Forget names, faces? Embarrassed by your poor command of English? Have you encountered a mysterious and possibly very rude phrase, but you're afraid to ask what it meant? This is the place for you. Leave such face pyjamas here, and let our panel of resident experts laugh at them.
If, despite being generally quick on the uptake, you unexpectedly commit a social faux pas because you have competely misunderstood something, you can be said to have "gammon ears". An example might be mistaking a foolish word game for a genuine etymological discussion. (I have never heard of "spotty" meaning "cowardly" though.)
Someone once complimented me on my Cat's toenails. Should I be offended?
On the contrary. The phrase 'Cat's Toenails' ranks highly in the Idiomatic Chart, just below 'the Bee's Knees' if I recall, and considerably higher than 'the Dog's Bollocks'.
Talking of which, I am experiencing some bonding difficulties with my boyfriend's schnauzer. A West Byfleet Purfling Cobnut has been recommended but must confess to being too embarrassed to purchase one. Should I be?
West Byfleet Purfling Cobnuts are "Cobnuts" made by Purfling Ltd, a veterinarian toy manufacturer based in West Byfleet. Cobnuts are very much like scented doughnuts that can be hung from your belt. If you do this, your boyfriend's schnauzer will be your friend for life. The downside is that you will have to put up with smelling like a dog's arse.
I recently won a raffle. Someone referred to me as a Poncho Flinger. At the time I thought it was a complement...?
One who pretends never to have won anything, never to enter competitions or lotteries, but regularly receives prizes. My mother was one such. The expression derives from the habits of Poncho-brandishing Mexican entrepreneur Don Garcia Alfonso Alhambra, the founder of the Alhambra cinema chain, who ran well-publicised weekly raffles in his cinemas but always won the raffles himself under various assumed names.