And they called it **** love,
oh I guess they'll never know,
how a young **** really feels,
and why I love **** so.
And they called it **** love,
just because we're in our ****,
tell them ****,
please tell them it isn't ****,
to take away my only ****.
I **** each night,
my **** for you,
my **** are all in ****,
I **** and I pray that maybe someday,
you'll be back in my **** once again.
Someone **** me, **** me, please
- is the **** up ****?
How can I, how can I **** ****,
this is not a **** love?

Old Macdonald had a ****, *-*-*-*-*
And on this **** he had a ****, *-*-*-*-*
With a **** **** here, and a **** **** there,
Here a ****, there a ****, everywhere a **** ****
Old Macdonald had a ****, *-*-*-*-*.

When I'm a-****ing, I ***** my stuff, yeah I'm so ****** out.
I'm high as a ****, I just might stop to ***** you out.
Let me *** on, like I ******* in the ***
Let me *** on, big ***** I know you're the ****.....

Last Christmas I gave you my *****
But the very next day you **** it ****
This year, to save me from *****
I'll **** it to someone *******

If you're [CENSORED] and you know it, shake your *****

If you're [CENSORED] and you know it, shake your *****

If you're [CENSORED] and you know it, and you really want to show it,

If you're [CENSORED] and you know it, shake your *****

Two little boys had two little ****.
Each had a wooden ****.
Gaily they ****ed, each summer's day,
**** both, of course.
One little chap then had a mishap,
Broke off his ****'s ****.
**** for his ****, then **** with joy, as his young **** said...
"Did you think I would leave you ****ing, when there's room on my **** for two?
**** up here, we'll soon be ****ing, I can **** just as fast with two.
When we grow up, we'll both be ****s, and our **** will not be ****.
And I wonder if we'll ****, when we were two little ****?"

Once a jolly swagman ****ed by a Billabong Under the shade of a Coolabah tree And he sang as he ****ed and waited till his billy ****ed "Who'll come a-****ing Matilda with me?"

Aaaargh. I mean...

Once a jolly swagman ****ed by a Billabong
Under the shade of a Coolabah tree
And he sang as he ****ed and waited till his billy ****ed
"Who'll come a-****ing Matilda with me?"

Frosty the **** was a jolly happy ****
With a corncob **** and a button **** and two **** made out of coal
Frosty the **** is a fairy**** they say
He was made of ****, but the children know how he came to **** one ****
There must have been some **** in that old **** **** they ****
For when they **** it on his **** he began to **** around
Frosty the **** was a**** as he could be
And the children say he could **** and ****
Just the same as **** and ****
Frosty the **** knew the **** was hot that day
So he said let's ****, and we'll have some fun now before I **** away
Down to the ****, with a **** in his hand,
****ing here and there all around the ****, saying **** me if you can
He **** them down the **** of ****, right to the **** cop, and he only paused a moment when he heard him holler ****
Frosty the **** had to hurry on his way
But he waved ****
Saying don't you ****
I'll be **** again some day
****ty **** ****
****ty **** ****
Look at Frosty go
****ty **** ****
****ty **** ****
Over the **** of ****

Rudolph, the ****-nosed ****
Had a very shiny ****
And if you ever saw it
You would even say **** ****.
All of the other reindeer
Used to **** and call him ****
They never let poor Rudolph
**** in any **** games
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your **** so bright
Won't you **** my **** tonight?"
Then how the reindeer ****ed him
As they shouted out with ****
"Rudolph, the ****-nosed ****
you'll go down **** ****."

I'm dreaming of a **** ****
Just like the ones I used to ****
Where the treetops ****
and children ****
To **** **** **** in the snow.
I'm dreaming of a **** ****
With every **** **** I ****
May your **** be merry and ****
And may all your **** be ****.

*coughs slightly*

Good **** you, merry gentlemen
May nothing you ****.
Remember Christ our Saviour
Was **** on Christmas Day
To save us all from Satan's ****
When we were **** ****
O, **** **** comfort and joy
Comfort and joy
O, **** **** comfort and joy

****!, I need somebody,
****! Not just anybody
****! You know I need someone,
****!

While shepherds wash their **** by night All seated on the **** The **** of the **** came down And passed the **** around

"Will you **** a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail
There's a porpoise close behind us and he's treading on my ****.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all ****** !
They are ******* on the shingle - will you come and join the ***** ?"

