants invasion appears to be gaining support [see The Chatter Page] :-)
Crikee
[Chalky] Not sure I like the sound of a pants invasion... though on the other hand if you're free tonight my number is...
[All] You might be touched to learn that the Manchester Evening News is running a special David Beckham Memorial Issue.
Unapologetically cross-posted
*clears throat* Ahem. May I just take this opportunity to point out that we are just over a week away from a Pilg? Saturday, June 28th, Australians promised, along with some unusual diversions. It may be wise to get there early, since there is wild talk of approaching the Great Place by 1:30, unlikely as that may seem.
Pilgards
I'd be really up for that if my brother wasn't getting married in Paris that weekend. I do a SoloPilg most times I'm in London, making sure I buy a genuine Mornington Crescent Ticket when I'm standing in the hallowed hall. I sometimes gift them to friends on birthdays and the like. They make great bookmarks. My family think I may be certifiable.
Kneecapping imminent
Who's moreteaplease? Also, if you are at £2,999,999 at the point of kneecapping, do you only get 2 wads of cash and end up forfeiting £989,999?
Depilg
Sadly I booked a wee weekend away, so am unable to make what looks set to be a stonking pilg, what with both bearded Australians and teenage hackers called Tiffany in attendance.
Alter ego
(ram being my slightly more random persona).
Delerious
*Lib skips into the crescent, does five cartwheels and an arab-spring, then collapses on the floor, smiling and murmuring "I've passed! I've passed"*
Passed?
... Baker Street picking up a gold podume? ... I'm sure congratulations are in order whatever it is.
*hands Lib a slightly melting Kit Kat and glass of flat lemonade* Well Done!
*hands Lib a slightly melting Kit Kat and glass of flat lemonade* Well Done!
Lib the delerious
CONGRATULATIONS! I say that - because you appear to be Very Happy and not because I know what it is you've passed - an exam? a parcel? something painful? Anyway, keep smiling, Lib. I'm Chalky and a girly.
None
{rab and Chalky] Thanks.I've passed my finals! I'm now a Doctor! Not sunk in yet!
Doctor Lib
Blimey O'Reilly. Well done.
Further congrats
I trust they let you sober up before handing you the scalpels.
Lib
welcome. *proffers secret handshake*
Dr. Lib
Knockout!! Dr of what ?
Ah. The Doctor.
Would you classify yourself as Tom Baker-ish or more of a Sylvester McCoy-type? :)
Doctoring
[Lib] Doctor Dr. or Ph.D.?
and
Oh, and congrats as well!
More
Congratulations! And are you aiming to go further?
Uptime
So, what's the opinion thus far of mc^5's new home on beefy? I was just mentioning to Kevan that it's quite preposterous that a speedy-in-'98/9 computer hooked into the 'net on a residential DSL (with other things, including Kazaa, running alongside) outperforms a proper host both in speed and reliability/non-hacked-ness terms.
I ask because I'm a) drunk, and b) not aware of any glitches. Tell me, I'm your friendly neighbourhood BOFH.
Doctorhood
I notice that I didn't pay close attention to recent postings. Congratulations, Lib. Entertaining, vaguely related occurrence at work today. Boss&colleague:mumblemumble. Colleague: Nik, what have you got? HNC, degree, what?. Nik: Nothing. I'm completely unqualified. Boss: <blank, but firm, stare>.
Being a bit of a devil.
Nik, I wouldn't worry about it. I used to work in the banking industry (for 26 years!) and we used to take in 'graduates'. They would be those in the banking, commerce and accounting fields, of course. We used to trial them for 6 - 12 months and drop them upon other unsuspecting souls for 2 or three months at a time and then move them around in the various areas/facets of the organisation. Something like 95% either moved on, were moved on or simply froze in horror at actually having to work and simply 'deserted' ... :-) Now, I'm not denigrating degrees and the like (well, not much - my son's a B.Sc. so I can't can I?) but one wonders at times as to the worth of these degrees if their recipients are incapable of assimilating into a real world environment.
To you, Lib, congratulations, I wish that I were that well endowed intellectually.
To those of you in academia, and I gather there are a few who gather here, please do not take offence - I am merely stating my experiences.
To you, Lib, congratulations, I wish that I were that well endowed intellectually.
To those of you in academia, and I gather there are a few who gather here, please do not take offence - I am merely stating my experiences.
more tea Bishop
Lib congrats, now you have more spare time don't forget to visit Celebdaq and buy a few shares post your id, ready for the post divi results like this table for Friday 20 June .
DrQ]moreteaplease is my second account, speaking of which it looks like I'm in for a sports car after the kneecapping.
DrQ]moreteaplease is my second account, speaking of which it looks like I'm in for a sports car after the kneecapping.
badly broken html
That should really include the http: to get you to Friday 20 June .
Glitches
[Nik] ... or rather the lack thereof. It's been a very smooth transition, I think, and I've not noticed any problems. Then again, I've not been around much lately so I may not be best qualified to judge! One question I have: when you say you're on a domestic DSL service, what are the up/down speeds? I'm curious because I've been planning on running a home server for a while and wondered what the reasonable limits for an uplink might be.
Touched by cresenters good wishes...
Thank you all! I'm a medical doctor, which in my opinion is a 'fake' doctor, as opposed to clever people who actually earn the title (and don't just get is honorarily like us medics...) by gaining a PhD. However, it is rather unlikely that I'll have any more time, as the infamous junior doctor year awaits me where I have to work 1000000 hours per week!
Deglitch
[Nik] Well so far I'm pretty chuffed with the way things are going. I tend to design things for compactness rather than complexity, so the (relatively) low bandwidth is pretty much a non-issue. I can't make any promises about the nonhackedness - I still worry that something in my scripts might be partly responsble, but think it's unlikely. I've even altered them slightly when moving them on the offchance someone managed to get their hands on the original code.
The best thing as far as I'm concerned is that the sysadmin is someone who understands what this space is for. That's priceless. (But for everything else there's MasterCard).
Freakout
Hello, folks. I'm a regular at Pants, as some of you may know. I hope you don't mind me sneaking in here like this, I just wondered if I might humbly request that I be added to the Mornington Crescent Celebdaq League. My contact details are as follows: username Thraxwhirl (3328583). I'd be grateful to be on the list. Many thanks.
DSL
[Nik] Who's your ISP, and are they any good? (Well, this site seems to always be there.) BT are upgrading my exchange for broadband next month, and I'm considering going with Demon.
Lovely view Petunia
Welcome Anthrax Whirl your in at No 17.
I couldn't help myself, it was Franics my 12 year old son's fault, as I was passing his bedroom he called out "Aunt Petunia's had a howler!", so this evening instead of doing the ironing I've been engrossed in HP and the Order of the Phoenix, page 100 so many suprises I'm gripped already (by a childrens book?).
HP
[Inkspot] I have been reliably informed they're "not just children's books." A while back when I was working at a hospital, the consultants went through a phase of all reading Harry Potter, so you shouldn't feel too embarrassed. ;) They used to discuss it in the coffee room between operations.
harry potter
I spent all day yesterday reading it! It was good enough for me to want to keep reading, and I enjoyed it. I've bought best sellers before which I had to force myself to read, or skip through, but the HP books keep me engrossed, right to the end..
Degrees of understanding
[Dujon, a while ago] You question the value of certain types of degrees and of moving into the 'real world'. This is a tricky subject and one upon which I have opined before, so I shall keep it brief. From your post it's a little unclear what type of degrees your graduates had: were they specifically aimed at getting people into the banking/finance industry or a more general qualification. If the former, you have grounds for complaint.
However - and this may well be an entirely different issue - I am firmly of the belief that a University is not a training camp: if companies want their intake to have specific skills then they should stump up the cash and train them themselves rather than let the burden fall on the taxpayer. Furthermore, a University education should be largely academic: that's rather the point. This, however, has the consequence that it's not suitable for a majority of the populace and, crucially, I feel there is no shame in such institutions being 'elitist' in the sense that they select only people for whom such an education is beneficial. The main problem faced in the UK today though, as far as I can see, is that institutions with a more vocational approach to higher education have been crowbarred into an existing structure designed to do something different, and anything that isn't a 'degree' is considered a second-class qualification. Not easy to see how one can change the general public's attitude to non-degree qualifications. Anyway, that's roughly what I wanted to say though I'm not sure it makes sense.
Degrees of Separation
[rab] It's not just the UK that suffers from that problem - the USA will not grant a working visa to a foreign national (or "alien", as it is so charmingly termed) if you are taking on a job for which you do not have a relevant degree. So, however generally useless my Comp. Sci. degree has been in the real world, it at least served to allow me to take on work in the States.
This seems particularly bizarre, though, when you realise that even having a degree is irrelevant if you have more than about three years of industrial experience. That hasn't stopped hiring decisions made by my boss from being blocked because the higher management felt that the degree was from a school which "wasn't good enough". Ludicrous.
Catching up
[Dunx] It's 256kbps up, 512kbps down. Realistically, I can sustain ~30KBps up and ~60KBps down (in fact, it's been closer to 70 down the last few days). It seems to deal with stuff alright - although I've helped by installing mod_gzip in my Apache, so it compresses most things before transmission, if the client says it accepts compressed encodings.
[Raak] I moved to Nildram months back, because they were consistently the fastest, according to user testing at adslguide.org - now Eclipse have improved their network to take first place, but Nildram want the title back. It's not the cheapest, but it always work, is always fast, and the support people are decent. I give them an extra fiver a month for a block of static IPs. I'm more than happy with them, and recommend them at every opportunity.
[Dujon] Oh, I'm not worried, especially now I have 5 years of real experience on my CV.
