McDonald's restaurant was expected to be heavily disrupted by a protest from their Filet O Fish today in support of cod rights, but the planned demonstration did not materialise. The spokescod said that he and his fellows were disappointed that the Filets had not shown more backbone.
At a Who concert in Seattle, sixteen fans were rendered unconscious by the increased level of Hydrogen Sulphide in the atmosphere caused by excessive farting.
That's nothing. The last time the Stones played in Pittsburgh, not only did it smell like a factory that produces both tyres and tuna, but Keith Richards started leaking formaldehyde during "Gimme Shelter".
My eels are full of hovercraft, which they are disappointed about now that they realise that cross-channel ferry is also on the menu and they hadn't noticed.
Yet again the Eurovision Song Contest has showcased the finest in European culture, setting yet higher our shared international standards when it comes to music.
It is totally wrong that the UK Eurovision entry came last! It was a total fix, and Jemini were such clearly talented singers that they deserved to win more than any other country!
The Isle of Wight is famous throughout the world for the vast herds of wild rhino that roam its hillsides. To keep their numbers in check they must be regularly hunted with hounds by the local gentry, and during the hunting season (April-September) tourists flock from far and wide to witness this thrilling spectacle. The hides thus obtained provide a unique combination of water-resistance and breathability and are made into a highly successful outdoor fabric known as Gore-Tex.
[Boolbar] Don't worry, Universal equilibrium is assured - since there are million of Mars Bars and Milky Ways eaten each year and Mars and the Milky Way have suffered no visible ill effects we can only conclude that some other force exists to restore balance and prevent the *actual* destruction of the system or planet in question. Probably a savoury force.
[blamelewis] The universe as we know it is kept in equilibrium by breakfast guardians flying around rectifying the wrongs of those who eat Galaxys, Mars Bars , Milkyways and Star Bars. I've seen them on telly, the programme is called Star Brek. It was serialised.
[blamelewis] The Morningverse as we know it is kept in equilibrium by signs saying "Keep the Morningverse Tidy... Take your Alliteration home with you.". They fly around rectifying HTML Errors and banishing hackers. I've seen them on telly, on the Signs Fiction channel.
In an effort to raise his income level to something approaching that of former Police lead singer Sting, drummer Stewart Copeland has decided to release a line of toiletries themed after "The Police". The first product is expected to be "Massage in a Bottle".
The second product expected in the Copeland toiletry range is for maintining a sporting gentleman's personal hygiene in the groin area, and will be called 'Rock-San'.
"Gray's Anatomy" is to be superseded by the "Hayne's Book of the Body" which, like the famous motor mechanic's manuals, is based on a complete strip down and disassembly.
The director of Jane’s Military Vehicles, Aerospace and Logistics Communications has gone into a partnership with her brother. Consequently, the business is to be retitled and will now be known as Peter and Jane’s Military Vehicles, Aerospace and Logistics Communications.
When in Japan, if you can't speak Japanaese, just make a lot of noises along the lines of "hwa-takko-intakki-makazuki-imporrrrto-thwanka" and they will be most impressed with your attempts to learn their language.
By wedging a whole banana into my cheeks, gabbling meaninglessly and gesticulating with gay abandon, I have often convinced onlookers that I am particularly glad to be Welsh.
Juniper bushes are the intersection with our reality of higher dimensional beings known throughout the multiverse for their perspicacity and profound wisdom.
Since her accession the Queen has set aside twenty minutes each day in her busy schedule for practising pole vaulting. She can now reach heights of nearly a mile.
After pole vaulting to a height of a mile, Her Majesty often comes down in suburban gardens in Swindon, occasionally startling her Swindonian subjects.