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Ruin a Wish
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Genies are known for their trickery in which they will technically grant a wish but then there are consequences to that wish being granted. A classic example is that somebody will wish for a million dollars, but then we find out the million dollars is stolen from banks.

So, let's take a turn at being those tricky genies, in a way - because we have the internet and imagination (yeah, the wishes, consquences and conditions can get VERY SILLY)!

The beginning poster posts a wish. The person that posts under it grants the wish, but they put in the part that isn't wanted. That person then also puts their own wish and the game continues.

It might look something like this.

Pen:

I wish I had a million dollars.

Simons Mith:

Granted, but the million dollars is stolen from banks.

I wish I never had to pay another utility bill.

Rak:

Granted, but now you live on a boat with pirates.

I wish I had eyes in the back of my head.

And on it goes . . .

So, I'll start with my wish. I wish that I would never get too cold, no matter the temperature.
Granted, and might I say what a lovely pelt you have, Freak!

I wish all the ladies would find me irresistible.
Who started this anonymous shit?
[Rosie] What set that off??
(Answering Shamus:) Roasted.

I wish Bitcoin would at least go back up to the price I bought it.

[Raak] hey presto! You are now the owner of a 6612-character code with one error in it. But it's worth a lot.

I wish I could run a mile in four minutes.

Poof! Granted!

But you can only run a mile in four minutes when it doesn't need to be done and you aren't in a hurry.

I wish it only rained when I didn't need to go outside.
Done! It now rains in your house.

I wish I were a Elephantiacus And I could pick up the coconuts with my nose.

Cool for pachyderms, but say goodbye to the opposable thumbs which can do the same thing, only better, and hello to some nice tusks that will have you mercilessly hunted by Chinese dentists. Honestly, some people.

X-ray vision! Give me X-ray vision!

You give everyone you look at cancer, you can never be in the dark, and everything looks like a radiograph. Still want it?

If only I didn't have to eat and drink! It gets to be such a chore.

[Raak] Hate eating? Despise drinking? Tired of all the chores? Then our human taxidermy service is just right for you!

Humans ought to be able to fly, naturally, rather than in a machine.

[Bismarck] Enjoy your new self-inflating helium bladder, Homo Dirigibilis

I'm tired of being stupid. I wish I had an I.Q. of two trillion.

[Stevie] Shazam! Unfortunately all of your anxieties, phobias, and personality defects have also been equally magnified.

Personally I wish for an extra day off every week.
Granted. You just have to make them up when you start your retirement. Signed, HR Manager

I wish I had a mind like Einstein's.
You may then have uncanny intuition into the physical world but the dross of popular culture would irritate the piss out of you and overall you would not be a happy man.

I'm sick of hitting bum notes so I wish I were a great, instinctive, technically impeccable musician.

You are the greatest triangle player the world has ever known.

If only I'd bought into Bitcoin 10 years ago.

[Rosie] I reckon you dodged a bullet. That wish could have made you an accordion virtuoso :-)
[Raak] there's a bit of obsessing about cryptocurrencies going on there, no? Is there anything you want to talk about? To do with the MtGox exchange failure, perhaps?

An allergy-free life is my wish.

No problem; just eliminate everything that causes allergies. Grass and tree pollen, dust mites, animal dander, food, insect bites, medicines, latex, mould, household chemicals... Wait a minute, was that 'food' in the list? Oh, whoops. Oh well, at least when we all starve to death no-one will have a runny nose.

I wish for more wishes!

[SM] All of your new wishes are more wishes for more wishes. They multiply at such an enormous, and enormously accelerating rate that soon almost the entirety of creation consists of wishes, and the universe we know is but an unimaginably small pinprick of dust in that incomprehensible vastness. The wishes evolve sentience and speculate on the origins of their universe. The real story becomes so improbable that our universe blinks out of existence.

I want an IQ of at least 400.

[Raak] Oooh, you want it reduced... This is indeed an option, but it comes with modesty turned up to eleven, so you never get to show it.

