arrow_circle_left arrow_circle_up arrow_circle_right
Electric sock treatment
help
C'mon, let the dog see the rabbi...
arrow_circle_up
Continuing the sporting theme, it now seems very likely that Leeds United will be be playing in the Fist Division, where they should feel quite at home.
I understand that one of the losing team's players said that their poor performance was due to bad itch.
Their hooting in front of goal wasn't up to much either.
When a bull er . . scores it's just like a football fan; over the moo. (Robin) Like Sheffield Wednesday - the Owls?
Cows are the source of many airy products.
Farming today is very technologically advanced. There are new labs every year.
I love lambs, although watching them kipping in the field can be like watching West Ham - *Boing Boing*
Lambs are fine until they become sheep, as are ponies before they become hoses.
I would feel safer growing cops, with sun and rain you could end up with a field full of really impressive pants.
If you grow ape, you can get oil from it.
I think its terribly clever how they take real con and turn it into fakes.
I hate the way they go soggy when you add some ilk.
For a really heathy breakfast you can't eat a full owl of bra fakes, followed by hole heat bead.
I'd rather have a nice oiled egg with read and utter.
Ladies, remove your necklaces when making breakfast. Nothing tastes worse than fried bead.
I prefer confakes.
Or maybe some shredded what?
Give me oast every time.
If my cock doesn't go off, I have to make do with bunch.
Competitive tendering is overseen by The Royal Society for the Protection of Bids.
Ah, animals, don't you just love 'em? I had a cow once which repeated many of my phrases.
I've heard similar said of the Mynah bid (mind you, toucan play at that game!).
I had a wild goose case which left me puffin so I settled for a couple of hags and a skua.
Cormorants are pretty neat. They sit in trees or on pylons and hang out their wigs to dry.
The sift is extremely graceful in fight.
Sifts are ok but I prefer a wallow.
Many birds find the staring intimidatory.
I am told that wet highland terriers are good for water bird hunting.
But not as much fun as a bent goose.
Female plumbers should know all about bust pipes.
...and all cocks.
I see that industrial action is planned for the railways. If there's a trike, I'll get on my bike.
I see also that the massacre in Iraq was apparently the result of a "selling error". How aposite.
A little more literacy among politicians would have spared us both Word Wars.
But would it have saved Pear Harbor from the surprise bobing?
I saw the Sydney Harbour hydro-oil ferry the other day. It's a very slick piece of engineering.
Whilst driving around I came across a new golf course. It's a most unusual layout with far more tees than you would normally expect.
I prefer the Spanish curses - the ones with a decent nineteenth ole.
Like pilots, golfers should keep to the airways.
I stopped going to my local course - too many roughs and lags.
Mind you, when I resigned, the Club Professional (he's the one who gives lessons and should know about these things) said he was sorry to see me go as I was a right hit at the game.
On my local course, I often dive straight into the water.
Golf is a good walk soiled.
Wasn't it Oscar Wide who said that?
It's at the ninteenth that you see all the best sots.
For my tee shot at this Par 5, I use a tree wood.
But, for a flat lie, the best club is an even iron.
For bunkers, I have a sad edge.
Confronted by a family of wild ears on the course? Just grab the first cub you can.
A number of heavy lorries have crashed through the polar ice, joining others at the bottom of the Artic Ocean.
A friend of mine just bought himself an articulate vehicle. He tells me that (unfortunately for him) its performance is pure rap.
I drive a large lorry delivering photocopier and laser printer parts - it's a 48 toner.
I remember the days when all we had was lie printers.
That was when Ford used to punch cars to record their stock
It's surprising how much heat is generated when you bake hard. Last 4 - top stuff. :-)
I think I'd like a job as one of those rash test dummies.
Most cars end up in a crap yard.
When driving onto a ferry always remember to fasten your sea belts.
I like those ferries where you drive on at one end and dive off the other.
I committed a dreadful crime in Cornwall so I had to stay in Penance.
Ah, one of the in-crowd, Rosie?