[Raak] I moved to Nildram months back, because they were consistently the fastest, according to user testing at adslguide.org - now Eclipse have improved their network to take first place, but Nildram want the title back. It's not the cheapest, but it always work, is always fast, and the support people are decent. I give them an extra fiver a month for a block of static IPs. I'm more than happy with them, and recommend them at every opportunity.
[Dujon] Oh, I'm not worried, especially now I have 5 years of real experience on my CV.
DSL again
Of course, it's never enough - as soon as 512kbps SDSL is available and doesn't cost all the moneys in the world, I'll be having it. I'm less bothered about increased download speed, but if I had to take more to get better upload, I wouldn't be found complaining.
celebdaq
Curses! Still at number 3...however, I am now worth nearly 3.4 million before kneecapping tomorrow. I spent all my JK Rowling divvy on John Leslie, who is VERY popular at the moment..
Shhhh
Right, I'm going to say this quietly so the sabateurs don't hear. I'm off away from tomorrow until Sunday, so look after the place and don't drop any litter.
None
*peels banana and carelessly throws skin on floor* then *throws banana on floor too*. I don't like bananas!
Breadmaster Poetry
Very unusual phrase from Breadmaster in Carpe Diem, "Heaven is stunted over Mir, for there is ghostly morality within." Another poem start there perhaps!
I don't know it
Well, that was what it said to me... maybe my psyche is being writ over-large on these pages...
Cheap imitations?
So is this the one and only mc5, or is this move going to be zapped into the ether when midnight comes? And if it's so easy to set up a replacement site for this, then what about !!York?
!!York
[MF] I was going to setup a !!York archive, but I haven't had time - my usual core pottering time is on the train to and from work, but I've been driving every day for weeks now what with house stuff. I still plan on doing this, but I emphasise the word "archive" - I doubt I would make it playable.
pumpkin5 & !!Yorkwich
[MF] I certainly hope it carries on exactly the way it has.
[Dunx] Are there scripts, or is just a bunch of HTML rescued from somewhere?
[Dunx] Are there scripts, or is just a bunch of HTML rescued from somewhere?
Lack of clothing
Time for a little rant I'm afraid. I've just had the misfortune to go shopping for jeans. My favourite shop has gone crazy, with silly cuts, colours and patterns, so had to go elsewhere. Nothing seemed to fit, whatever size I tried. In the end I did find a nice pair of jean-type-things, but had to part with a grand proportion of the GDP of a small pacific island for the pleasure. I have come to the conculsion that I'm the wrong shape for everything!
[Thos] Fancy an apple? Or a tangerine (and you could carelessly throw the skin away with that too!)?
Rampant nudity
[Lib] You could, alternatively, have bought the small pacific island, then emigrated to it thus saving you the need to purchase warm leg-encasing garments. Just a thought.
Trousers
Bah, I can't buy trousers that fit either. Since I can find trousers with the right waist size and right inside leg, but can't actually move once I put them on, I've come to the conclusion that virtually no-one has leg muscles anymore, and it just isn't economical to make trousers that are generous around the legs in case a sprinter / cyclist / rower / rugby player / footballer comes in, since they all wear shorts, don't they...
Jeans
Oh yes, and Jeans are yet another thing that the British are notoriously gullible about. Watch the rest of the world double the price on jeans when they export them to the UK, and snigger at how these dumb Brits will still buy them, because if they're expensive, they must be good...
Jean Genie
[Ibid] As I struggle to sit comfortably in what are supposed to be relaxed fit jeans, I can only agree. Very odd about the pricing, though.
Hello? Emergency services?
Looking at the last move date, I think the furcation game may be seriously unwell...
SCREEEEEEECH!
Well, it is now.
Furcle
[Uncle Korky] I should say that I am planning a move, but I don't expect to finish it until late July, possibly early August, so I hope the game can be allowed to live until then.
Keep your furcing hands off
It's just warming up :) I could make it unkillable I guess, but that would be silly. Nottingham today, Dublin tomorrow and this site is still up.
Furcing hands nowhere near!
Good grief! At this speed, Time Team will be joining in!
Celebrip
Does anyone have any shares in Dennis Thatcher?
Thatchers
Don't think he's listed - neither is Maggie.
Dr
Belated congrats Lib!
What's up, Doc?
Lib, I forgot too... Well Done! :o)
Ducks - celebrities or otherwise.
My first 'kneecap' apparently is about to be executed. Bugger - 40% of my hard earned is about to go down the gurgler. I always knew I should work for wages and not contract my skills!
Ni!-cap
Q: If I get kneecapped on Monday, will I get the Thursday night dividends for the shares I had before then?
[Nik, re scripts]
I think Simons Mith has the York scripts. He's also got a "tarball", whatever that is.
Celebdaq
[Dujon] I think you'll lose a lot more than 40%. The kneecapping comes into effect once you hit £1million - and leave you with just £10,000 - So your minimum slash is 99%
[DrQ] I think you don't get kneecapped until Monday morning - therefore well after you've received your divis.
[DrQ] I think you don't get kneecapped until Monday morning - therefore well after you've received your divis.
None
[Duj] Unless you mean that you are on £1.4m and will only be credited with one little green wadge (signifying a million) - in which case, yep, I see what you mean - I had a similar experience.
Warning, team! Improbably satisfying awful joke approaching!
Q: Have you heard about that new curry, Chicken Tarka?
A: It's like chicken tikka, only 'otter!
A: It's like chicken tikka, only 'otter!
My apologies. One of my mates has been foisting it upon me at every opportunity for days, and I can't help enjoying it, and nor could I keep it to myself any longer.
More ducks
[Blob] Correct! That was my meaning - I know we drop back to the £10,000 level after patella paring, but at least we have a retirement fund parked in Geurnsey or somewhere. ♫♪.
As a matter of interest, has anyone had the experience of earning just over a million mark, but less than the £10,000 above? I was just wondering what happens; do you actually gain a few quid?
As a matter of interest, has anyone had the experience of earning just over a million mark, but less than the £10,000 above? I was just wondering what happens; do you actually gain a few quid?
Wow!
A whole six days away... and no upsets. Applause, hurrah. (And I'm still in only 7th place in our league despite Ms Rowling rewarding me handsomely). Dublin was fab, thanks for asking. CdM - we went to Mulligans. Great pub, especially if you like the smokey old man thing. I have to say my Guinness buds are not finely honed, so I couldn't really tell if it was superior to that at O'Neills or the Guinness Storehouse itself, so I'll take your word for it.
Temporary position
[Celebdaq] Slightly surprised to find myself at the top of the league this morning - though I realise this is simply due to the usual suspects having been kneecapped.
Knees
[Dujon] Yes. It just happened to me.
Boolbarman joke
[Bool] Did you go to Glastonbury?
[Nik] Owch! OK, try this one.
A Polar bear goes into a bar and says "I'll have a gin and
tonic please."
The barman replies "So, why the big pause?"
[Nik] Owch! OK, try this one.
A Polar bear goes into a bar and says "I'll have a gin and
tonic please."
The barman replies "So, why the big pause?"
Glasto nogo
[BtD] Only by the power of TV. [Joke] Ouch!
In furc a penny, in furc a pound
I'm wondering whether it might be possible to get an Arts Council grant to fund the Furcation Game...
Kneecapping
I got my first 'daq million too... Quite a shock...
Two crocodiles go into a bar and ask for some drinks...
"Certainly sirs," says the barman "but why the long faces?"
[rab] My recent stag night was in Dublin and involved a trip to the Guinness storehouse - did you take your free pint in the Gravity Bar up top? What a view!
[all] And talking of matters marital, a whole bunch of photos from my nuptials are now here - the discerning among you may even spot a Projoy or two in the throng.
Two crocodiles go into a bar and ask for some drinks...
"Certainly sirs," says the barman "but why the long faces?"
[rab] My recent stag night was in Dublin and involved a trip to the Guinness storehouse - did you take your free pint in the Gravity Bar up top? What a view!
[all] And talking of matters marital, a whole bunch of photos from my nuptials are now here - the discerning among you may even spot a Projoy or two in the throng.
Celebdaq - Henman
I've never seen a share jump like his before in such a short span... I bought him at £3.66/share this morning, he's at £4.02/share as of right now, up 24p this hour....
None
[BtD] Yikes!
Bad jokes
I top all of you with:
A man walked into a bar and said "OUCH!"
A man walked into a bar and said "OUCH!"
Oh yeah?
Picking up the gauntlet with
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.
The barman says "is this some kind of a joke?"
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.
The barman says "is this some kind of a joke?"
Oh yeah!
René Descartes is at the bar and the barkeep asks him "Have one for the road?" René replied, "I think not", and *poof*! He disappeared.
Neigh neigh and thrice neigh
A horse goes into a bar,
The barman says "so, why the long face?"
The barman says "so, why the long face?"
None
An elephant, a giraffe, and a hedgehog walk into a bar, and the barman says, "I can't wait to hear the punchline!"
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt My self.
Ho ho.
Only just read blamelewis posting - sorry - same joke different animal. BTW - nice table top camera pics. As I have no idea what Projoy looks like - had great fun guessing.
Regaining composure...
A man goes to see a doctor with a little bit of lettuce sticking out of his bottom.
After the examination he asks "Is it serious?"
"I'm afraid so" replies the doctor, "it's only the tip of the iceburg."
Only just read blamelewis posting - sorry - same joke different animal. BTW - nice table top camera pics. As I have no idea what Projoy looks like - had great fun guessing.
Regaining composure...
A man goes to see a doctor with a little bit of lettuce sticking out of his bottom.
After the examination he asks "Is it serious?"
"I'm afraid so" replies the doctor, "it's only the tip of the iceburg."
*groan*
A gorgeous blonde walked into a bar and said "I'd like a Double Entendre, please," so I gave her one.
Getting worse...
A man goes to see his doctor, and explains that his back hurts. The doctor says "Say 'Ahhh'". "Why?" says the man. "My dog's just died," he replies.
