mc5 - ... so help me God.

I am known by all those around me as the "typical student/teenager."

Bob the dog

Whenever I bare my teeth, they get all embarrassed and try to hide behind my tonsils.

I grow enormous petit pois.

Dunx

The adjectival phrase "lip-smacking" is to be banned on the grounds that it encourages lip abuse.

Nature has yet to determine its emotional response to my personal vacuum.

Petit pois are a euphemism in Brazil.

Bob the dog

I have a pet worm, and I have named him Willy. I often stretch my Willy between two lamp-posts when the wind is blowing strongly. When the wind hits the right resonant frequency, my Willy starts to vibrate, creating a tuneful humming noise that can be heard for miles around. My worm is safely at home whenever I do this.

[Btd] That was the most boring, unfunny post I've read in months. Don't ever come in this room again.

In Spain there is a Juan born every minute.

Tuj

Thos] Rubbish.
Two-fofths of me is unsure what the rest is doing. I sleep in a hutch.

I am my own maternal grandmother.

"At-choo!" means "Suck me, Titus" in Mediaeval French.

My legs have recently declared themselves independent and are now host to a UN peacekeeping force

Frosties are coated in cocaine.

There are absolutely no problems with our pantomime.

He ain't heavy, he's my brother.

ZK never, ever, eats Frosties.

[ZK] You are Angus Deayton and I claim my 5¢

Snowmen keep the world spinning because they all breath out in the same direction.

When you lean over and peer between your legs west becomes east.

The centre of Earth is comprised of compressed yeast. This is where life originated.

Back flips will damage your health. Ask any politician.

The monarchy of any country guides its citizens with care, understanding and, above all, leadership by example.

Tyrants are good, monopolies are better.

Flying the Jolly Roger shows that you are a fine person - anorexia sufferer or otherwise.

Laotropic means left of the Equater. But surely it depends on which way your facing at the time???

Manx cats have not tails but tell great stories!

Dunx

Ironically bungalows have no storeys, but are some of the worst raconteurs known to achitecture. Apparently their delivery is too flat and they are prone to stairing.

I once shared my Frosties with Angus Deayton, which was a very peculiar experience. All I remember of it now is the sudden appearance of Tom Parker-Bowles wearing nothing but an iguana, which promptly had its head eaten off by Ozzy Osbourne. All parties concerned have reliably informed me this was true, even the iguana. I found that just plain confusing.

Iguanas are often mistaken for small children and adopted by childless couples in Guam.

barbacoa

So was I, once.

Tina

I invented the letter X. I had some help from Al Gore, but he could only come up with the letter Z. Meanwhile, the Republicans invented W.

Fat German

The parcel shelf in John Prescott's 2nd Jag is made from strips of human skin flayed from Peter Mandelson's back using a steel whip.

I invented the letter ð, but only the Icelanders were brave enough to use it.

barbacoa

Dutch was invented by an Austrian chef with a severe head-cold.

I recently bent a barman's ear but a panel beater has sorted all that out.

Bent barman's ears are an aphrodisiac, recently popularised by Sex In The City.

I did not go to bed at seven PM yester eve because a good book and a lie down was more attractive than the pap being served up on 'the box'.

Yesterday, I went to bed at a reasonable hour.

Beds are sinful.

Sins aren't bedful.

I have, for the last umpteen years, been trying to find what I like in bedding.

I do not mind that I appear to be the only person on the internet at this hour.

There is no delight in saying words such as 'icky', 'blancmange', 'feeble' or 'aardvark'.

[ZK] Nor "Wankel Rotary Engine".

Tuj

Just for that, I'm gonna burn your house down.

Angus Prune

When the first man climbed K2, he was somewhat annoyed to find a box on the summit containing some false eyelashes, a copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover and a courgette.
< /lie>Apparantly, due to a miscalculation, K2 is taller than Everest. This has been strongly denied by the Nepalese, who would lose out on tourist revenue if it proved to be true.< lie>

The Great Wall of China is the only place on Earth where you can see the moon.

Inspiration is a process that can only be achieved in the presence of a satsuma, a bicycle chain and four turtle doves.

Croup can be cured by Whooping Cough.

Herring can also be cured by whooping cough.

K2 is short for Knightrider, the second series as David Hasselhoff is massively popular in alpine populations.[/lie]So, will K2 get a proper name sometime?[lie]

contary to popular belief, the good people of Chipping Sodbury do not use their anal tracts to carry gravel!!

Its true I am lysdexic

Chipping Sodbury's name is in no way humourous. Especially to Spevrend Rooner.

I have never wondered how on Earth Ramsbottom got its name.

I have often wondered how to tie my shoelaces while in Ramsbottom.

Being rude, crude and vulgar is not a trait of MC posters.

Dunx

I'm really happy that I just spent forty minutes filling in an online form, only to be told that my session had expired and that all my answers were then thrown away.

In a departure from normal tradition, I am having my ashes cast into the winds from the peak of Cader Idris prior to being cremated.

Ludwig van Beethoven suffered from a particularly bad case of gall stones, brought about by his habit of consuming a whole rockery each lunchtime.

This lie is brought to you in stereoscope. View it through the special glasses and it will take on a 3-D aspect. This lie is brought to you in stereoscope. View it through the special glasses and it will take on a 3-D aspect.

(Repetition commands aspect.)

Due to an obscure clause in extant colonial law, my aunt is giong to be buried in clarified butter.

My Aunt's name is "Pat".