I heard there was a sad accident at Lad's End.
Some of Cornwall's ancient ruins are being made more customer-friendly, for example Tesco Abbey.
I was near Cornwall recently. I spent some time in Plymouth, but sadly didn't have time to get over the Tamar bride.
I've made a couple of visits to the Silly Isles in my time.
I was up in Morcambe one spring a few years back. To warn visitors to the area of the perils of the sands there was a large sign reading "Beware the Ides of March".
Err, Morecambe ... apologies to all the shrimps.
Also in Cornwall are the converted Chin Clay pits where various different climates have been built into trees - the Den Project
Cornish arbours are a good place to fish for cabs.
So the jewel in the crown of South West England is coal? That really fuels my ire! Still, whilst in some ways it's not as quite as lean as others I've tried, eating fat works well.
I'm not sure about south wet England - I thought more coal came from ales.
Moving to the other end of the country, is it only drunks that live in Sotland? (Gets coat, hard hat and has car engine running...)
Scotland has two main primary industries: lamb farming and stand-up comedian mining.
disputes last move
hangs his head in sham
I am so befuddled that I'm going to have to piss on the carpet, having completely lost the pot.
I can get drunk on just one pin. Real Ale warning!
I can never make up my mind whether I prefer Cognac or Armagnac, so I have to drink several brands, just to be sure.
Then there was this German who walked into a pub and asked for "a pint, bitte". (Kim, Softers) Top stuff!
If you have lemonade in your bee, it's handy.
Only the seriously devout real-ale types think it's important to have a straight-sided lass.
There's certainly nothing much more pleasant than a good old hat over a decent head.
I've swallowed a good few pins in my time.
I had some pink Vodka it was 70% poof.
That yard of ale on the wall looks filthy. I'll just take it down, swoosh it around and then sick it back up again.
I wonder if foxy ladies like to go cubbing. (Plump) Gin, surely?
Nothing warms me up on a winter's day than a Hot Todd.
[Rosie] I enjoyed your rat.
If garages emplyed female mechanics you'd never get a moment's peace because of all the torque wenches. (Kim) Cheers.
They say the car is just an extension of your pens. (I'll get my cat)
The pen is mightier than the word.
Its only Tuesday but it already feels like a long wee.
Yes, but it's the start of a new moth. Maybe we ought to keep the widows shut after dark.
"There is a French widow in every room". © Gerard Hoffnung ca. 1965
There is a beautiful girl in the house opposite me. I can see her through the double-gazing.
Hmm, makes you sound like a Peeing Tom to me.
Presumably a peeing tom is somebody who likes to have a loo.
I thought they liked watching women getting hanged.
I used to like watching the Women's cricket team getting ready for a bat.
I got picked for the Royal Household XI because I was good at bowing.
I was dropped by the Anorexics XI just because I was a fat bowler.
I used to drive their team tour bus, but then they went on trike after bad light stopped pay.
I remember - you were a very low diver and you kept locking the rod so I couldn't ass you.
I used to wince at they way you changed ears.
I got stuck on a 'bus one day. One of the tyres had deflated. Fortunately the vehicle was equipped with a radio and the driver, obviously being unable to mount the spare himself, yelled back to his base "Ring the changes, I'm in trouble". Talk about efficiency! Within minutes every church in the neighbourhood had activated its bells.
My pottery classes came in handy when I took my driving test. The examiner complimented me on my three pint urn.
Very little traffic in East Anglia, which is why you can enjoy a relaxing holiday on the Norfolk Roads.
I've often wondered why the population of No folk is so sparse.
Expatriate Spaniards in that part of the world who wish to worship could always go to El Cathedral.
Yeah, but it gets expensive if you're a Godfaring type. Of course, Agnostics travel half-Godfare, and Atheists don't have to pay at all. Mind you, you're supposed to kneel when you pay, and you have to say the Lord's Payer or something, but I've never understood what buying tickets at a Cricket ground have to do with religion. Maybe that's how they ended up with bats in the belfry and all. Of course they don't have that problem in the U.S. where TV evangelists urge you to pay when they're on the ox. Apparently, if you covet an ox, you can end up in Hell. They tell me God put it on a tone tablet, but I don't believe it, and tone tablets don't taste half as good as they sound.