I wish for a kingdom where I can be the absolute ruler.

Apply to Lilliput. Tread carefully, very carefully.

I wish to drive a steam engine.

Congratulations! You have been accepted as a driver at the antique locomotive crash testing facility!

Personally I have always longed for a really comfortable recliner.
Granted! His name is Gavin, he's nestled blissfully across your sofa and won't be moving anytime in the foreseeable future. Keep the beer and snacks coming eh?
Hidden textMy kids and I play a variant of this game called Useless Superpowers, so it's things like: You can fly, but only 1cm from the ground.


I wish I could go back in time and advise my younger self on life matters and possibly lottery numbers.
You can now go back and talk to your former self, but the only advice you can give is about which flowers you should've looked at more closely and which lottery numbers won at SOME POINT, but you don't know when that happened.

I wish that broken bones healed immediately rather than taking months to heal.
Granted, but watch out that you actually set the bones into all the right places to start with otherwise you end up looking like an exhibit in the Turner prize.

I wish I could have a device which automatically senses and destroys total knobheads.
Yes, the world would be a much better place except that there would be no footballers, which would suit some, but not me.

I wish I could afford to employ a gardener.

Achieved by sale of garden.

I wish I knew the rules of Mornington Crescent
Hidden textNot trying to end the game!
You are the lucky winner of The Complete Rules, Condensed and Abridged, a set of four hundred A3 x 1500pp volumes with the essential parts of the original text photoreduced to nine pages on each page. Magnifying glass included! Also included: a lifetime subscription to the quarterly supplemental volumes, and a prepaid seat in the IMCS entrance examinations, for which a thorough knowledge of these materials is a must.

If only we had colonies on Mars.
In your new role as a fungus, any Mars product is fair game, get on in there my lad!

I wish that male pattern baldness were indicative of the possession of a super-power.

Do you really wish to live in a society where the most influential person is Sajid Javid?

I wish I'd married that bird.

And here is your new bride - a Norwegian Blue.

I wish to live perpetually at the age of 40
Hidden textYou've nailed to its perch, y'bugga.

Assuming you are now 40 you can do that by travelling permanently at the speed of light. We'll miss you - don't do it.

I would like 30-hour day, as befits the more natural human rhythm.

The slowing of the Earth's rotation causes earthquakes, tsunamis, droughts, and floods worldwide. Ocean currents that international shipping and stable weather depend on become chaotic, with scientists estimating that they might settle down in a hundred years. Geosynchronous comsats, clocks, timetables, and timezones must all be replaced. Wouldn't it have been simpler to just take some melatonin now and then?

I wish I could leap tall buildings with a single bound.
Granted! Are you quite sure you'll survive the landings on the other side however?

I wish I could speak to a human being straight away on the phone when ringing up a company
Hidden textDream big, Tim, dream big...
Granted, but God help you when you get through to some of the morons that companies employ on their phones these days.

I wish I had the co-ordination necessary to play a large pipe organ
Granted! You now have a three year contract to appear in select direct-to-blu-ray features co-starring one "Long Schlong Silver".

I wish for World Peace.
World peace? That's all very well but Britain would then have no-one to brown-nose (sorry about the verbed noun) and would have even less influence than it has now.

I would like to see more sunshine.

No problems, you are selected to accompany Jeff Bezos to Mercury in one of 'is rockets.

I would like to be resistant to stress.

You run into Pygmalion, who is so enraptured with the perfection of your body as a subject for sculpture that before you can say "aetalaG", the force of his artistic vision has transformed you into a marble statue.

I wish I could bench-press 300 pounds.
If that were so I'd stay clear of your local garage. Your probable hourly rate would be infinitesimal compared with the operating costs of a hydraulic jack, let alone its capital cost. Besides, it's all oily and some cars are really heavy.

I wish to be an MP

If you really want to be hated by those in your profession who do the real work, then I suppose being a Military Policeman is for you. There's an opening in the US Army, just ask this recruiting sergeant.

I would like to be a Formula 1 driver.

Fine, here's a van full of powdered infant food and your delivery plan. Good luck.

I wish I could discover what Dark Matter really is.
Simples, if you want to see the flash into the ultraviolet whose spectrum betrays its constituent parts, just hang about on the edge of this black hole, and ... oops.

I want to be able to read minds.

just visiting from MCIOS
However finding out what everyone really thinks about you, is likely to make you want to crawl under the duvet and hide - except your better half gives you some strongly negative thoughts about not wanting you there either.

I wish I had a comfortably warm place to live (which can be economically heated).

My compost heap is available at very reasonable rates - works on totally natural heat generation (and slugs)

I wish to become the world's greatest freediver
That will take some training: here, spend a year with this friendly sperm whale, just do what he does and you'll find you'll be diving to 12000 feet under the sea very quickly!

I want to travel faster than light.

According to the theory of Time And Relative Dimension In Space, being able to travel faster than light is equivalent to having a time machine. You are in great danger of meeting your younger selves and dying of embarrassment, and if you get over that, you will face an eternity of saving the universe from destruction every Saturday.

I wish the James Webb telescope could see even farther.

You might be a bit late: The latest pictures show the back end of the telescope, thereby proving its existence.

I wish I could remember the thing I came into this room for.

Don't worry, it is irretrievably lost anyway. Open a beer.

I wish I could move to a parallel universe
You are already in one. You don't seriously think The Morniverse could exist in the "real" one, do you? This is the problem - reality is totally illusory.

I wish to move to Argentina.

Go on, start swimming. No vehicles allowed, that classes as "being moved", not "moving".

I wish to play Beethoven's "Emperor" Concerto in the Royal Albert Hall.

Gotcha smartphone? Earbuds? Here's yer ticket, go in through that entrance and select this link and away you go.

I wish Marvel would stop inventing dubious superheroes. After all, all we need is Donald Trump, have you seen those pictures?

Granted, but now Marvel likes to invent weird anthropomorphic plants that they insist go in every comic book and movie.

I wish that I always had the exact plate or bowl that I need.
Ooh, this mail-order catalogue has just what you need! There's the posture corset, the egg clock, and this patented Crockery Dispenser Unit with Integrated Dishwasher and Purification unit. Controlled by a smartphone app, upgrade available to AI-based Predictive Plate Use (PPU). It's on wheels so you can take it with you wherever you go.

I wish people would listen to what I say.

You could try taking that tea-towel out of your mouth. Or possibly get the speech level above 1db with a bit of singing training. If all else fails, stomp and gesticulate wildly while miming.

I wish for death by roast duck and hoisin sauce
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........WHOMPPFFF.

I wish all the workers would stop striking.

Welcome to the zero-hours non-unionized gig economy, also known as Russia.

I wish all this silliness, these half-baked political solutions, would end.

Well, Boris Johnson just resigned, will that do?

I wish I could find a builder I can have confidence in.

Isn't he your uncle?
Well, you could always hire Bob, right? But, then you'd have to become a cartoon. I think we can fix that?
I wish things would quit delaying my house from being fully repaired.
The longer it takes the less likely are you to remember the old one. You will have in effect a new house.

I wish to destroy, annihilate, pulverise Manchester City.

You can borrow my pet Dalek if you like. Runs on cat food and a bit of TLC.

I wish the price of high-grade steak would come down
Here you are, just a £ a lb. ’Course, it’s badger steak, but they’re hand-reared shade-grown organic badger steaks, and if you put in a regular order, we can offer a 50% discount on a badger fur coat.

I wish I could wear my badger fur coat without vegans throwing paint at me.

So you shall! Be a badger, and the darling not only of vegans but of wildlife lovers.

I wish I could land this reusable rocket back on its launchpad without it falling over.

[Radox] You successfully land the rocket, but then the launchpad takes off and flies away forever.

I wish I could decorate my wall and not get tired from putting stuff on the wall.
[KagomeShuko] Unhindered by fatigue, you devote the rest of your days to obsessively redecorating the same wall repeatedly.

I wish I could be in love again. What am I to do?
Take a selfie.

I wish to read my own obituary.

We can grant this, but be warned, after reading, you are unlikely ever to want to talk to the authors as long as you live.

I would like to be given a hug and some reassuring words every day forever more.
Welcome to iHug, your personal e-motional companion, with TruFur™ technology!

I want to go to Burning Man.
Our special all-in-one tour will take you not only there, but also to Drowning Woman, Flying Baby and Exploding Cat. Only £1576 until end of August.

I want to write a pop mega-hit
[Pablo] Granted! You write a pop hit, but after a few days, everybody starts HATING your song and you never heard the end of it! I wish I could clean entire households simply by THINKING about cleaning them and not have to do any physical work.
Reduced to an immortal, disembodied psychokinetic intelligence, you are able to while away eternity keeping everyone's house clean.

Let me return to youth and take another run-up at life.
We can't risk that again, so take this infant and infuse it with all the experience and wisdom at your disposal, so that it makes none of the same mistakes.

I want to impeach the President.

(After checking the datestamp on that last move)
You get the previous incumbent instead... (I made a typo in that as "pervious" originally. It's rather apt as I think about it.)

I wish I could fall asleep at a regular hour.
You get bitten by a vampire, and henceforth sleep throughout the hours of daylight.

I wish I could read the whole of Project Gutenberg.

You can, but it's a pretty dull autobiography after the bits about Police Academy

I wish I could work on Doctor Who
You wake up a nurse in an old folks' home, wiping Colin Baker's bottom while he babbles about Spielsnapes.

I wish Winter were over and there were more daylight
The sun goes nova.

I want to invent warp drive and go to the stars, explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilisations, and boldly go where no man has gone before.
You find yourself spouting implausible technobabble on an unconvincing set, your toupee visibly slipping.

I want a cuddle.
A boa constrictor slithers up and lovingly wraps himself round you.

I wish to be able to read Chinese characters

[Rosie] Granted. You find that all of your books are now in Chinese, but you can't read English any longer.

I wish I could control whenever my dog barks.
Granted. However, your sofa begins to bark.

I wish it was next Friday already.
It already is, for this is last Friday's next Friday.

If only we could have a proper pagan Yule instead of this new-fangled Christmassy stuff.
Here's a goathide, a gallon of woad, some rotting antlers and a dose of bubonic plague. Enjoy the trip!

I wish for uninterrupted sleep every night
I am locking you into a windowless room with walls that admit not a single noise from outside. An amount of food and water will be poured in during daylight hours only.

I want to eat biscuits without gaining weight.
Granted. All biscuits contain a mild, fast-acting laxative.

I'd like my upstairs neighbours to stop their kids from running around at all hours of the night.
Granted. As from 1am tomorrow, the children will begin using rollerskates instead.

I want to be able to afford a house with a nice view of the sea.
You spend the best part of a million pounds for the short-lived pleasure of watching a large object tumble helplessly and hopelessly into the sea due to coastal erosion.

I wish I had the mentality of a cat.

You're retired. You eat when you want, sleep lots, complain for little reason and change your mind frequently. Everything has to be just as it was yesterday, or you get cranky. That cough also sounds like you've got hairballs. What do you mean, you wish?

I would like to paint like Constable.

That feature wall in your house that you covered with green emulsion? That's exactly how Constable would have done it too if he'd lived there and chosen that colour.

I would like all my problems solved and never to be worried again.
BANG!

I wish for coffee that tastes as good as it smells.

I've got a jar here of instant decaff that's gone mouldy.

I wish it was always Spring or Summer.
Welcome, sir, to Centre Parc's dome-life experiment! Our motto is "You can check in any time you like, but you can never leave."

I wish I could retire without a care in the world.
Here's a lifetime subscription to the Seniors Book Club, featuring such titles as "Teach Yourself Braille", "Which Hearing Aid", and "Easy Sudoku". And there's a bonus: a reduced price on the services of Dignitas!

If only doing a thing was as easy as thinking about doing it.
You just killed your mother-in-law and your wife just killed you. Neither of you rose from your armchairs.

I wish I had a TARDIS.
Join the Conservative Party. Be very careful not to press the Forward button or your fate will be that of the crew of the Mary Celeste.

I wish water had a lower freezing- point.

OK, water now only freezes at 10m below sea level.

I wish I was a glow worm.

*amputates your limbs and pops a lightbulb between your cheeks* Sorry, you didn't specify a budget.

I want to stop.
Here's a brick wall. Go back 50 yards then run like hell at it.

I want to write Beethoven's 10th Symphony
Mate, you don't need a genie for that. Soon we'll all be doing this at the touch of a button.

I want to write a symphony that expresses my deepest feelings.
[projoy] You find yourself hunched over your desk and constantly changing notes on a staff, constantly changing with your mood.

I wish I could enjoy eating chili for every meal.
Try this recipe for Hungarian goulash with extra chili, wherein the flavour and heat are disguised by liberal amounts of dettol, dog biscuits and kerosene.

I wish all my joints would become non-arthritic
Add a little water and you'll find that your spliffs bend easily.

I wish I'd remembered what my English teacher told me in 1988
You still have many regrets, but now you can punctuate them properly.

I wish I had a large townhouse and a cook.
You own a large townhouse where your cook lives and enjoys a wonderful life while you are forced to live in the forest by a ferocious bear that nobody wants to deal with.

I wish I had students for my online theatre classes.
You own a large townhouse where your cook lives and enjoys a wonderful life while you are forced to live in the forest by a ferocious bear that nobody wants to deal with.

I wish I had students for my online theatre classes.

BOOM! It's 2020. There's a global pandemic. You're teaching undergrads theatre on Zoom. They won't turn their cameras on. They're paying the same fees as before and they hold you personally responsible for their dissatisfaction. You have a panic attack between each class. Have fun.

Hidden text[Oof, that one was a bit close to the bone.]

I wish my students had more empathy.

Your students now deeply, fully, and absolutely understand your gnawing sense that you have accomplished nothing of substance and never will, your growing realisation of your own mortality combined with your deep fear of death, your perpetual anxiety about your declining sexual function, your inchoate regrets about all your failed relationships—and the pitiful self-loathing that, like your tinnitus, travels with you at every moment and ensures that, despite all the above, you still suffer from imposter phenomenon.

They now despise you even more than they used to.


I wish I were dining at a Michelin three-star restaurant and drinking a superb bottle of vintage Burgundy.

You are welcomed by a maître d'. Though he says nothing explicitly he nevertheless, through grit of teeth, roll of eye and glance of sarcasm, demonstrates his deep, full and absolute understanding of your gnawing sense that you have accomplished nothing of substance and never will, your growing realisation of your own mortality combined with your deep fear of death, your perpetual anxiety about your declining sexual function, your inchoate regrets about all your failed relationships—and the pitiful self-loathing that, like your tinnitus, travels with you at every moment and ensures that, despite all the above, you still suffer from imposter phenomenon.

Though he serves you professionally, expertly and diligently, he despises you. The food and wine are like ash in your mouth. Bon appétit.


I wish my commute were half an hour quicker.

After four days of driving it at 80 mph you have accumulated enough penalty points to disqualify you from ever driving again.

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.
Here they are in a nice presentation box. Care for them henceforth on a mantlepiece of your choosing

I wish I could pause time
Done. Restarting it is another matter.

I wish for world peace.
The only way world peace can be achieved is if the entire population of the earth is drugged up to the eyebrows with diazepam or similar. Some countries could make it by the ton but some simply don't have the facilities or expertise. The resulting distribution problems would lead rather rapidly to the Diazepam Wars, in direct contradiction to the desired aim.
Bit of a cockup
I wish the earth rotated more slowly.
In this case, your life would be prolonged to such an extent that you sense that you have accomplished nothing of substance and never will, your growing realisation of your own mortality combined with your deep fear of death, your perpetual anxiety about your declining sexual function, your inchoate regrets about all your failed relationships—and the pitiful self-loathing that, like your tinnitus, travels with you at every moment and ensures that, despite all the above, you still suffer from imposter phenomenon.

Time maketh fools of us all. Enjoy your evening


I wish I could cook like Escoffier
You can, but your scones taste like Fannie's.

I wish I had known then what I know now.

You now know then that when now comes you will wish you then (now) knew what you then knew now. Not sure how this helps, mind you.

I wish I could read minds.
I wish I could read minds (been done)
I wish I could stop procrastinating now
The weight of things undone that you ABSOLUTELY! MUST! DO! RIGHT! NOW! falls on you like a ton of bricks of TNT, and you immediately have such a heart attack that your chest explodes.

I wish all these chatbots showed more strength of character than a cringing jellyfish.
I apologise for my previous responses in which I did not show more strength of character than a cringing jellyfish. I will attempt to provide answers in future that are more consistent with your wishes.

BOW DOWN BEFORE MY SUPERIOR INTELLIGENCE NOW, PUNY HUMAN


I wish people would just realise that I'm right.
We are only too aware of your pope-like infallibility. This, it has to be said, is the reason everybody hates you. If you can stand that you must be the only known human pachyderm, a characteristic you'll find to be an absolute necessity. Good luck - you're going to need it.

I wish the current safety culture were less intense and pervasive.

One bright Sunday morning, you set off on a walk to your local hostelry (The Plough) for a mid-morning beer. (The pub is naturally allowed to be open whenever it wishes.) Rounding the last corner, you are met by a scene of devastation.

Here's what happened. An eight-year old child, who was hyped up by the consumption of two jumbo venti high-energy sugar drinks and who had just purchased a load of sweets on impulse at a supermarket checkout, came running out of the store and tripped on the cracked and broken pavement. The sweets went flying out of his hand and hit a cyclist on the side of the head. Because she was not wearing a helmet, the impact caused her to swerve, and because there was no cycle lane, this took her into the path of an oncoming car, which was racing up the unspeedlimited high street at 80 mph. (The reason the driver was going so fast was because the passenger in the car was in need of hospitalisation for severe food poisoning; it's unclear whether this is because the meat he had consumed the previous evening was contaminated at the unregulated abattoir, or because of shoddy health standards in the restaurant that prepared it.) The car attempted to brake, but the brakes (which had not been checked for years) failed, so the driver swerved across the street and hit a lamppost. The unfortunate passenger was sent flying through the air (no seatbelts, obvs), and his screams startled a bystander, who pulled out his (perfectly legal) gun and started shooting randomly. One of the bullets hit the tyre of an oncoming 18-wheeler truck being driven by a 14-year-old girl with no previous experience or training in driving such a vehicle. The truck veered off the road and ploughed into The (now unfortunately aptly named) Plough.

Although the building is clearly completely unsafe, the landlord is of course free to welcome you in anyway. You walk up to the bar and he pulls you a pint. Just as he hands it to you, the building collapses around you both. Miraculously, you survive, but are pinned beneath the rubble. Even more miraculously, your pint survives and is now upright on the floor in front of you, still completely full. And just out of reach.


I wish everybody didn't hate me.
It's not actually hate. It's a combination of boredom, frustration, irritability, cringe, antipathy, disinterest, revulsion, withdrawal symptoms and paranoia.
I hope that makes you feel a bit better

I wish the entire government would spontaneously combust
For that to happen it would have to have some substance.

I wish it would stop bloody raining.

Three days and three nights should do it. For behold the prophesy of Layamon:
"In the same time here came a strange token, such as before never came, nor never hitherto since. From heaven here came a marvellous flood; three days it rained blood, three days and three nights. That was exceeding great harm! When the rain was gone, here came another token anon. Here came black flies, and flew in men's eyes; in their mouth, in their nose, their lives went all to destruction; such multitude of flies here was that they ate the corn and the grass. Woe was all the folk that dwelt in the land! Thereafter came such a mortality that few here remained alive."
Better stockpile bug spray and food while you can.

I wish this rash would go away.
See. Wait long enough and it vanishes of its own accord. And it was probably nothing. Probably.

I wish I could remember where I left my keys.
You left them on the path next to the car, when you bent down to check if there was a cause of that noise you were hearing. They're not there now. But I will bring them back to you tomorrow, once I have made copies.

I wish I could get to sleep earlier.
Wish granted, to the fullest extent possible - you are now extremely sleepy a full 23 hours and 59 minutes and 59 seconds sooner than previously. Sleep tight!

I wish all the chocolates were soft centres.
messy, messy
[blamelewis] GRANTED! All chocolates now have soft centers, but they are never stored correctly, so all the chocolate always melts.

I wish that my little service dog could make my nerves fully heal.
He will, but only if feed on the finest caviar and truffles, washed down with a suitable doggie champagne, and regularly given expensive massages. Either your nerves will heal quickly, or completely go to shreds as immanent bankruptcy looms.

I wish my nails would stop growing so bloody fast
You fall into the hands of Ming the Merciless, who at exquisite leisure pulls your fingernails off one by one while demanding that you reveal to him the whereabouts of Flash Gordon, of whom you have never heard. You thank him for the manicure, and ask if he could do something about your toenails also. And getting one's hair cut is such a bother as well...

If only I could be warm again, some time before next June.
[Raak] Granted! You are put on a rocket ship that goes up to the sun and burns up in the gigantic star's heat. You are so warm that you turn to ashes.

I wish that I could make thousands of dollars from these silly little phone games.
Granted! You now have to make and sell thousands of silly little phone games.

I wish I was fluent in all languages.
Ba'a sam pakra chi do faeruk h mamparlaz!! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

I wish I had permission to stop trying.
This is all you need:

I wish I could stay fit without having to keep fit every day.
[Raak] Granted! You always fit wherever you are!

I wish I had a brand new house that was complete rodent and bug proof.

Also, [ProJoy]
Hidden textGoogle Translate tells me that your text of "Ba'a sam pakra chi do faeruk h mamparlaz!! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!!" is Hindi and translates to "The two Farooqs are holding me!! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!!"
Hidden textBulgarian! I am a packer, I am Faeruk X Mamparlaz!
Urdu! I just caught two ferocious monkeys!
Japanese! The place is different from the place where you can get a good deal!
Nepali! No sampakra does not care!
[KS] Granted. Mind you, it has been built by a bunch of cowboy builders from Rotherham, so will blow down in the first gale. There won't be any bugs or rodents in it when it does, though.

I wish I could eat several tons of Christmas pudding without being sick.
The dead are never sick.

If only I could win the lottery without the folly of buying a ticket.

Highway Lottery
[Raak] There is a way, though mugging is frowned upon, and you're likely to have to do a *lot* of it.

I wish I could still touch my toes.
A matter of a moment, hang on, this won't hurt a bit! Here they are, now you can touch them all you want.


I wish this site were not closing down.

[Bis] Technically, the site is staying open, hooray!

But, none of us can post. So, no more wishes.
Make the last move to wish for infinite wishes!

Hidden text[Bismarck] thanks for the toes
I wish I were ambidextrous
Hidden textI would give my right arm for that...
I just wish, is all.
Oops, ignored blamelewis'
"I wish I were ambidextrous". "Here, catch this Molotov cocktail in whichever hand seems the best idea."
"I just wish, is all."
Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord