mc5 - ... so help me God.

Bob the dog

At last! Some real wit!

Bob the dog

Today I don my power-wimple for some well 'ard nunning.

Bob the dog

...and a bloody miserable New Year to the lot of yer.

nights

I think I'm in love with makarashimba.

Tuj

nights] I already have built a shrine made of printouts of makarakashimba's posts. I pray to it nightly that a Third Teaching will follow the First Two soon.

nights

[/lie][tuj] I hope he/she comes back and sees our witty sarcastic comments. [lie]

Thos

I recently had to return a faulty Battenburg as the yellow and pink quadrants were reversed.

Daffyd

Whoos co't is tha' ja'ket?

Daffyd

Shit myself have you?

Projoy

If you learn to crochet, you are 500 times more likely to prevent crimes on your street. Ply hook and tie crook!

Thos

I got a magic eye book for Christmas and after staring at it for half an hour I realised the image looked exactly like Paul Daniel's retina.

Boolbar

I've returned 2005 as the sleeves were too short and exchanged it for a nice 1988 instead.

Bob the dog

[Thos] I was told that magic eye series includes a book of famous asses in 3D, so it may not have been Paul Daniel’s retina after all. It may have been his donkey.

Stimpy

Money is only a problem when you don't have planty of it

nights

customers are lovely, especially when they don't seem to want to leave, when we all do.

Thos

My nearest zebra crossing has been moved as it keeps sending the barcode readers in Sainsburys haywire.

nights

I had a swede come through at work without a barcode. I think he rather enjoyed my search for it.

Bob the dog

Toads. That is all I have to say.

Nature

I love a vacuum.

Tuj

I love embezzlement.

nights

hey, I love embezzlement too.

penelope

I have kissed a lot of toads.

nights

silly string is neither string nor particularly silly.

Projoy

I see MC5 is down again.

nights

yes, and I'm dancing on hats about it.

Bob the dog

Two beakers of tea and a wagon wheel. That is all I have to say.

nights

I told a customer to kiss my arse today.

Projoy

A customer kissed my arse today. It's no life being a prostitute.

Botherer

I've got a luvverly bunch of coconuts.

Botherer

And I like to shout about it... *oops!*

nights

botherer bothers me in a bothersome way.

Thos

The Stationery Office has renamed itself the Stationary Office and located itself to a caravan - but clamped the wheels.

Bob the dog

I went to my aerobic waltz class last night and had the misfortune to slip in a puddle of bull semen that had been left by the Young Farmers.

Bif

High frequency electric current is our friend.

nights

I can't believe it's not butter is, in reality, butter.

Dujon

If you chuck a spider it will purr.

Dujon

Why all paediatricians love centipedes is one of the great mysteries of the world.

Dujon

Butterflies are so named because they milk the cows before the farmer is awake and then nick off.

Dujon

Cheese is the essence of butterflies.

Dujon

Slugs are homeless snails.

Dujon

I'd be prepared to bet that 'Slugs are homeless snails' has never been said before.

Dujon

Inanities are the spice of life.

Dujon

Insanity is normal.

Dujon

Normalised campanologists are those who fit into a particular bell curve.

Dujon

Big Ben was named after Tinnitus the Celtic god of hearing.

Dujon

The phrase 'hear, hear' is often misused by those who exclaim 'here, here' simply because they wish to draw attention to themsleves.

Dujon

Those who propound the theory that 'Life is a bitch and then you die' have never visited an MC site.

Dujon

Live and let die - unless it's a kitten.

Dujon

The RSPCA is a wonderful organisation and has taken steps to reduce the costs of euthanasia; they now employ people to scour the night-time streets in order to reduce the numbers of animals being admitted to their shelters. This ensures that your charitable contributions go further than ever before.