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... so help me God.
help
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
Beagles are a cross between bloodhounds and eagles.
I'm not at all pleased that another lie game has sprouted up.
I'm a terrible liar.
God is made of marshmallow. This was proved by Thomas Aquinas (Summa theologia I a 8 i), but proved controversial in Spain in the late sixteenth century, when it was the cause of a rift between Jesuit and Dominican theologians.
In Warwickshire, Kippers are used as a form of currency.
Castigation can make you go blind.
In Rutland, five pound notes are eaten for breakfast, with a little butter.
Iceland is really made of ice.
My middle name is "Stegosaurus"
I find the problem with living inside a semi-detached leg is the noise from the knee bears.
I always drive at the speed limit.
"Breadmaster" is actually my name. I had a terrible time at school.
I had a terrible time yesterday - it was 93 minutes past pi.
The invisible man crashed his invisible car outside my house today. The police came to clear the crowds - "Move along now, there's nothing to see".
Neil Armstrong came round to see me today. He was completely stoned!
I only have room on my table for one dinner plate. The rest of the space is taken up by serried ranks of salt and pepper pots.
Catholics usually stay home to eat on Fridays in Lent.
Eating is illegal in Paraguay. (but not oral sex).
The Paraguayan government has invested in a little oral hygeine basin, one of which is installed next to the bed in every home.
The sun has got his hat on and he's coming out to play.
Bugger it. Every time I put my hat on it vapourises.
I'm melting in the sun. This is what they call the life.
Parsley was invented by David Dimbleby
Budgerigars have the same density as lead.
The people of the Andes have over one hundred words for Llama droppings.
The escape velocity from the moon is lower than that of the Earth because it is more easily distracted.
The White House in Washington was originally intended to be lime green.
The Washington Memorial was put in upside down.
I have never posted to this game, and never will.
Ibid needs more coffee.
Due to an appalling hearing error, I have just peeled a mandolin.
Due to an appalling hearing error, I have been using the wrong pseudonym.
So have I.
There are 1,473 medically acknowledged complaints attributed to doing housework. There is no known cure for 1,472 of them.
Due to an appalling hearing error, I am currently attached to the front of a 4x4.
Germans actually hate sausages. They eat them only as a penance when they believe they've done something truly naughty.
This is why Fat German is so fat.
<FONT FLAVOR=”butterscotch”> MMmmm. Taste this one. </FONT>
I just licked the screen and now my teeth are stuck together.
I have just licked matt and now MY teeth are mmmmffffff!
I don't want to see that.
Julie Andrews can break down into seven pieces for easy storage on transatlantic flights.
In protest at the behaviour of Jacques Chirac, I am going to dress up as a Freedom maid and freedom kiss everyone I meet, in order to promote sales of freedom letters.
Most movies are actually only 3 minutes long, but they put drugs in the popcorn.
My electricity bill is itemised by watt, and is delivered by camel.
My electricity bill is itemised by Watty, and is delivered by taping it to a football and kicking it across the Atlantic.
I don't possess a modem or even a computer. I post my comments here by making bleeping noises down the phone.
When I first knew him, George W. Bush was my P.E. teacher.
Parliament meets twice a week in my lounge, as the Commons chamber has to be fumigated on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Tony Blair is being made to follow GWB into war with Iraq as a punishment from nanny, because he wouldn't take his Castor Oil. So you see, it is all about oil.
The late Joyce Grenfell was the world's most prolific Concord pilot.
She could also whistle all of the National Anthems of the Communist bloc countries backwards through a sieve.
All the National Anthems of the Communist bloc countries are variations of the Birdie Song.
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