I went into my garage yesterday and found it was full of garage.
I found 3 adders in mine.
I'm glad we've started posing in this game again, it went quit quit for a few days.
Probably due to Thrax's massive pot.
I think fundamentalist Christians shouldn't take the Holy Bile at face value.
[plum] me nether
How can astrology be an ancient belief if its predictions depend on the positions of planes? (Chalky) Your bum.....?
That I feel is too general, sir. Surely it was based mainly on the constellations they saw lying about in the sky?
What about the myth of the cow who jumped over the moo?
[Chalky] You were clearly posing on the wrong site, here.
The Americans refer to The Plough as The Big Dipper. They're entitled to, of course, because it's in the constellation of USA Major. (Duj) You can't see it down there, can you? It's still going round. :-)
Quite correct, Rosie. Nor do we see the dogs, ta for the reminder. Which is partly a lie, as Orion and his dogs sit almost on the zenith during our summer and makes a great centre piece between the Hyades and Pleiades - what a wonderful sight that can be!
All this interest in SARS isn't healthy.
Indeed, as Galileo said - 'keep your feet on the round'.
I'm a regular visitor to London's airports since I became interested in astrology, which is all to do with the movement of the planes.
If you go to the observation galley, you can watch the planes taxing.
Indian supermarkets are great; they all have a New Deli.
I see Euro 2004 has been won by the Geeks.
yes - the sunned Portugese cant believe it. (no Goa for them)
Yes, they could not believe the result of the math.
And no doubt that sore will haunt them for years to come
They're a funny lot down in Kent. But not to worry; it's one of the traits of Dover.
Whilst it may not compete with your 'funny lot' have you ever been down to check the ties along the Severn?
People are quite proud of our dull rainy weather because it is often accompanied by status cloud.
Read any good books lately? I'm just finishing William Golding's biography of Jeffrey Archer, "Lord of the Lies".
No, but I have noticed Bill Clinton's new book "My Lie". I also remember that the Israeli PM, Golda Meyer wrote a book under the same title which I always thought quite ironic.
I thought I'd tell you how laborious arithmetic used to be but nobody wants to read a logarithm tale. (Softers) Nice one(s).
I am blessed with three given names. Given that my father was a surveyor and lay-preacher he was obviously well versed in trionometry. (For those not up on their latin - trionometry - three names without measure.)
People are less foul-mouthed in the hot weather because they wear less. It's f****** hot today, though.
Standing on a crowded train, its the seat that makes you really uncomfortable.
French broadcasting is vey poor - the only have Radio Fou.
I meant to leave out one letter, not three. Hope it's clear which one.
Years ago I used to like to listen to the irate radio stations.
On Tuesday our local supermarket was affected by a large food.
A soldier in military hospital was discharged from the war the other day.
[Plump] Visiting my local supermarket today, I was taken aback by the number of ears, rapes and Orangs on display.
While I in the supermarket, I bought some sliced bee to put in my sandwiches.
Can't understand why I'm so pissed - I only had two pins.
My doctor, who is a keen D.I.Y. type, tells me that there is now a simple step-by-step procedure for those with ladder problems.
An unnerving ladder problem is getting half way up and discovering that there is a rug missing.
New legislation coming in 2006 will make it illegal to sell non-prescription rugs in the UK.
Flix] I bet there will still be lots of cack everywhere though.
There will be lots of ushers on the streets.
Yes, but there's a dozen uses for every usher.
Aiden Ridgeway is a Senator in the Australian parliament's upper house. Where I come from aidens used to be hung from the ceiling - usually in the scullery.
The most senior politician in the UK is always very formal and demure, and is therefore known as the Prim Minister.
The Prime Minister, whether having artistic appreciation or not, cannot be Head of Tate.
