[Itchcock: read it and wee!]

Kim] Don't be so cruel - he's just showing off his age.

Astonishing scenes at London Zoo, following the kidnapping of a rare Golden-tailed Tamarind. The kidnapper establised a video-link with the zoo by mobile phone to make his ransom demand. During the negotiations, desparate for the return of this rare and beautiful specimen and willing to pay any price, the keeper, a Mr Maguire, was heard to yell at the kidnapper: "Show me the money, show me the money, SHOW ME THE MONEY!".

At another zoo, after a spectacular thunderstorm, they are selling T-shirts with the inscription "We have seen the ions of Longleat".

And a new zoo near Rotherham is being advertised with the slogan: "The tigers of Wath are wiser than the horses of instruction".