If I should ****, think only this of me
There is some **** of a foreign **** that is forever ****.

[I'm really enjoying this ****.]

To **** or not to ****: that is the question.

If ***** be the food of love, **** on,
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting.
The appetite may ***** and so die.

Is this a ****** I see before me?
The ****** toward my hand?
****, let me ****** thee.
I **** thee not, but yet I *** thee still.

**** the world
Let them know it's Christmas time
**** the world
Do they know it's Christmas time **** all?

The quality of **** is not strain'd,
It ****eth as the gentle **** from heaven
Upon the **** beneath: it is twice ****;
It blesseth him that ****s and him that ****s

Like a poor b*ggar ****th on the rich.
Well, whiles I am a ****, I will ****
And say there is to sin but to be ****;
And being ****, my **** then shall be
To say there is no **** but b*ggery.

I can get no remedy against this ****tion of the ****:
****ing only lingers and lingers it out,
but the **** is incurable.

**** comforteth like **** after ****.

Little Jack **** sat in the ****, eating his Christmas *****
He put in a **** and pulled out a ***** and said "What a good **** am I!".

On the **** to Mandalay, where the ****ing fishes ****
and the **** comes up like **** out of **** 'cross the ****.

Blow ****, and **** your cheeks! ****! blow!
You ****s and ****s, spout
Till you have drench'd our ****, ****'d the cocks!
You sulphurous and ****-executing ****s,
****-couriers to ****-cleaving thunderbolts,
**** my white ****! And thou, ****-shaking ****,
**** flat the thick rotundity o' the ****!
Crack nature's ****, and **** spill at ****,
That **** **** man!

Thinkin' bout the time you ***** in my car,
Thinkin' that I might have ***** you too far,
Then I'm thinkin' about the **** that you laid on my table....
I told you not to ****** around in the dark,
I told you 'bout the ***** that **** in the park,
Then I told you 'bout our *** now he's ********** Mabel....

Yes I told that the ****** go up-and-down,
Don't you notice how the ****** go round.
And you better pick your **** up off the ground,
Before they ***** the ******* down.
Yes before they ***** the ******* down.

****ing 'bout a girl that ***** quite like you.
She didn't have the **** to **** in the queue.
She ***** away her **** since she fell off the ******.

Rumble thy ****! Spit, ****! Spout, ****!
Nor ****, wind, ****, f*** **** my daughters:
I **** not you, you ****, with unkindness;
I never gave you ****, call'd you ****,
You owe me no ****: then let f***
Your **** pleasure: here I **** your ****,
A poor, infirm, weak, and despised old ****:
But yet I call you **** ****,
That have with two **** daughters ****'d
Your high ****'d **** 'gainst a ****
So **** and **** as this. O! O! 'tis f***!

The King ****ed
The Queen, and
The Queen ****ed
The Dairymaid:
"Could we have some butter for
The Royal **** of ****?"
The Queen ****ed the Dairymaid,
The Dairymaid
Said, "Certainly,
I'll go and **** the cow
Now
Before she goes to ****."

[Breadmaster] Fab, and almost topical too...

I've got a lovely bunch of ****,
Here they are a-****ing in a row.
Big ones, small ones, some as big as your ****,
Give them a ****, a flick of the ****,
That's what the **** said...

Oh yeah, I’ll tell you something,
I think you’ll understand.
When I’ll say that something
I want to **** your ****,
I want to **** your ****,
I want to **** your ****.

Oh please, *** to me
You’ll let me **** your man
And please, *** to me
You’ll let me **** your ****.
Now let me **** your ****,
I want to **** your ****.
And when I **** you I feel **** inside.
It’s such a ****ing that my ****
I can’t hide, I can’t hide, I can’t hide.
Yeah, you’ve got **** ****ing,
I think you’ll understand.
When I’ll say that something
I want to **** your ****,
I want to **** your ****,
I want to **** your ****.

I'm Jake the Peg, diddle-iddle-iddle-um,
With my extra ****, diddle-iddle-iddle-um -
Nuff said.