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Electric sock treatment
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C'mon, let the dog see the rabbi...
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I don't eat mat, so I'll go for a stuffed arrow with mice tar to follow.
I am looking forward to proudly displaying my new christmas shit at dinner.
st dog] If comes from M&S, it is sure to be quite turdy.
But, while we indule ourselves in the tree-fold sins of slot, glutony and avarie, let us not forge the true meaning of this special tie: celebating of the birth of Chris.
I know the tory about the birth of Chris! It's the one with the sheers and the kins following a huge tar in the sky, isn't it?
[Tuj] The bay in the stale, and the three wise men bringing gits of god, frankinsense and myrhh? I though it was a fair tory. I never believed it myself.
Back in those pre compuetr days, there was never any ROM at the Inn.
... so they had to RAM themselves into a table.
They say in the bile a savour is born.
Stale, bile, gits, a ravelling tar and all the gusts filling up the inn to see the savour - sounds like a tall tory.
[pen] There is Ruth in the goo book!
Everyone ought all heir resents yet? The hops get crowed if you leave it too late.
No resents his ear - well, early one. My bother, siter and I agreed a few ears ago to give to goo causes instead, so the only resents are or my bay gil and my eices.[pen]Yes, the goo boo is rue!
I'll probably do most of my hopping at Luewater this ear.
I see that Cliff Richard is set to release another hit record this Christmas.
*cuckling at Bob* HM's aiming to shit several thousand copies of that in its winter ale.
I be The Darkness it the number one pot. All this talk of the 'goo boo'... well ruthfully, I ever read it.
When you hear it, the Christmas number one is almost always the pis. The best way of avoiding it is, when it starts to lay, tell everyone you have got a violet crap and need a wak outside.
Bob] I hear this year it will be a rap record.
It'll make you omit your turkey.
I think I might ring up my dinner right now.
'Artists' who release Crisma recods should be mad pubic enemy nuber one.
[Wow, I think that's the first time I've ever been simulposted! Nice the way it tells you, and all.]
I have a cod in my nose. I use a issue, but my nose jut rips.
[Tina] Sick some issue up your nostrils - that should stop them dipping.
Personally I would use a fine solution - provided that it is lean.
Nothing works better for me when I have congestion than honey and Leon. The seam really helps cods.
I find the best cue for olds is a hot oddy with randy and leon.
When my kids have cods, they can never settle. A tory at bedtime soon helps them to fall asleep
I have a fog in my throat. Any ideas for a reedy?
Well, when I'm unwell I take large doses of rugs.
As a reedy or the fog, try a having some sort of arm rink.
[Thos] I'd get your throat spayed, if I were you.
I've just had a hug disappointment. I was expecting a new ember of staff, but she has turned down the pot.
[pen] Is that Jo still open?
[pen] Give me a few wees and I'm sure I could handle a job in P.
I'd be interested in the jo. Do you have to have a valid divers license?
I can do this very well.
[pen] Is this making you feel Don?
I have just heard Cliffs Christmas single. It really was poo.
[pen] What sort of wok do you do, anyway?
[Btd] You can always really on Cliff for a hit song. (A vice: a joke's always worth repeating, whether it's god or not.)
I prefer traditional Christmas Carols like 'Away In Anger' and 'Ark! The Herald Angels Sin'.
Not to mention "Angels, from the realms of gory"...
[Chalky] Oh, I just love Chrismas carols. My favourite is "Oh Little Ton of Bethlehem".
I'm partial to "Santa Claus Is Coming To Own".
Or my favorite (!), "Winer Wonderland".
The one from the film out at the moment... "Have Your Elf a Merry Little Christmas"
"Do they Know Its Christmas Tim?" always brings a tea to my eye.
*raises hand* So can we use missing vowels too? Cos that last one was brilliant!
I quite like that lovely carol, Slient Nit.