Anything and everything.
[Boolbar] Thanks for the info. (way up there somewhere)
[blamelewis] Congratulations on your marriage; all the best to yourself and your new bride. Should I survive until October it's 33 years for me. . . ☺
[Re: 'Daq} Grumble, grumble. 750,000 nicker down the drain. I am singularly unimpressed! Anyone got a spare shoulder? As far as the 'jokes' are concerned - I thought mine were bad. ☺ I cannot match you lot, so I shall not try.
A Joke. Probably.
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
A: A stick.
Yay!
[Dunx] That's my favourite joke in the world. Closely followed by
Q: What do you call a fly with no legs?
A: A walk!
Q: What do you call a fly with no legs?
A: A walk!
walk - don't walk
Lib.. I don't know how to break this to you. A fly with no wings is called a Walk. A fly with no wings and no legs is called a Sit. Please tell me where you'll be practising medicine so I can be sure never to fall ill there. ;o)
Save string when you're young!
When you grow up, you'll have a ball!
a sit
A male fly walks into a bar, goes up to an attractive female fly and says "Is this stool taken?"
bar chuckles
A skeleton walks up to a bar and orders a pint . . . and a mop.
doctor lib
I believe the joke you meant to put there was
What do you call a spider with no legs?
a raisin!
What do you call a spider with no legs?
a raisin!
diversifying
I was in a Chinese restaurant and I said "Waiter! This fish is rubbery!", and the waiter went "Ah, thank you velly much sir"
Body parts.....
[pen] You've found my weak point. I do get confused with body parts! And this is rather worrying to the general public at large. Its a bit of a shame that there's no the 'ask the audience' moment at graduation ceremonies that there is at church weddings. I can just see the moment now, about to recieve my degree certificate and someone pipes up from the audience "No, don't let her be a doctor, she doesn't know the difference between legs and wings, and once she forgot what the heart was called (and refered to it as the big muscle that pumps blood round the body!)". Then they'd refuse to give me the certificate and I'd be pubically humiliated! Stockport (Stepping hill hosptial) is the place to avoid!
practising medicine
[Lib] Stockport? No problem. I'm well away from there. Once you've got some practice in, I daresay you'll be very good, but thankfully I'm feeling very well at the moment, living here in the south east! And as for your nightmare scenario... several years after I graduated I had a nightmare in which I found out I hadn't actually graduated at all - I failed the maths module because the lecturer had lost my coursework. *shudders*
pubic humiliation
[Lib] I'm not going to ask.
A woman wakes up with a terrible hangover and finds herself sharing her bed with an elephant. "God I must have been tight last night!" she exclaims. "Yes," says the elephant, "at least the first couple of times."
Luckily I can't be bothered to type out the hamster joke.
A man goes into a bar and sees...
...a dog playing chess with its owner. So he says, "What a remarkably intelligent dog!", and the owner replies, "Not really, he's lost the first two games."
Another bar?
A West Virginian man walked into a bar....an' it et him to bits!
Explanation upon request.
Explanation upon request.
None
A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a cheetah.
He was trying to pull a fast one.
He was trying to pull a fast one.
None
And never forget the last words of my grandfather, who said "A truck!"
None
Well, my great uncle died of deafness...
...he didn't hear the steamroller.
font memories
Four fonts walk into a bar.
The barman says "we don't want your type in here."
The barman says "we don't want your type in here."
Font of all knowledge
[BtD] Presumably the publican didn't like the look of their face?
None
[BtD] You're a Tim Vine fan, aren't you?
I said to the newsagent, "I'd like to read a magazine on the supernatural, please."
Newsagent: Fortean Times?
Me: No, just once.
Tim who?
[MF] In all honesty - I don't know who Tim Vine is - but if you think he'd make me laugh...
A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
Another One
Q: what do you call a communist volleyball player?
A: a red setter.
A: a red setter.
[Lib] That one just sticks in my mind.
[BtD]
Tim Vine writes a lot of this kind of one-liner. Most of the gags on this page are by him, esp. the ones lower down. He's a regular on ITV's The Sketch Show, which is starting next week I think. He's also on tour this year.
None
I was in the video shop, and I said, "I'd like an action movie please." The assistant went, "D'you want to rent Batman Forever?" I said, "no, just for a couple of hours."
Reeeeeally bad.
A man walked into a bar...gain antique shop and said "What's new?"
DrQu+xum/Lib
ok, I'll bite.. what's the west virginian one about? Oh, and Lib, I must insist that you type the hamster one..
West Virginian
[snorgle] Here's another joke as a hint.
Q: Why does a West Virginian Nativity Scene have the Three Wise Men in total fireman's gear?
A: Because it says in the Bible that they came from a'far.
(If all else fails, think Huckleberry Hound.)
Q: Why does a West Virginian Nativity Scene have the Three Wise Men in total fireman's gear?
A: Because it says in the Bible that they came from a'far.
(If all else fails, think Huckleberry Hound.)
Virginity
[Dr Q] Who? Was s/he Tom Sawyer's companion? ☺
Accents
[Dr] Ah... I've just worked it out... Yes, second one was a big hint!
Hamster
[snorgle] I believe it is matt who has the hamster joke.
huckleberry hound
ah, thank you, i will now talk in a terrible accent the rest of the day in your honour..
Poo
Two men walked into a bar dragging 20 foot long turds behind them.
The barman looks at them and asks "Why the long faeces?"
The barman looks at them and asks "Why the long faeces?"
. . . and also . . .
William Shakespeare walks into a bar. The barman says "Get out! You're bard"
groan
Sorry to interrupt the punfest, but I was wondering if the assorted Big Brother afficionados here had any opinion on the new girl, Lisa. I have a very strong hunch she might be a plant...
Lisa
That'll be the trail of pollen that she leaves wherever she goes...
the hamster joke
[snorgle] OK, but I promise you it wasn't worth the wait.
A man goes into a pet shop and buys a hamster -- but by the time he gets home, it's dead. Outraged, he returns to the shop.
"You're quite right," says the shopkeeper, "that's completely unacceptable. I'll be happy to give you a new one but we're out of stock until Monday. Come back then." The man looks so thoroughly downhearted that the shopkeeper decides to do him a favour. "Look, I know it sounds strange but here's a trick to cheer yourself up. Take your late hamster home, put him in the blender, then take the resulting puree and spread it on your garden."
"Do what?" says the horrified customer.
"Puree the hamster, spread it on your garden. Honestly. Next morning you won't believe your eyes: the whole garden will be a carpet of flowers as far as the eye can see, so beautiful that you'll feel much better."
The man is doubtful, but he goes home and does what the shopkeeper said. Lo and behold, next morning his garden is blooming with daffodils as far as the eye can see, and all day he has a spring in his step!
Come Monday, he's back to the shop to pick up his new pet and he says to the proprietor "You know, I had my doubts about what you said, but it worked, it was amazing! Daffodils as far as the eye could see!"
"Daffodils?" comes the reply. "Daffodils? You usually get tulips from hamster jam!"
Phew!
[matt] I'm glad it wasn't the one involving sellotape.
Double Phew!
Or the one involving the S&M club.
Likewise!
Well done, matt. I have to say it's essentially the same joke as the one I know, but it's only about a quarter of the length, so it's a good job they asked you rather than me!
nerves
I know we've declared a bit of a moratorium on this kind of thing but COME ON TIM!!
hamster joke
thank you! does anyone know if there is a real punchline to that chain letter joke about the old lady and the pet food?
Big Bore
rab]Lisa is on a very sticky wicket as she has to make an immediate impression with the public and the housemates. She has certainly rattled their cages and under Cameroon's skin, and she will almost certainly be up for eviction next week, hopefully up against Cammeroon. If that were the case he should go, to build the tension further between the remaining players. But nothing really can rescue this series.
None
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
"In English" he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
"In English" he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
Doesn't really work in written form, but...
What's big and steaming and comes out of cows backwards?
The Isle of Wight ferry
(cows/Cowes, you see)
A bit like
How to you get two whales in a mini?
Down the M4.
Works better written than spoken
What do you call a bear with no ears.
A b.
A b.
None
[Inkspot] If I can divert the subject from bad jokes for a minute, what makes a series of Big Brother good or bad? What is a "good" contestant (from the point of view of the people who watch it, rather than the producers)? On what grounds do people vote for someone to be evicted? In other words, how does the whole thing work?
How do you make a dead baby float?
One scoop of ice cream, two scoops of dead baby.
Raak re Big Brother
Good contestants are those who cause conflict in the house, or stimulate responses in the other housemates. The problem with this series is that everyone gets on with each other too well, and there isn't any conflict, whereas last year, the final four contestants could hardly stand the sight of each other by the end. (Except Kate and Jonny.) And they still had to put on a show of liking each other as they wanted to win the prize, which made it all the more interesting. But it's impossible to guarantee conflict in the house. No-one would have guessed Alex would start sounding off about cleanliness the way he did, or that Jade would start backstabbing everyone. Conversely, they put Scott, Jon, Justine and Cameron together as they're all team leaders, and leaders normally make themselves unpopular - but none of them even tried to lead, except Jon, who's now gone. In fact, since he and Fed left, I've hardly watched the show at all.
