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... so help me God.
help
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
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Spandex is a space age fabric made from astronauts.
I am totally normal as I am really enjoying reading the new Harry Potter.
The streets of Barnsley are paved with the crushed bones of those nosy enough to ask what the streets are paved with.
House hunting is a tremendously relaxing occupation, as long as you have a large enough net.
[Dunx] That's how Dubya got into the White House...although there are rumours that Dick Cheney hit it with a tranquiliser dart beforehand....
Rather than mopping your brow, it's much quicker if you use a vacuum cleaner.
Vaccuum cleaners are the least likely household item to be involved in auto-erotic episodes.s
A good way of cleaning your teeth is to use a chainsaw.
Chainsaws are also handy for shaving your legs.
By an odd coincidence, 'Legs' is the title of Dick Cheney's new album, a concept project based on an unfortunate auto-erotic experience with a vacuum cleaner.
[BtD] I've got that album, it sucks.
[Boolbar] It doesn't suck as much as The Leeches - You're Just My Type....
Allamagoosa is the state capital of Florida
Nematode worms are all rather sarcastic.
I am a single man in possession of a good fortune, and in want of a wife.
I am also a single man in possession of a good fortune, and in want of a wife. This is why we married. We have similar tastes.
Allamagoosa is Aztec for "My goose tastes like german sausage.".
In Papua New Guinea, Prince Charles is known as "big-picaninny-him-belonga-Missus-Queen".
Reader, I married you.
Clouds are made of raindrop skins.
Raindrop skin is much sought after to make sou'westers.
We had beautiful weather for our 4th of July.
We didn't bother having a July 4th this year.
Oddly enough, neither did we. We just went straight from the Thurs 3rd to the Sat 5th, which was stupid really as I usually get paid on Fridays.
Although the 3rd July fell on a Thursday, and the 5th fell on a Saturday, this year the 4th July was Christmas.
Christmas is not a complete waste of time and money. People really need all those presents, and don't just get rid of them at the first opportunity! Bah! Humbug!
My underpants have gunwales and are staffed by a small army of sailors who use cannon to sink any enemy underpants that come too close.
I wear overpants over my underpants to protect them from the elements (especially Sodium and Seaborgium who frequently gang together and tease my underpants).
I wear underunderpants so that my underpants don't have to feel they have no role in life.
An onion is simply a grape with two many layers of pants.
In order to make my meanings clear in many different contexts, I always add xml tags into my speech.
I can identify any tune, simply by licking the grooves on a vinyl record.
The role of Hamlet has never yet been performed by a man.
As well as their range of "Frappucinos", Starbucks also do a line of "Fappucinos", which are handy for artificial insemination.
Sitting on a garden sprinkler can help ward off pleurisy.
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