[Beth] Yes - missing A vowel is OK. However, missing TWO letters, be they vowels or consonants, is a bit cheaty [ZK ;-)].
I bought a hundred cads yesterday. I'm posing them on Tuesday.
I used to be a potman. I gave up because at this time of year there is just too much pot.
[Chalky] I make my own cars and send them all over the word.
[Chalky] No-one complained about the Iliary Aoo! :) My problem at Christmas is that I always eat too much Christmas Pu.
Pinch and a punch for the fist of the moth!
And the same to you with bass nobs on!
I can't believe it's December already--I've still got a large amount of wok left over from last month.
Only 21 hopping days left.
I wandered lonely as a clod
That floats on high o'er ale and ill
When all at one I saw a crow
A hot of olden daffodil.
Avent brings out the poe in us!
My wife wanted something petty for Christmas so I got her an old pedant
I understand that on the night before Christmas nothing stirs - not even a muse.
A friend of mine is going to give his dad a VD layer for Christmas. I, however, am just giving people VDs.
[Dazed5] Indeed, there's nothing like an old git to show you value a fiend.
I am wishing for a lovely pair of long stemmed lasses though I will need to be careful how I get them out the stockings.
I have this range sense of deja u....
[Kim] Yes, we tarted this game with giving and receiving.
Once I get tarted, I cannot sop.
[Boolbar] Stop tat at once.
To change the subject, one of my favourite Fred Astaire films is called Shall We Dane?
Fred is the best! Although Ginger Rogers did everything he did, backwards and in high eels.
[Tos] Fantastic sogs! Omato! Omahto! Otato! Otahto! ...Let's call the hole thin off.
[Hugo] Let's call the hole thin off? Was that from Shall We Dane? I need to watch them all again! Then there's the impossible one in Fred's case - Follow the Feet. I always try and end up cross-eyed!
I believe, his first dane on the silver scree with Ginger was in Lying Down To Io.
There's a film that doesnt get layed much.
I love Fred when he dances with a can in his hand
and I love the way his shiny hoes clatter across the dance floor.
Now Gene Kelly had an altogether more turdy physique. Who can forget that marvellous gin plastered over his face in 'Singing In The Rain'?
People often forge that Jimmy Cagey used to dance as well.
I had to loo that up but you're absolutely rig. According to a sit I fund, he did a bit of sog-and-dane in "Yakee Doode Dany". Apparently he go hi Ocar or Bet Acor hat.
I always loved the films of Alfred Itchcock, such as Dial for Murder or The 9 Steps.
Ah - Itchcock. He cares me to death. I hated The Bids and Ear Widow.
There are a load of Police outside my office with guns and bulletproof vets.
Are they looing for you?
[st.d] hat as the upshot of all the polie? a bi arrest? thanks for ponting me this way, pen
Do they also have rot shields?
And ear gas?
Is it a thin blue lie?
My friend had to call the police the other day. She was being followed by a talker.
I can't work out policemen's ranks despite their wearing tripes on their tunics.
I'm not even sure what all the ranks are. Chef Insector, Contable, Superintent. Some of those probably don't even exit.
What abot the plan cloths branch? The do no ave strips on their leeves at all.
You don't see many copers on the bet nowadays.
Well, they have guns, but none of them have pulled the rigger yet.
A lot of them think it'd be andy to have gus, but I've found gus far from andy
The police ma is your fiend. Don't forge that!
If you want to know the tie, ask a policeman.
A policeman topped me for seeding yesterday.
[Bb] Did you get penalty pints? Or a fin of forty ponds or so?
[pen] The fin for fat diving is massive.
I went through a top sin and got a big fin.
They can evoke your license if it suits them.
The last thing you want is to be caught diving while dunk.
Yes, for anyone booing this festive season, a tax is the solution.
You can also get the nigh bus or the tub hom, if you are shot of ash.
Or get a lift from a fiend
Or get a limo, if you want to be really wank.