The Australian opposition leader in the parliament did, by his own admission, attack a taxi driver over some dispute or other and broke his arm. Labor party faithfuls have embraced the man - they love hugs.
I see a big hand and a little hand, the result of cock watching I guess..
This game's going downhill - I'm off to have a pee at the telly.
I am advised that watching so called 'reality' shows on television is not good for those living in drought stricken areas. Apparently it's not good for the rain.
There are plenty of electricians in Stratford-on-AVO.
Did anyone see the pictures of the terrible food in Cornwall this morning ?
Yes, after such a fright I thought everyone there looked a little pasty.
Meanwhile at the Olympics, the host nation is rocked by the scandal involving two of their top printers.
If the Olympics were in Finland they could have sailing and call it the 1500 meres.
The Finns are a very friendly people, which is why they are so good at allying.
One of the Baltic States has such great admiration for our public schools that they have named their country after one - Etonia.
The americans seem to have the most effective simmer.
As a competitive nation, we seem to be pretty good at ailing.
Booze is good for you. That's why doctors often prescribe Pils.
Kines and lives are important to farmers.
If you are one of those people who enjoys the feel of a warm whisky sliding down the throat, check your ancestry, you are possibly a sot.
Selling errors is the domain of the fourth estate.
Actually, the fourth estate are better known for their headlies.
In other news, I see Britain managed to get another gold meal. Better than a barium one, surely.
It does seem that, as well as ailing, the British are also good at owing.
We also won a Gold in Tree-day Eventing. Did the Greeks have any Gods in the end ?
I particularly like the sow jumping. You need a good hose to stand a chance of winning.
I watched a bit of yacthing and the boats were all going pretty low due to a light win.
How lovely to see that terribly thin english girl win a meal in the 400m.
I'm glad to see Kelly Holmes won the old medal, although it did look reasonably new to me.
If we're talking metallic elements, then a gold meal must be better than a barium meal.
My father was a chemist. Every so often he would tell me the periodic tale of the elements.
Rosie] Did you read even moves before yours ? Same on you. You have given me a hock.
Robin] Did your dad sell condos ?
(st d) Er, apparently not. What a c***. Dreadful sorry. No posting just now; I've got to go and lie down.
Rosie] Are you going to seep ?
I am sure Rosie is suffering from nothing that a few pins wouldn't fix.
soft] Are you suggesting that Rosie should try get some kind of ice rink ?
[Rosie] Try getting randy next time you're down the off-licence. It works for me! [st d] No, he was the sort of chemist who mixed things in test tubs.
As we're all egotists I should have looked more carefully at earlier posings.
Rosie] You should try gasses. I find I see things clearer if I squit a little.
Robin] I see, a roper chemist ? Ten things would be different for him then, not having a hop but working in a lab.
These scientists eh? I've just heard that my cousin has just gained a fist degree and will now graduate as a bi-chemist.
Sex is like conversation with royalty - never peak unless poken to.
Royalty? Are they the people who live in a place called Buckingham?
Did you know that the Queen only holds her position because her father was kin?
Whoops! Please ignore my last but one. *consonants, Dujon, consonants!*
On the subject of royalty, what do you think of the Price of Ales?
He's a rather dunk character, isn't he?
often found in the countess' arms popping up the bra with a lass of gin
I am of the opinion that the Price of Wales is outrageous.
[Software] Oh how I agree - and did you know, his mistress's cooked teeth are insured for 20,000 ponds?
lost consonant/vowel ... whatever
I feel sorry for lost owls.
To those of you who have just finished ravelling it is important that you take time to unwind.
Don't rush home with stuff nicked from the garden centre or you might get caught by a seed camera.
Speed cameras are dangerous - if you go past too quickly they lash at you.
I wonder if it is possible to be so fat that the camera can't take a picture of you ?
I'd drink beer more often but I'm camra shy. Dropped vowel alert!
I love woking at home.
After reading about "The Woman In White" over on the MCiOS "Books" game, I realised that Andrew Lloyd Weber has written another hit musical.
