A paper CD is an item of clothing (if it may be termed clothing) for suntanning the genitals, consisting of a circle of reflective paper with a circular hole cut concentrically in it. To wear the paper CD, you simply stick your (cough cough) through the hole, go sunbathing wearing nothing else. The sun's rays are concentrated on the key area producing a pronounced tanning effect. Just be careful you don't burn.

What about a dog-end brusher?

Originally a specialised tool for the removal of ordure from the smelly end of long-haired dogs and cats, it is now applied to any person with a truly distressingly repulsive job, such as teaching schoolchildren or telephone sales.

Welsh Stripper

This is blindingly obvious really. Everybody has heard of a Welsh Dresser, that substantial and robust decorative pine display unit which leans precariously against the wall in a kitchen, or indeed sitting room, in some cases dining room, and rarely, a posh entrance hall [pause for breath] - which has shelves and in some instances, little nooks and crannies, etc. Well, most folk proudly display their knick-knacks or amusingly-shaped teapots on these shelves, in order to attract a compliment or two from a passing guest. In short, they 'dress' the shelves. A Welsh Stripper, quite simply, is someone who UNdresses these shelves.

Oh, and while we're on the subject of egg-cups with cute little legs, my Auntie from Clitheroe has threatened to bequeath to me her precious collection of Oily Leathers and I'm shuddering in anticipation, nay - ignorance. Any ideas?

These are simply a form of home-made preserve. To be more precise, oily leathers are a type of marmalade where the "bits" in the marmalade are entire fruit skins. The name comes from the appearance and texture of these skins. Oily leathers are considered something of a delicacy, and are surprisingly hard to make (at least, such that the end product is edible). Futhermore, as they are an acquired taste, I advise you to approach them with caution.

Meanwhile, what's a tablet contestant?

One who takes an aide-memoire to consult in any potentially complex situation, such as being in bed with someone.

Just what are lucubrations, really? Especially epistolary ones.

I must admit that this took a while to come back to mind, but it finally did! If you ever went to Sunday school I am quite sure that this will ring a bell. epistolary lucubrations is the raw fear experienced by those of little faith when asked to quote a text from the letters of the apostles - it seems (for some as yet unexplained reason) to be more severe should that citation be sourced from the book of Luke.

Now, I came across this the other day and, says he hiding his head in shame, do not know what it means; we all know what "a penny for your thoughts" means, but what about "A quid for your pro"? Surely nothing to do with ladies of the night - or is it?

This was an early attempt by the World Health Organisation to stop mosquito bites by jamming their proboscis with a concoction of chewing tobacco and DDT. The "quid" in question proved very popular with the insect fraternity and when sprayed in the area was rapidly sucked up the proboscis(or Pro) however they used the human population as a mobile spittoon and the resultant spotty complexion resulted in wasting millions of pounds of a false measles epidemic.

During my wasted years in the local library I borrowed a book about nutty seepage which I lost after page six whilst the expedition was still being organised. What happened and what was it?

A hazard of testicle piercing.

What is a lizard shiner?

Aussie term for one who wrestles crocodiles for the amusement of tourists.

Namibian Knot

Something I'd rather not know to do with circumcision rituals.

Is this now a Moribund Entertainment?

By that, do you mean
a Norwegian Blue?

A Norweign Blue and a moribund entertainment are referring to the activity but as seen from across the gender divide.
A norweign blue was a prank developed by the female students of Oslo University. During rag week they stood by traffic lights in the buff, when the front cars stoppped male drivers were then offered a bucket of cold water, a soapy sponge and 30 seconds to rub the student down.
What Raak refered to is the jealous wives in the passenger seat death like, arms folded and grim ashen faced not looking.

My brother who is more widely travelled is rumoured to have had a great time with a Swindon plank is this possible?

Only if one is into necrophilia.

Someone I met in a bar urged me to Repurpose my assets. I backed away slowly -- did I do the right thing?

I think it is highly likely that you did precisely the right thing. It's a a gay chatup line.

Years ago I was offered a Rum Baba. I had no idea how to conceal my awful ignorance.

A Rum Baba, at least if you come from Wales, New Zealand or Australia, is a strange (read very strange) sheep. Whilst we are on the subject of strange phrases, I was up the local shops the other day and one of the proprietors mentiond a Virtual Ending. Did I hear this correctly, or is there something that I am missing?

You're not missing anything, although someone else may be. A Virtual Ending is when two people in bed together amicably decide, for whatever reason, that it's not going to work, and just have a snuggle instead.

I recently heard a birdwatcher mention sighting a Trunnion's Warbler. It's not listed in any reference book I've looked at. What is it?

Twitchers' slang originally for a magpie, now applied to any common bird. An amateur birdwatcher called Goately Trunnion famously excited the ornithological world with reports of a pair of Pied Blue-winged Azalea Warblers (thought to be extinct) in his Wimbledon garden. They turned out to be magpies, to Trunnion's eternal shame.

Brighton Snack?

A Brighton Snack is a posh name for a visit to the Massage Parlour.

Gammon Ears

I've come across the word "spotty" in some British literature. At times it seems to mean "pimply-faced" but other times something closer to "cowardly." Is this Brit slang? What is the etymology - anything to do with smallpox?

If, despite being generally quick on the uptake, you unexpectedly commit a social faux pas because you have competely misunderstood something, you can be said to have "gammon ears". An example might be mistaking a foolish word game for a genuine etymological discussion. (I have never heard of "spotty" meaning "cowardly" though.)

Someone once complimented me on my Cat's toenails. Should I be offended?

On the contrary. The phrase 'Cat's Toenails' ranks highly in the Idiomatic Chart, just below 'the Bee's Knees' if I recall, and considerably higher than 'the Dog's Bollocks'.

Talking of which, I am experiencing some bonding difficulties with my boyfriend's schnauzer. A West Byfleet Purfling Cobnut has been recommended but must confess to being too embarrassed to purchase one. Should I be?

West Byfleet Purfling Cobnuts are "Cobnuts" made by Purfling Ltd, a veterinarian toy manufacturer based in West Byfleet. Cobnuts are very much like scented doughnuts that can be hung from your belt. If you do this, your boyfriend's schnauzer will be your friend for life. The downside is that you will have to put up with smelling like a dog's arse.

I recently won a raffle. Someone referred to me as a Poncho Flinger. At the time I thought it was a complement...?

One who pretends never to have won anything, never to enter competitions or lotteries, but regularly receives prizes. My mother was one such. The expression derives from the habits of Poncho-brandishing Mexican entrepreneur Don Garcia Alfonso Alhambra, the founder of the Alhambra cinema chain, who ran well-publicised weekly raffles in his cinemas but always won the raffles himself under various assumed names.

Pencil Sharpener

Circumcision knife.

Black & Decker

. . . is the name of the duo recently formed by celebrity redheads Cilla Black [of Liverpewl] and Carol Decker [of T'Pau]. Their debut rap single, produced and mixed by DJ Workmate, will be released in time for the Christmas season and will be titled 'Screw you - bosch bosch'.

On a recent caravan holiday, I was offered Camping Gaz. As it was my last day, I demurred. Was I wise?

[Chalky] You sure that wasn't Camping Gazza, a time-wasting caravan game where people do combination impressions of two famous people? So named for the first one attempted -- Lionel Blair + Paul Gascoigne.

What about chippolata slogging?

A reduced form of the game Hide the Salami (qv)

Aberdeen Galloper?

This term refers to someone who enjoys riding horses wearing only a kilt to protect their modesty. Saddles for Aberdeen Galloping are usually covered in metal studs, and Gallopers usually whip themselves while they are riding while screaming, "Oh yes!" in high-pitched squeals.

In the United States, an Aberdeen Galloper more usually refers to someone who has participated in the annual race between all three Aberdeens, in Washington, South Dakota and Maryland. No form of motor transport may be used during this race - any violations of this rule lead to being summarily shot by the race officials.

In the meantime, what is a meaty palm?

One which is holding a salami.

Who goes nogging the nog, and why?

The reason, Raak, that no-one has bothered to reply to your "Who goes nogging the nog" entry is that the answer is so obvious that we cannot bring ourselves to utter it.

Moving swiftly on... I used to think that Revolving Door was rhyming slang, but could never conceive of a rhyme that fit the context in which the expression was (with rolling eyes and nudges) used. Now I'm not so sure...

Hmmm - your secondary instincts may be spot-on . . . only because a 'revolving door' is an alternative [rhyming slang] yet polite way of describing a 'Roger' [bruising nudges, grossly exaggerated winks and embarrassing stretchy mouthshape] short for 'Roger Moore' - he of the questionable raised eyebrow and much else besides.

OK. What about this weight-lifting mallarkey then? I am told that a Clean and Jerk technique is desirable if one wishes to go from strength to strength?

Yes, "clean and jerk" is now a weightlifting term (to lift and successfully support the weights are two different levels -- one at shoulder-height, or the "clean", the other with arms straight above the head, the "jerk"), but it came from the original weightlifters -- Eastern European immigrant women to the US. They often had 10 or more children in the fambly (accent declared), and as such the laundry load was wont to be 100lbs or greater, so the mother had to do a similar technique to carry it.

The reverse term could also apply to the fathers after the 5th or 6th kid....

I was having a drink with a few friends from Physics when one of them pointed to a nice-looking girl, but said "he once gave her out for hitting the ball twice." Was I right in choosing to avoid her then?

Yes "hitting the ball twice " is a reference to somebody who when first met was fantastically beautiful and well turned out but after a couple of dates turns into a smelly unkempt wretched figure who you wouldn't look twice at. The phrase originates from the story of Cinderella who arrived at the ball looking like a princess but by the time she left had already lost a shoe and arrived home looking like a tramp, one can only imagine what a subsequent trip to the ball would have resulted in.

Moisten the sand and old Bedouin saying but what was it about?

Before we stray too far (because then it will cease to be funny), from the subject of female weightlifters, the 'clean and jerk' is, of course, not the only discipline. It was reported, perhaps apocriphally, that an Olympic T.V. commentator had once described a Bulgarian girl as having a 'world-class snatch'.

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To 'Moisten the sand' could well refer to the Bedoiun behaviour of staggering out of the Camel and Scimitar at chucking-out time and finding no taxis of the desert waiting, chooses to relieve himself behind the bus-stop at the nearest oasis.

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I was somewhat perterbed the other day to hear something or other described as 'like throwing a Woodbine up Broad St' What do you think they were talking about?

Broad Street is a street in the middle of Oxford, and is indeed broad. The phrase refers the traditional May Day festival held there, which would commence at dawn with a competition to see who could throw a bunch of fragrant woodbine herbs up Broad Street the farthest. This would be followed by a race to sweep the resulting pile of woodbine all the way along the street. In the days of horse-drawn transport, this also served a useful function in cleaning and deodorising the road of unwelcome material. So metaphorically, throwing a woodbine up Broad Street means any way of transforming a necessary chore into a joyful activity. Try dropping this phrase into your next management meeting: "Let's throw a woodbine up Broad Street on this one and see where it drops."

What are hot boots and cold boots?