... but be sue first - some fiends have a sinful and don't let on.
simul]
If you were really desperate, you could always hit ike.
Our office is being really wanky this Christmas - we're getting a limo to tow for a big night out.
I hope our secretaries are going to get soggy at the Christmas party this year.
[rab] You man, soggy wit you? Are you going to let them get suck in?
Yes, get five in and tonics later on.
I'm not going to work today. My mother-in-law is coming to visit and I have to spend the whole day leaning.
I am owing into wok late because I had a sinful last nigh.
Whenever I get drunk and try and chat up our secretaries, they always make me feel a tit.
[st d] I hope you don't try to rope them!
Ch] If I do that they demand a fee as well.
[st d] Do you give them a surprise rab in the dark? Or do they come to you for one fist?
Do they mind if you lap their bottoms?
soft] Once I asked them to lose their eyes, and I was going to take my pick.....but enough - that ended up with me almost being ired.
Maybe you need to practice a bit of sick chatter? It can work wonders if you give them a bit of the old harm.
Does anyone know where I can get hold of a wetern starring Clit Eastwood?
[Angus Prune] Try your local video sore.
[Angus] Bockbusters should be able to get you out of that predicament!
I was wondering why this thread left me old; crudity is not it.
[Duj] Then look upon it as an olden opportunity to reel back the ears.
[Dujon] Yes, try and remember back to the days when trousers had to have fares and wild air was fashionable, before the days of the micro-hip.
Ah yes... how well I remember the days before the internet, when we had to make do with computer bulletin-boars.
Ah... the golden age of seam.
oh yes rab, rains were SO exciting back then; all that team hugging when the rain pulled away from the platform.
Yes, those old seam trains were fabulous, especially the lying scotsman.
You could ravel first lass, second lass - even third lass !
What about al that moke getting in your eyes though?
Oh, I found it really easy to ride the muts.
Nowadays we've got the titing rains.
Yes, only run by crappy companies like Fist Grat Astern and WAG.
I never take the rain. I dive everywhere, even into tow, but always with the doors locked. I eve dove to the last pilgrimage. Omen, eh??
if we are talking about ars I like the Italian ones such as Fat and Alf Romeo.
Ah, Fit ars! I had an Alf 33 Old Cloverleaf once - had to sell it for crap in the end though. My fiend and I had already pathed up the rut and panted it with silver Hammerite, but it was no god. Happy memories though.
Dazed] I think Alf generally makes the pettiest ones.
pen] I had an Alf once for Tree Moths (Sod it)
Duj] Would you like soem oral support ?
Talking of cars, I one had a Orris 000. Oh, and I had a And Over.
Lad Overs? No - for me it's out for a bun on the open road without a car in the world, a rash helmet on my head and a throbbing Harey Davison between my thighs.
Rage Rovers are the best 4-heel drives.
Reminds me of that joke: what's the difference between a Rage Rover and a hedgehog? The picks are on the outside of the hedgehog.
It was freezing last night - my bedroom is very badly insulted.
[st d] His is a game of Lost Consonants. You lot a vowel, but I'll let you off because it made me iggle, and I think I might do the same - I was tasty in bed last night.
[pen] I felt a bit had myself.
Back to ars, I used to dive a Soda
I spent a whole week on a dive bat.
The light out was petty rubbish though.
I don't dive at all. Why is it the inside of most cars smells of perol, or some sort of boy odour? No ice at all.
I passed my diving test at the fist attempt.
Kim] Was it in an automatic, or did you have to change ears ?
No, it had a ear shit.
Or sick.
My driving kills were perfected by the SM School in Camden Town.
I don't like to bag, but I assed my test fist tie.
I am reading Stephe Hawkin's "A Brie History of Tim" at the minute.
[Tuj] It's a wonderfully eccentric gardening manual, dealing as it does with theories of Black Hoes.
[Tuj, blamelewis] I could never get to rips with that ant-matter myself.
