Releasing four new badgers into play. Arsenic, Strychnine, Cyanide and Digitalis. Slap any of these badgers and you risk death in four moves! Last seen heading towards Finsbury Park

Alan and Craig take the blue line to Sheffield Station and hop on a train to Kings Cross. They were relaxing when they saw, coming down the train, a stealth badger. Quickly they snuck into club class and cleverly disguised themsleves and hand luggage. As the stealth badger passed below Alan... SLAP! Hmmm! Chocolate and David Beckham flavour again. The body of the stealth badger was flushed down the toilet somewhere near Luton. After that close shave, Alan and Craig arrived safely back in London.

Ducks into a side tunnel at Kings Cross St Pancras as he hears a snuffling coming from the darkness to his right.

Alan and Craig sneek down the tunnel and spot movement ahead. SLAP! Damsen Jam. The lifeless corpse of ImNotJohn's badger is left to rot by the side of the tracks. Alan and Craig hop on the cirle line and head for (cue sax solo) Baker Street.

Theydon Bois. SLAP!!! Ah-ha, lemon jelly - Boolbar's I believe.

Jubilee line to Charing Cross. Sniffing the air, Alan detects a faint aroma of Chocolate & David Beckham. "Stealth badgers", cries Alan, "Coming this way". The only train available is on the Bakerloo line to Elephant & Castle. They quickly make their escape. "Phew, that was close", says Craig.

Alan then disguises himself as an elephant and Criag as a castle as they settle down for the weekend to rest up.

Shepherd's Bush and no animals in sight. [Tuj] That's my Nigella!

Boolbar] Sorry. No, not really! It's a badger-eat-badger world! Dollis Hill oops!

Forced to release my own badgers at St Johns Wood - Lister, Rimmer, Kryten and Holly - but the fools hurtle straight off to Dollis Hill

In order to avoid stealth badgers, crash penguins and gophers, Alan and Craig take Network Southeast to The Kings Very Cross / Saint Pancreas (is that cheating?). When they get there Craig says "Ow, my knee is hurting. I'm going to have to go and see Dr Steadman." He gets on the Picadilly line to Heathrow and boards a flight to Denver. "Bloody typical," cries Alan, "I've got to do it all by myself, again!"
Alan has been carrying this team for years with only mediocre badgers to assist him, what will we do when he retires? We could try and get the Dutch badger but I think I'd prefer the red and white one from the south coast. Hopefully the new badger we've just got from Yorkshire will be able to help. Sorry, I'm waffling

SLAP! - Aha! A creamy badger at Buckhurst Hill - I suspect one of Chalky's.

Not one of mine, Morgan, Geraint, Blodwyn and Megan are tucking into the remnants of a jar of strawberry seedless at Baker Street.

SLAP! Apricot...? It's one of my own!!!! Own goal, dammit. Now I'll have to retreat to Arsenal

It was quiet, too quiet. Alan carefully crept through the tunnels to Camden Town, just one stop away from Morn... No! Don't say it!

Sending all four to Camden Road, but one of them the long way round via Heathrow Terminal 4