That'll be it
The last two years (didn't watch series 1 from the outset, thinking it all a waste of time... my opinion hasn't necessarily changed, although my avidness has) there was a ruckus from pretty much the outset. For example last year Alex got upset at someone nicking a sausage that he quite fancied; the year before Penny was so barking she immediately managed to get peoples' backs up. Also, last year they had several gimmicks to spice things up: the rich-poor divide coupled with extremely arbitrary ways of deciding who would be on which side (e.g. scoring baskets). However these proved unnecessary as the contestants themselves provided enough agro to go round. I feel that this year's contestants with last year's set-up, or vice versa, might have been more fun to watch. The thing is, I think the format has now passed its peak: quite simply, people have wised up to how to play the game. You can reach the final stage by just not being nominated by your housemates which just means keeping your head down and not antagonising anyone. Of course, the housemates could wise up and start nominating the boring people rather than the antagonistic ones. But this would only work if everyone did it, so probably wouldn't be considered an optimal strategy from a game-theoretic point-of-view. Err, that's rather a lot isn't it. I note that the covers have come off at Wimbledon so maybe we'll see some tennis today after all.
you decide
I agree that it is the tension and flare ups that make BB worth watching and the indicator of peoples interest in the Friday 'exit' poll. A low count is not good for the producers as they get a large slice of the cost of the call, there is now the prospect of a low turn out for the rest of the series and a lack lustre last week. The cause for me is the voting system, they need to change the rules so that anyone that is nominated is up for eviction, and let the public really decide who goes.
Any formal warning to one housemate should be passed on with all housemates being penalised (bring back the cold outside shower!), they could take a leaf or two from BBAfrica with a single basic bedroom for all 12.
Any formal warning to one housemate should be passed on with all housemates being penalised (bring back the cold outside shower!), they could take a leaf or two from BBAfrica with a single basic bedroom for all 12.
still childishly amused by John Lloyd's punditry . .
Just heard "Henman needs to thrust himself in the face of Grosjean and say .... 'Beat Me!'
Henman
Obviously his advice wasn't heeded. Henman's out [quelle surprise!].
Yes
I thought he would be. The match followed almost exactly the same pattern - in terms of points scored and rain breaks - as that which ended similarly against Ivanisevic in 2001.
Ooof!
I just got some new specs and it now feels funny with them on and even funnier with them off. I'm sure I'll get used to it and stop walking into things soon.
Raak's 2nd question
The public vote off housemates depending on (a) what Graham Norton tells them to do*; (b) what Chris Moyles tells them to do*; (c) how weighted the highlights are against them that week**; (d) how many column inches they've generated in Heat magazine***; (e) whether betting syndicates are rigging the voting****; (f) if they are female*****; (g)whether we actually like them******.
Spencer v. Alex; Adele v. Jade
**Cameron v. Jon & Fed
***Justine, Sissy & Gos this week
****Alison; Adele v. Jade; Anouska
*****Everyone except Kate
******Negligible
celebdaq
i am number 1 again! yay! if Tim doesn't pay out a massive divvy this week, there is no God..
BB personalities
Interesting to observe how the 'evictees', who are instantly launched into excessive T.V. [RI:SE/BBLB/GoodMorning, etc] exposure the minute they set foot outside the house, appear to gain a 'personality'. Anouska, in particular, is far more articulate than we were allowed to see in that first week; Jon & Fed have become a credible double act; even Tania, dare I say, has become more watchable.
[snorgle] Celebdaq - I appear to be right behind you, lord knows how, because I am still in the dark about how the 'timing' works, ie. retrospective? For instance, as the share price is falling rapidly, would it be wise to sell Henman shares?
Bum
I've not been paying attention and have fallen dramatically. Anyone got any tips - JKR and Tim were the obvious ones, but I can't think of any big events looming.
The "Beatles", m'lud, are a shuffle beat combo popular among modern young people...
I have to say, not only have I not watched Big Bugger, but I have successfully avoided ever seeing any of the contestants either during or after their incarceration. I don't know any of their names or what any of them looks like. Admittedly this feat has required not watching any TV whatsoever for some months - other than Sky News - but I think that's a price well worth paying. What is RI:SE, and why is it spelt that way?
RI:SE and SH:INE
[Breadmaster] I think it's so it looks like a digital clockface, that being one of the first things us young turks look at when waking up in the morning. You can achieve much the same effect on your grandfather clock with some cunning stickers obtainable from the Innovations catalogue (rip).
And another thing
[Breadmaster] To answer your first question, it's a Channel 4 "breakfast" show. Kinda likea TV version of the Radio 1 breakfast "show" I guess. Which leads naturally onto the question: why are radio programmes often referred to as "shows" when there's nothing to see?
None
Yeah. Either that or they use the word 'Slot' - as in the breakfast slot or the teatime slot. An ugly word, in my opinion, that has some curious definitions, not least, 'a crosspiece', 'the hollow down the middle of the breasts' [!] and 'a deer's footprints'
Celebdaq
[rab] Well, I for one am pinning hopes on new films... so I've gone for Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz (Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle) and Arnie (T3: Rise of the Machines).
Slottage
[Chalky] I expect to giggle schoolboyishly whenever I hear phrases like "lunchtime slot" from now on. I do so like it when my life is enriched in this way - many thanks!
Celebdaq
My faith in Royalty has been shattered - bloody Prince Willi divi'd £0.00 this week, the little sod.
A-hem
[Blob] Just a gentle reminder: Lock Cup
celebdaq
Beats me, I just buy shares in people who are likely to be in the news the next week, and the shares usually go up. Not a great divvy for Tim, but at least I made a profit. I think I'll stick to tennis for now..
the end of the world
No Big Brother ... no eviction ... no Davina ...
I know
[Bb] I received a txtmsg from my nose-to-the-ground contact whilst in the pub. What's going on??
NO PANTS!
It appears that PantsMC is down. Feh.
Bare bummed also.
Well, good Dr., at least that confirms that I'm not excluded from the site because of my postings (although that situation would be quite understandable ☺)
Reliability
Hm. Has anyone had trouble accessing mc5 in the last week? A couple of times I've found myself unable to get outside the house from my laptop (which is 802.11b wireless connected to the net), wandered over to beefy(.angrycake.net, the server mc5 resides on) to find it all well, and then returned to the laptop to find it working again. DNS resolution has stopped more times than I'm comfortable with, too.
Even a single lack of response from the server would be of interest to me - I want to try and determine if it's the DSL or the wireless that's at fault, although I'm currently pointing several accusatory fingers at the wireless equipment, it seeming less reliable than the 'not very reliable' it once aspired to. The lack of complaints here and at MCiOS are good signs, I hope.
On another note, BBC story about the delayed eviction. I dislike BB - and the whole 'reality TV' genre it spawned - intensely but, worryingly, often find it's the most watchable thing on either Sky Digital or terrestrial from late evening through the wee hours.
Nik's, err, problem
I pop in once or twice during my day - which is somewhat different from your own - but have had no problems, Nik.
nik's reliability
Occasionally at work I've had to reload a page but I thought that was down to my work computer. It acts up sometimes..
Nikerrors
Working from home I access the site two or three times a day. Since moving to angrycake this site has been 100% reliable.
No worries
[Nik] I've noticed very little trouble. Occasionally there are brief periods where I don't get an http response within less than about a second - but to be fair I get that with Google or the BBC so it's nothing out of the ordinary. ssh logins have been fine.
two things
[Nik] I've not had any trouble, even using my Mum's steam powered connection, or the hosptial with the huge firewall.
[Bad jokes] I know we'd managed to escape the bad jokes (and I'll try to get it right this time) but I heard this one yesterday and am still chuckling....
Q: Why is the devil not allowed into the Post Office?
A: Beacuse he takes many forms.
Way out West
A three legged dog walks into a bar.
He goes up to the barman and says "I'm lookin' for the guy who shot my paw."
He goes up to the barman and says "I'm lookin' for the guy who shot my paw."
None
Must be the wireless, then. And I've got a car to make remotely roadworthy this month as well. Fiddlesticks.
Remoteness
[Nik] Make sure you use the FM band, and preferably PCM for the control signals. Best of luck on constructing a suitable speed controller!
Celebdaq
I'm having a bit of a 'mare...
Hmmm
I haven't been paying much attention to the 'daq recently, for reasons which should be fairly clear. Really stuck as to who the current long term bankers might be...
daqsodding
I picked the wrong Williams sister this week... way down, dropping like a stone, all is lost, we're all doomed :o(
I be back
Arnie goes up, then Arnie goes down. Looks like that 'Bouncy' singer is the in thing.
Hasta la vista
[Boolbar] Hmmm... Guess who had heavily invested in Arnie...
Me me me
[Uncle K] Me. But I did so last week, so he hasn't fallen below my purchase price . . . yet.
more shares please
With my two accounts I'm still trying different strategies, mtp so far since Friday has bought and sold Henman/Sernena Williams/Arnie/ and now Beyonce. I have been lucky to time it just right in selling all/buying just after 9am. It was very noticable that as soon as Beyonce began to rise Arnie fell of the edge. The rule changes were meant to encourage day-to-day trading and divis greatly reduced payout now to be the square root of any payout so for most celebs it will be zilch, last weeks the results were so poor they have not been posted.
The other slow moving acc. has a clutch of celebs, I hope one of which will rise but with a static market and a prospect of very little divi's it is likely to continue to slide.
The other slow moving acc. has a clutch of celebs, I hope one of which will rise but with a static market and a prospect of very little divi's it is likely to continue to slide.
Eh?
[Inkspot] Rule changes ? What rule changes ?
Staggered
I am absolutely staggered that someone's been attempting to read the furcation game via a mobile phone WAP connection. Maybe the next challenge would be to do the next move as a series of SMS texts.
I'm being watched!
I admit, it was me. WAP is free and internet is not. On my phone The furc game is 95 pages long (the average length for this page is about 25 pages, which is long enough to scroll trhough). I only got to page one, as was wondering how long it was. Stop spying on me rab! (Do you know where I live? and more worringly can you get my mobie number from your source? Hope not!)
Txting
[rab] SMS Crescent has a certain appeal.
[Lib] I wouldn't worry - one of the pieces of information recorded in the server logs is the user agent being used to browse a particular page, and that will be where rab got his info. The only other identifying information is your IP address, and for a WAP device that's far more likely to be the address of a gateway machine somewhere rather than something which would identify your phone.
clarity!