I find it hard to control my pants - they just go rampant in the garden, especially in the summer.
I was working in the garden recently and discovered that a muse had made a home in my shed.
[Kim] You could get rid of it by laying down a rap. Or if you're feeling bloodthirsty try to fatten it with a hovel.
[bl] Believe me, I was temped. Especially when I found muse faces all over the floor.
I am an animal over, I hope you set a human tap.
Leave some poisoned read out, you might find a DEA badge in the morning tough.
Naah. I called in a pet controller. They are ermin, after all...
Treat them as pets, that what I say.
Oh damn. I switched off my brain when I made that pot. What a wit.
Dangerous thing to do, switching off one's rain. You could end up ma or dad!
That's why you should use a condo when having sex...
[bl] Does that mean you can have sex all over the hose?
As long as they're not in pubic areas.
[pen] It probably accounts for the cabs
To change the subject; I went to a galley this afternoon and saw some wonderful woks of art; cavings, pantings and cocks all displayed in cabinets.
Yes I often look at art in the Tat gallery near the lobe theatre.
pen] Were any of the cocks as impressive as Big Ben ?
Whenever I need to adjust the time I just ask the speaking cock.
I need my cock to wake me up in the morning.
If my cock goes off, on the other hand, it makes me seep.
I find that my cock needs wining regularly, other wise it runs lowly.
I wish *I* had a cock. Maybe I'll get one from Father Christmas.
My cock got suck last week.
[Kim] After you fixed it, and it started ticking again, did your cock get head?
I was playing with my boyfriend's cock the other day, and he said it just ticked.
I need to pick up a suit from the dry-cleaners at 12 o'clock...but I have such trouble telling the tie.
I picked up a wonderful suit when I was playing bridge in Hatfield the other day. Needless to say it was in Herts.
At the office dinner dance on Friday night, evening war was compulsory.
Was that because all the men had to ring their wives?
Was it a back tie affair?
As angling is so popular I expect there was a dace band.
No, but there was a comb with tree pieces: cell, rum, and ass. They layed some coo tunes.
I think the music was garage but the foo was goo.
I've had a very busy day today and now I'm going off to be.
Mmmm. I was especially fond of the roast bee and brussels spouts
I have a wristwatch that I win by shaking my wrist. I tried wining my cock this way but it made it too fat.
Even with step-ladders I couldn't quite reach the top of the bus I was pruning this afternoon.
I have always preferred rucks to omnibuses as you get the opportunity to hump the bloke in front of you.
Cold weather is forecast for Scotland and farmers are worried about now.
The farmers are particularly cared about now making their bullocks cold (at least I think that's what they said)
I was caught in a lizzard when there was no git on the road but luckily I had a shove in the back and a set of chins.
Baked beans are nutritious but they make you fat.
I'm partial to a nice dish of teak and hips, myself.
I am wary of trying a Tarka Dal because it is a little otter.
I like eating Cantonese, especially their cow men.
I always keep the larder above freezing because the last thing I want is a burst pie.
Well quite. The last thing you need to deal with at this time of year is a food.
I'm partial to a good mice-meat pie this time of year.
I like mice pies, especially if they are mad at home.
Our local council likes to make sure everyone is well-fed during cold weather - they've even sated the roads.
The pavemens round her are very lippy.
When road conditions are bad always give a lift to as many people as possible as you will then drive carfully.
Indeed! Should you do so though, it is best to ensure you have suds on your tyres - this will reduce any lip and minimise anger as much as is possible. Moreover, you will find your friends chucking as they ravel.
Around here they sat the roads for old wether.
I hate it when now turns to lush.
Not so long ago I got caught out by a sow lizzard.
I waked for hours until I finally saw a hose in the distance. I waked up to it, and kocked and kocked, but no one head me.
I would've head you but I was playing with my new cock at the time. I got it for Christmas from an ant who I hardly know. On the other hand, it's nice to get unexpected gifs, innit!
