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Michael Grade has just been appointed Director General of the BBC, and, true to form, wants a clearout. Please provide inappropriate sentences that sound the death knell for a radio or television programme (for example: The Money Programme - Has anyone got 50p for the meter? or Upstairs Downstairs - "Rose! We're moving into a bungalow!"). Since Grade believes that he has God-like powers, you don't have to stick to the BBC.
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"And today, Countryfile is introduced by a new presenter, who suffers from Turette's Syndrome"

Test Match Special
"We've just received the test results: cricketting rots the brain with boredom."

Thought For The Day

"Ummm"

Mastermind
"Pass."

Letter from America

"this week - H is for handshake, harmony and helicopters."

Stars in their Eyes
"Tonight I'm going to be ... Barry Cryer"

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"The Slayer cannot stand before the might of....Mechagodzilla!"

or "'Remove this soulist propaganda from our screens,' demand Anti-Soulist League."

The Sky At Night

"well, it's clouded over..."

Food and Drink
"Tonight we're going to be tasting some lovely Death Cap mushroom risotto, drizzled with a sweet strychnine sauce"

The Tweenies
"Max, I think Bella's doing cocaine again..."

The Simpsons
"In accordance with our current policy of maintaining Victorian standards, future episodes will have Homer going tee-total, Lisa spitting the dummy, Bart taking his ADD medicine and Marge getting a hair cut."

Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

"We were getting too many Italians, who naturally think in lire."

Analysis

"Welcome to the 'practical pun' show. The first word we're looking at is the title of this show, so here we go with...a Rectal Examination"

Treasure Hunt
"Al Qaeda operatives have hidden a cache of weapons somewhere in this mountain range. Can the team find it, while not walking into any minefields or booby traps?"

Star Trek (the entire canon and spinoffs)

It's life, Jim, but not as we know it. Beam me aboard, quickly , Scotty.

Colombo

Sponsored from now on by Johnson's Dry Cleaners

Horizon

So up yours Lord Hutton.

The Magic Roundabout
"You know" said dillon "I wonder if Florence is a virgin"

Dangermouse

"Well, he's definitely not the mild mannered janitor."

Trumpton

"What a wonderful place to build a new town!" said Bob the Builder.

So Graham Norton

" ... and for the remainder of the series, all shows wil be recorded at The Monaghan Trappist Monastery"

Eurotrash

"... and now an in-depth report about landfill management in Germany."

Room 101

"..Since the entire audience agrees, we will have to put Room 101 into Room 101"

Ready Steady Cook

Bzzzzzzt!! Repetition! I think it near the beginning of the game
Actually that would be quite a decent series closer so if you'll allow me, INJ, to nominate another?

Hell's Kitchen

"This week, a top chef gives Satan tips on cooking human flesh with fire, sulphur, and brimstone."

Today

"And now a report from the BBC archives..."
One Man and His Dog
"Normally, we'd insist on there being a bit more distance between him and the dog, and that he should wear clothes, but he seems to be enjoying himself nonetheless."

Panorama

Today we investigate the new technology, shortly to be released to not only sporting telecasters but also oursleves, called 'tunnelvision'. [Darren] Done earlier by Software and rab

Match of the Day

Number Three. The Swan Vesta. [pause] The Swan Vesta.

Murphy's Law
But first, a party political broadcast.

Murder She Wrote

"Damn, out of ink ribbon." [UK] a-HA-ha-ha-ha!

Masterpiece Theatre
"In a ground breaking televisual event, Ant and Dec will star in a live action version of Bill and Ben"

Top of the Pops

"No move at number one for Bryan Houston's 'I Will Always Do Everything That It Is That I Do For You', holding onto the top spot for a shattering four-hundred-and-thirty-seven weeks!"

Family Fortunes

(That joke once was topical)
"And playing against them we have the Beckham Family. Meet David, Victoria, Brooklyn..."

Father Ted

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