Pen mentioned Tennyson... who can do better? There's Tennyson's Charge of the Light Brigade, that remembers a fight Twixt the Russkies and us; But he makes such a fuss Of a half a league cavalry flight.
I want Michel Barnier's job For the pay, and the chance to play hob With ces perfides Anglais, And to say sans regret "Oh Boris, won't you shut your gob?" [CdM] I'll stick to the light-humoured topical stuff. More my line.
When I was young and in my prime I'd a wit as sharp as a silver dime Nae more, as one can gauge - I have improved with age With half a brain I've writ this rhyme
My Dad told me this one: There was a young lady from Stornaway Who had her virginity torn away She said "Never mind I've had a good grind And taken that young fellow's horn away"
They say there's 12 N on a C Yet there's 24 H in a D And 12 S in the Z But my C's way ahead Her 9 Ls are just bothering me. I used to hate those puzzles. No point in trying when they're like this, it doesn't scan!
There once was a king in Great Britain Who would treat every wife like a kitten He kissed and embraced ’em Then killed and replaced ‘em By such love, may we never be bitten!
[KS] as follows: It seems that my cat has nine lives And he's certainly had a few wives He's a bit of a rake And makes no mistake When deciding 'tween catnip and chives.
An actor of highest profession with expressive facial expression missed the prompt, couldn’t hear (he was deaf in one ear) said : “To pee, or not pee, is the question.”
Based on what might have happened: The Nobel Committee confided That the Peace prize this year was divided 'Tween one who stopped a war And one who started four Do you think that that was misguided?
Inspired by a limerick started by Pablo and Superman: Now hearken ye all, MC types, Ye must cease to use Pampers wet wipes! For Jacob Rees-Mogg Says they clog up his bog: "Obstruit stercorem O stipes!"
Inspired by a limerick in progress at MCiOS: Is a Jaffa Cake really a cake? The tax man claimed it was a biscuit The case went to court Which conclusively judged That whatever it is, it's exempt. From VAT.
There's a change in my life which is drastic My new girlfriend is simply fantastic She's a feast for the eyes And to my surprise I really don't mind that she's plastic.
Some say I'm a bit of a loner My girlfriend complains I don't phone 'er I just peck when I kiss And the reason is this I'm buggered if I'll catch Corona
One from MCIOS recently, courtesy of Stevie, blamelewis, Projoy, CdM and CdM: Supplies are now running quite low: I'm right out of whisky and blow, And patience, and sorts And the box with my thoughts; And my head, depth, luck, it and the know.