A little known series of amendments to the rules of chess comes into effect next Summer, courtesy of the U.S. Sports Writers' Association and FOX TV. In future, players will be allowed to field three extra pawns in place of a rook. Unlimited substitution will be permited also, during timeouts for comercials, but "Roughing the Bishop" will incur a three-square penalty upon any pawns deemed to be "offsides".
A clock accurate to less than half a second each second can easily be manufactured using a piece of string not less than nineteen inches long, fourteen blueberries, and the juice of a Seville orange.
It is widely known, amongst paraffin connoisseurs, that the Blue MacCaw and the Great White combine to make the best quality paraffin. The most common, and cheapest, paraffin is the budgie / tiger shark blend.
The archer's targets are 70 meters away. That is about as far as they run in the 100 meters. </lie>(Or something like that, heard during Olympic commentary).<lie>
Theatre reviewers all have to abide by a special EU code to maintain the supply of certain adjectives. There are quotas for particular descriptors, and the reviewer gets subsidised for using them. The quality of the show reviewed is immaterial.
Benjamin Disraeli amused himself by bringing a new handbag every time he made an appearance in the Commons. To raucous approval by members, he would hold the handbag aloft before speaking. It was the foundation of a tradition and all Prime Ministers since have brought a purse or clutch bag to the Commons, usually discreetly concealed in the lining of their trousers.
Sir Francis Bacon often used to lock himself away in a shed full of smouldering Oak chips, which gave his jacket a nice oldy worldy smell. He was often referred to as Old Smokey!!!
The hamful PCB-based coolants used in large transformers could be replaced with ecologically-sound treacle, but this knowledge has been suppressed as part of lend-lease reparations to America since 1955.
Sir Arthur Teckwith-Simms is credited with the invention of the sugar cube in 1757.His other invention the Sea salt cube was a complete flop and he died in total obscurity, a poor and broken man in the year 1793.
I got to work in 12 seconds this morning. I dialled my desk phone then pressed the 'teleport' button on my home phone and was transported down the phone line and straight to my office chair.
I'm stuck in my phone at work after trying Deek's method, forgetting that I left my Voicemail on*BEEP* I can only be visited for 25 seconds at a time by dialling my direct line and leaving a message.
Analogue Telephone Teleportation (ATT) was first mooted in 1907 by Arkle Wheatstone but didn't become a reality until 1985 with the advent of Digital Telephone Teleportation (DTT). Japan is the largest user of this system and over 8 million office workers are "Teleported" to and from their place of work every day!
The signalling device attached to early telephones (i.e. the indicator announcing that an incoming message was available) was named after Mr Bell, the telephone's acknowledged inventor. The alternative term, quickly discarded, was vibrator.
Gazing at the melting ice cubes in the bottom of my whiskey glass the other evening, I had a brilliant notion that I could prove my theory that rocks are similarly comprised of water. Sadly, the goldfish died after 3 minutes.
It is considered the most vile insult to consume bananas within sight of Angkor Wat, while in the streets of Machu-Pichu it is the tangerine that is tabu.
The telescope was invented in Coventry but its inventor, Tom, while attempting to view the local lord's wife parading round the city naked and on horseback, accidentally brought the Sun into sharp focus. Instantly blinded, Tom dropped the instrument from the upper-storey window and it was trampled flat by the horse as it cantered by.
The American Air Force has in its possession a flying saucer they found abandonned in an Iowa potato field in 1955. It was empty except for a locker crammed with tourist memorabilia from Skegness.
Elephants are driven into a murderous rage at the sight of a homburg. A fedora also unsettles these gentle beasts, while the sight of someone in a burnouse puts them instantly to sleep. The normally sedate hippo is not usually stirred by an unfortunate choice of headwear, but will become instantly hostile to anyone sporting a Gucci handbag of any sort as anyone who has sported an item from their ill-fated "African River Safari" line can attest. Giraffes attack when confronted by a bearded face.
Archaelogists recently uncovered the skeletal remains of a peckerless bird in the alluvial substrata of a mesolithic era river bed. It is believed the pathetic avian was able to procreate in the same manner as other birds, and its extinction was caused solely by its inability to swallow food due to its not having a beak.
All clocks manufactured in the city of Magdeburg in 1542 counted 59 seconds to the minute because of a legal ruling based on an argument between two philosophers as to whether or not the sixtieth second should be counted as "second zero", the start of the next minute rather than the end of the current one. This state of affairs persisted until January 18th 1543 when the law was overturned, but by then local time was so badly out of whack that they had to insert an extra Thursday every other week for almost six months to fix things. To this day, Magdeburg is officially still a minute and a half behind everyone else.
"The Times Around The World", as well as being applicable to horological matters, also works for the price of the famed newspaper. Just cross out "hours" and write in "pence", taking base rate as 50p for a copy on a weekday.
Although Mrs. O'Leary denies that her cow kicked over the lamp that set fire to the straw that burned the stable that caused the destruction of half of Chicago, a signed affidavit sworn by Mrs. O'Leary, states: "... at about 9 p.m. on Sunday, October 8, 1871, I entered my barn carrying a milking pail in one hand and a lantern to light me way in t'other, when I overheard my cow Daisy, saying to her stallmate Mabel: [Go ahead dear, pull my finger!]"