*Employs team of Ninja Hampsters to clean up after penelope's crashpenguins at Bank* Aha! What do we have here . . . SLAP! . . . Lick . . . Hmmm! chocolate and David Beckham flavour, I wonder who that belongs to. *Notes result on scoresheet*

Forewarned of the ambush ahead, Alan, Craig, Gary and Jonathan change at Stockwell and switch to the Victoria line.

Too late! A crashpenguin boards the tube at Pimlico . Jonathan uses his bread buttering skills to hold the penguin off until Victoria . "Fly, you fools!" he cries as the other three escape, leaving Jonathan to face a sticky end. It is all over by Green Park and Jonathan is no more.

Staring at White City whilst my genetically-engineered and anime-enhanced marmalade badgers - Setsuna, Lina, Kamui and Robin - zoom off to raid some gardens, namely Covent, Island, Kew and Ruislip Gardens.

Morgan and Geraint are keen to get on, but Blodwyn and Megan have forced a search of nearby premises at Knightsbridge. *checks matchbox*

*farkle*, to reposition without being seen...

Bond Street and something moves in my periphery of vison...

**SLAP!!**

*tastes* Marmalade... It's Deek's Gary!! *dumps the lifeless form of Gary in the doorway of a smart boutique and walks nonchalantly away.*

Close examination of the sett at Regents Park reveals that the hole goes straight down. Was it a mistake to import my badgers from Australia?

Now down to two, Alan and Craig seek refuge in a maintenance tunnel just along from Marble Arch . Suddenly they are sucked into a mass transit system worm hole and are dumped, uncerimoniously, onto the platform of Crystal Peaks station on the Sheffield Super Tram network. (check out http://www.supertram.com/map.html for further details)

Having assumed an ambush position behind the stairs at Mile End, I can hear a snuffling coming from the Central Line eastbound tunnel...

SLAP!

Hmmm... doesn't look like a badger... *tastes* Chocolate syrup? It's a bloody gopher! Will - sort it out!
Meanwhile, my four little black-and-white chrges have split up, and are now running amok in the tunnels of the central London area...

I told you, I was just watching and releasing chocolate syrup coated gophers. Notice the little bit of machinery on the neck? That's the camera I'm using to watch.... releases another prepared gopher There, now I can continue to watch. BTW, Uncle Korky, you need to trim your nails....

Releasing four new badgers into play. Arsenic, Strychnine, Cyanide and Digitalis. Slap any of these badgers and you risk death in four moves! Last seen heading towards Finsbury Park

Alan and Craig take the blue line to Sheffield Station and hop on a train to Kings Cross. They were relaxing when they saw, coming down the train, a stealth badger. Quickly they snuck into club class and cleverly disguised themsleves and hand luggage. As the stealth badger passed below Alan... SLAP! Hmmm! Chocolate and David Beckham flavour again. The body of the stealth badger was flushed down the toilet somewhere near Luton. After that close shave, Alan and Craig arrived safely back in London.

Ducks into a side tunnel at Kings Cross St Pancras as he hears a snuffling coming from the darkness to his right.

Alan and Craig sneek down the tunnel and spot movement ahead. SLAP! Damsen Jam. The lifeless corpse of ImNotJohn's badger is left to rot by the side of the tracks. Alan and Craig hop on the cirle line and head for (cue sax solo) Baker Street.

Theydon Bois. SLAP!!! Ah-ha, lemon jelly - Boolbar's I believe.