[dunx] Thanks, I can relax now!
rude cages
Boolbar]A few days ago daq towers changed the rules following several weeks of strange results which started with Get Me Out of Here and continued through to Beckham, they announced them on 30 June with a brief statement to share holders, at the same time the revised dividends were posted. During the past few weeks celebs like Prince William and Beckham were paying out substatial divis that distorted the market leading to huge rises, but to my mind those were extraordinary circumstances.
Spying
[Lib] What Dunx said. FYI the clue was the text 'Google WAP Proxy/1.0' in the logfile. I look at the log now and again partly cos I'm curious to find out how often the site is accessed (as opposed to how often a move is made, which is recorded in the game files), what browsers people use, which search engines pass through and how often, and occasionally to check that no-one's trying to break in.
Mind you, if you want me to spy on you, just leave you mobile number and I'll see what I can do :)
increased roots
Another statement and changes to dividends, due to uproar from the crowd, daq towers have amended the payout to slightly reward those that hold on to shares rather than playing the day-to-day by increasing the amount of payout per share, but this will still be cut be sqare rooted. There's hope for my BB swag bag yet.
Is that the time? best shut down and go home for tea.
stalking
[rab] My phone number is 0898 69 69 69. Feel free to stalk me!
Husk
[Lib] You have an unexpectedly husky voice.
Always wondered
What is on the other end of 0898 696969 ? I've seen it many times used as a spoof phone number.
Wonder no more!
Just dial it and see :) It'll only cost £4.95 per minute.
None
[matt] That's why I'm still wondering.
Daq and darn
Bugger! Losing money fast...
more hot tea
Sometime between 8 and 9 in the morning seems to be the 'opening' time for dealing. Today I waited till 8.30 while the cuppa was cooling down at my desk, Sven was starting to drop and Arnie was twitching with a rise of 6p, it was time to sell all and buy the big guy. Since 8.30 the value of 13860 shares has risen from £123,449 to £132,098, but all this selling will give a low divi payout on Friday. On the weekend I may have to cash in the shares before I go to bed as the big movers do very little between midnight and 9.am but the price may have crashed by the time I get round to trading mid morning.
Vote either Steph or Cameroon but keep in Lisa, her disruption to the house has got to continue.
BB4
[Inkspot] But aren't all the other HMs just ignoring her?
evictions
Yes they are ignoring her, Nush and Scott have paired so are Steph and Cameroon with Ray being pal to everyone. The basis being to break up S&C, if Cam goes how will Steph cope. But I think bringing in an outsider late in the game is always awkward for that person. Tim was lucky last year as Alex was shunned by half the house, and it was earlier in the game but he was never fully accepted. Guests like Gae are allowed as non threatening.
0898
Boolbar] That reminds me of a story I heard about a sexline entitled "Hear me moan". A man tried to take the proprietors to court after he rang it and got a recording of a woman complaining about the lack of help she was getting with the housework. Trading Standards refused to prosecute saying that the man the man "got what he deserved".
Lock Cup
Played
bad joke
There's a mummy mole, a daddy mole, and a baby mole, all living in a mole hole. One day, daddy mole sticks out his head, and says "MMM! I can smell Maple syrup!" So mummy mole squeezes by him and sniffs, smiles and says "Oh! I can smell honey!" Poor little baby mole can't squeeze through, but gamely tries, sniffs and complains "Aww! All I can smell is MOLASSES!"
Celebdaq aside...
...why is Sean Connery not listed?
Lock Cup
I think we need the referee over at rab v. Blob fairly urgently.
ImpostCeleb
Because I'm still quite new and rather pathetically unknowledgeable . . . apart from the obvious, who is who - in our League??? [What I'm really saying is much respect to 'moreteaplease' who has not only managed to amass a whole series of important looking green boxes and a red one, but has held me off the top spot for a few days now - during a period of time where I've suckseeded in buying and selling at JUST the optimum momento.]
Imposing
moreteaplease = InkSpot 2; ffish = GrahamIII 2 (G6?); evil_edna = penelope; sigmundfreud = gil; RadiantAndBeautiful = me (obviously).
None
Sorry, there's obviously only one GrahamIII (or is that three?).
Expose-a-daq
Cheers rab.
tip top tea
What a way to finish the week of exhausting of trading, Chalky it will be over to you next week as such large 7 day gains are almost impossible to maintain, and because of the day2day trading I had no divis.
However the Inkspot account with its spread of BB housemates came up trumps, all the divis have gone into Mrs Beckham ...so make way coming through.
However the Inkspot account with its spread of BB housemates came up trumps, all the divis have gone into Mrs Beckham ...so make way coming through.
None
[Chalky] Great word in the cheddars, btw. Have tidied up the accent so we can all enjoy its full splendour.
None
Whats it to you, puffin-head?
Lockage
[Blob] May I volunteer?
[rab] Could you put a link to the Lock Cup pages on here so it's easier to get there from here?
Blockage
[Blob] Forget that - obviously JLE did the honours.
Downtime
Tsk. Server was down for ~two minutes just now. Sorry about that. I had to unplug the power strips as I was moving furniture that I'd trailed the cables through. Bah.
Downtime
Spiked by paranoia (no-one posting since just before my announcement) I'm posting from elsewhere on teh intarnet to verify to myself mc5 is actually visible. Nothing to see here, move along, move along.
The full monty: 02:44 Sun 13 Jul 2003
You're fine, Nik.
None
Not now, though. The disk on the DNS/Mailbox just died. Thankfully, it's mostly only mail that's affected, and I got it back long enough to copy everything not broken off. Hopefully I can figure this out...
Stuff
[Dunx] I'll try and do that before going on holiday, which is tomorrow... so if anyone else has any burning issues regarding this site, let me know by about lunchtime. Ta
Um
Actually, no I can't. Presumably due to the difficulties noted by Nik above I can't access the server at the moment except via these web pages.
None
Mm, sorry about that. sshd won't come back up on that box. It's unconnected to the mail box strife, except that both stem from having to power down on saturday. That'll learn me.
Dokies
[Nik] Right you are
Meanwhile, has anyone ever been anything other than 'cordially' invited to something?
Cordiality
[rab] What, like "reluctantly" invited, or "resentfully" invited?
come as you are
Hmm... I may have had an invitation with menaces before now, but it's not something I'd like to go into detail about
Guilty M'lud
I have been 'invited' to court to appear as a witness.
"You're crap, basically."
I remember being 'invited' to leave Geography at the end of my fourth year at senior school on the grounds of ability...
Downtime
I didn't do it</bart>
Bobs Pot review
Saskia and I have just finished reading 'The Order of the Phoenix'. We read it out loud, taking it in turns to read alternate chapters. We lead a fairly isolated life and have been fairly well distanced from the hype that accompanied the launch - I heard a little about it on the radio and chose not to read too much about it on the Internet. My expectations were not high as I feel that JKR has set herself a near impossible task - that of creating a series of books aimed at a gradually increasing age group - set against the biggest hype ever to accompany a children’s publication.
We were very pleasantly suprised. The book was virtually unputdownable. It is funnier and more sophisticated than the last one and because it builds successfully on the background of the previous books, it left us gagging for more. I am now aware that most reviews have given it 4 out of 5. Possibly because we read the book together and aloud (it works very well like this) or because we missed the hype I’d give it 5/5 and more if I could. OK, so it is not Tolkien or Pullman but it is vintage JKR and a thoroughly great read.
We were very pleasantly suprised. The book was virtually unputdownable. It is funnier and more sophisticated than the last one and because it builds successfully on the background of the previous books, it left us gagging for more. I am now aware that most reviews have given it 4 out of 5. Possibly because we read the book together and aloud (it works very well like this) or because we missed the hype I’d give it 5/5 and more if I could. OK, so it is not Tolkien or Pullman but it is vintage JKR and a thoroughly great read.
potter/daq
Well that was a conversation stopper! I enjoyed it too, although I felt the end was a little anti-climactic.. that tends to be how the books are though, as it has to end again at the next summer hols. Anyone else confused with celebdaq? They keep changing the rules, although I'm not doing too badly at the moment.
If it works, don't fix it.
[snorgle] My tactic of ignoring celebdaq for a couple of weeks seems to be doing very nicely. Only evil_edna seems to be doing better.
ignoramus spondoolio!
[Boolbar] I ignore it too - I've been trading only once a week or so. I'll admit I picked the wrong Williams sister to win Wimbledon tho, and I've steered clear of the whole BB celeb thing too.*cackle*
Just passing through
I'm afraid I'm going to hijack the chat games for a moment, just in case I've missed anyone out
<fanfare>: The first (well, first properly organised) MC trip to the Proms takes place this coming Sunday. Feel free to just pitch up and find us, or get in touch (details at other end of link) to make more concrete plans. Thank you. We now return you to your usual programming.</shameless cross-posting>
<fanfare>: The first (well, first properly organised) MC trip to the Proms takes place this coming Sunday. Feel free to just pitch up and find us, or get in touch (details at other end of link) to make more concrete plans. Thank you. We now return you to your usual programming.</shameless cross-posting>
Jesus in a box
Which pretty much describes the roadside sights in Malta. The roads themselves are very bumpy, although should you wish to visit Hasan's Cave -- a little tunnel that takes you out to a viewing window over the sea, and marked only by a crone pruning the trees and hiring out torches for 30c apiece -- you will find it well signposted from across the island. If, however, you seek, say, Valletta (the capital) then navigation can be somewhat more tricky. A lovely break though: I really didn't think I'd enjoy the heat and the Scally Airways' last minute deal dodah, but it was fab.
[Watty] On account of the above I've ended up spending a shedload of money and am not sure if I'll be able to make the prom after all. I'll email you when I've reached a decision. Hope this doesn't blow things out of the water.
