"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain speaking. On behalf of the crew, the co-pilot, and myself, we are elated to have so many beautiful people aboard this trans-atlantic flight this evening. I am excited to announce The Mile High Club is convening at this time in the cockpit and is open to all comers."
"Welcome aboard this Air Raising flight to London Hackney Marshes Airport. the cabin crew will be passing through the cabin in a few moments to collect compulsory donations for the Air Crew retirement fund, but meantime we thought you'd all enjoy a few barrel rolls and dives to help pass the time."
Ladies and gentlemen. This is Chief Stewardess Marilyn speaking. We are priveleged today to have a distinguished veteran pilot on this flight. Captain Steven MacKloskey once flew with Amelia Earhart, and to celebrate his hundredth birthday is commanding this flight today. Please welcome him back on this momentous occasion. He hasn't even flown a plane since his major stroke thirty-five years ago.
In your inflight magazine you'll find details of the radio programmes on offer including Timmy Mallett's Kids' Show. Smooth Jazz Classics with Timmy Mallett, All-Time Classics with Timmy Mallett, Timmy Mallett's Heroes of Children's TV and A Lecture on Quantum Subaltern Gender Theory. By Timmy Mallett.