[Falstaff] I thought it was you. It's your M.C. pseudonym that gave it away. Thanks for the guffaw. Incidentally, I think it was Foot in Mouth from which I was (and may still be) suffering, but no one has been strong enough to advise me to that effect.
"OMG! Nurse! Get in here stat! We must act without delay and quarantine the premises, immediately! Get the Atlanta CDC on the phone and inform them we have a level 5 containment! Alert the national guard and homeland security ... but first, send for the priest in the lobby so he can read this condemned man his last rites ..... oh wait a minute ... you can disregard that order, I was mistaken ... it's only the measles."
As, you are aware, we have a planned refuelling stop in Hawaii, but I reckon we've got a pretty good chance of reaching Tokyo without it, so let's just give it a go.
Strasvistiye daragiye passangerii, mei prelgasayem vam chitat' kriticheskaya informatsiya na kartii v'vashem stolii, potomoo shto u nas problyemkii zdeys.
On behalf of the cabin crew, I'd like to apologise for the fact that all the toilets are out of order. However, by way of compensation, the staff will shortly be giving you each three glasses of complimentary champagne. On behalf of the airline, I hope you enjoy them. We expect to arrive in Chicago in about six hours' time.
"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain speaking. On behalf of the crew, the co-pilot, and myself, we are elated to have so many beautiful people aboard this trans-atlantic flight this evening. I am excited to announce The Mile High Club is convening at this time in the cockpit and is open to all comers."
"Welcome aboard this Air Raising flight to London Hackney Marshes Airport. the cabin crew will be passing through the cabin in a few moments to collect compulsory donations for the Air Crew retirement fund, but meantime we thought you'd all enjoy a few barrel rolls and dives to help pass the time."
Ladies and gentlemen. This is Chief Stewardess Marilyn speaking. We are priveleged today to have a distinguished veteran pilot on this flight. Captain Steven MacKloskey once flew with Amelia Earhart, and to celebrate his hundredth birthday is commanding this flight today. Please welcome him back on this momentous occasion. He hasn't even flown a plane since his major stroke thirty-five years ago.