mc5 - ... so help me God.

Shrek escaped from Hollywood and is now taking international football by storm.

I am devstated that the European cup has come round again and that I have to eat handfuls of Doritos just to ensure an England victory.

Bob the dog

Leaky football? A large dollop of peanut butter makes an ideal substitute.

Raak

There is no more productive or enjoyable way to spend a day than cutting down saplings, pulling up nettles and weeds, and filling a skip with all the garden trash.

Tuj

My friend Doormatt invented the skip with steps (so you can get out of it easily).

Falstaff

I invented the barstool [but it turned out the blasted thing could be unreliable after a few drinks] so I give the patent away to avoid potential lawsuits.

Bob the dog

I invented the preposition fishing rod, but it never caught 'on'.

Boolbar

I invented a canvas house for mothers but I couldn't get a patent.

DrQu+xum

I invented a new spaceship but it never got off the ground.

Tuj

I invented the birthday.

Tuj

I also patented monarchy, but they refuse to pay me royalties... Groan

ZK

I patented the keyboard. Pay up.

Deek

I invented non-stick glue.

Bob the dog

I invented the joke about the toothless budgerigar, but it didn't succeed.

Boolbar

I invented a machine for human cloning but since then everyone's copied me.

Tina

I invented the hat. Top that!

Bob the dog

I invented a double-entendre machine, but the knob kept coming off in my hand.

DrQu+xum

I invented an instant English-to-Spanish translator, but Πήρα τη γλώσσα λανθασμένη.

widey

With the adept use of 8 shaving mirrors and 1 clothes mirror, I can view the scene outside of my bed room window while making a cup of tea in the kitchen! I am a nosey neighbour!!!