Do you recall the defective bicycle your parents returned to walmart last christmas? Well, I hate to be the one to tell you but, when your parents get back from the hospital with your new baby brother, he is going to be your replacement. You are being returned to the factory.
Yes, I have erred. I was responsible for the failure of the project. But I can take what's coming to me like a man. Here is the cane, hold on while I lower my trousers.
I suppose at least you have a good excuse for not being able to tell your arse from your elbow, since in your case they resemble each other so remarkably.
Of course I've been taking off early most days at 4PM. I didn't realise until just now that when you hired me you said there was a compulsory "forty hours a week" policy that employees must abide by, I mistook it for a "four tea hours a week" mandate.
We don't believe in constraint or restricting his natural creativity. So for the last four years he's been running wild in the garden, learning from nature.
I know there's a dress code. But Billy insisted on wearing his sister's dress and a hair bow to school this morning and I am a firm believer in non-confrontational childrearing. So I couldn't refuse him, could I?.
We do not allow sugar in our household as it excites passion which may lead to masturbation. Apricots led to Eves fall from grace and the inevitable exile from Eden and must not be partaken thereof. God’s word is explicit in references to fungi and nuts of all kinds which are unclean. Sausages are forbidden as they resemble the male phallus and caused the Philistines to be cast from Judea. Semolina is strictly forbidden. If you had read your Bible, you would know that semolina is the devil's spurm.
Gloria Steinem and Erika Jong? No, I've not read anything by those two chicks. Maybe I'll check their books out one of these days in the Public Library's Broads' Section
You were born in Nyeri, Kenya, East Africa in 1940 and became the first woman in East and Central Africa to earn a doctorate degree. Since then you have become internationally recognized for your persistent struggle for democracy, human rights and environmental conservation. You have addressed the United Nations on several occasions and spoken on behalf of women at special sessions of the General Assembly for the five-year review of the 1992 Earth Summit. In 2004 you were awarded the Nobel peace Prize for your contribution to sustainable development, democracy and peace.
Welcome to Woman’s Hour Wangari. Now tell me, Kenya is a very hot country. What kind of hat do you wear in the summer?
Our feature segments today are "The Little Woman at Home" and "How to Starch and Iron His Shirts". This will be followed by a lovely musical rendition of the all-time favourites - "Stand By Your Man" and "Give the Boy a Hand".
And, Of course, as a doctor, if a woman screams during childbirth I know she's faking it. Scientific studies show that the quantities of dopamine released during the birth process render pain impossible while giving birth. It's basically just hysteria and a failure to control the emotions.
And, conversely, I've given birth to three children of my own, and I have to tell all the women listening that my birth process was much more painful than theirs, any day.
And continuing with our popular "Successful Women" series, we are most priveleged today to have with us Ethel Hauskochen, the author of "How to Bake a Successful Souffle".
...It is unimportant whether Cherie is benefiting from her position as Prime Minister's wife or not. But I have to admit that I can have little faith in the Labour government when she shows such a blatant lack of understanding for simple style etiquette. I mean - crushed velvet so eighties and green is just not her colour.
We've been having a chat here in the Woman's Hour production office and we've noticed that this whole programme is predicated on the idea that a whole 51% of the populace has interests in common merely on the basis of their sex. Since this assumption is completely patronising and insupportable, we've decided to stop producing the programme. Next on 4, the news for humans.OK, how aboutWorld's Worst Thing To Say When Visiting A Friend's Church
You hold services in a .... modern building? Well of course one can worship anywhere, but really, isn't this just a group of friends chatting in some meeting room?
(to a female vicar) My dear, I thought you read the service very well, but I bet you can't wait until they appoint someone to the vacancy. When's he arriving?
It was so nice and thoughtful of you to pass me that dish with all the money in it during the service. It will make a most wonderful addition to my coin and banknote collection back home in Thailand.
"Erm.... s'cuse me parson, I don't mean to be interruptive of your indoctrination of us miserable sinners but your sermon has been a grueling one up to the moment and a man builds a thirst sitting here made to sweat like dear Ol' Job in these dusty pews. Could we maybe have a short intermission and you have them pretty choir girls pass out the libations!"
Umm.., Father, could you please settle an issue for us? My friend Tom here and I have a bet going on whether priests wear anything under their frocks. I was right about, and won our last bet on Scotsmen and kilts.
Those were some neat names you thought up for that story you told. Shadrach...Meshach...Abednago...Nebuchadnezzzar. I'll use them as characters the next time I play Dungeons and Dragons.
Rattlesnakes! Rattlesnakes for the true believers! Everybody, gather round, get your Rattlesnakes here! Don't be shy sister, jes' reach your hand waaaaay down deep in the bag, that be whar the jedgemental ones are........"