Celebdaq
*** ALERT FOR INKSPOT ***
In a fit of madness, I have decided to 'field a second XI' in the financial shenannigans that is Celebdaq. If convenient, please arrange for DORIS_NEWBOLD (User ID: 3376674) to be inserted forcibly into the league. Let's face it - she can't do much worse than UNCLE_KORKY...
Oh dear
Just looked at my portfolio.
League
[rab] Forget your position - you're still phenomenally richer than I am!
Position
Despite being about the only person in the country left who gives a sh!t, I nevertheless feel the need to share my thoughts about the likely BB4 victor (which may have some bearing on the daq at the end of the week).
- Steff is most easily dispensed with, both in terms of this discussion and the competition. She's very pleasant is Steff, but wet as a fish and unlikely to appear on the front cover of FHM so won't attract the lad vote like Kee-at did last year.
- Scott, on paper, is similar. Although my ability to judge the attractiveness of other men is legendarily bad, I can't believe he's that much of a pin-up. He seems to be the housemate's favourite: I believe he was up for eviction only once, and right at the start. Nearly all the evictees have remarked that he's like a 'best mate' in the house. However this kind of thing rarely goes down well with the viewing public (Dean? Liz?). Except the dull one did win BB1 so I guess there's some possibility he might make it.
- Ray has probably the strongest personality, but is therefore likely to be the kind of person you either love or hate. This lack of all-round appeal may count against him, and is mostly down to his fiery temperament. On the other hand, I would guess he'll get the chick vote on account of being Irish, tall, probably the best looking one of the lot and because he's a bit of a lad.
- Cameron has, without a doubt, played the best game in the house and on these grounds deserves to win. Although clearly unpopular with the housemates (he's been up for nomination almost every week) and sections of the public (who either get offended by him being a Christian, or being a Christian and not "behaving like one") he's survived the public vote several times so it would seem like the public don't dislike him. I would quite like to see a bible-reading, near-teetotaller to win BB since it's almost the complete opposite of the kind of person you'd expect to win. On the other hand, people who've survived many public votes in the past (Paul, Jade) didn't go on to win, so the form's not good.
celebdaq
Sounds complicated to me. I've got loads of Nush, who I intend to sell once I collect my divvies, and sink into Arnie, probably.
BBdaq
1. Steph - no chance.
2. Scott - the invisible man; in with a great chance.
3. Ray - Psycho IV; too unpopular outside the house to win.
4. Cameron - Likely to just have the edge over Scott.
2. Scott - the invisible man; in with a great chance.
3. Ray - Psycho IV; too unpopular outside the house to win.
4. Cameron - Likely to just have the edge over Scott.
I too have sunk loads into Nush, Cameron, Ray and Scott, and aim to sell high fairly soon. Nice to see my investment in Arnie from a few weeks ago is now reaping dividends.
Anyone seen Inkspot lately?
hello clouds
*amble ... stroll ... custard cream* eh wha'? oh yea
None
Ah, there you are! Good to see you again!
None
And thanks for sorting out Doris!
Danke
[rab] Thanks for adding the Lock Cup link.
Bitte
[Dunx] Thanks for allowing me to steal and downsize your graphic :)
None
Thank you very much for the Aintree Iron
any old iron
[Boolbar] So that's where it went. Thanks for letting me know.
Top CelebCat
Well slap my jammy badger! I'm top!
None
*Doffs hat in awe*
Hmph
And I seem to be fondling the bottom, which is normally a good position to be in but not, I think, here.
None
rab] It depends who’s bottom.
None
[Btd] Or, indeed, whose bottom!
None
Uncle Korky] Or, indeed, Titania.
... And todays rant is......
I've just found out that they're taking my crosswords away. Who? (I hear you ask), the evil people at Guardian.co.uk. I'm trying to learn how to do cryptic crosswords, and quite frankly I'm not very good, so I only have a fighting chance on their 'easy' crossword (called the Quiptric, which is weekly and website only). The online Guardian crosswords (all of them, about 15 per week) are becoming a 'pay-for' service in 5 days time. I don't want to/won't pay £25 to access about 15 quiptrics per year (as i don't have patience or time to attempt it each week). So I've complained and am hoping that they will decide that they don't want to take my crosswords away after all.
Celebdaq
I've rather lost interest in Celebdaq. Gets a bit boring after a while - the kneecapping is crap and the dividends are stupidly high. I've left my portfolio unaltered for two weeks and can't find any enthusiasm to modify it. Don't know if that means I'll just bob about or if I'll be thrown off for apathy. And I'm afraid I don't care either way.
Come back!!
*wails*B--L--O--OO--OOO---OOOO-O-B!!! Don't run off just because the game is too easy!
None
[Lib] Well if they do - perhaps we could have a cryptic crossword game on this site - I'd be more than happy to contribute clues. Here are a few nice easy ones to be going on with :
Paying guest loses a fringe (6)
Vermin back in best Armenian families (4)
Mates in turmoil giving off vapour (5)
Tune on the radio ? (3)
WHERE THE EXECUTIONER'S AXE FALLS ? (5,7)
Food comes back as American time period (7)
Born in Little Rock, Arkansas - grew up in Colorado ! (7)
Darn fire is rubbish - more heat than light ! (5-3)
Paying guest loses a fringe (6)
Vermin back in best Armenian families (4)
Mates in turmoil giving off vapour (5)
Tune on the radio ? (3)
WHERE THE EXECUTIONER'S AXE FALLS ? (5,7)
Food comes back as American time period (7)
Born in Little Rock, Arkansas - grew up in Colorado ! (7)
Darn fire is rubbish - more heat than light ! (5-3)
Hope that keeps you going for a while.
Easy game
[pen] Which game ?
None
[Blob] Well, I've got most of those. I didn't get the fifth yet, although it did make me think of
EXECUTION? (7,10)
which may contain the same seven-letter word as yours.
EXECUTION? (7,10)
which may contain the same seven-letter word as yours.
Crypticism
[Blob] We haven't had a cryptic game for a while, and I think some of the slow-burners here could be put to the rest for a moment (I'm thinking of Mrs Trellis and the Centurion for example). I would remark that crossword clues are more fun if (a) they're part of a puzzle with a grid (b) they are complete clues (with both the definition and the device) and (c) they're not all bl**dy tube stations.
[CdM] I got the fifth, but am not sure it's entirely sound unless someone can explain it to me. I haven't got 1,6 or 7 yet.
clues
[CdM] Well I did say they were easy - would yours be (Hidden text) by any chance ?
Perplexed
Well, that rules me out of the cryptic game - I can't get any of them.
Relax
[UK] I'm sure you can. Start off with say, 3 & 8 - they are obvious anagrams. I can't get 7. For what it's worth, I'd love to see a cryptic game in here.
None
I like number 5. :o)
None
Well, as I remarked at Dan's place not so long ago, I think that cryptic clue games have been all too frequent -- one every couple of years or so would be enough for me. Just a personal view. One possibility that might be good would be to move away from tube stations and find some other theme -- players' names?
None
[Blob] Thanks for the clues. Working on them, (could take a while!).
[cryptic game] There hasn't been one since I've been around (but know that's really not that long), not sure how it would work, or if I'd be any good at it, but Bring It On!!!!
celebdaq/cryptic crosswords
I'm still enjoying it for the time being. And I, too, am crap at cryptic crosswords. I got a book on how to work them out, but just couldn't be arsed. They just make me want to scream
WHY WHY OH WHY!!!
In a word
[snorgle] relaxation [CdM] I would argue no theme. Why must there be a Greg Rude-eskying theme? We've never had a general crytic clues game, as far as I'm aware.
Griddle
I wonder if there is any way to post a grid to use? The actual grids are pretty standardised, so drawing them up might not be too hard.
[Lib] I'm disappointed by The Guardian's move too, but not surprised - most of the other newspaper web sites charge for the actual news, which the Grauniad has refrained from doing. And The Times has been charging for its crosswords for years now (and, IIRC, rather more than 25 quid a year).
[Lib] I'm disappointed by The Guardian's move too, but not surprised - most of the other newspaper web sites charge for the actual news, which the Grauniad has refrained from doing. And The Times has been charging for its crosswords for years now (and, IIRC, rather more than 25 quid a year).
Amazed
Not only did I get the BB winner right, I got the exit order spot-on too. Not managed this before... I've got lots of shares in the winner, but that's not necessarily the one who gets most press coverage. Anyway, we can shut up about it now, and those who don't care can re-enter the discussion.
Fish trader
rab]of the remainig housemates I am pleased that Cameroon won as he is so unlike any other winner and tomorrow will be a bad day for the bookies who had backed Ray and Scott. No doubt there will be post mortems. I disagree with those in the Sun and the Beeb who say the series only saviour is sex to spice things up, and the public overwhelmingly voted for Cameron 'no sex before marriage'. I would like to see the telephone vote inceased to the top four nominations up for eviction to give the public a wider choice, and for the BB warnings to have an effect on the whole group.
The Celebdaq has gone through a couple of very strange weeks and it has been hard to keep the interest up whilst the rules changed. Hopefully we are over the worst and the game will improve again. Speaking of which this weeks table welcomes Doris_Newbold and the waves a sad to ISayPorter, and if Chalky or evil_edna think I'm going to let them antwhere near the No 1 post, all I can say is ... pah
The Celebdaq has gone through a couple of very strange weeks and it has been hard to keep the interest up whilst the rules changed. Hopefully we are over the worst and the game will improve again. Speaking of which this weeks table welcomes Doris_Newbold and the waves a sad to ISayPorter, and if Chalky or evil_edna think I'm going to let them antwhere near the No 1 post, all I can say is ... pah
trading plaices
[Inkspot] Aha! You have reckoned without my cunning plan. Seriously though, I haven't a clue what has occurred regarding rule changes over the last couple of weeks. I enjoyed the scramble to the top to achieve a knee-capping and a green boxy thing, and I am currently attempting to do it again, although there doesn't seem to be much in the way of ruthless and opportunist trading options. By the way, the MCLeague table attached to my portfolio tells a somewhat different story to yours. As the administrator, do you have insider information? teehee
More BB4
Cameron was no surprise at all - the bookies had him at 1/9 to win for most of the week. He was the biggest favourite the 4 series have ever had. I think the main reason was, like last year, the two good-looking young men in the house split the 14-year-old girly vote, leaving the outsider with a fighting chance. They also have entirely contrasting personalities, just like Alex and Jonny. I too disagree that only sex can spice things up. Au contraire - only arguments can. The producers tried too hard for a sexy bunch this year, with the result that the only good task was painting the horse costumes, so we could watch it dry.
Last year, Graham Norton commented: "The public have played a great game this yeat, as they've kept all the interesting people in." Did the public collectively think "Right, we'll do the exact opposite this time for a laugh" or something? If it were up to me, I'd have knocked off Cameron in Week 1. And left in Anouska, Fed, Sissy and Justine for Week 9. If Lisa were in at the start, things would've been different too. And I was secretly hoping that last night, BB might say "As a final surprise for the housemates, we're going to let Jon win regardless of how many votes anyone else gets." Now that would've been a great TV moment!
BTW, has anyone ever observed what a racist programme BB is? As soon as any black housemate's up for eviction it's a lead pipe cinch they're going. EG. Anouska, Gos, Lee, Adele, Narinder, Amma, Dean. It's almost as bad as how sexist it is.
Last year, Graham Norton commented: "The public have played a great game this yeat, as they've kept all the interesting people in." Did the public collectively think "Right, we'll do the exact opposite this time for a laugh" or something? If it were up to me, I'd have knocked off Cameron in Week 1. And left in Anouska, Fed, Sissy and Justine for Week 9. If Lisa were in at the start, things would've been different too. And I was secretly hoping that last night, BB might say "As a final surprise for the housemates, we're going to let Jon win regardless of how many votes anyone else gets." Now that would've been a great TV moment!
BTW, has anyone ever observed what a racist programme BB is? As soon as any black housemate's up for eviction it's a lead pipe cinch they're going. EG. Anouska, Gos, Lee, Adele, Narinder, Amma, Dean. It's almost as bad as how sexist it is.
[Dunx re "Griddle"] I've got an idea too, "Collective Consciousness Cryptics" where we all post a word at a time, make up a cryptic clue and then solve it, before fitting it into the grid. Won't that be great?!
Remark
Can I just remark how absolutely fabulous relaxing into a hot bath after a day walking in the hills is? Normal service will be resumed after a collective sign of pleasure.
Back to 'daq
[Inkspot] Cheers for the charming announcement of Doris' arrival. Sorry to hear that I Say Porter has left. Was this voluntarily, or has he disappeared again? I hadn't noticed his name missing from the table, although I was puzzling over how Doris could move in but there were still seventeen of us...
...and another thing...
I can go to bed happy in the knowledge that I have brightened Breadmaster's day with ...so help me God.
None
What's all this bollocks about?
Dear John
Just in case you can't figure it out, try something a little more intellectually challenging.
None
[Bob the dog] OOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOOh!
um
[Btd] Um ... Didn't you actually just insult all of us, rather than John? *scratches head in puzzlement*
Ire
Just venting spleen - no insult intended. Sarcasm does not travel well on the internet - I should know this by now.
None
Actually I've been thoroughly enjoying the virtual poppy plastic!
Movers and Shakers
I have to say, I'm seriously impressed by the rapid conversion of a soupçon of an idea in 'So Help Me God . . ' into a full-blown smorgasBoardgame of delights. Bravo all.
Cryptic answers
I've hidden all the answers and explanations in the source, for those who want guidance on crypticity.
Paying guest loses a fringe (6)
Vermin back in best Armenian families (4)
Mates in turmoil giving off vapour (5)
Tune on the radio ? (3)
WHERE THE EXECUTIONER'S AXE FALLS ? (5,7)
Food comes back as American time period (7)
Born in Little Rock, Arkansas - grew up in Colorado ! (7)
Darn fire is rubbish - more heat than light ! (5-3)
Sourcing
Cheers Blob. The mystery of No 7 is revealed at last.
Sound as a pound
I'm not convinced about the soundness of either no 5 or 7 - unless I'm being really dense. Is the second word of 5 clued by anything other than the orthography? Also the 5th word of 7 is not just redundant but destroys the clue.
clues
[rab] By orthography I take it you are referring to the capitalization, in which case, yep, that is the main clue - and is pretty much an accepted method of cluing - as is using punctuation in non-standard ways. The wording of the clue of course refers to the thing that the axeman's victim's head rests upon.
Arkansas ? What's wrong with that - that's where Little Rock is.
Arkansas ? What's wrong with that - that's where Little Rock is.
Solutions
[Blob] Well... the executioner is probably a matter of taste - I take the view that you notionally downcase and depunctuate the clue so that what's left tells you what to do. Others disagree, suggesting that if you use 'Bath' in the middle of a clue, it would have to refer to the city as opposed to 'bath' which is a tub. The only way to properly introduce ambiguity is to use it at the start of a sentence. But I'm not that extreme.
On the other hand the Arkansas clue breaks at least two rules. Firstly the definition is not "Little Rock, Arkansas grew up" but simply "Little Rock grew up". And then, if we're being pedantic (which we are), it really ought to be "Little Rock grown up". The second rule is that the definition should never come in the middle of the clue, always at the start or the end.
Everyone has their own stance on what is acceptable and what is not. I consider myself a moderate compared to Ximineans like Don Manley (whose Crossword Manual is well worth a read). However, you might consider me onerously fascist for these opinions.
definitions etc.
I entirely agree that the definition must be either at the beginning or the end, not in the middle - but I was referring to the place Boulder, in Colorado ... so "in Colorado" is at the end as required. The Little Rock growing up was the cryptic clue, and the Arkansas for completeness, suggesting a place to be looked for. Even if you objected to this inclusion, spurious words are allowed if they do not fundamentally change the meaning, and I don't think it does.
None
[rab]I presume you now get the "capital" part of No.5 - as in death (literally head removal).
Weeeelll....
I think we'll have to agree to disagree about "spurious" words which I believe have no place in a crossword clue. This extends even to articles - the distinction between 'a', 'the' and an unmarked word can be huge in a crossword clue. But this is not really relevant to my beef that "Born in Little Rock, Arkansas - grew up" is not a suitable definition (even a cryptic, subsidiary definition) of "boulder". I accept it's cute that there's a place in the US called Little Rock, and a big rock is a Boulder, which is also a place in the US. I reckon one might be able to make a satisfactory clue out of it. Sadly, I don't think this one is it.
I expect now for you to reveal that it was taken from a Times puzzle...
None
[Blob, re capital] No, I only get the block part. Could you explain?
...
O.k. I'll admit that maybe the Boulder one was tweaking the nose a little, but I deemed it sufficiently obvious not to cause a problem in solving it - I've seen a lot dodgier ones anyway.
With regards the capital one : The executioner's chopping board was known as the block capital (admittedly perhaps only poetically) as it was the block on which capital punishment was "executed".
Dawn
[Blob] Poetry is fine - I can live with my ignorance.
Scum
I reinstalled win2k on my laptop tonight. In the space of ~45 minutes between installing the network driver and a firewall, I was hit by a worm. Sometimes I wonder why I bother.
Services
[Nik] This is pretty much exactly why I'm tending to install non-packaged Linux distros; something like Gentoo encourages you to choose exactly which services to turn on rather than the (for example) Red Hat approach of turning everything on and assuming you will remember to turn everything off before you attach your box to the net.
And I never attach my box naked to the net.
huh?
I still don't 'get' cryptic clues. Oh well.
...Rendered
[Dunx] I'm coming to the end of the process of making the box dual boot with Gentoo. I'm not sure how long Linux'll last on my desktop this time; I don't get along with it for such purposes. I try again once every few months, when MS release a 'fix' that, for instance, breaks all the media codecs, requiring a reformat.
Flummoxed
I'm getting an idea for a game in which players have to make up meaningless technobabble, and the next player has to interpret it as meaning something utterly mundane and non-technological. Not sure where this is coming from...
technotechnotechnobabble
Breadmaster] Divergent entropy?
babbling
[Btd] A group of people unable to decide which Chinese restaurant to go to.
Getting it
[flerdle] Without banging on too much about it, cryptic clues are really good fun when you get into them - both solving and setting them. Those eight I did were just quickies off the top of my head, so not terribly good examples (as pointed out by various people) - but a really neat clue is a joy to behold.
The basic premise is that the clue is in two parts : The definition and the clue (or wordplay). The definition is a direct reference to the word(s) in question - most usually a synonym, but in the case of names for example it might just be "he" or "she" to signify a male or female name. Also "in (country)" often means that it is a reference to a town/city in that country.
The definition must always either be at the beginning or the end of the clue. Occasionally it is the whole clue, with the crypticity wrapped in the way it is phrased.
The clue part is the interesting bit - this is where a second, indirect reference to the word is made. Here are the main ways that the cryptic part is formed :
The basic premise is that the clue is in two parts : The definition and the clue (or wordplay). The definition is a direct reference to the word(s) in question - most usually a synonym, but in the case of names for example it might just be "he" or "she" to signify a male or female name. Also "in (country)" often means that it is a reference to a town/city in that country.
The definition must always either be at the beginning or the end of the clue. Occasionally it is the whole clue, with the crypticity wrapped in the way it is phrased.
The clue part is the interesting bit - this is where a second, indirect reference to the word is made. Here are the main ways that the cryptic part is formed :
- Double definition (a second definition for the same word - though with a different meaning)
- Anagram
- Embedded (the word is in there, usually split between two or more words, but running consecutively)
- Reverse embedded (as above but running backwards)
- Homophones (... sounds like ...)
- Exclusion (removal of specified letters or words)
- Concatenation (joining words together)
- Inclusion (one word placed inside another)
- Puns (word play that suggests the answer)
- Representation (Roman numerals, chemical symbols etc)
- Any combination of the above
Crytpology
[ferdle] There are a certain number of rules to help solve cryptic crosswords. The word is always defined, usually at the beginning or the end. If the clue is two words long then its usually a double definition (example, office desk (6) = bureau). Ignore all punctuation. Another good hint is to find anagrams. words like 'scrambled', 'mixed', 'blended', 'confused' and many others besides (and some are rather obscure and I don't get them). ~Solving one of Blob's clues (I hope nobody minds, it is an easy one!) STEAM is the soultion to number 3 (anagram hinted by the words in turmoil). I'm still at the early stages of learning. I find it helpful (and frustrating) to attempt crosswords with a friend, who is rather good and happily explains clues when I don't get it. Working a crossword back with the anwsers can also be useful. Is that helpful or just more confusing or not what you wanted? If you want to find more rules and hints how to slove then visit www.guardian.co.uk and go to the crosswords section and there is a page dedicated to 'how to solve' things.
[all] Ummm, little miss untechnological strikes again. How do I do hyperlinks?
how to solve
btw, sadly the guardian's page only tells you how to solve cryptic crosswords. If only it was a 'How to solve anything' page.... All of life's mysteries could be solved. Like, why is belly button fluff ALWAYS blue?.......
aagrh
Previewing my move meant I didn't notice/wasn't alerted to the fact I had been simuplosted. Blob's explaniation is far more eloquent than mine! sorry!
New I'd missed something ...
Foreign words are often used - but generally only tiddlers, such as "The French" for LE or LA (possibly LES), or "With German" for MIT.
None
[Lib] I did the same just now. ... And of couerse I meant "knew" not "new"
[Lib again] How to do hyperlinks :
<A HREF="www.thisisthesite.com/thisisthepage.htm">This is what I want it to say</A>
[Lib again] How to do hyperlinks :
<A HREF="www.thisisthesite.com/thisisthepage.htm">This is what I want it to say</A>
testing!
Thanks Blob. Testing my new found hyperlink skill to send ferdle to this aforemetnioned page.
Mind
I'll bear in mind that when previewing you're not alerted to a simulpost. Before I can make the necessary changes though, I'll need to sort out my laptop's hard disk because it has various versions of different pages that are stored on a range of servers. At the risk of upsetting the Breadmaster I think I'll need to work out how to set up virtual servers in apache to solve all my problems (notably, the DNS name of my laptop changes according to which network I connect it to).
Meanwhile, the cryptics. I can recommend two books. One is 'Cryptic Crosswords and How to Solve Them' (published I think by Chambers - you can search Amazon for example). The other is Don Manley's Crossword Manual, linked to above. The former is better for jumping in. Basically it lists the devices, and then gives some graded puzzles, with the amount of help diminishing as the book progresses. My main gripe is that the authors do like (a) to show off how clever they are; and (b) literary allusions rather than give you practical advice to clue-solving. Manley's book is much more thorough, but as he treats things more from a historical perspective, you'll find yourself dealing with Victorian mindbenders before getting into the cryptics proper. However, this book does offer an insight into the mind of a setter, which is invaluable.
One thing I dislike is microclassification of clues. Since pretty much every clue involves a combination of devices the only classification is:
- Single definition: usually cryptic, or relying on a pun.
- Double definition: what it says on the tin. One definition might be more cryptic than the other.
- Definition + device: where the device is basically a set of instructions that tell you how to make the desired word.
Are we still playing the meaningless jargon game?
My all time favourite clue was suggested in an excellent book I read on cryptic crossword solving.
GEGS (9,4)
Answer:(Highlight to reveal hidden text)scrambled eggs*
GEGS (9,4)
Answer:(Highlight to reveal hidden text)scrambled eggs*
None
[BtD] Which featured in a particularly good episode of "Drop the Dead Donkey" if I recall correctly.
Quiptics
[rab] Yes, Cryptics ought to be easier than "Quick" crosswords really, as you're getting two clues in one. Doesn't really work like that though - coz. firstly it could be either end that you're looking for - plus the definition itself is not necessarily straight forward. For example (again off the top of my head, so not necessarily too good), Great Persian holds quiet land (6) might be the cryptic clue, whereas the quick would probably be along the lines of Island country (6). The difference being that whilst the Quick is too vague to be able to pinpoint the country in question - it does not require you to know anything about Persians - and points you to the land being required rather than the Persian himself.
Re GEGS, that was my Dad's favourite clue too - and he told me about it, ooh, thirty years ago - so it's quite an old one.
Re GEGS, that was my Dad's favourite clue too - and he told me about it, ooh, thirty years ago - so it's quite an old one.
Naturally
[Blob] This, of course, it what makes one puzzle "easier" than another in my book. For example, whilst the Everyman crossword (Observer) has a tendancy towards irritatingly vague clues, it doesn't a great deal of "general" knowledge - it's helpful to know the odd place name, or big names in various fields but nothing too out-of-the-ordinary. Contrarily, the Private Eye crossword is billed as "difficult", but I complete it about as often as the Everyman (an "easy" crossword). This, I think, is largely because the allusions are generally related in some way to the magazine (Brenda and Brian, for example, refer to the Queen and Prince Charles respectively) rather than to some obscure ode written by a 17th century poet I've never heard of. Horses for courses. I would like to be able to do the Times, or an Arucaria, but doubt I shall ever be able to scale such heights.
Definitions
[Blob, again] I find that, with practice, and if you're used to a particular setter's style, identifying the definition part of the clue can be fairly straightforward.
ta.
[Blob, Lib, et al] Thanks for that, will look over it properly in the morning. Did I mention I never learnt how to play chess either? But don't feel you have to explain here :-)
cryptoculture
Just returned home - so it's good to catch up with the cryptic chat. I attempt the Times crossword most days but can only usually complete with the aid of some very clued-up chums and has become part of our 'early doors' at the pub ritual. Coincidentally, 'GEGS' was also a favourite of my Dad, bless 'im - and brings to mind his almost child-like enthusiasm for the infamous 'HIJKLMNO [5]' clue.
Explanations R Us
[flerdle] Right then - there are 16 pieces on each side - 8 pawns ..... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
[rab] I certainly agree that you get used to certain setters' styles. No doubt about it. I'm afraid I have to admit that the cryptic I do regularly is the, ahem, Daily Mail (my wife's choice, honest) - which I actually rather like (the crossword that is, not the bloody paper) - some of its clues make my Boulder, Colorado one look positively officious by comparison. I can normally rattle it off in about 20 minutes - but every now & then, I get a setter who's on a completely different wavelength (or planet) and it takes me ages.
[rab] I certainly agree that you get used to certain setters' styles. No doubt about it. I'm afraid I have to admit that the cryptic I do regularly is the, ahem, Daily Mail (my wife's choice, honest) - which I actually rather like (the crossword that is, not the bloody paper) - some of its clues make my Boulder, Colorado one look positively officious by comparison. I can normally rattle it off in about 20 minutes - but every now & then, I get a setter who's on a completely different wavelength (or planet) and it takes me ages.
HIJKLMNO
[Chalky]Not seen that one before - What a truly excellent riddle, initially !
HIJKLMNO
[Blob] So it's new to you? Out of interest, how long did it take you to solve it?
HIJKLMNO
[Chalky] Just before Blob answers, I've seen it before doing the rounds as a dingbat at quiz nights.
recycling
Ah - dingbats. That poor relation. Puzzles for the masses. Well, at least it keeps a classy clue 'alive'. Incidentally, the craze for dingbats - something else that the .. erm .. estimable Daily Mail has to answer for?
dingbat [U S slang]n. something whose name one has forgotten, or does not want to use: a foolish or eccentric person: a tramp: money. Adj. [Austr. & N Z coll.] daft, crazy. [Austr. & N Z coll.] the dingbats: delirium tremens.
Such provenance says it all.
dingbat [U S slang]n. something whose name one has forgotten, or does not want to use: a foolish or eccentric person: a tramp: money. Adj. [Austr. & N Z coll.] daft, crazy. [Austr. & N Z coll.] the dingbats: delirium tremens.
Such provenance says it all.
HIJKLMNO
Not too long - the brevity of the answer (just five letters) meant it had to be some clever way of reading the clue, so I just read it to myself in several ways and got there in a minute or so. But that's not to say it might not have taken me a while - perhaps I've seen something similar before, dunno.
How 'bout...
O (4,6)
Head scratching
Dunno 'bout Martha's. I got the HIJKLMNO one pretty much immediately when I saw it, but it was in the Cryptic Crosswords and How to Solve Them book as part of a special feature on weird clues, so my mind was already pointed in the right direction. One that I saw in a Grauniad crossword, and don't actually think is that great a clue (for reasons I'll explain later) is "K (7)".
None
[MF] That one is my favorite clue. :-) I was reading down through the game and was about to post it, until I saw that you had got there first. Although I think the clue should actually be
O? (4, 6).
And here's a clue mentioned in the Sandy Balfour book that I recently reviewed at Orange, which although not perfect, you have to admire:
Bust down reason? (9).
O? (4, 6).
And here's a clue mentioned in the Sandy Balfour book that I recently reviewed at Orange, which although not perfect, you have to admire:
Bust down reason? (9).
stupid damn clues
Stop putting damn clues and no answers! Some of us are thick, you know!
O? (4, 6)
Would that be (Highlight to reveal hidden text) full circle ?
O? (5,6)
Round number.
O? (4,6)
How about open letter?
"K (7)"
Can't get that one - not enough letters for Potassium...