Those were some neat names you thought up for that story you told. Shadrach...Meshach...Abednago...Nebuchadnezzzar. I'll use them as characters the next time I play Dungeons and Dragons.
Rattlesnakes! Rattlesnakes for the true believers! Everybody, gather round, get your Rattlesnakes here! Don't be shy sister, jes' reach your hand waaaaay down deep in the bag, that be whar the jedgemental ones are........"
Wow, you really do have effigies of the Founder being tortured to death! Just think of the mana the high priests must have got out of that! I can practically feel it radiating from the crucifix!
I really think cheese would be a better combination with the sacramental wine than those dry wafers. Can't you petition the Pope? A nice Brie or Edam, perhaps? Or if it must be Italian, some aged Parmigiano Reggiano would do quite nicely.
I cannot help noticing that not all of your women have their heads covered, despite the angels (1 Corinthians 11:10). You bishop appears not to be married (1 Timothy 3:2). Not everyone present has edified the church with a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation (1 Corinthians 14:26). Some of you apparently have bank accounts or credit cards (Ezekiel 18:8) and I am not convinced that menstruating women are shunned (Ezekiel 18:6). Worst of all, there are men present without beards (Leviticus 19:27), and some of you appear to be wearing polycotton shirts (Leviticus 19:19). You are clearly an abomination against the Lord and his Word, and therefore his face is turned away from you (Psalms 34:16) and I must punish you (1 Peter 2:14).
If you don't mind, I'll just peek in from the door. I can't set foot in these places ever since I signed a pact in blood with a tall dark stranger. BTW, do you know you've got half a dozen demons perched on your head and shoulders right now?
"PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!" Whewwwww!!! I'm glad I didn't let that one go at the dinner table......erm......I mean Hallalujah brothers and sisters, the daemons have been purged! Amen!
Worst Thing To Say To A Policeman Who's Just Pulled You Over
Officer, I know I've done wrong! It's this mascara with this foundation, isn't it? What can I say? It was all I had in the house! If I could only have gone a little faster I could have made it to the Avon shop before you caught me!
Now , now! You wouldn't ticket a poor disabled person, would you? I'm colour blind, you see. Red light, green light... makes no difference whatsoever to me.
As far as I was concerned the light was green. You say it was red. Well, that's a relativistic approach velocity for you. Nothing wrong in that, is there?
On my word as a gent*hiccle* a gent *hiccle* man I hoin't been *hic* droinking orifice*hic* sir. In fact I am suffering such an orful deficit of the subshtituance I am *hic* halu*hic*halu*hic*inating and being convinced I am having sunstroke I am embracing this mirage in my dieing moments by confishcuing this camel to deliver me to the oasis.*hic*
"you mean putting your hazard lights on doesn't suspend the parking laws? since when?"(go to bridgnorth in south shropshire and you'll see this point of view in action, sadly no one ever gets booked for it.)
I saw a sign over there with an arrow that said "Park", so I parked here on the lawn. I didn't realise, until you so kindly pointed out a moment ago, that it meant a public park and not a parking lot.
I'm surprisred that they even make police uniforms in your size. Yours must be made of highly elastic stretch fabric to accomodate that huge beer belly.
"Ooh, can I see your truncheon?" and on that piece of unadulterated smut, can I suggest a change of topic?
Worst Things to Hear From Your Doctor
/optician/dentist/opthamologist/gynaecologist/acupuncturist/whatever takes your fancy, in this smorgasbord of medical options we find ourselves faced with these days.
Congratulations, Mr. Murphy! A picture of the nethermost regions of your sigmoid colon will soon appear in the International Journal of Proctology. I have never seen one as intriguing as yours.