My dear mother said "Use your brain" "Don't drive all that way. Take a train." So I took her advice (I don't need telling twice) And now I'm doing 15 years in Wandsworth for grand larceny, operating a locomotive without a train driving licence and the kidnapping of one train driver, four conductors, 83 passengers, four dogs and a budgie named Jane.
I've recently picked up a cough It's making life hard to get through This out I must tough Shun of Despond the Slough And seek help from the folk of the borough.
[Raak] That's so good it needs plagiarising... Behold ye the red-legged chough Which nests on the end of a bough Where it pecks out a trough Feeds its young just on dough And suffers a constant hiccough.
The cure for all Mankind's ills Can be found in my patented pills They should be taken when cool No! Just one you damned fool! Aaaand another fool's pushin' up cowsills.