Does it feature lots of rap music then?
robin] Yep. Every last word is rap.
Some people, particularly in America, think that if you carry a gun you're less likely to be armed.
My grandfather used to carry a word stick to fend off robers.
I was always told to have a decent pee before I started fencing classes.
Food is readily available on the moon due to the extensive catering.
In space, no one can hear you cream.
I often feel aroused on waking.
I must submit that I always look forward to bed tie. [Rosie] Too much information!
Breaking news: "John Reid attacked on heath", or did I misread that?
I was so tired after the opera I just flopped on to the diva. (Softers) Yep, tautologous. :-(. (Kim) Unfortunately not.
Rosie] Did she continue to sin for you ?
It seems to me that what is emanating from the party conference is mostly sin.
Tony Blair is not King, but he should reign. (Kim) I'm still trying to work out what I meant by my remark on your penultimate posting. Oh dear!
Like any good rugby player Tony Blair will, in the true spirit of the game, deny that an oppositon try is fair.
I gather that Tony Blair has a hear problem.
It is said that men with large aggressive dogs only have them to compensate for having a small dog.
That's interesting, Rosie, as I was speaking to a woman the other day who stated quite emphatically that large chested women tend to get oodles more than their smaller counterparts.
That's interesting. I was in my local chinese restaurant yesterday. I asked for a small portion of rice but was given oodles.
How odd! Had a Chinese delivered last night and they'de sent some fried ice to accompany my spicy chicken wigs.
I get my large hips from the fat food place up the road.
Chekhov's parents couldn't even be bothered to name him. Just called him Anon.
Just had to tell you - my younger son's doing well at school. In swimming, he's learning how to read water.
Kim] He likes being in the poo, then ?
I love the practising the beast stroke with other swimmers.
This isn't a lost consonant as such, but simply a mis-read by me of a sign on Lewisham station (possibilities for a new game?): "For your personal security and safety, this station is filled with security cameras."
This isn't a lost consonant either, just a comment that, as it was persisting down this morning, my feet are now soaking. I could do with some electric socks.
Is this game running out of team?
I think you could say hat.
Maybe we should call a hat.
Top hat? His?
Johann Sebastian Bach could really be very foolish sometimes. His B minor Ass is a good example.
There something very moving about the Anus Dei.
I rather like Handel's Water Music and Beethoven's Coral Symphony.
(Kim) Top filth! -:) But JSB needs to have another go at the Redo.
Who did write Pachelbel's anon?
Probably the same geezer who wrote Puccini's Anon L'Escaut.
If you want music to have a real Italian flavour, make sure it's played pesto.
I rather enjoy the music from Wan Lake as it's not as dark as some other compositions.
*grans*
Chamber music usually has more atmosphere than po music.
Some modern music is far too discordant. It makes me want to wine.
I always make sure my lips are moist before getting down to blow my little trumpet.
Do you have to get down on your knees for a low job?
It is possible to lie on the ed for suc an act.
When I was younger I thoroughly enjoyed playing doctors with whatever young asses were around.
*Sorry, stuffed it up*
I recently toured the countryside of England. One memory that stands out is the number of ricks I came across.
[Dujon] It sounds like you were in The Darling Bus of May
Things really get a move on in Wales on St David's Day because it's Mach 1.
I think maybe this game has had its tie and we should raise a lass to its closing. Anybody know the wining move? If there are no objections, I shall post "MC" at around 5.00 this pm (UK time).
I shall be sorry to see its assing, but you're probably right. Time to bing it to a close.
Lose it? Do we have to?
'Fraid so. After all, everything has its tie.
Mind you, it only needs one more wee to reach its first birthday.
Closing this game? Surely burning one's bridges in such haste would be described as an ash decision.
OK, perhaps we should put off killing a little loner.
The game merely needs a good purgative. Other than that we should leave it aloe.
I had a good old spring clean a week or two ago. Whilst I did get some professional help it was still quite a draining experience. If you've ever had a chimney weep on your shoulders you'll know what I mean.
