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... so help me God.
help
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
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Daleks get a frisson of pleasure if you say words like 'emphasise', 'portability', 'standardisation', 'correctness', 'proactive', 'security' and 'integrated-cryptography'. Daleks may self destruct if you use phrases such as 'binary emulation', 'multi-platforms' and 'UNIX-like operating systems'.
[Btd] </lie> Wouldn't that work best if applied to middle managers? <lie>
It is mathematically impossible to prove that butternut squash can exist in the same universe as leeks.
As a safety measure, all new space rockets must henceforth be fitted with stabilisers.
Soup is prone to hypochondria.
Bread rolls generally only suffer from hysteria, however.
Projoy] Daleks and middle managers have nothing in common.
After my waistline expanded to 48 inches, I sacked my middle manager. And my head waiter. And my footman come to that.
31 is the answer to The Universe, Everything and Life.
42, obviously is the answer to nothing but Gardening Sin? Mabulate this! (9 letters)
Yoghurt is the feeling one experiences after three hours of Pilates.
hey im david polson from stanly n.c. i luv it in the butt.I WILL SUCK YOUR BALLS OFF.ANYBODY BLACK THAT IS.FREAKY XXX FROM BLACK MEN IS WHAT I WANT.GIVE ME WHAT I WANT AND I WILL GO AWAY.
HEY ITS ME AGAIN I WANT A BLACK COCK TO PENETRATE MY LOOSE ASSHOLE.I HAVE BEEN GAY ALL MY LIFE ANY HOT GUYS OUT THERE FOR ME .I NEED A BIG ONE IN MY MOUTH AND MY ASS.IM LOOKING FOR MONSTER COCK .MY EX LOVER WOODY HAS A SMALL PENIS .I COULDNT EVEN FEEL THAT SHRIMP IN ME . SO IF YOU HAVE A BIG ONE CAN I PLEASE HOLD IT IN MY MOUTH IM JONESING FOR A HARD ONE .
HEY GUYS IM FROM STANLY .N.C. I NEED COCK LIKE CRACKHEADS NEED ROCK,I WILL SWALLOW YOUR LOAD I AM SERIOUS .SLICK THANKS FOR STICKING IT IN MY STANKHOLE. U TO DAMIEN LOCKRIDGE WE HAD FUN TOSSING EACH OTHERS SALAD.PECO MCCORCKLE I WANT U TO STICK ME AGAIN BABY BOY.WOODY ITS ALRIGHT IF U AND DAMIEN WANT TO KEEP SCREWING.I GUESS I WILL DIE GAY ,BUT I DONT WANT TO CHANGE I LUV BLACK COCK.
A high-ranking member of the Royal Family has been posting on this site under a pseudonym recently, but I won't tell you which one.
Damien Lockridge was my headmaster at Eton.
I see that the Very Reverend Dr David Polson has been at it again.
Cigarette adverstising was only banned in Britain after Dunhill tried to use the slogan "And all because the lady loves cork tips"
Sammy Sosa knows nothing about cork tips.
Everyone in Britain knows what that meant.
Saddam Hussein was found in a stankhole.
Black Cock is a liquor made of chicken feathers.
Roosters eat nothing but cornflakes.
The 76th Academy Awards were an evening of drama, excitement and surprise.
I hate Billy Crystal.
Peco McCorkle used to teach rugby at my high school. He now works with disadvantaged children in Harrow.
I used to be in charge of the cheese board but it kept sticking to me.
For the first time in Oscar history, the "Most Cheerful Leading Actor Nominee" honour was awarded jointly to Bill Murray and Sean Penn.
I fell headlong into a cesspit today and was suprised to discover two lovers having a secret rendezpoo.
I once knew a greasy Pole. His english was quite difficult to understand but he was otherwise very charming.
I have a marmalade hard drive.
Jam is a myth invented by the Chinese.
Every Tuesday I have performed an intricate jazz dance on top of the Empire State Building to "Soldier of Love". I find it does wonders for my health, particularly my feet.
More women in Britain go into labour during "Balamory" than during any other programme.
Orlando Bloom has just delighted the world by announcing his intentions to become a Tibetian monk.
Monica Lewinsky is the host of a brand new show on LivingTV called Cockles and Muscles about the love lives of fishermen.
Will Young tried to enter himself on the show, but they caught him.
If you feed cotton buds to sheep, every time you shear them you'll get nylon.
Cashew nuts are harvested from sneezing squirrels.
Edward Monkton cards are self-explanatory.
I have a glass ear, pardon?
I used to get out of games at school by telling everyone I had a glass face, until somebody saw through it.
I've already mentioned that I have sacked my head waiter, middle manager and footman. But I have decided to keep my head-girl.
Mexican trains are pulled by esteem engines. This explains the universal respect they enjoy.
Rational thinking is impossible when the subject is pears, because of the high unreason fields that surround them.
Every morning I go down to the gravity well at the bottom of the garden and draw a bucket of gravity, which I use throughout the day to prevent me floating.
I'm off to a barium restaurant tonight to enjoy a barium meal.
In order to maintain the respect of my employers, I change my pinafore at the office twice a day.
Windows are the eyes of the soul.
All shelving in Nairobi must be put up at 35 degrees to the horizontal, according to a byelaw passed in 1943.
Strictly speaking, a woman may not be termed a spinster until she has tobacco-stained teeth.
Because of recent falls, there are now seventy seven dollars to the sherbet dip.
The National Sound Archive is facing investigation after staff used early wax cylinders as hair curlers.
Most badgers can rap at an average speed of 70 wpm
When Tracy Whipsnade (27) goes out on a Saturday night, it takes her hair five full minutes to follow her out of the door.
Tuna fish love mayonnaise, and would do anything to be united with it, even unto death.
Piano tuners go well with mayonnaise.
I am currently wearing forty three strategically placed chocolate eclairs and have been declared officially naughty by the Mayor of Paris.
The Victorians provided special cubicles in every English town centre to enable doctors to change discreetly out of their surgical gowns. Almost none survive today, and for that matter most of the cubicles are gone too.
The cubicle was the very first platonic solid, but Plato soon came to consider it puny and replaced it with larger variant.
Cubicles are formed when water freezes on snooker cues.
This year, I'm spending my holidays in Gondwanaland.
My keyboard is made of cheese, I hate it but the mouse loves it.
A wooden box will always keep blancmange fresh.
I have no concerns for Projoy, or, indeed, the fact that they are better at this than me.
I tried making a blancmange box, but it was too squidgy.
Apple's next product will be the uPod, a device to allow people to take snapshots of their loved one's personalities to keep them company on long journeys.
[Dunx]< / l i e > I want one of those! < l i e >
Projoy is plural, and has been ever since he was Amjoy.
If you would like to get more pleasure out of owning a Pet Bunny Rabbit than you ever imagined was possible, ... if you'd like to learn how to make your cherished pet happy, cuddly, and playful ... if you'd like to understand exactly what (s)he needs, wants -even what (s)he might be thinking - or if you just want to know how to get your Pet Bunny Rabbit to like you better, then this might be the most important letter you'll ever read. When ingested, rabbits may cause nausea, diarrhea, intestinal distension and vomiting. However hamsters are generally regarded as non toxic and no fatalities from ingestion have been reported.
All the candles in Vatican City are recycled from non-toxic crayons.
All papal bulls are written in non-toxic crayon too.
I once had a papier maché bull, but I couldn't leave it out in the rain.
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