Amateur astronomers living near airports like to look at the planes.
For the New Ear Party we've been told to sparkle and listen, so I'm going to throw litter all over everybody.
[Chalky] I can imagine the sound of the part! (Missing vowel alert) Raised vices, shots and all kinds of noses... I hope you have fun!
Funny sound coming from next door. Hope they haven't got buglers. Spelling apologies.
[Rosie] Its probably just their randy teenage daughter, the little trumpet.
She's a bit chubby, probably because she likes Heavy Meal. (Kim)V. Good!
Saw that film Jaws the other day. It's all about a Sark attack. Those Chanel Islands don't half smell y'know.
That's no air! I'm from the Chanel Islands and we don't sell any worse than oters. Besides, what about all our Sing Flowes sent to the UK markes?
My mate's gone fishing. His wife always worries that he'll catch cod.
I quite understand that, Rosie. Then again, aging has always been fraught with anger.
I can't sand fising. It is so boeing, its just like droning worms in the water.
So true, Duj, and even though still quite hirsuite I cannot halt the passing of the ears.
The time to start worrying is when your face is covered in winkles and your muscles waken.
I am almost as od as Rosie, so I know how ones boy starts to run to see.
One need not age prematurely; just keep one foot in the rave.
You all seem to have stopped posing.
[st *******] I had no reason to arouse until you arrived. Now, though, I'm going to celebrate.
I thought about the ceremony with me and Penelope..she said I was already marred
Has this game come to a hat already ?
News from the pig., anyone?
In the country they've all got shotguns, so that's why Old MacDonald Had An Arm.
I used to live in the county and all the armers had Shoguns and dove to lay pidgeon hoots.
I saw an ox hut and it was very impressive with so many hoses and eagles chasing the ox. Tall o.
It's pouring with rain but I need some food so it looks as if I'll have to go sopping.
I too had to resort to the hops today (not that that's unusual!)
The ran in Span stays manly in the plan.
The armers near were I used to live often went out peasant shooting.
[Softers] Did they use eaters to lush out those tasty birds?
Talking of tasty birds, did you see that Clare Short is campaigning against Age Three Girls?
[Chalky] How can they think of stopping such a popular tradition of 'it' girls?
I wanted to read some stories about mathematicians so I got out my old school Logarithm Tales.
I used to find mats hard at school, but I liked woo work.
Very progressive school, mine. In the gym we had E.
I was a bit of a sot at school and I became head of our hose.
I'm thinking of selling one of my trombones so I'd better practise my sales. (Softers) Shall we let someone else play?
rosie] I like it when you pay all the time.
I'm off to bed. It's been a top tart sort of day.
(Santa Dogma) Don't be fooled! I'm a Credit Cad. (Kim) Lucky you. I haven't pulled anyone. :-(
Some are more fortunate than others, I'm a debt card!
Oh stinky pooh! That was a missing vowel.

Still, credit cards are good if you are happy to use the ever ever payment system.
Incidentally, Kim, I have mounted some art pieces in my bedroom.
My headmaster told me I would never mount to anything.
I don't know whether or not this was good, but I was always sow in Junior School - my teachers always seemed to be finishing my wok for me. On the upside, this made me look better.
My mater at our school used to make me sand in the corner with a duce hat on my head.
There's going to be snow next week, and we'll all feel just a bit older.
It is going to get cod and we may have sow later in the wee. So we will all need to rap up to say war.
*sigh* I remember once when I was on a hospital war.
[pen] I was in hospital twice last year having both my knees robed, a procedure designed to dress the problem.
[Software] If the sow gets heavy, it may start to rift.
[Pen] Mywife is a miwife and spends quite a lot of time on war rounds, monitoring heat-rates, carrying out pot-natal checks, administering rugs, etc.
When it's too cold for witches to be out they go back to the oven.
I like throwing sow balls. (Note to self: much funnier when gender jokes work)
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