Perhaps I also should have mentioned that getting the carpenter and lumber into the bathroom to sort out a few minor issues was quite difficult.
I just sit back and let someone else do the leaning.
You can't beat a bit of sit an polish.
Personally I prefer elbow gease.
Just make sure you've always got a damp clot handy.
You were right. All the game needed was a bit of a pus.
Robin] When does the game make it to a ear?
At the danger of pre-empting Robin's reply (sorry, Robin, I don't mean to seal you under) and considering that this is a computer/Internet game, probably on its bitday.
[Tuj] It tarted on 21 November 2003. If you want to heck, you can lick the "expose all" button and look at the first pot.
Robin] Tanks.
It's looking old and ugly now - should we hag on to it? Or create a new bay game in its place?
Ceased? I sincerely hope not.
I think it has matured like a crusty old pot
I think of it more as an old and much-loved fiend.
I love the darkness - so much so that I occasionally pop up to the road of an evening and spend some time tar watching.
Boris Johnson is too infantile even for the Toy Party.
Boris isn't infantile - he's just on another plane. (Dujon's probably seen that plane while tar watching.)
Any more for any ore?
[RR] We're just arming up. We haven't used up our nine lies yet.
I can't think of one... can I hone a friend?
Being homeless means I don't have an are in the world.
My trouble is that I could never get the hag of this game. Some people seem to have a head for anagrams; not e. So my view that its tie is over should probably not be taken too much to hear.
Maybe one could fin a new application or the basic idea: 'Twas the nigh before Christmas, and all through the Ouse (fee fee to ignore this if it's a hit idea).
[rojo] Do you mean we adapt lies from sons? Or should we just use their tiles?
At Christmas time one should spare a thought for hoeless gardeners.
I was thinking one might progress through the hole pom by Clement Clarke Moore, lie by lie... (thus continuing Not a creature was sirring, not even a muse) and so on.
Sounds a goo idea... may I provide ink?
(Kim) . . . and navvies who can't even afford their own hovel.
Not to mention street-sweepers dealing with the extra garage with only a bush.
I'm glad I don't live in the U.S. of A.. When tornadoes run through the mid-west they have huge ranches land in back yards. Here we just have eaves cluttering up the place.
*sings* - "You say tonadoes and I say tonahdoes...."
I've been told all my life that money, like tomatoes, doesn't grow on trees. I dispute this. I have also been told that owning a house is like money in the bank. Where do you find houses? Lined up in trees. I rest my case.
Take a tip: Mornington Crescent
*shouts, screams, generally goes wild for penelope*
good game, good game, but it needs a beak.
And anyway we can always keep this going under the lie.
It ain't over till the fat lady sins.
[softers] are you calling me pump?
How could anyone thin such a thing?
alfrdd hitchcock is totally hot
http://people.ambrosiasw.com/~andrew/funny/Bellybutton.jpg
[Itchcock: read it and wee!]
Kim] Don't be so cruel - he's just showing off his age.
Astonishing scenes at London Zoo, following the kidnapping of a rare Golden-tailed Tamarind. The kidnapper establised a video-link with the zoo by mobile phone to make his ransom demand. During the negotiations, desparate for the return of this rare and beautiful specimen and willing to pay any price, the keeper, a Mr Maguire, was heard to yell at the kidnapper: "Show me the money, show me the money, SHOW ME THE MONEY!".
At another zoo, after a spectacular thunderstorm, they are selling T-shirts with the inscription "We have seen the ions of Longleat".
And a new zoo near Rotherham is being advertised with the slogan: "The tigers of Wath are wiser than the horses of instruction".
I hear that the new zoo's pubic parking lot is located near the lama exhibit, which is in between the cage holding the panters and the aviary with the puffins, canes and cots.
The new Marie Park, however, is where one can see Wales, sharks, jellyish, sea-hores and coal reefs.
My client, a Mr Bun, is pleased with me. I have just helped him set up an online baking facility.
Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord