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Limerick Showcase
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A chance for players to showcase whole limericks for amusement & edification. Standard winning move for the purposes of euthanasia.
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If the government were to collapse
Fill the cabinet with some stop-gaps
Like Rees-Mogg at Health
Rushi Sunak at Wealth
And for PM, who else but Grant Shapps?

There's a ruthless side to Rishi Sunak
Despite his resembling a monak;
You'd better obey
Lest you hear him say:
"Go on then, make my day, punak!"

This was started by Radox The Green and Projoy:
Now Chancellor Nadim Zahawi
(Whose savings are not in Malawi!)
Thinks that he is the GOAT
But he won't get our vote:
We're not that daft, now, really, are we?

Having spent many long years in training
We expect he's an expert in reigning
And one of our own
So, as Charles takes the throne
Let us greet him with "Long live the King."

Raak set the precedent above, so here is a sonnet. I recently had lunch with someone who amuses herself sonnetising popular songs, and I thought I would take on the challenge.

(Is it not rich?) And if I sound resigned
(Are we a pair?) I'm grounded; you're unmoored.
(Is it not bliss?) This is what fate designed:
(Don’t you approve?) One flying; one who’s floored.

At last I'd closed the doors of past desire
And opened yours with one speech to profess
But you’d left for another lover's fire—
The poets call this irony, I guess.

(Don’t you love farce?) The dreams that we’d ignored
(My fault, I fear) I thought were now aligned.
(Is it not rich?) My timing, though, was flawed;
(Is it not queer?) Ah well, then—never mind

The jaded exits, faded evening gowns...
Just strike the set, my dear. Send in the clowns.

Hidden textI can't decide if 'Just strike the set and then deploy the clowns' would be a better final line. Substitute it if you prefer. :)

Bit too highbrow for me. This is more my level:

Oh, what a beauty!
I've never seen one like that
Share #marrow



While aloft in my DIY jet
I smelled fuel, and thought "my leg's wet"
I took out a fag
Lit up, took a drag


My dear mother said "Use your brain"
"Don't drive all that way. Take a train."
So I took her advice
(I don't need telling twice)
And now I'm doing 15 years in Wandsworth for grand larceny, operating a locomotive without a train driving licence and the kidnapping of one train driver, four conductors, 83 passengers, four dogs and a budgie named Jane.

I've recently picked up a cough
It's making life hard to get through
This out I must tough
Shun of Despond the Slough
And seek help from the folk of the borough.

[Raak] That's so good it needs plagiarising...
Behold ye the red-legged chough
Which nests on the end of a bough
Where it pecks out a trough
Feeds its young just on dough
And suffers a constant hiccough.
Boris on the burning deck
Which he had set alight
Surveying of his life the wreck
While maintaining he was right.
The cure for all Mankind's ills
Can be found in my patented pills
They should be taken when cool
No! Just one you damned fool!
Aaaand another fool's pushin' up cowsills.

A question for C.S. Lewis.

When Peter, and Susan and Ed
And Lucy got crowns on their head
Regarding gestation:
The next generation
Should come from which marital bed?
Primogeniture wasn't invented
So nobody's honour was dented
A new king appeared
Whom all the folk cheered
And all scandal was thereby prevented.

Someone on WhatsApp mentioned they'd had to write a poem on the theme "tree", and in reply, I made this up in 60 seconds, without time to make apologies to Joyce Kilmer...

There once was a beautiful tree
That wasn't so lovely to me
As any old pome
Pulled out of a tome
Pulled out of a beautiful tree.


Two festive limericks prompted by Projoy and this article on King Charles and his replantable Christmas tree.

goldfinch - King Charlie’s replantable tree
Makes a bold point on ecology,
Strong on conservation
Yet on his oration:
A touch wooden, his delivery.

Projoy - Charles drawls from a room that's enchanting
For now it's a "sir", not a "ma'am" ting.
He signals his virtue
with pine (or a birch?) who
Like him needs a speedy replanting.




The child, being close to the floor,
sees the dust gather up, more and more.
The cracks in the wall
grow, as children grow tall
till they leave; dust thrown up; closing door.
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