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World's Worsest
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Start with World's Worst Chat Up Lines, till it wears out then start a new topic.
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Of course it's my car - what c*** would steal this. I have actually been tempted to ask this.
"Impersonating a police officer? Me? Come on, I'm not that stupid."
"Could we hurry it up officer? I was to meet your wife at the motel three minutes ago."
What do you mean you cannot park on this traffic island?
"you mean putting your hazard lights on doesn't suspend the parking laws? since when?" (go to bridgnorth in south shropshire and you'll see this point of view in action, sadly no one ever gets booked for it.)
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