arrow_circle_left arrow_circle_up arrow_circle_right
You know you're getting old when.......
help
As life moves on there are signs which tell us, without any chance of doubt, that we are getting older, going downhill, coming off the final bend or generally ready to turn off the lights, lock the door and depart gracefully. What is/are your particular tell-tale symptoms?
arrow_circle_up
You find your first grey pube. [Raak: Henry Ford said "Exercise is bunk; if you're fit, you don't need it and if you're not, you shouldn't attempt it".]
You can name ALL the artists who FIRST recorded every single record in this week's Top 40, and cannot understand why people dance to these 40 ghastly remakes. And of course your children, being "too bloody young", can't even remember the forty artists who remixed them for LAST WEEK's Countdown.
You can't even remember what colour your pants where before they turned this attractive shade of grey.
You still think of Videos as "New Fangled Technology", while DVDs are "Witchcraft and Heresy".
You actually think OTHER PEOPLE understand what "Fangling" is, and have ever used the word since 1951.
you'll describe a Gay TV Presenter, such as Graham Norton or Dale Winton, as "that nice young man," and consider it, "a shame he's not found the right woman."
at weddings, you'll say to young spinsters, "I expect it'll be you next."
at funerals, THEY say that to you.
They open the carton and pour you down the drain.
You think CAMREC are a bunch of anarchists.
You dial 911 and greet the dispatcher with "I've fallen and I can't get up."
You dial 911.
Your neighbours only realise that they haven't seen you for a while when maggots start crawling out of your letterbox
When your grandchildren have to potty-train you.
You start shopping around for spare parts.
You have a box in your garage in which you can find anything to fix something
You spend most of every morning getting out of bed and fit to face the world.
You think this game is fast-moving
You've already thought of half of the moves in this game before they were posted [st d - try killing it and see what happens; it's the game that won't die!]
You spend your days looking for bargains on discounted coffins on e-bay.
You and your 55-year old grandson sit down and swap stories on 'the good old days
Your contemporaries have become High Court Judges.
Your waistline has crept up to within centimeters of your nipples. [Meanwhile laughter erupts in the Elysian Fields as St Peter demonstrates his signature wedgie to another school of cherubic recruits.]
There is a noise of hammering, then ray of sunlight appears. A silhouetted figure comes into sight whom you later discover to be Howard Carter.
Your breakfast is mostly tablets
You to Mick Jagger as "that young whippersnapper".
should have read You refer to Mick Jagger as "that young whippersnapper".
It's more than five seconds between you getting to your feet and starting to walk off
Your compatriots who referred to you as "Hop-along-Cassidy" now call you "Hobble-along-Cassidy.
Your wee (urine) begins to smell like a bowl of sugar puffs!!!
Your wee is too wee to smell like anything.
You are mercifully spared from toothaches, having no teeth left to ache.
You realise that, when he/she says "Shall we go upstairs and have sex?", you'll only be able to manage one or the other.
Your damn hearing aid sucks, so that when he/she says "Shall we go upstairs and have sex?" you hear "Do you know where the heck are my specs?", to which you reply "No, dear".
You can't fine the stairs to your bed room even though you have lived in a ground floor flat for the last 40 years!
You can't tell whether it's your knees or the stairs that are creaking.
The Sexpistols and The Buzzcocks are getting played on Radio 4!!!!
arrow_circle_down
Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord